Chapter Twenty-Nine
Another Galaxy
Livia
By the time dusk settled in around us on that rooftop, I’d lost count of how many times Carter had made me laugh.
I’d managed to discreetly tell one of our waitresses to bring me nonalcoholic champagne when Carter was discussing something hockey-related with the other, and she’d winked at me before taking my glass and replacing it with a new one on her next round out to the table.
But even though the bubbles were nonalcoholic, they still left me feeling fizzy inside.
The sun had slipped below the bay as we lingered at that ridiculous table Aleks had dressed like it belonged in a Vogue spread, the string lights above us glowing brighter with each passing minute.
Carter only let go of where he held my hand across the table when a new course left, and as soon as it was cleared, he was holding me again.
And sweet Zamboni was there for all of it, the kitchen crew being so kind as to bring him a giant water bowl and a meal that rivaled ours.
We’d talked about everything — his parents’ home in Hamilton that he wanted to take me to, my love of trip hop, the merits of different designer brands we both fancied, and whether mint chocolate chip ice cream should be a felony.
He kept the conversation light and easy, like he knew my soul was too weary for anything heavier.
He didn’t bring up my parents or the past that clung to me like a cloak, and he didn’t press about what I was going to do about my sister’s wedding.
He delivered on his promise — it just felt like a run-of-the-mill first date.
Except nothing was run of the mill when it came to this man.
Every time I looked across the table at him — at his soft grin, at the way he leaned forward like every word out of my mouth was scripture — I felt the ground tilt beneath me.
I wanted to bottle the sound of his laugh, wanted to press pause on the sight of him cracking pepper over my pasta with a flourish like he was a sous chef instead of a hockey player.
I wanted to live here, in this suspended moment where everything was perfect.
But beneath the sparkle of candlelight and the gentle buzz of champagne, I still felt like I was stranded on a raft at sea — adrift, nauseous, terrified of what waited when the storm brewing in the distance finally found me.
Because at some point tonight, I had to tell him that I was pregnant.
I had to ruin this.
Every bubble of laughter that passed between us felt bittersweet because I knew it was the last of him carefree. He didn’t know what I knew. He didn’t feel the secret pounding inside me, the truth that would drop like an anvil on his shoulders the second it left my lips.
And maybe I was a coward, but I couldn’t do it yet.
Not while his eyes still gleamed, not while he was beaming at me like everything was right in his world again now that we were together.
And I felt that, too. The moment I’d stepped off that elevator and saw him, my breaths came easier, even knowing the news I had to break.
The truth was Carter felt like home in a way I thought I’d never experience again.
So, I soaked it in. I savored every joke and smile, every brush of his thumb against the back of my hand as the night deepened around us.
And then, just when I was debating if I could push the truth down for another hour or if it was time to rip the tape off the mouth of the secret held prisoner inside me, Carter leaned back in his chair, eyes glinting with mischief.
“Before we get to dessert, I have something for you.”
“If you really did book a hot air balloon, I’m serious — I’m out of here.”
He smirked, shaking his head before calling Zamboni over to us with a whistle. The dog hadn’t laid down since I’d arrived, either drinking water, lapping up his meal, or exploring the rooftop with his nose going a thousand miles a minute.
His tongue lolled out of his mouth as he bounded over, and Carter rewarded him with a good rub down and some words of affirmation before he nodded to me. “Go give Livvy her gift.”
Livvy.
I loved that nickname. It was the one Maven used with me, the one my sister once called me when we were younger. My stomach pinched at the thought of her, too. The reminder that I’d have to tell my parents was right on the heel of that.
I could already hear my mother’s voice telling me that I’d disappointed them yet again.
I tilted my chin defiantly against that, because what the fuck did I care what she thought of me? But no matter how thick my skin was, she was still my mother, and I was still her little girl.
I’d always want her approval, even if I knew I’d never get it.
“Come here, Zambo,” I said, cooing at him when he wiggled under the table to get to me. He spun in a circle before plopping down, and Carter nodded to the box attached to his little vest.
“Open it.”
