Chapter 18 #2
“Here’s the thing, Tash, if I tell you how I met her, I face you getting the shits. If I don’t tell you, I know you are definitely going to get the shits. So basically, it’s a no-win situation. Promise me if I tell you, you are not going to kick me out.”
I fake a smile. Shit, do I really want to know this.
I nod as my heart rate picks up speed. “Fire away.”
“The day I arrived in Sydney my friend Carson sent me around a housewarming present to the house.”
I frown. “Who’s Carson?”
“My friend from LA.”
I nod and frown again. “So how do you know her?”
He blows out a breath, obviously hoping I will fit the puzzle together.
I frown again. “Am I missing something?” I ask.
He frowns and rubs his hands through his hair. “She was the housewarming present.” Horror dawns. Oh fuck, this is worse than I thought. You could knock me over with a feather. I sit back on my chair as I process what he has told me.
“She’s an escort?” I gasp. He hangs his head and nods.
“I see.” My eyes must be the size of saucers. He comes around behind me and cuddles me. He’s right. I really want to kick his sorry ass out right now…deep breaths…deep breaths. Why did I promise to not get the shits when I so clearly have a reason to?
“So, you can see I have no feelings for her and don’t need to worry, baby.” He’s talking way too fast…deep breaths.
“How often do you see escorts Joshua?”
He winces and goes silent. “Don’t call me that,” he whispers.
“It’s your name, isn’t it?” I snap.
“Yes, but you only call me that when you are shitty if you haven’t noticed.” Hmm, I hadn’t noticed, actually.
“Josh, I told you I won’t get the shits, but I need to know what I’m up against here.”
“You’re not up against anything. You know I only care about you. Please don’t make any more of this than it is.”
I look at him deadpan. “Answer the question.”
“I don’t like to date, Tash, and you know I have a…high sex drive.” He swallows and is tripping over his words. “It’s not something I can control, the sex drive thing.”
“Why don’t you like to date?”
“You know why.”
“No, I don’t.” My voice drips with sarcasm. “Please elaborate.” He starts to run both hands through his hair. I know he is feeling out of control of this situation.
“Women I date always get…attached and well…. My heart is already taken…by you.” He reaches for me and I pull my arm away instinctively. I am not supposed to be getting emotional here…deep breaths…deep breaths.
I put my head into my hands. “How often?”
“Tash, please, baby, it doesn’t matter. It is in the past.” “Joshua! So, help me. Answer the goddamn question or I am going to be wearing your balls for earrings.”
He stifles a smile and raises his eyebrows. “Really. Earrings?”
I do wide eyes at him. “Really. Don’t push it. I’m great with a butter knife.” I pull out the drawer. “And I have a few handy here you know.” He smiles again. “Please, Josh, just tell me. I thought we discussed honesty. I need the truth.”
He looks down and tics his jaw. “At least once a week.”
FUCK…. I was hoping for once a year.
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. “We haven’t been wearing condoms. Am I going to get an STD?”
He looks mortified. “I’m always safe. You’re the only person I would ever go bareback with. How could you think such a thing?” I frown—is this the frigging twilight zone? He tells me he has sex with escorts all the time but I’m out of line for asking about STDs.
“So, you have never had sex without a condom with anyone else?”
He shakes his head. “No, and I don’t want to. Only you, who I can’t stand to be separated from.” He pulls me into his arms and goes in for a kiss, but I keep my lips tightly sealed shut.
He pulls back. “You’re mad.”
“No,” I lie.
“Yes, you are, I can tell.”
“I’m disappointed, Joshua.”
“Stop frigging calling me that, call me baby,” he whispers.
I smile…why does he have to be so damn cute. “Isn’t that a song?”
He smiles and blows out a breath. “So, you see, my precious girl, you have nothing to worry about. I will never see any of them again. They were all high-class escorts though.”
I frown. “Excuse me,”
He nods quickly, realizing he has said the wrong thing. “Josh, how in the hell am I supposed to keep you sexually satisfied when you are used to…you know…such variety?”
He tenderly cups my face and gives me a gentle loving kiss.
“Tash, you are all I see…all I want, you mean everything to me, and I have missed you desperately for seven long years. In fact, I think I have fallen for you harder all over again. I fucking adore you. Give me a chance to prove myself. I am not going to fuck it up. I promise.”
