Chapter 17
Natasha
Shit, now I have done it. I feel like a mother who is punishing a child and then wants to renege on the punishment.
How am I supposed to sleep with that beautiful man all night and not have sex?
Who am I kidding? Once again, this isn’t punishment for him.
I’m punishing my stupid self. I take my time finishing up and drying myself and I leave the bathroom with a towel around my chest. I walk back into the kitchen and flick on the jug.
Joshua’s eyes follow me across the room.
He throws his arm across the back of the lounge and ticks his jaw and cracks his neck as his eyes drop down my body.
I swallow a golf ball-size lump in my throat.
“Do you want another?” I ask, without lifting my eyes from my teacup.
He shakes his head again. “No, thanks.” He bites his bottom lip and continues to watch the television. How odd, so he wants to stay but has said no sex and now he is watching television and is seemingly disinterested in talking to me. What’s my plan of attack? Hmm, ok, get dressed.
I walk back into the bedroom and start ratting through my pajamas drawer looking for a matching pair.
Honestly, why am I such a dag? I really should own a decent pair of matching sexy pajamas at my age.
After much deliberation I decide on a white cotton nightgown.
It’s either that or mismatched boy-leg shorts and a crop top…
and they just don’t cut it in this I need to be sexy without trying environment.
Mum bought this nightie a couple of years ago and in all honesty, I have worn it a total of five times.
It has a low round neck with shoestring straps and little white flowers embroidered around the bodice area.
It is crisp white cotton and hangs just below my knees.
Mental note to self, tomorrow buy some decent leisure wear.
I spend a fortune on going out clothes, shoes and work clothes but I never buy anything to lounge around in…
very stupid in this kind of situation. I pull my hair messily into a low knot bun and walk tentatively back into the lounge area.
Joshua’s eyes snap straight to me and his eyes scan hungrily down my body. He cracks his neck gently as if trying not to. I smile on the inside. Bingo.
“What are we watching?” I ask as I sink onto the lounge.
He shrugs. “Not sure actually,” he says softly.
I pick up my tea and take a sip as my eyes linger on the beautiful man sprawled out on my lounge.
He’s wearing light blue super faded fitted jeans and a navy-blue V-neck t-shirt.
His muscular forearms, that are raised above his head, are screaming at me at a deafening pitch and those bloody triceps … the mind boggles.
His eyes lock on mine. “Where do you want me to sleep?”
I swallow nervously and I shrug. “Where do you want to sleep?” I ask quietly.
“With you,” he replies gently.
Oh God, me too. I smile. “Ok, but I am not being your booty call remember.” I raise a brow.
He smiles. “Maybe I can be yours.” His eyes penetrate mine and he’s giving me that come fuck me look he does so well.
I bite my lip to stifle my smile. Yes, that’s exactly what I want, Joshua Stanton as my booty call. Be strong, Natasha, you can do this.
“Shall we go to bed then?” I ask nervously.
He smirks. “No, if I go to bed with you now, your feet are going to be around my ears in about seven minutes flat, especially in that little purity number you have going on.” He runs his tongue over his bottom lip as his eyes drop down my body.
I smile again as I visualize him on top of me, my feet around his ears. Shit. I need sex.
I nod and walk into my bedroom and retrieve the quilt from my bed and two pillows. I walk out and put them onto the lounge next to him.
“We will watch television out here for a while then,” I smile.
He frowns at me as I spread the quilt out and put the pillows up one end. I pull the covers back.
“Are you cuddling my back?” I ask.
He smirks. “I think I can do that.”
I lie to the front of the lounge and lie on my side. “Get in behind me,” I say.
“I thought you were never going to ask.” He smiles as he stands and pulls his jeans down.
I instantly look away. If I see he’s aroused it’s all over.
I am only human after all. He leaves his t-shirt and tight trunk underpants on and crawls in behind me.
He puts his bottom arm under my head and his top arm around my waist and kisses my temple.
“That’s better,” he whispers into my ear as goosebumps run over my body.
I smile at the feeling of him wrapped around me and his lips on my temple. This is more than better. This is heaven. I start to relax and listen to his regular breathing.
I hold my hand up and he takes it gently in his and we lie together in silence watching a stupid show on ice truckers.
After a heavenly comfortable silence of about half an hour, Joshua kisses my temple again and I smile into him.
“Josh,” I whisper.
“Mmm,” he answers sleepily.
