Chapter 16
Natasha
I awake feeling kind of stupid. Joshua was right.
I was being a drama queen last night, but in my defense I wasn’t expecting to meet or know a girl that he has slept with.
I wonder what she was saying to him…and it has to be frigging TC, doesn’t it.
I know I was out of line last night by bringing up his past. The fact that I don’t have a past is not helping me move on.
If he thinks he can call me a drama queen and punch a hole in my door then he can go to hell. I am so not calling him.
You know the thing about waiting for an apology is that it’s stupid.
Total torture. I think getting teeth pulled is less painful and definitely quicker.
At least you can pop a pill and feel no pain.
The worst thing is I am overanalyzing everything to the maximum potential and two days after that dreaded fight, I am seriously debating whether I am out of line and second-guessing myself.
When the knock on the door came on Sunday my heart jumped and I ran excitedly to answer it, only to be bitterly disappointed when a handyman carrying another door was standing in the hallway.
Hmm, figures. I know he’s not going to apologize.
Does he even have something to apologize for?
Honestly, I don’t even know anymore. I sit and work on Tuesday after devouring yet another packet of biscuits, staring out the window with my coffee.
I’m just so sick and tired of being so up and down.
I was serious when I said this is not a healthy relationship for me to be in.
It’s totally toxic. If one of my patients came in and told me about this relationship, I would urge them to end it, it’s self-destructive.
Why in the hell am I so addicted to him?
My heart is aching for him. I have a deep-seated sadness that I know I need to kick, but how in the hell do I do it? I run through the negatives.
He’s my cousin.
Our families will disown us.
He lives in America. He’s rich and famous. He’s a total player.
He’s playing me…big-time. He doesn’t call me.
He leaves in the middle of the night. He doesn’t put up with my shit.
His will is stronger than mine. Actually, he is emotionally stronger than me, which wouldn’t be hard though. I’ve never felt so weak.
We can only be together in secret.
Our feelings aren’t mutual. (This one hurts the most and tears threaten.)
He’s totally gorgeous. Why can’t he be ugly, then I wouldn’t have so much damn competition. Why can’t my attraction to him be skin deep?
He’s too dominant in bed. I smile, who am I kidding? His dominance is frigging perfect. There isn’t a woman in the world who wouldn’t want to be thrown around in bed by him.
My mind wanders to the positives.
When I am with him, I forget every damn negative thing about him and get lost in the moment, totally lost to him.
Hello, milady. It’s a beautiful day. Do you want to go the harbor front and grab some lunch?
I smile as I read the text from Simon. That’s exactly what I do want to do today. Our office is closed for a few days as it is being painted.
Sure, pick me up.
I jump in the shower, already feeling relieved I’m not going to go mad in this apartment by myself all day.
See you in an hour.
Four hours later I am sprawled out on the grass eating a large New York mud cake waffle cone for dessert after eating my weight in pasta carbonara.
I have to say, I’m feeling pretty damn relaxed.
It’s so nice spending uncomplicated time with my dear motormouth friend.
I’m not analyzing or fretting and I’m not horny as hell so I can actually use my brain.
It makes for a nice change. ‘Diamonds’ rings out and I hand Simon my ice cream so I can rummage through my bag for my phone.
I really need to clean some of this shit out of here.
It’s Mum. I smile, as I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of days.
“Hi Tash.”
“Hi Mum, how are you?”
“Good, thanks, darling. What are you doing tonight?”
“Nothing,” I reply.
“Oh good, because Margaret and the boys are coming over for dinner and I want you to come.”
“Margaret,” I gasp. “When did she get here?”
“This morning. She’s staying with Joshua and his brothers for a couple of days.”
Oh great, there goes the neighborhood.
“Um, I don’t know, Mum. You know I can’t stand Margaret.” “Who can?” She giggles. “I will see you at seven.”
“OK, I suppose.” Great, a night with bitchface. I smile at the thought of seeing Josh though. This could turn out OK because now I won’t have to ring him after all, seeing as he was never calling me. “Is Bridge coming?”
“Yes, of course. I will see you tonight.”
7:15 p.m.
I pull into my parents’ street and see Joshua’s Audi parked in my parents’ drive.
I unfortunately also notice the car on the other side of the road with two bodyguards in it.
Why is he being so heavily guarded? My heart starts to race as I check my reflection in the mirror for the hundredth time since leaving home and I have to say for the first time today I am feeling nervous.
