Chapter 23 #2
But I couldn’t live with myself, not after what I did to Declan. Dark clouds had their claws in me for months. And I let them pull me under—to the dark hole of my own sadness, my grief, my guilt.
Nothing made it better.
Nothing.
Until him.
I told myself Kieran was it—my punishment. The darkness inside my heart in a shape of a Fae. A mistake I could cling to. I convince myself he was bad for me. That he’s another fucked-up thing I chose to ruin my life with.
Because I had to go there. I had to betray Declan.
Because I deserve to suffer.
But the truth is …
Kieran was never the punishment.
He became my redemption.
The one who pulled me from the pit.
He gave me back myself.
The me I lost in those months of complete darkness.
“It’s not that I don’t have faith in you,” Kieran whispers, his voice cracking. “I’m scared you wouldn’t even try … because what if this—what if us—still isn’t enough for you to want to stay?”
My knees sink to the floor, hot, endless tears running free.
Why does he have to be like this?
Why does he have to care?
How am I supposed to pretend I’m not madly, blindly in love with him now?
Four weeks shouldn’t be enough to ruin me, but they have.
The worst part is we barely have time left.
It terrifies me to my core that I might never find out what we could’ve been.
“I want to stay,” I manage through the tears. Kieran kneels beside me, and my whole body trembles. The next words come out like a confession. “But I’m scared I won’t get to be with you.”
“Oh, love,” he whispers softly, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “You say it like that, and you can bet your pretty ass I’m going to burn down the whole damn library just to find a way.”
I laugh through my tears. “Let’s just hope I survive the next trial first.”
Kieran’s smile fades. He sighs and gently pulls me into his arms. “I’m sorry I handled it badly.”
“Wow,” I murmur against his shoulder. “He apologises.”
That earns me a low, surprised laugh. “Look at me. Mature and everything.”
“It’s about damn time, Grandpa.”
He groans. “You’d be surprised what a grumpy, old male like me can do in bed.”
And now we’re back to being horny.
Gods, I hate how much I love us.
“Do you have to go back to the Court—or can you cook for me?” I glide a hand along his neckline, looping my arm around it as he pulls me up from the floor.
“Gideon just brought you food.”
“Yes, but I miss your cooking,” I purr into his skin, resting my chin on his chest as I look up and sweetly ask, “Please?”
Kieran exhales sharply. “It’s infuriating how you can ask for just about anything with that voice and those eyes.”
I smirk, brushing a kiss over his collarbone. “So … is that a yes?”
“Yes.”
The word ends on my lips, hard. I hum into the kiss as one of Kieran’s hands touches my cheek, other sliding behind my neck. I burn beneath his touch, sparks skittering under my skin.
It’s been five days without this.
I didn’t realise how much I needed it until now.
I press my body to his, wrapping my legs on his hips as Kieran picks me up, hands gripping hard on my ass.
A groan tears from my throat.
There’s nothing like a kiss after an emotional fight. A touch after the storm. Yearning, longing, burning. My ass hits the top of a cabinet. Something rolls off and shatters on floor. But Kieran’s mouth never leaves mine.
More.
I want more.
It’s like Kieran is reading my mind. He walks us to the bedroom, my back slamming into the wall, then something else along the way. The kiss is too much, too consuming, that we need to feel each other against something solid.
I break the kiss just long enough to gasp, “Gods, I really wish you’d vanish us to the bedroom right about now.”
Kieran laughs in his throat, lips crashing on mine again. “I need to treasure every second of this. And besides, I thought you were hungry.”
“I am,” I breathe, yanking at his shirt and wanting to rip it off because unbuttoning it is not fast enough. “But for something else now.”
“I swear to the stars, if you do this and say no sex until I tell you about the trials one more time—”
“That depends,” I tease, a wicked smile tugging at my lips. “Will you behave?”
The storm-lit eyes flash, full of sin and mischief. “You really don’t want me to behave for this part, my dear.”
I throw my head back, laughing.
The next kiss we share is much gentler. Slower. Kieran pulls back just to look into my eyes, like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. His eyes are warm, his kiss sweet, lips brushing mine like a vow.
And somehow, I burn even more.
Our clothes scatter along the way to the bedroom, piece by piece.
My hands shake as I fumble with his shirt, then his belt, my breath coming shallow.
Even those few seconds apart—when my back hits the bed and he hasn’t yet followed—feels like torture …
especially when he climbs in like that, like he has all the time in the world just to worship me.
Kieran pulls me closer. His shirt that I’m wearing still clings to my body, though his hands already unbuttoned it halfway down. I breathe as he unbuttons the rest, never breaking eye contact.
“You drive me mad,” he whispers, voice rough against my neck. “I can’t focus when you’re around because this—having you naked in front of me—is all I can think of when I see that beautiful face.”
I gasp when his lips finds that sensitive spot just below my jaw. My hand runs through his hair, heart pounding. I let the shirt fall past my shoulder onto the mattress, just for Kieran to throw in on the floor like he doesn’t want a single thing to disturb us tonight.
His hands trail down, slow and steady, tracing down the swell of my breasts.
