Chapter Eighteen #2
“Candy!” Votra’s voice broke through her thoughts as she tapped her wet comm screen to call a taxi.
For a second, the sound of Votra’s voice excited her. She wiped the tears and salty rainwater from her eyes and briefly wondered how long she could pretend like she hadn’t heard her.
“Did I say something that bothered you?” Candy’s back was still to Votra, and she half expected Votra to grab her and spin her around. But she didn’t. She stood close enough to make herself heard over the rain, but didn’t intrude. “Please talk to me.”
Candy wiped the rain from her eyes with the heels of her palms. Votra did sound like she genuinely didn’t know what she had done wrong, and Candy couldn’t tell if that pissed her off or made her feel better.
“You didn’t say anything wrong. You were right.
We’re not together, so there’s no reason for me to be all dramatic about it. ”
Votra went silent for a beat, the steady thrumming of the rain the only sound between them. “...Did it bother you that I told Vendi we are not together?”
Candy swallowed back the stubborn lump forming in the back of her throat. “Yeah. It did. And there’s no reason for it to because we aren’t together but hearing it out loud–” A strangled sob cut her off, and she clamped a hand over her quivering lips. “God. Why can’t I call a fucking taxi?”
“Do not call one.” Votra spoke even louder as the rain picked up. “Please talk to me, Candy. Truly, I did not know you felt that way.”
“Of course I do!” Candy snapped, whipping around to face Votra.
Yule was right–Votra was clueless. If she weren’t so pissed, she’d find it endearing.
“I told you I liked you back at the restaurant! I keep trying to be a part of your life outside that fucking office and you keep not letting me! You’ll let me in enough to have sex with me but you don’t want me more than that? ”
“I do want you more than that, Candy. More than I know how to tell you.” Votra sighed, smoothing her hands over her eyes to clear the water streaming down her face. “I am so, so deeply terrified of how badly I want you in every capacity. But the last time I felt like this for someone–”
“I’m not going to steal your work, Votra,” Candy snapped, and Votra visibly recoiled. “I’ve cared about you from the second I met you at Xyxy’s party and I feel like I’ve done a pretty fucking good job of showing you that you can trust me.”
“Zeele did not steal my work. I gave it to her.” Candy’s lips parted in surprise as Votra continued.
“She brought out the worst in me. She is like me–married to her work.
If you think I neglect my health in favor of work, you would hate to see Zeele when she is focused.
I slept in the office every night, and the second I woke up, I was back at my desk. And we did that together for years.
“But we fought. A lot, as sleep deprived, malnourished people tend to do.” She swallowed, ducking her head if only for a reprieve from the rain.
“We were terrible for each other. And one day, she grew tired of it. She told me that she was leaving, and I told her that she could use the base code of Starcrossed for her own app. And then she brought LoveNet out a week later.”
“She didn’t build an entire app in a week.”
“I know.” Votra’s eyes glittered with tears as she lifted her head to look at Candy again.
“Our relationship was so tumultuous, so stressful, but I still loved her so much that I was willing to give her whatever she asked for. But you are so… so truly good, and you bring so much joy to my life. And I am scared that I would give you the world if you asked for it.”
A sob made its way past Candy’s lips, and she let herself be pulled into Votra’s arms. “I don’t need anything from you,” she muttered into the soaked fabric of her shirt.
“I wanna be with you because you make me feel safe. You make me feel like you want me, like, actually want me for exactly who I am. I don’t have to be some watered down version of myself. ”
“I do want you. Every part of you,” Votra said, taking Candy’s face into her hands. “I love everything that makes you, you. Every tear, every ridiculously loud laugh. Those are the things I fell for.”
“And I fell for the Votra who talked my ear off about Outlaw Koran on my best friend’s balcony in the middle of a party.
” Candy’s lower lip wobbled. “I don’t want you because of Starcrossed, Votra.
I love Starcrossed, but also, fuck Starcrossed.
” Votra flinched at that, and Candy laughed a weak, watery laugh.
“I would love you if you woke up tomorrow and told me you never wanted to look at Starcrossed again. We would make it work. Because I’m in this for you, and nothing else. ”
“So… if I woke up tomorrow morning and told you I did want to keep working on Starcrossed… love is off the table?” Votra’s voice was teasing, but hot tears rolled down her cheeks, mingling with the salty rainwater.
Candy laughed, really laughed this time. “You’re such a pain in the ass,” she said, balling her fists into Votra’s shirt.
Votra smoothed her thumbs across Candy’s cheeks. “Will you promise me something?” she asked.
“Anything.”
“Promise me you will not grow tired of me,” she whispered, her voice breaking under the weight of her vulnerability.
“I know that I work too much and I know that it is hard to pull me out of it. I know that I hyperfixate and forget to eat or sleep and I do not know how to control that. It is not for a lack of caring about you or wanting to be around you–”
“Votra.” Candy pressed herself against Votra’s torso, leaning in as close as she could.
“I’ve got you, okay? I’m not going to get tired of you.
I’m gonna be right next to you, forcing you to take breaks to eat and rest. And occasionally, to have sex with me.
” Votra laughed, once again wiping the rain from her face.
“We’re in this together. Because I… I love you. ”
The next thing she knew, her feet weren’t on the ground anymore.
Votra lifted her, arms securely around Candy’s upper thighs, and kissed her.
The pressure of her still tender thighs against Votra’s firm body stung a little.
Candy whimpered against Votra’s lips, and she pulled back a little. “Are you alright?”
“Yes. Don’t you dare put me down.” Her hands found Votra’s cheeks and she kissed her again. Candy couldn’t tell where the salty rainwater began and her tears ended.
Votra peppered kisses all over Candy’s damp face. “I love you, too,” she whispered once her lips found their way to the shell of Candy’s ear.
Candy shivered violently, the combination of being chilled to the bone and Votra’s mouth against her ear proving almost lethal. “Can we go inside now?” she asked.
“Please.”