I’ve just remembered that Margaret has known about us all along and I’m well aware that this night could end up disastrous.
Imagine if she knew it was still going on.
A sly smile creeps onto my face. I’m such a bitch.
I park the car and walk over to the bodyguards.
“Hi guys.” I smile through the window.
“Hi Natasha.” They both smile, it’s the same two from the pub.
“Do you guys really have to sit out here all night?”
They both break into smiles. “Yeah, it’s OK.” They laugh. “It’s our job and this gig is no different than sitting out front of your apartment all night.”
“Huh, you guys watch my place?” They both glance at each other and instantly look uncomfortable and I know they have revealed too much information.
“See you later, guys.” I give them a wave as I walk back across the road and up to the front stairs of the house.
That’s confusing. I have to remember to ask him what they are doing here.
I stand outside the front door and listen as my heart races.
Why am I so nervous? I know why—this is the first time we have been together around our parents since being adults and it’s frigging… nerve-racking.
I open the door and Cameron swoops in with one loud roar and puts me into a headlock. He pulls me into the kitchen while I giggle and he announces to the family, “Look what the cat dragged in.”
I punch him swiftly in the ribs. “The cat did not drag me in.”
He lets me go and as I come up, he gives me a wink. I know he has done it to break the ice—he still thinks Joshua and I are fighting. Well, we are, so he is on the money. I glance around and see Mum fussing in the kitchen being the hostess with the mostess…not.
“Hello, love.” She smiles. “Go and pour everyone a drink, will you.” She’s firing orders at Bridge who rolls her eyes at me and I stifle a giggle.
I look onto the back patio and I see Dad talking to Joshua and Wilson.
Dad is talking and I don’t know what he is saying but he has the boys in stitches.
I smile as I watch their interaction. Dad has a deep affection for the Stanton boys, I mean who wouldn’t?
They’re polite, good looking and well educated.
They all have a great sense of humor. Brock is talking to Margaret over in the corner.
She has a champagne and strawberry in her hand.
Each time I see her I am surprised by how attractive she actually is.
Money will do that to a girl. Her deep chocolate shoulder-length hair is salon styled and she is always dressed to the nines in designer labels.
She makes me feel mumsy. She smiles my way and I make my way over to them.
OK, here goes. I smile as I kiss her on the cheek.
“Natasha darling, how lovely to see you.” She smiles as she puts her arm around me. Huh? OK, this is new.
“How have you been?” I ask politely.
“Great. You?” she asks.
“Fine thanks.” I smile. I turn and find Joshua, Wilson and Dad all looking our way.
‘Hi.” I smile. Joshua smiles, his eyes drop down the length of my body, and he gently cracks his neck. I silently thank the Lord I wore this white backless maxi dress. It seems to be having the desired effect.
“Tash darling,” my mother calls from the kitchen. Saved by the bell.
“Excuse me.” I walk into the kitchen to see Bridget laughing. “Mum has burned the potato bake,” she laughs. “It’s now a charcoal bake.”
I giggle. “Good one, Mum.”
She rolls her eyes. “Honestly, entertaining is overrated don’t you think?” She winks at Bridget.
Bridget smiles. “Yes, why do you think I don’t do it?”
I get out my phone and I text him.
Hello x
I smile and wait, it beeps.
Hello
Hmm.
Did you purposely not return my kiss?
I wait a few moments. As I look out the back, I see he is talking so I wait. It beeps again.
Did you purposely not apologize?
Damn it. I am going to have to swallow my pride. I knew it.
Sorry xx
I watch him from the kitchen, and I see him smile as he reads it.
And?
Oh jeez, now he wants me to beg.
And you were right, I was acting like a drama queen.
I wait again.
XX
I am beaming like an idiot. I try and help Mum save the potato bake. My phone beeps again.
I missed you today.
Oh my god. My heart stops. What the hell…PROGRESS. This is the first time he has conveyed any type of emotion other than the fact he adores me. My heart swells and I text back.
I miss you every day. xx
I can’t help it, an over-the-top smile beams from my face as I read and reread the words he has just texted me. I miss you. I am loving myself sick right now.
“Something funny?” Josh whispers over my shoulder. I jump back and do wide eyes at him. For Pete’s sake what’s he doing?
“Natasha, this potato is catastrophic. Can you go to the shop and get me some more cream, honey?”