I unclipped the box from Zambo’s vest, the velvet warm from where it had been riding against his fur. My heart already ached before I even knew what was inside.
Lifting the lid, I found a delicate gold chain glinting in the candlelight. A dainty key dangled from it, small enough to wear against my collarbone, intricate but understated.
Just like the rest of my jewelry, it was gold and delicate, and it fit so well with my style that I could put it on right now, or with any other outfit I had, and it would work.
It was beautiful and thoughtful, and it nearly broke my heart seeing it.
My throat tightened as I lifted it out by the chain, letting it sway in the glow of string lights above us. “Let me guess,” I said softly, forcing a teasing grin. “The key to your heart?”
Carter tilted his head side to side, smirking. “Something like that.” He reached into his jacket, and when he pulled out what he had hidden there, my smile dissolved.
It was a collar, thick and gorgeous, made of sleek black leather with a small, shining ring at the center.
And where it fastened, there was a lock.
My eyes shot wide, breath stalling in my chest as I looked from it to him.
His smile faltered, nerves flickering across his features, but then he squared his shoulders and pushed forward.
“Alright, full disclosure, I have prepared this speech I’m about to give and rehearsed it a dozen times, but I’m so fucking nervous now that I have this thing in my hands and you’re looking at me like that and I might vomit before I get it all out. ”
I didn’t know if it was a laugh or a cry that came from me. My heart was bursting, the emotion swelling in me too much to contain.
Carter set the collar gently on the table, resting his hands on either side of it like he was offering a sacred thing. His eyes locked on mine, bright and unflinching.
“These last couple of months, everything we’ve done together — the lessons, the dates, the nights at The Manor, the mornings in my bed — it’s meant more to me than I can even explain.
At first, it was selfish. I needed your help.
I wanted your guidance. And I didn’t expect you to ever have anything more to do with me outside of that deal.
” He swallowed, his voice dipping. “But the truth is, the more time I spent with you, the more I realized I was fucked. Well and truly fucked. Because I couldn’t stop wanting more of you.
I still can’t. I don’t think I ever will. ”
He paused, our eyes searching the other’s, his expression so open and raw that it broke something inside me.
“You’ve changed me, Livia. You’ve taught me things about myself I didn’t even know existed.
But it’s not just about sex. It’s about you.
I admire the way you never stop pushing.
Your tenacity, your drive, the way you walk into a room and everyone just knows you’re the one in charge.
I admire the way you aspire to excellence, in everything you do.
The way you carry yourself. The way you believe in me, even when I don’t. ”
His voice wavered, and he reached forward, his hand wrapping around where mine held the chain.
“I meant what I said that night you came to my house for the first time. You’re beautiful, Liv. But your looks?” He shook his head. “They’re the least interesting thing about you.”
My eyes burned, the sting too sharp to blink away.
“So yeah.” He gestured to the collar. “I bought a fucking dog collar that I fully intend to wear for you any time you like. Because I love when you own me in the bedroom — but I also need you to know that you own me everywhere else, too. Completely. Body and soul. And I’m not just eager to give myself to you, I’m desperate for it.
For as long as you’ll have me.” He squeezed my hand.
“And I know it’s a lot to ask of you. I know I have a long way to go to earn your trust when those you’ve loved most in the past have done nothing but hurt you.
But I’m asking you to try. I’m asking you to give yourself to me, too, even if it scares the ever-living shit out of you. ”
My nostrils flared, tears welling in my eyes.
“I promise you,” he said, leaning forward, his gaze sincere and never leaving mine.
“I will not hurt you. I will not fumble this. I will cherish you the way you deserve to be cherished, and I will take whatever sordid route you need me to take to get there.” He added that last part with a laugh.
“You are, and always have been, in control, Liv. All I ask is that you take me along for the ride.”
I held my sob in my throat, trying my best to hold strong even as tears slid down my cheeks, hot and unrelenting.
Carter smirked nervously, like he was trying to lighten it all with another squeeze of my hand. “Damn, yeah, I nailed that one, didn’t I?”
But instead of a laugh, the sob I’d been holding at bay ripped free, and I broke.