“If I could be anywhere in the world tonight, doing anything I wanted…”
“Mmm,” he answers.
“I would want to be here with you, doing just this.” I feel him smile behind me.
“Really?” he replies.
“Really,” I smile. He kisses my temple again.
“You can be quite endearing when you want to be, Miss Marx, and very easily pleased,” he whispers.
I smile again and turn my face, so he kisses my cheek. “You can shut up and look pretty now,” I whisper. I feel him smile behind me as he kisses my temple again.
“Goodnight Josh,” I smile.
“Goodnight Tash,” he whispers.
I struggle to break free. The sound of Joshua groaning as they hit him echoes through the dark wet tunnel. Three men are holding him while three others are taking turns hitting him.
“Stop it. You’re going to fucking kill him. Please, let him go,” I sob out loud.“ Please, what do you want?”
They start to kick him, and I scream. “NO! You are going to kill him! Please stop it.” I sob while I fight the two men holding me as I try desperately to break free.
They throw me onto the ground and one of them kicks me in the stomach.
I scream in pain and I hear Joshua go crazy again as he tries to break free.
“Let her go,” he screams. “Kill me… just let her go. It’s me you want.”
They pick up a metal bar and hit him across the face. “Nooooooooo!” I scream.
“We are not letting her go. Who will we take turns fucking with her gone? There are nine of us to please, you know.”
Joshua goes crazy. “I’ll fucking kill you when I get free,” he screams. “I swear to God, if you touch her, you gutless pricks you’re fucking dead.”
I look to the corner where Ben’s dead body is slumped in the corner.
I close my eyes, the pain too much to bear. They continually hit him until he slips into unconsciousness.
Dear God, no!
One of them hits me hard across the face and I fall to the ground. They gather around and one of them unzips his pants.
“Joshua!” I scream. “No!” I struggle again as I try to break free. “Joshua!” I scream.
I am shaken awake. “Tash…baby, I’m here. It’s ok.”
My terrified eyes flick around the room as I sob and shake in fear. It was just a nightmare. Joshua pulls me into an embrace.
“You’re safe, it’s ok,” he whispers. “Jesus. What were you dreaming about?”
I sob into his chest as he cuddles me, and my eyes flick around the room again. We are in my living room. My body shakes with fear, and perspiration dampens my skin. My chest racks with sobs, why am I still having this horrible nightmare? What does it mean?
“Tash, talk to me. What were you dreaming about?” he whispers into the top of my head as he holds me tightly.
I sob again. “The one where they kill you and rape me,” I whisper.
He frowns. “The same dream you had in the hospital?” I nod and start to wipe the tears from my face.
“How often do you have this dream?” he asks, horrified. I shrug. “At least twice a week,” I whisper.
He frowns again. “What? You are this scared at least twice a week on your own, in the middle of the night?”
I nod as I drop my head in shame. “I feel like I am going crazy,” I whisper.
“Tash” He pulls me back down to lie with him. “It’s ok. I’m not going to die, and no one is going to rape you…no one, except me maybe.” He smiles as he kisses my forehead again.
I snuggle into his chest as my heartbeat starts to slow down. His t-shirt is wet from my tears. He idly starts to run his fingers through my hair as he thinks.
“When did these nightmares start?” he asks.
“Two days after Dad died,” I reply sadly.
“It’s not true, Tash. It’s just a dream. Nobody is going to get you. You are safe.”
I nod. “Josh, you are not safe, that crazy man is after you.
What if it’s a premonition? What if they do get us? What if it’s Dad trying to send me a message through my dream?”
He tutts in sympathy. “Stop thinking like that. We have so much security around us no one can touch us.”
I nod and kiss his chest in a thankful gesture.
“What do you do to calm yourself when you are alone?” he asks.
I shrug, embarrassed.
“Huh?” he asks as he kisses my forehead again.
“I take a hot shower,” I whisper.
“Come on then, up you get.” He pushes me up from his chest and onto my feet. “Shower time.”
I get up slowly, walk to the bathroom and hear him open my linen closet in the hall and get me out a towel. I turn the hot water on and wait for it to heat up.
He walks into the bathroom and over to me.
I’m embarrassed. I feel like a little kid freaking out over a stupid dream.
He slowly pulls my nightdress over my head, as his eyes don’t leave mine.
His hands run down my legs as he removes my panties, and he gently kisses my stomach on the way back up my body.