Chapter 18
Natasha
I roll over and hit a brick wall. My eyes shoot open at the unexpected lump in my bed.
To my utter disbelief, I am lying next to a naked sleeping hunk of a man.
I smile as the realization that Joshua stayed sinks in.
He’s out cold on his back with his arm under my head.
My body is draped half over his, our legs entwined.
I’m amazed when I stop and look at him how utterly gorgeous he is.
His dark-chocolate hair, dark lashes and olive skin are a stark contrast against my white bed linen.
His swollen red lips gently open and close as he breathes.
I know I have said it before, but I am totally punching above my weight here.
He is just so…out of my league. My eyes drop to his tanned ripped torso.
My name firmly branding his body, goose bumps scatter me every time I look at that tattoo.
It means so much to me. The fact that he got that at a time when our love was so distant.
And yet he still committed, without knowing if we had any kind of future together.
I will forever be grateful that our limited time together previously meant as much to him as it did to me.
For the first time in seven years I am proud that I didn’t give into desire and that I kept myself only for him.
I haven’t told him that fact yet, I’m not sure if I ever will.
At first, I kept the secret so that he wouldn’t be worried about hurting me when we had sex.
I didn’t want to be lacking or for him to have a preconceived idea that I was inexperienced in bed.
But after last night I’m pretty sure he’s not being gentle anymore.
Actually I’m sure of it. The man’s a deviant, and the thought brings a satisfied smile to my face.
Our relationship is complicated. My darkest fear is that we are not going to make it.
But I owe it to myself to try. I could never move on knowing I didn’t give it my best shot.
I just wish we didn’t have so many things against us; it’s exhausting.
I want to be with him when he wakes but nature is screaming at me and I need to go to the bathroom.
I gently rise from bed and his arm feels around the bed for my body warmth.
I smile as I rise from the bed and gingerly tiptoe to the bathroom.
After the quickest wee in history I brush my teeth and sprint back to bed.
He is still out cold. I lie and watch him for nearly an hour, my mind deep in thought.
I don’t want him to fight with his mother over me.
That’s the last thing I want. She’s trying to protect him and, in all honesty, if my son was embarking on a relationship like ours that was so passionate and volatile, I don’t know how I would react either.
It’s obvious she thinks I am going to hurt him again.
I wonder if he told her I never cheated on him all those years ago.
I doubt she would have given him the chance to elaborate.
What about Brock? I wince as I remember that he is onto us.
I wonder what happened last night between him and Joshua outside.
Did they fight? Surely the bodyguards would have stopped it, wouldn’t they?
That’s right, what’s with the bodyguard claiming to be mine?
Seriously, that’s just way too much NCIS action, who in the hell would want to hurt me?
Joshua has been watching too many movies.
My eyes go back to the Adonis in my bed and I smile as I watch him.
Am I the only woman deeply in love with him?
Is Amelie in love with him? Is he in love with her?
He told me last night that he is completely mine.
Please let that be true. He hasn’t told me how he feels about me, apart from the adore thing, but then adore isn’t love. We only have three more weeks together and we need to decide our future. I just wish we had more time to work this mess out.
He gently starts to wake, and I can’t help but smile, it’s like Christmas morning. He opens one eye and smiles a sleepy smile at me and pulls me into an embrace and kisses my forehead.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he whispers in a husky voice.
“Morning.” I lean in and kiss him softly on the lips. He smiles and keeps his eyes closed. I lie waiting for him to wake up but he’s still half asleep.
“Why are you so tired, baby?” I whisper.
“Hmm.” He smiles, still half asleep, and absentmindedly starts to run his fingers through my hair. He smiles and kisses my forehead once more, still with his eyes closed.
“Why are you so tired?” I ask again.
He smiles and huskily whispers. “This hot raving bitch I know keeps fighting with me about everything and I can’t sleep. I’ve hardly slept since Saturday.”
I smile a sad smile. “Joshua, why didn’t you just come over here?”
“Because I’m not putting up with your shit, that’s why.” He smiles, his eyes still closed.
My heart skips a beat. Am I torturing this poor guy with my dramatics? “Do you want coffee?” I ask.
He nods again with his eyes closed. “Yes, please.”
