29. chapter twenty nine
chapter twenty nine
smile at me like this is real
B oth Tristan and I are panting when we get into the elevator, with his handsresting on his hunched knees, and my back flush against the steel wall. I cast my eyes over to him as I sucked in some precious breaths, trying my hardest not to let what happened twenty minutes ago under that tree into my mind.
It was hard though. I’d been trying my best on the way to the hospital toconvince myself that it was just the breeze from the cab's crappy air ventilation that was hitting my lips, and not the everlasting feeling of nearly having his. I didn’t dare look at him either, apart from the times when his head would fall in his hands or he’d ask what I think happened for Finn to even be here.
It broke my heart how much his was breaking for Finn, his friend, our friend.
And if this were any other situation, if it wasn’t nearly as severe as we thought it was, I don’t think either of us would have left the cover of the tree, not even if the rain picked up and the park began to flood.
“C’mon,” Tristan said to me, as the elevator doors slowly glided open, painfully slow, like they were tormenting us with the unknown.
“Which room is he in?” I asked, both our heads bolting from right to left, tryingto make sense of the signs. “Which room, Tristan?” I rushed, earning back his stare, the delicate power they had before replaced by something darker.
He was panicking, but there was something else going on behind his eyes. Thisran deeper. It was obvious.
He shook his head, muttering curse words like that would help him remember,and to my surprise, a second later his head sprung back up. “Twelve Fourteen. It was twelve fourteen.”
We bolted our attention to the signs, and in an instant, I spotted the arrow that told us where he was. “This way,” I called over my shoulder, already in a run.
The dull blue glow that seeped into the hallways didn’t help the fact that theyall looked the same, the only difference being the medical staff doing their jobs and the numbers bolted onto the side of the rooms. I checked over my shoulder to find Tristan, right on my tail and still with just as much panic in his eyes.
He caught me staring after a second, and as he did, he gave me a smile that Iknew wasn’t real. But something told me he was doing it purely for me, to keep me calm. So I did the same to him.
Soon enough, we reached the hallway where we had a good idea Finn was, and when I scanned the hallway and saw Jesse and Cora hanging outside the room, my heart breathed a sigh of relief, and our sprints turned into jogs.
They clocked us as we neared them; their faces were both plagued with a type of sadness I wasn’t sure how to feel about. Quick as anything, Tristan rounded me and rushed out, “What happened? Is he okay? What the fuck happened?”
“Dude, he’s fine. It’s okay.” Jess placed his steady hands onTristan’s arms, hopefully settling him. “We were in the middle of practice, and Ryan thought it would be funny to charge at him and check him; Finn lost his balance, and Adamson ploughed into him because of it.”
“Fuck,” Tristan sighed, raking his hands through his hair andgripping the ends.
“Yeah,” Jess nodded. “He wouldn’t wake up for a solid minute, and…Jesus, I’ve never been so scared in my life.” Jess glanced at Cora, then at me, and then we all looked towards Tristan.
It was still there, that deep panic that I wasn’t sure if everyone else was pickingup on, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what it meant.
I turned back to Jesse and Cora. "Can we see him?"
Cora nodded toward the window of the hospital room, her dark bobswishing slightly as she glanced through the glass, then back at us. “We should be fine to go in now,” she said, her arms wrapping tightly around her waist. She must’ve caught the tension in my furrowed brows, and probably Tristan’s too.
“Rory’s in there with him,” she added quietly.
Tristan shifted uncomfortably beside me. "How did she get here sofast?"
Cora’s gaze dropped for a second before she glanced between thetwo of us. “She was already here, visiting her dad. He was rushed here earlier this afternoon. When I called, she said she’d find Finn for us.” She looked back through the window, and then, after a beat, her stare lifted to Jesse. “We haven’t been in yet.”
Her words hung heavy in the air, sinking into my chest. My heartcracked as I imagined Rory—already in a whirlwind of worry over her dad—only to be hit with the news that one of her friends was being rushed here too. It wasn’t fair. The person who always took the time to doodle little coffee notes for us didn’t deserve so much sadness piling onto her all at once.
Tristan nodded his chin at the pair. “Is it safe to go in now?”
Cora nodded. “I think so.”
I looked at Tristan, and he looked at me, and for whatever reason Inodded at him, silently telling him that whatever was going on in his head was okay.
Jesse pushed the door open for Tristan and me to glide in, where weimmediately found Rory, sitting on the chair beside Finn’s bed, their hands an inch away from one another. They pulled them back as quick as anything when they saw us, but the moment soon passed, as Tristan made headway for Finn.