That dangerous mouth follows a second later, nipping, tasting me like I’m something sacred he can’t get enough of.
I arch into his touch, head thrown back, biting my lips as his tongue flicks over the tip—and Gods, I want that tongue everywhere.
“I want you,” I whisper, dragging my nails down his back as his mouth continues its descent to my stomach—then lower. “Kieran—”
He hums softly against my skin, fingers trailing down my thighs. “Patience.”
Kieran said that he was going to take his sweetest time once I was done teasing—and that’s exactly what he’s doing.
His lips find the inside of my thigh, and I tremble, aching as he rips the underwear off me. He teases me with a single, maddening stroke of his tongue. I nearly crumble. I groan.
For fuck’s sake.
Slowly, painfully, he tastes me like he’s never done before, like we have all the time in the world.
My mind is a blank page. Kieran is writing filthy words that only exist in my imagination all over it.
He knows exactly where to touch—where to kiss—how to drive me hopelessly insane.
I grip the bedsheets like a lifeline. Every flick of his tongue and every thrust of his fingers sends an uncontrollable wave of sparks through me.
But just when I’m gasping for the waves of pleasure to crash over me—Kieran just stops.
“Kieran,” I growl, damning him with my eyes as he pulls away, only to wipe my wetness off his smug face and crawl up to kiss me again, deep, breathless, making me want him even more. I’m drowning in desperation.
“I want to be inside you,” he whispers, dragging his mouth to my ear. “I want to feel you come on my cock—unless you change your mind again.”
I lick my lips, slipping a hand down my body. My fingers come back gleaming in the wet, hot mess he’s made of me. Kieran’s eyes flare fiery.
“Does it look like I want to change my mind?”
He laughs, leaning in to flick his tongue across my fingers. The sight alone almost sends me over the edge.
Good fucking Gods.
“You’re so sexy.” He hums the exact same words I’m calling him in my head, then straightens himself, spreading my legs wider with his knees.
I push myself up on my shoulders, heart hammering in anticipation, as he moves closer to my entrance.
And with one slow, delicious movement, he pushes inside me, steady, gently, until he’s buried deep in me.
My lips part, and I gasp for air, feeling myself embracing him. A loud moan slips from me.
Kieran groans as I adjust to him, his hand gripping my hips like it takes all the willpower he can muster not to thrust into me before I’m ready. I breathe, heavily now, biting my lips at the pleasure rippling through me.
“Stop being so gentle,” I murmur, voice hoarse, “and fuck me already.”
Kieran arches a brow, like he’s taking it as a challenge. “Careful what you wish for.”
He pulls out just enough for me to let another shameless moan slip free, and then he moves—a hard, grinding thrust that has me dying for more.
Then another.
And another.
Again.
And again.
Every stroke sends a delicious ache spiralling through me, until I’m arching off the mattress, desperate to feel him deeper inside me.
“Don’t stop,” I choke out, nails digging into his back. “Fuck—please don’t stop.”
“Wasn’t planning on it,” he growls against my neck, lips dragging down, teeth grazing the sensitive spot as his pace quickens. One hand slides up and wraps around my throat—not tight, just enough to make my head spin with how much I need him.
It’s rough. It’s hot. It should never end.
Whatever he wants, he can have. I give it all.
I want him unleashed, undone, again and again.
When I finally lose it, a scream rips from my throat as I shatter beneath him, my body trembles, stars exploding behind my eyes.
But Kieran is nowhere near being done.
He slams into me, giving me the pleasure I didn’t know I need. I throw my head back against the pillows, chasing another climax so fast my head can’t catch up. I cry out, clenching hard around him.
That’s what undoes him.
Kieran growls, and curses slip from his mouth. He buries deep inside me, shattering as he trembles with release.
Our lips find each other again like they were cursed to do so. His fingers gently brush my cheek, and my heart dances at his touch—at everything about him.
Mother of the stars.
I love him.
I love him.
Fuck, I really love him.
“Gods,” Kieran murmurs against my lips, nipping it softly. “I missed you so bad. Those five days were horrible.”
“I missed you, too,” I reply, kissing him again sweetly. “Please don’t do that again.”
“Never,” he promises, fingers lacing with mine. A soft cold rush of magic ripples through us, binding us in an invisible bond.
I burst out laughing. “Did you just give me another one of those magical tattoos?”
“Yes.” Kieran chuckles. “A promise does mean something around here, you know … which is why I also need you to promise me not to hurt yourself again.”
I let out a soft breath. There’s no hesitation in my voice as I whisper, “I promise.” Then, I brush my thumb over that beautiful face, still covered in sweat, but I reach up to press a kiss on his cheek anyway. “You’re mine, Kieran.”
“Oh, proudly,” he teases, dragging his mouth down the side of my face. I tense as I feel him harden again inside me. “And you’re mine.”
In one smooth move, Kieran rolls us over so I’m straddling him, our bodies still connected. I gasp, startling as he thrusts up in painful, teasing strokes.
“And since I’m yours … you can do absolutely anything you want with me,” he whispers, his voice wrecked, hands squeezing tight on my thighs. “Anything at all.”
I swallow.
My thighs are sore. My body still aches.
But I move anyway.