Fifteen minutes later I am seated at my breakfast bar when he saunters out in the hottest black underpants known to man and takes his coffee from the counter and sits on the breakfast stool.
I take a sip, unsure how to broach this subject and totally distracted by his beauty.
Underpants is a definite unfair advantage.
I am painfully aware how easily our conversations turn into full-blown arguments.
“Does your mother know where you are?” He puts his head down and nods. “Josh, I don’t want you fighting with her over me.”
“Well, I am. So, too late.”
“Did you tell her?” He nods, and I wince. “How did she take it?”
He shrugs, obviously not wanting to continue this conversation.
“Is Brock OK?”
He smiles and nods. “Yes, but he is seriously pissing me off.”
“Me too.” I shrug. Silence falls and we both sip our coffee.
I have never felt so unsure of what to say in my life.
I’m walking on eggshells. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like I’m interviewing an errant teenager.
He sits down next to me but stays silent.
I am not bringing up last night until he does.
He bloody better bring up last night or he will be seeing that raving bitch again, sooner than he would like.
“What are you doing today?” he says, smiling.
“My office is closed for renovation. I have the rest of the week off. You?”
“I’m training interns all week.”
“Oh, what do you teach them?”
“Fun stuff you wouldn’t understand.” He smiles into his coffee cup.
I smile. “I know what you’re doing,” I whisper.
He raises his eyebrows. “Really, what am I doing?”
“You’re being evasive. Making me talk first.”
He smiles and bites his bottom lip. I am so onto him. “Got something you want to say, Presh?” He raises his eyebrows and smiles. I roll my eyes at him. “What?” He smiles.
“You don’t think we should talk about last night?” I sigh.
“I said everything I needed to last night. I want you. You want me. Case closed.”
I frown at him. “Josh, please, if we are to have a future.”
He cuts me off. “Have you changed your mind?” I frown. “Don’t you want this anymore?” he snaps.
“Of course, I do, you know that I do. I need some truths from you first,” I breathe.
He goes to speak but I hold up my hand in a stop signal gesturing for him to give me silence.
“Please understand I can forgive anything and understand everything as long as I am told the complete truth. Honesty is imperative to me, Josh. It’s a deal breaker. ”
He nods and I can see him sum up the weight of my words. He narrows his eyes at me. “Can I have a truth of my own?” I nod. “Were you serious when you said you would move to America with me?” He licks his bottom lip in anticipation for my answer.
I smile. “Yes, but couldn’t we live six months in Australia and six months in LA?”
He shakes his head. “No, it won’t work. I’ve already thought of that.”
I frown. “Why not?”
“Because of my horses. The quarantine laws getting back into Australia are too stringent. I wouldn’t be able to do it. It’s either here or there, not both.”
I nod. Those horses are going to be the death of me. Everything about those fuckers and their vet spell unparalleled trouble. “Would you move to Australia for me?”
He smiles. “Yes, but I’m contracted in America for at least the next five years, so it would be impossible for me to move at this point.”
“But, after that, would it be up for negotiation?”
He puckers his lips and raises his eyebrows as he thinks. “Perhaps.”
“Josh, I need to be sure we are going to work, before I would leave my job and move to the other side of the world.”
“And how will you be sure? I don’t have a crystal ball, Natasha. I can’t promise you anything other than the fact I will look after you and try my hardest to make you happy.” His wide eyes search mine.
I melt into his gaze. “That’s enough, Josh, that’s all any girl could ask for.”
He smiles and pulls me into an embrace where I am rewarded with a gentle sweep of his tongue through my lips. This man is just…beautiful. Everything about him melts my heart.
I pull back to look at his face. “Can you promise me monogamy, Josh?”
He smiles warmly. “Of course, what man wouldn’t be loyal to you? I’d have to be a fucking idiot to stuff this up now.” This conversation is going better than I expected.
“Can I have my truths now?” I ask. He frowns and releases me from his cuddle.
He walks around behind the bench and places both of his hands wide on the bench and I know he’s feeling vulnerable.
It’s a defensive tactic to have something between us.
“Do you have feelings for that blonde from the club?”
He smiles and shakes his head in relief. “Definitely not.”
I nod. “How do you know her?” He swallows and looks down while he thinks. “Josh, please. Honesty, remember.”