31. chapter thirty one
chapter thirty one
nate patricks is in his debut era
I ’d heard so many good things about Montana.
Most of the things from the books I’d read, how the characterswould talk about the charming small towns and the ranchers who could make you fall in love with them with a simple tip of their hats. But the only thing my mind wandered to in the lead-up to today was the scenery, the mountain air, the fog across the meadows in the mornings, and the wildlife that I wouldn’t have ever seen if my parents had stayed in California.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved living so close to the ocean. I loved being able to wake up extra early and follow the path from the sun terrace all the way down to the shoreline to watch the sunrise. Most of the time, though, I was lucky if I could catch the sunset before it disappeared under the waves, the late nights and early morning call times dragging me to bed and away from what I wanted to spend my time doing.
But as I rolled down the window in the car that Addy had organised for us atthe airport, I sucked in as much fresh air as I could, as my eyes followed the fir trees and skimmed the glistening lake that lay behind them. My head was practically out the window, enough that I caught a glimpse of Addy in her wing mirror, smiling at me.
I stuck my tongue out at her, and then immediately regretted my decision assomething flew right onto it. I made as many weird and disgusted noises as I could as I tried to swipe at my tongue, before pulling my head back into the car, but not without hitting the back of my head against the car.
“Ow, Jesus.” I groaned, a hint of a giggle weaving between the words.
Nate craned his head around from the front seat, eyeing me. “You okay, Goldie?” He nods at me, tipping his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose.
“Me? Yeah, absolutely fine.” I mock, scraping my tongue with the sleeve of mycardigan. “Just enjoying some of the local,” I clear my throat. “Cuisine.”
Nate huffs a laugh as he looks at me before shuffling around and fluffing outthe map in his hands. “Okay, it should be the next right after the bend.”
I make my last weird noise, trying to get the memory of what just happened outof my mind before I grip the back of Addy’s seat and lean over Nate’s. “What’s with the map, Grandpa?”
Nate let go of the map and flicked my nose. “Hey!” I giggled before fallingback into my seat.
“Your dad said the road that leads to the house isn’t on the digital maps yet, andthat the only way he can tell people to navigate is to get an old, physical map.” He turns around to face me, and all it takes is for me to narrow my eyes at him for him to sigh and turn to face the dashboard. “It’s my map. I wanted to use the map.”
I threw my head back as a laugh escaped me, wrapping my arms around mystomach to ease the pain.
“Hey, isn’t a guy allowed to take up a new hobby?” He exclaimed.“I’ve got eight months off before my next project, I needed something to do.”
My smile ached it was that wide. “And the first thing you thought ofwas maps?”
I could practically see his hands twitching, itching to flip me off. But he’d never do that, he’s the type of guy to feel guilty for daysjust because he bumped into you. And that was why I was so happy that he was back in Addy’s life. In my life.
After narrowing his eyes at me, he shifted his attention to Addy.“You don’t think this is stupid, do you?”
I peeked my eyes open enough to find Addy side-eye me in therearview mirror, her eyes telling me that she wanted to laugh just as much as I had. Nate clocked onto where she was looking, before nodding to himself, like he’d finally had enough of our antics.
Said antics started on the plane.
Addy turned around in her bed and asked me if I could hear oldTaylor Swift songs coming from someone’s headphones, and when I strained my ears, I could hear the signature guitar of classic country Taylor coming from somewhere. All it took was for me to peer into Nate's bed, suppress my laughter at seeing him tucked in with the eye mask and everything, and lean down to hear what was coming from his headphones to confirm that it was him who was listening to the entirety of the debut album.
“Is this what it’s going to be like all week? You two ganging up onme?” Nate huffed, folding his map angrily before stuffing it into the glove compartment. Me and Addy carried on cackling like hyenas. “You’ve got no idea what you're getting yourself into with that one, Tristan.”
Before I could peek my eyes open, I heard Tristan sigh next to me.“I think I’m starting to.”
I turned my head to face him, tracing the quiet smile that gracedhis face and trying to guess what was running through his mind.
I couldn’t help but smile right back at him, enjoying seeing him outside of therainy New York scene and in the sunshine and snow for a change. And if I looked closely, the pain that had set in his eyes ever since that night after the hospital had faded, like it had each day after.
“Yeah, well,” Nate started, folding away his statewide map. “There’s fireunder that sweet smile; don’t trust it.” The sarcastic smile he shone on me only made that fire he was talking about begin to spit embers.
“Oh dear, Add’s, I think he’s getting stressed again.” His brows furrowed asmine and Addy’s snorts mingled, before I leaned forward and messed around with the car’s music system. “But don’t worry,” I fell back into my seat as I waited for the music to spill out of the speakers. “I’m sure this will help.”