I smile a weak smile. OK, I can live with that…for now. I reach up and run my fingers through his stubble.
“I just feel out of my depth here,” I whisper. “I have no sphere of reference for this level of debauchery.”
“Thank god,” he whispers with his lips against my temple. “I can’t stand the thought of you with anybody else. It kills me.” Guilt hits me and I know I should elaborate. Should I tell him? No, he will think I’m an idiot. Actually, I am an idiot, who am I kidding.
“Why do I have a bodyguard, Josh?”
He frowns. “Because if you want to be my girl you have to be protected.”
“Why?”
“You just do, and I don’t want to fight about that. In fact, I need to ask you another truth. How do you feel about my money?”
I pull back to look at his face and I frown. Of all the nerve. “I don’t want you for your money, asshole. How could you even think that?”
He smiles. “No, I mean, are you going to leave me because of my money?”
I frown again. “You think I’m going to leave you because of your money?” He nods.
“Why?”
“I am a very wealthy man, Tash, and I live a very expensive life. I have been very careful not to expose you at all to it because I didn’t want to frighten you off.”
“How wealthy are we talking?” He shrugs. “Around about?” I raise my eyebrows.
“Nearly a billion.”
What?
“Fuck off—you’re a billionaire?”
He winces. “Nearly,” he whispers. I stare at him openmouthed.
Holy shit, this is unimaginable.
“Joshua Stanton, you are a total mindfuck, do you know that?”
He smiles. “I’m your mindfuck if you’ll have me.”
“That depends.” I smile as I cross my arms in front of me. “On what?”
“On whether you’re going to show me how that I-love-you sex you mentioned last night goes.”
He smiles and kisses me. “Does it have a happy ending?” he whispers into my neck.
I bite my lip as I smile. “Yes, but this time the happy ending is going my way.”
An hour later, we are in the shower and Josh is soaping up my back with deep massaging strokes. My eyes are closed, I am leaning onto the glass and am deeply relaxed. In all honesty, I just want him to myself for the day. Bang work I say.
“Can’t you stay home with me today?” I know I sound like a whiny kid, but I don’t care. I turn and kiss him as I put my arms around his neck.
“No, you’ve already made me late.” He pulls my hips into his by my behind. He smiles down at me tenderly. I find myself returning the goofy grin.
“What?” I frown. He hunches his shoulders and bends to kiss me softly, his tongue swiping through my lips.
He grinds his hips into mine and once again I feel his beautiful length against my stomach.
“Do you know how long I have dreamed of having you like this?” he whispers into my neck.
I smile as I drop my head back to allow him greater access to me.
“Like what?” I smile. I know exactly what he means. “Wanting me as much as I want you.”
I smile again. “How could you have ever thought anything else, you big dope?” He grabs me hard on the bum and I squeal with laughter.
“Big dope,” he growls as he bites me hard on the shoulder. “I will show you just how big I am.” I giggle as I hunch to escape his attack. “Tash.”
I look up at the serious tone in his voice. My eyes close at the contact of his lips to mine. “Hmm.”
“Our adult relationship starts today, OK?”
I frown at him, not understanding his meaning. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, to me, our relationship of being scared of being found out and unsure of each other is over. I want to start again.” Tears well in my eyes at the sincerity in his face and the meaning of the words.
It’s true that I have felt torn, guilty and unsure about our relationship since the day it began.
What we have is beyond beautiful, how could it be wrong?
It’s impossible and he’s right, we need to start acting like adults and take our future into our own hands.
“I would like that too,” I whisper as I lean in for another gentle kiss. With his lips pressed to my temple I hear the gentle words.
“I fucking adore you, precious girl.”
These words are very quickly becoming my favorite thing in the world to hear. Chicken soup for my soul.
Eleven o’clock and I am on my way home from the gym.
I may as well try to lose the twelve pounds I have stacked on since Mr. Orgasmic came back on the scene.
It does seem like I am naked a lot of the time lately.
It’s only a matter of time before hail damage strikes.
A song comes onto the radio. It’s a new track by Katy Perry called ‘Dark Horse’.
I heard it the other day and it gave me goose bumps.
The words are exactly the situation between Josh and me and, seeing as we are literally the dark horses of the family, a pubescent idea comes into my brain and I laugh at the thought.
I stop off and grab a coffee and text the girls.
Five o’clock Oscar’s Coffee Catch up