Finn tilted his head, one that was covered in a whole-face bruisethat had coloured the left side of his face brown and blue. His eyes rolled at Tristan when he saw the look on his face. “It looks worse than it is, trust me.”
Tristan shook his head as he planted a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “Jesus, mate, I think I had a mini heart attack on the way here.”
Finn’s green eyes turned all dopey, his bottom lip pouting. “Well, it’snice to know you love me.”
Tristan laughed a painful laugh. “Don’t push it, Rhodes.”
I rolled my eyes, but my hand found Finn's arm, giving it a light squeeze. "How you feeling?”
He let out a breath, his grin softening. “Better,” he murmured, before his eyes cast around the room, counting us all. “Better now, actually.”
“Good,” I whispered back, feeling something warm settle in my chest.
Finn let his head fall back against the flat pillow behind his head, while we alllet out a chuckle. But when I looked around at all of us, gathered around Finn’s hospital bed, I realised…
“Has anyone told Daisy?”
Just as my eyes got wide and my heart rate spiked for the millionth time today,the door burst open, and a head of blond spiral curls came bounding into the room.
“Holy shit, I’m sorry I took so long. Are you okay? Jesus, Finn, what the hellhappened—”
“Dais, relax,” Finn sighed, nodding his head reassuringly at his sister. “I’mfine, I promise, just a small concussion—”
“ Just a small concussion?” She gasped, dumping her bag on the floor andfloating over to where Rory was sitting. “Are you crazy? I think I’ve just had three heart attacks, and that’s just in the elevator ride up here.”
Tristan huffed. “Join the club.”
We all sneaked a glance at him before our attention returned to the twins.
Daisy rapidly tucked her curls behind her ears, and she kneeled down. “DoesDad know?”
Finn’s eyes sank then, falling to his fingers that were pulling at each other, in atangle with the wires tracking his heart rate, before he softly shook his head.
Daisy grabbed his hand. “Finn, you have to tell him.”
“What’s the point, Dais?” He shrugged. “He won't remember me telling him anyway.” He hiked his eyes up to all of us, scanning the room, before putting all his focus on his twitchy fingers. “It’s gonna be bad enough dealing with him over Thanksgiving, so just…” His eyes moved to Daisy. “Just keep this between us, okay?”
Without a second passing, Daisy nodded, before grabbing Finn’s hands andstraightening her knees so she was fully standing beside his bed.
“And that goes for all of you,” Finn warned playfully. “Although I’m prettysure half the school knows by now.”
I nodded at Finn. “You know we won’t say anything,” I looked around at myfriends. “Will we guys?” I prompted, before all of them mumbled a yes, but Rory’s was the quietest.
I hadn’t ignored the way she couldn’t keep her eyes away from Finn, tracingthe bruises on his face like doing so would magic them away. A part of me felt guilty for watching her when she caught me staring, causing her to plaster that classic Rory smile on her face and pretend that she was suddenly interested in the pattern of her dress.
She hadn’t been shy about telling us how she liked Finn, even after he blankedher when she asked him out, she didn’t hide how she was still taken aback by him. I just hoped that one of them would gain some sense, that Finn would realise what a sweetheart Rory is, or Rory would realise that she doesn’t deserve a one-way street kind of love.
But if the way they dragged their hands away from each other when we walkedin the room said anything, it was that part of that wish was slowly coming true.
The room fell into a soft silence after that, until Finn looked at us one by oneand laughed. “Right guys, I’m not dead; I’m fine. Let’s just... let's talk about something else.” He looked over at Cora. “What’re you doin’ for Thanksgiving, Cor?”
Cora shuffled, before shrugging. “I was supposed to be visiting my sister out inMontauk, but she went into an early labour, and now that the baby’s here she just wants to settle.” She tucked a midnight strand behind her ear, as she leaned her back against the wall. “So, Rory invited me out to her house for the week.”
Rory tried to smile, but I could see the effort it took, the way thecorners of her mouth struggled to lift. It was small, barely there, but she was trying. I couldn’t stop replaying what Cora had told us before we walked in—how Rory had been here already, visiting her dad, before she got the call about Finn.
She shook her head lightly, her curls spilling past her face, hidingthe weight behind her eyes as she forced the smile again, just a little brighter this time. “Yeah… it’ll be… nice.”
Cora nodded, her own smile softening, eyes full of understanding."It will be, Ror."