Before Nate could so much as ask what was happening, the nostalgic violinchords from ‘Our Song’ began to blast through the car, weaving between mine and Addy’s cackles.
“I hate you both,” Nate said as he folded his arms over his chest, asthe biggest smile broke free on his mouth.
Addy and I both knew that was a lie, which was why we rolled downevery window of the car, not caring about the snowfall or the iciness of the breeze, and when the iconic first line played, we didn’t hold back as we sang along.
All four of us were singing by the chorus, and I had to take a minuteto just smile, and take in all the beauty that was around me.
I throw my body in a circle when Addy stops the car, as though I’d neverknown what it felt like for snow to crunch under my shoes. Which I hadn’t, come to think of it, unless I counted the fake snow that smelt like chemicals that they’d use on the sets for the Christmas specials.
But seeing the white flakes flatten under my steps was a new feelingentirely. One that I hadn’t anticipated being so emotional.
I was nervous—more than giddy, I suppose—but stretching my arms out to myside and spinning under the snowfall was the only way to hide that. I stop just before the dizziness reaches my head and I lose my balance, and instead, I let my eyes rake over the house before me.
It seemed everyone was doing the same, even Tristan; staring up at themansion-like ski chalet, covered in thick snow and bursting with bright orange light from the log fires inside. I’d never seen anything like it before, and for a moment I questioned whether we’d driven to the right place.
It didn’t make any sort of sense. My parents and this house just didn’t exist inthe same place. They couldn’t. There was no sun terrace for mom, and there was no west wing for dad to hide away in. There were no ocean sounds just seconds away, and the whole stretch of the sky was as white as the ground beneath us.
I suppose they meant it when they said they wanted to change, becausethis was definitely a change.
Right then, I let my gaze drop, landing directly on Tristan, who was staring upat the house with a certain type of wonderment written across his face, as though the house was the best thing he’d ever seen. The kind I’d seen him wear during the Lions games, or when he peered down at me when we were playing guitar. But before I could sneak up on him, or let the memory of what I’d felt that day send a fresh wave of shivers up my spine, his body turned, and in a flash, his eyes landed on me.
And as our eyes roamed one another, I had to question whether the house wasthe best thing he’d ever seen, from the way the brown that lived in them sparkled, as his effortless smile pulled higher.
The snow under his boots crunched as he made his way over to me, his handspulling at the leather sleeves of his jacket.
“Hey.” I chirped, the tone hopefully throwing him off the scent of how nervoushe was making me. Which wasn’t a new thing; Tristan had always made me feel a bit sheepish. Ever since I first set eyes on him.
But since that night in his dorm after the hospital, since the kiss, there was a fresh bundle of them blooming in my bones every time he looked at me.
His brown eyes fell to the snow beneath our feet before he met mine again.“Are you absolutely sure that it’s okay that I’m here?”
I titled my head at him, my fingers finding his hand and lacing them. “Yes. I’msure. And didn’t you say that even your mom and dad thought it was a nice idea too?”
He nodded, sucking in his smile.
“Well, then, enjoy it. Your first Thanksgiving.” I buzzed, earning back hissmile.
He peeked a glance at Addy and Nate, who were dealing with the luggage,before looking back at me. “Do they know about… us? The truth?”
I peeked at my sister and Nate before shaking my head. “No, Flo told Addyabout you, about the day we came in together, and, well, they think it’s real.”
His breath hit the icy parts of my face as he breathed, “Okay.”
I felt the question dance on the tip of my tongue, practically begging me to letthe words out and ask him if this thing between us was real, or whether it could be. If I’m honest, I wasn’t entirely sure what parts of us were purely for show anymore. We agreed to make it clear to the world that our hearts had tripped and tumbled into one another’s hands, but what did it mean if we were doing that without anybody to see?
What did it mean that we kissed and not one second of it was forthe benefit of anyone but ourselves?
There was no gaggle of girls to fight off for Tristan. And I was warming to the idea that the longer we were doing this, the more I trusted myself, trusted it enough to know how to do this on my own.
Ready for the day he leaves.
That night of the Lions game, when I came with Henry, he told mehis plans had changed. I hadn’t found the time to ask him what that meant after I tried to ask him that day under the tree, but part of me hoped, daydreamed, that it meant that I wouldn’t have to find a way to fall out of love with him.
Because I tried. I really tried to sever whatever tie was around us.But whatever effort I’d made went out the window the second I settled against his chest, and he held my hands on the guitar.
And the second my lips fell onto his, that tie became welded.
Tristan nodded down at me, his eyes dipping to the snow before gazing back atme. He sent a squeeze through our locked hands as his lips popped open. “Come on.” He said, nodding his head to the house, softly tugging me in his footsteps until we reached Addy and Nate.
