Chapter 23 #2
“Yes,” I say without thinking, and the next thing I know, Cedrick’s mouth is on mine, and every thought I’ve ever had is wiped away with the swipe of his tongue across my lips.
He tastes faintly of lime and beer as he enters my mouth, and I gasp breathlessly when he reaches up and wraps his long fingers around the back of my head to pin me in place as he devours my mouth.
His tongue is wet and soft but demanding as it plunders my mouth, seeking solace inside me, and I open wide, unsure what to do as he takes control over me and does what he wants—but he doesn’t seem to mind my lack of response other than mewls and moans because that seems to be all I’m capable of doing.
A throat clearing jars me, and I jerk back, eyes shooting open wide.
Cedrick pins me in place with his teeth attached to my bottom lip, which he slowly releases as he pulls away.
My groin is hot—and only grows hotter the slower he moves—but eventually, we’re separated, and I’m left with an aching erection and a thundering heart.
“Don’t fucking do that again,” Cedrick says, still not taking his eyes off me, and for a moment I think he’s talking to me, but then, Kane responds.
“Mads asked me to get him out of here by eleven, and you have been making out for five minutes.”
“And?” Cedrick drawls. “He’s a big boy.”
“That’s not what—”
“I don’t give a fuck—”
“Okayyy… that’s enough of that.” I ease my way into the conversation by taking a step back from Cedrick and taking one step closer to Kane.
“He’s right, Ce—uh, he’s, uh, right. I need to go home.
For class. Tomorrow. Thank you. For tonight.
” I flush hotly. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
” And with only a quick glance at Cedrick’s bright, dark green eyes reflecting the lights of the club, I turn my back to him and walk out with Kane before I can change my mind and stay the night with my stalker.
Because that would be a bad idea…
Wouldn’t it?
It definitely would…
I think.
The ride back to the house is tense, but I don’t mind it much because my mind is swirling with what happened between Cedrick and me.
We danced, and I… I kissed him. Or, well, he kissed me. And it was truly something else.
It… it felt different than it did at Mayhem.
Mayhem was…
It was two pieces of us that we had hidden away come together, and tonight was the other halves finally meeting into a whole.
It sounds crazy, I know it does, but Cedrick… I really like him.
I know he’s crazy and has gone about knowing me in an insane way, but I don’t think I could’ve known him any other way. I couldn’t have let myself. Not with the way I was raised, I don’t think.
It was beaten into me over and over: Men don’t lie with men. It’s a sin.
And when Static made that choice for me, he made me see that there is no sin in what you desire because how could God create someone like me, if that’s not what he wanted?
If he didn’t want me to like men, then why do I?
Does God have that power to choose, or do we?
And if that’s the question, then does God even exist? Is there even a higher power?
My thoughts swirl at a million miles a minute as Kane takes us back to the house, and it’s not until we’re parked in front of it and he’s tapping my arm that I realize we’ve stopped.
“You look like you’re a million miles away right now.”
“Yeah,” I answer, still kind of dazed.
“You all right? He didn’t hurt you or anything, did he?” Kane asks, and I kind of want to cry. I got so lucky moving here, finding these people.
I couldn’t have asked for a better life, even if the people who created me believe I’m throwing it all away.
“No,” I rasp. “No,” I repeat again with more oomph. “I promise I’m good. Just… having a bit of an existential crises, I think.”
“About?” Kane asks, dark brow lifted in the shadows of the car.
“Religion.”
It’s quiet for a beat. “Oh.”
I huff a humorless laugh. “Yeah.”
“Do you wanna talk about it? I’m gonna be honest with you, I really don’t know a lot about religious stuff. I didn’t grow up like that and never really got into it, but you can talk to me, and I’ll listen.”
“I know… thanks. It’s not really anything. More so just… Does God make gay people, or is being gay a sin?”
Kane blinks, then bursts into laughter for a solid minute before it slowly dies down. “Woah, dude. Holy shit. You just went super deep there.”
I smile sheepishly and tug on my fingers. “I know. Sorry. Forget I—”
“No. I don’t think being gay is a sin. And I don’t believe in any god. Just my personal opinion. I can see that you do, so I’m sorry, but that’s something I can’t answer for you. But how can loving anyone in any capacity ever be wrong?”
His words are spoken so softly into the air between us that I lose the ability to breathe. My nose prickles with the onslaught of tears, and I choke on them as they burn their way out of my eyes.
“Oh, man. Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Kane pats my shoulder to try to comfort me, and I’m mortified that the guy I had a crush on when I first moved in is seeing me cry like this, but it’s good, too, because I don’t feel that way anymore. And I haven’t for quite a while.
The only boy that’s been on my mind has been Static… Cedrick. And I don’t want that to change.
Me:
Were you jealous?
I send the text the next night before I can think twice about it.
I’ve been thinking about Cedrick’s reaction to Kane all day today, so much so I could barely focus in class, and I just need to know.
It’s nearly nine by the time I get around to it, and I bet Cedrick is working, so I don’t expect a response.
I waste time doing what little homework I can and cleaning up my room, making a show of it, if I’m being honest. I even skip dinner because I don’t want him to miss a thing.
But eventually, midnight rolls around and exhaustion settles heavily in my bones, and I fall against my pillows face first and let the darkness take me.
Buzz buzz.
Buzz buzz.
“Hmm?” I mutter, lifting my head slightly.
Buzz buzz.
Buzz buzz.
I reach out for my phone that’s across my bed and smile groggily when I see Cedrick’s name on the screen.
“Mmm, ‘ello.”
He chuckles, and it makes me shiver. “You sound tired, darlin’.”
“I am. You woke me.”
“Sorry. You want me to talk to you later?”
“No!” I rush out. “Talk to me now.” I’m pouting, but I don’t care. “Missed you.”
“Ohh, someone’s gonna regret this call when they wake up.”
“M’awake right now.”
“Sure you are, treat.”
“What’re you doin’?”
“Just got off of work and wanted to hear your voice.”
“Mmm, that’s so sweet. You’re so sweet,” I mumble into the line, burying my face into the warm pillow.
“What was that, darlin’? You’re mumblin’.”
“I said, you’re sweet.” He laughs again, and I think I can hear wind whipping in the receiver. “Where’re you?”
“I’m at Mayhem. I’ve stepped outside to talk to you.” There’s an inhale, like he’s smoking a cigarette or something, but I don’t want to ask. I don’t think I care enough.
“Scare anyone to death tonight?” I ask, heart clenching when thoughts of him touching someone the way he touched me rise to the surface. It actually makes my sleepy eyes pop open, and I force myself to sit up and run my fingers through my hair.
I drop my head into my hands with a sigh.
“Nope, haven’t managed that one yet.”
“That’s good.”
“What happened? You got weird.”
“Didn’t.”
“Your breathing changed.”
“Oh, so you can tell how I am by my breathing?”
“Yes, darlin’. What happened?”
“It’s too early… or too late to talk about this,” I mutter, scrunching my eyes shut and rubbing the sleep from them.
“Madison.” He says my name like a demand, and I’m enchanted to answer to it.
“Yes.”
“Tell me.”
I blow my breath out in a punch, as well as the words. “I don’t like thinking about you touching other people the way you touched me at Mayhem, okay? So, I’d rather just not talk about it.”
It’s quiet for three beats of my heart.
And then, Cedrick says, “Oh, my treat. You have no idea, do you?”
“No idea about what?” I snap, feeling vulnerable and irritated about it.
“You’re the only one.”
My heart stops. “What?”