Rory’s gaze flicked to the floor, the fragile smile still clinging to herlips, but the sadness lingered, barely masked beneath the brave face she was wearing for all of us.
And I didn’t miss the way Finn didn’t take his eyes off Rory theentire time she was talking.
Cora nodded her chin at the twins. “What about you two?”
Daisy sighed. “We’re flying home for a few days, and hopefully itwon't be too unbearable.” She tapped Finn’s shoulder. “At least he actually asked us home.”
Finn nodded. “Yeah, it’ll be fine. Grandpa's there anyway so…”
I caught Daisy’s eyes before she smiled at me, a hint of sadnessswimming between the golden tones that lived in them.
Finn and Daisy hadn’t spoken much about their home life, but duringthe first couple of weeks, I was able to get bits and pieces out of Daisy. She told me that they were a pretty normal family up until their mom passed away when they were twelve, and she told me that her Dad spiralled, finding his cure for his loss at the bottom of several liquor bottles every night.
I knew that she talked about this kind of stuff a lot more with Rorythan the rest of us, considering Rory also lost her mom when she was barely thirteen. They helped each other on the hard days, and Cora and I were there as shoulders to lean on.
Jesse cleared his throat, resting his hands on the end of Finn’s bed. “And I’ll only be next door if you both need anything.”
Finn sent a smile Jess’s way, while Daisy dropped his gaze, toonervous to meet it.
“Gold’s, what about you?” Jesse asked.
I stood taller as I smiled. “I’m heading out to Montana for the firsttime ever to see my parents' new house. I'm on the opposite side of the state to you guys, which is a shame but... it's still nice knowing that you're close." I dished them all a smile. "My sister and her boyfriend are coming, and I haven’t seen them in ages so I can’t wait to catch up.”
Cora's eyes went dreamy as she sighed, “God, I love it when Nate comes into Flo’s; he’s so charming.”
I shot her a teasing glare. “And he’s so taken, you tart.”
She blew a middle finger kiss my way, and Rory shuffled in her seat, a little grin tugging at her lips. “I do love Nate, but oh my God, you should see it when Jacob comes in. Him and Flo... dear lord, they make me believe in true love.”
Jesse, waving his hands dramatically, interrupted, “Wait, wait, who are we talking about?”
I cocked my head, finally noticing the graphic t-shirt he was wearing. “You’ve seen Defenders of Time, right?”
His grin widened, lighting up his whole face, that big infectious smile of his pulling everyone in. “Duh, what do you think? The soundtrack is an eighties lover's dream,” he said, tugging proudly at his shirt.
I shrugged casually. “Half the cast is who we’re talking about.”
Jesse’s eyes went wide, almost cartoonishly so. “Wait, you mean… when you guys have been talking about Nate and Jacob, you’re talking about Nate Patricks and Jacob Emerson?”
Rory, Cora, and I all nodded in unison.
Finn, who had been quietly lounging in bed, suddenly sat up straighter, his jaw nearly dropping. “Holy shit, and the redhead in those movies… Adaline…”
“Moore,” I filled in before they could scramble to remember. “She’s my sister.”
The room collectively gasped, and I turned toward Tristan. He didn’t look surprised—he’d already heard all about our weird family tree. But the smile on his face right then... something about it felt different. More personal. Like it wasn’t just for show, but for me.
Jesse’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “How the hell do you know these people?”
I sighed with a small smile. “It’s a long story.”
But even as I said it, my mind lingered on that smile from Tristan, the warmth it stirred in my chest. I had to remind myself that none of this—his smile, the warmth—wasn't real. This whole thing was just an act.
We keep it up in front of them. It's easier that way.
Daisy cleared her throat. “Wait, Tristan, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”
Every head turned to him, waiting for his response. He scanned the room with that calm, laid-back demeanor of his, then shrugged. “I was just gonna stay here… work on some music.”
Without thinking, the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. “Why don’t you come home with me?”
Immediately, a chorus of “Ooo’s” erupted around the room, playful and teasing. I could feel my cheeks warming as I rolled my eyes, trying to play it off. “Oh, grow up, you fourth graders.”
The giggles intensified, but I kept my focus on Tristan. He let out a soft laugh, a huff of air through his nose as the corners of his mouth twitched, almost forming a smile. “Yeah… yeah, that sounds nice.”
His words were so simple, but the way they settled in the air, the way his eyes softened when he looked at me—it made my heart skip, just for a second. I told myself it was just the teasing from everyone else, that fuzzy feeling stirring inside me. But when he said yes, it felt like more than a casual offer.