We jogged over to the car and grabbed our bags, lugging them the best wecould through the snow until we reached the porch, lit by lanterns that hung above us. The front door, which was carved with intricate drawings of the wildlife that resided here, opened before any of us could pull on the knocker, and in seconds the warm light from inside the house flooded the porch.
“Oh, you guys made it!” Mom beamed as she opened her arms and came forme first, wrapping her chunky sweater-covered arms around me, and I did the same. As I inhaled as she hugged me, I realised she didn’t smell like tanning oil and salt air anymore, instead, she smelled like something homemade that had been made with every autumnal spice she could find.
I smiled as she pulled away from me, her auburn curls gliding back over herarms. ‘Mom, this place is… how did you find this place?”
She giggled as she ran a hand through my braid, playing the tuft of hair at theend of it. “It found us, I think, honey.”
I smiled up at her, before the commotion of happy greetings burst through themoment. I turned around to see my Dad and Nate shaking hands, before he pulled him in for a hug and clapped him on the back. I looked over at Addy and smiled, so beyond happy that things between them, between all of us, were finally looking better.
My dad caught a glimpse of me as he leaned over Nate, breaking free fromtheir embrace when he saw me, and scrambling over like I was about to disappear.
“Marigold,” he sighed, as he wrapped his arms around me. “How ya doing,kiddo?”
I blinked as I embraced my dad, trying to remember if he’d ever called mekiddo in my life. I decided, though, that trying to remember the person he was was only going to take away from the person he was trying to become. So I smiled and said, “I’m doing good, Dad. Thank you.”
He ran his hand up and down my back a few times, before letting me go anddropping his warm hands onto my shoulders. But right then his smile faded into a sad one. “Oh, where’s your locket, Goldie?”
My locket?
My locket.
My soul slipped from its holding place, my face dropped, and my eyes heldmy dad’s so intently that I’m sure he could read every word racing through my mind.
I’d tried my best to forget what happened that night, the bad parts of it anyway,and losing the necklace was just one of those moments. The grief I felt after it happened was horrible; regardless of how long the dainty thing had lived around my neck, it was what it meant to me, what it meant for me, why I was so stricken down by it.
But up until now, I’d forgotten all about it, and what felt like the guilt that hadstrangled me the nights after it happened began to tighten its grip around my throat.
I flashed my eyes to my mom, then back to dad, before clearing my throat.
“Oh, I… um—”
“It’s here, Gold’s,” Tristan called from behind me, pulling a satinchain from deep within his jacket, the gold heart glistening as he lifted it to the light. “You gave it to me when we went through security, at the airport?” Tristan eyed me, telling me to go along with whatever he was saying.
I shook my head, before stepping forward and grabbing the locket from hishands. “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
I barely had any time to look down at my missing locket before allthe attention fell onto him.
My dad nodded his chin at him. “You must be Tristan.”
Tristan nodded, strands of his hair falling over his forehead. “Yes, sir. Thank you so much for letting me bombard your holiday—”
“Oh, enough of that, son,” Dad chuckled. “When Goldie told me you’d bestuck in those dorms on your first Thanksgiving, we couldn’t say no. Didn’t want to, either.”
I watched as Tristan smiled up at my dad before running a hand through hishair. “I really appreciate it.”
Addy cleared her throat. “Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’mfreezing, so let’s get in before we get stuck out here.”
Everyone shuffled into the grand hallway then, the warmth from the firethawing out my cold cheeks. But once everyone was inside, I closed the door, only letting a slither of light sneak out, leaving me and Tristan out on the porch.
I sucked in a breath, deep enough for the amount of questions that had stackedup on my tongue the second he handed me the locket, but before I could even ask him to explain, his mouth fell open.
“I got a call from the police department the other day, and they told me that theguys who attacked you got arrested for something more… serious.” My head pulled back. “And when they were searching their apartment, they found the locket, and whoever found it must have remembered that we’d reported it as stolen, so I went down there to get it back.” He shrugged, like all of this was nothing. “I meant to give it to you before dinner, but your dad beat me to it.”
“Tristan.” I sighed, reaching up to cup his chin—
“Come on, Golds, otherwise we will freeze out here.” He chuckled,but my hand was now in his after he’d caught it and locked our fingers.
I didn’t know what to call it, but I knew it was something.
Whatever it was made a part of my heart chip when he pulled myhand away, and all I knew was that I didn’t like the way he did that, didn’t like the questions that sat behind what he’d done with my locket, only for him to retreat in a way he never had before.
“Yeah,” I sighed, as the pads of my fingers embedded into the carvings on thelocket dangling through my hands. “Let's go.”