It wasn’t supposed to feel like this. None of this was real. But for a fleeting moment, it almost felt like it was.
It sure felt like it was outside the rink the other week, when both of us refused to be the first ones to let go out our locked hands.
As I smiled back him, ignoring the dopey and lovesick smilesfrom my friends from the corner of the room, the door to the room opened, a man in a white doctors coat strolling in a second later.
“Oh,” He said, clearly not expecting us all to be in here. “As lovely asit is to see such support for you, Finn, visiting hours are ending, but if anyone’s family, they’re more than welcome to stay.”
We looked over at Finn, before Daisy cleared her throat. “I think I’m gonnastay for a while, but I’ll see you guys later.” She nodded at us.
My feet took me around Finn’s bed and reached my arms around Daisy. “I’llpick you up some food and have it ready for when you get back.”
“Thank you,” she sighed into my hair, before pulling away and letting that softsmile brighten the room.
One by one, we all said bye to Finn, Rory being the last to.
We all paced our way back towards the elevators, but only Jesse,Cora and Rory fit in the first one, leaving me and Tristan alone in the hallway while we waited for the next one.
We hadn’t really spoken since we left the park, and with the way Isaw him look before I had thousands of questions I wanted to ask him, but not a clue which one to start with first.
But he beat me to it, turning to me and shaking his head.
Tristan’s smile wavered, and I could see the walls he’d put up over the years flicker behind his eyes. “You didn’t have to do that before, but I appreciate it.”
I tilted my head, confused. “Do what?”
“Invite me to stay with you for Thanksgiving. I didn’t mind everyone knowing I was gonna be Billy No Mates for the week while you’re all gone.”
I shook my head, stepping closer to him. “Tristan, I wasn’t just saying that. I meant it.”
His eyes widened slightly, like he wasn’t sure how to take it. “Goldie—”
“I’m serious,” I cut him off gently, my voice lowering. “I mean it even more now that I know you were just going to be in the dorms by yourself.” I shuffled even closer, until I was standing right in front of him, my gaze locked with his. “You can’t spend your first Thanksgiving alone.”
His hesitation was written all over his face, like he didn’t want to burden me or maybe didn’t want to let himself accept the offer. Before he could say something to brush it off, I pressed on. “It’ll be nice, quiet, in the middle of nowhere Montana, with the mountains and the trees…” His lips twitched, and I could see his smile creeping back, which gave me the push to keep going. “And my sister Addy will be there, with her boyfriend, so it won’t be totally awkward.”
Tristan let out a soft chuckle, his eyes softening as they locked on mine. For a moment, it felt like the rest of the world had fallen away, and all that was left was the two of us.
His smile, that look—it was the same one he’d given me in a room full of our friends. But now, with no one around to watch, to play along, it was harder to convince myself that it was still part of the act. If this was all just a game to him, why wasn’t his smile smaller, more forced? Why wasn’t it that shallow, charming grin I’d seen him use on strangers?
No, this smile felt real. Too real. It was the same smile he’d given me under that tree, when we were surrounded by people who thought we were something we weren’t. The same one he’d shown me when he didn’t have to. But here, in this empty hallway, with no audience to perform for, it felt like there was more behind it. More honesty, more weight.
And that thought terrified me.
Why was he looking at me like that—like I was more than just a part of the cover, like I was something real to him when he was leaving soon?
Tristan tilted his head. “Do they know about us?”
Us. That held so many different versions of us now.
Us when we were pretending to be real.
Us when don’t care about the outside world, almost kissing inbroad daylight.
Us when we were with our friends, and we had no idea which versionof ‘us’ we were supposed to be in that moment.
I knew which one I wanted to be, but that was an ‘us’ that was never going tohappen.
Or so I thought, until I traced that smile again.
One of my shoulders lifted as I shook my head. “Addy does, but shewon’t pry, she’s not the type to.”
“And you’re parents?”
“They’ll be fine. I promise.” As I stepped forward, our hands brushed, and neither of us pulled away. The warmth of the contact lingered between us, and I couldn’t help but try to erase the hesitation still clouding his eyes.
“You’ve done a lot for me, Tristan,” I said softly, my voice steady though my heart was anything but. “Let me return the favour.”
His gaze dropped to where our hands touched, then slowly back up to meet mine. There was a flicker of something—something raw, something real that I wasn’t ready to name
For a moment, I thought he’d protest, insist that he didn’t need anyone, didn’t need me. But instead, he nodded, the tension in his shoulders softening just slightly as he whispered, “Okay.”