Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Since Me
Cedrick
How can my little treat possibly not know by now?
“You’re the only one.”
There’s a sharp intake of breath, followed by a long pause. “What?”
I take a drag of my cigarette, needing the pull of nicotine for this conversation, “Madison… you’re the only one I’ve ever touched that way at Mayhem…
I know it says in the contract, but I’ve never felt the desire, nor have I ever wanted to do that with anyone there before.
” Swallowing the lump in my throat, I continue on.
“It wasn’t just a first for you, my treat.”
“It-it wasn’t?”
“No.” Another inhale, this one deep enough to burn my lungs.
“Are you smoking?” Madison asks, and I startle.
“Uh…”
“Cedrick.”
“Yes?” I phrase it like a question, unsure about his tone.
“That’s so bad for you!” he chastises me, and I snort.
“That ain’t no shit, darlin’.”
He huffs. “Then why are you doing it?”
“Vices, darlin’. Vices.”
“That’s just an excuse,” he argues, and I feel a smile tug my painted lips.
“That it is.”
Silence descends between us, and I’m grateful for Madison’s avoidance of conversation. Whether he meant to or not, I wasn’t ready to talk about it, but I also said I would never lie to him…
You win some, you lose some, I suppose.
“So, work was good?” Madison asks, sounding far more awake than he did a few minutes ago.
“Yes. Always is.”
“You love your job, don’t you?” he asks softly.
“Ya. Never done anythin’ that felt so right before. I got lucky.”
“So, scaring the piss out of people feels right to you?” he deadpans, and I lift a brow, even though he can’t see it.
“Darlin’…” I drawl before inhaling the last bit of my cigarette, then flick the butt across the gravel parking lot. “I think you know how much I love the smell of piss.”
“Oh,” he squeaks. “Right. I…”
“Yeah, treat. I remember.”
“No-I-I know, I just…”
“I know.”
“Feels like-like another life.”
I inhale deeply and stare up at the crystal-clear sky. The stars are out and bright tonight. I find the big dipper easily and trace each star back and forth as I listen to Madison breathing in my ear.
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Just so much has changed in such little time.”
“Mmm.”
“You don’t agree?” he asks timidly.
I shake my head and drag my fingers through my hair, tugging it away from my sweat-dried face. “It’s not that I don’t agree. I just feel a bit different, is all.”
“How do you mean?”
I chuckle darkly as I lean back against the building, the paint peeling off in flakes around my feet. “I’ve always been a do first, think later typa person. But I know you’re the exact opposite of that.”
“I…” I hear his swallow. “I am.” He sounds confused, poor thing.
“So, we think about things differently, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see your point of view.”
There’s a pause, and then, “You know, you’re very reasonable for a stalker.”
I bark out a laugh at his whit. “Thanks, darlin’. I try to be.”
The creak of the back door opening pulls me from my moment with my treat. I lean forward to meet Booker’s gaze. “Yo, Ricky, you gonna come join us at some point?” he asks loudly.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Tell them you’ll fuck ‘em later!”
“Oh!” Madison squeaks, and my eyes narrow as Booker snickers and dips back inside, his stitched-up tuxedo still in place.
“Ignore him. They’re all rude fucks,” I speak into the line.
“No, it’s okay. You get back to… whatever it is you were doing…” he trails off, and I reach up to trace my bare neck. It still feels strange to perform without my collar, but I love knowing that it’s sitting on Madison’s shelf.
“Can you see it?” I ask him.
“See what?”
“My collar.”
“Oh. Uh, um. Y-yes.”
“Good. Put it on.”
“W-what?”
“You heard me, darlin’. Put. It. On.” I tuck my phone against my shoulder and blow out a steady breath into the receiver. “I’m waiting.”
“Okay, okay.” Madison’s breathing has picked up considerably. I hear static over the line, and then, it’s muffled as he drops the phone onto the bed, I’m assuming. Footsteps thud far away, then draw closer. He swipes the phone back up, and I smile when his breathing is close again.
“Did you do it?” I ask.
“Yes.” His voice is small and meek. Nervous.
“Good boy.” And I just know he shudders. “Send me a picture.”
The sight of Madison Payne wearing my collar will never not make my mind blank out and my cock impossibly hard. Without thinking about it, I hit the camera button and watch the phone ring for a video call—a line we haven’t crossed yet.
It rings for a few long moments, but then, it says connecting, and my heart thuds heavily.
“My treat,” I breathe when Madison’s face fills my screen, collar wrapped so beautifully around his neck, and I nearly choke from how perfect he looks.
“Oh,” he squeaks, and my brows bunch at his reaction—until I catch my own mirrored image and realize I’m Static. I forgot.
“Is this too much for you?” I ask him, finger tracing one of the spikes in my lip.
“N-no. No, it’s… it’s okay. It’s still you. Just… wasn’t expecting it, I guess.”
“If it’s too much…”
“Cedrick, it’s fine.”
“Hmm,” I hum. “I’m not used to people calling me Cedrick when I look like this.”
“You’re still him, aren’t you?” he asks, seemingly genuinely curious.
“I am… but when I’m him, I also become someone else. Static is… he’s this part of me, and Mayhem is my release.”
Madison smiles softly. “You need it.”
I swallow thickly. “I do.”
“I get it.”
“Do you?”
He pauses like he’s really thinking about it. “Well, not entirely, but I think I understand what you mean. I… um.” He bites his bottom lip. “I’m trying to understand.”
And that right there…
That’s the moment I know I love Madison.
It hits me like a punch in the gut.
I suck in a breath so sharp, it’s painful, and I nearly drop my phone.
“Cedrick, are you okay? What happened?” I hear Madison’s worried voice over the line, and all I can do is focus on it while I breathe through the pain of the reality of loving someone.
Fuck.
This can’t be happening.
I never wanted…
I just needed…
Fuck.
“Yeah. Yeah, m’good.”
“What happened?” he asks again, and I’m shaking my head even though he can’t see me from where my phone hangs at my side. “Cedrick, I’m worried.”
“Just…” Don’t lie. “My heart is burnin’.”
“Heartburn? Shit. Yeah, that does suck. I’m sorry.” And he does sound genuinely sorry. But that’s not what I meant. I meant my heart literally feels like it’s on fuckin’ fire. But if he wants to assume heartburn, I’m gonna let him because there ain’t no way in hell I’m correctin’ him.
Not now.
Not ever.
I can’t.
It’ll scare him away for good.
Madison can’t handle me at my fullest, and he sure as shit can’t handle this kinda truth.
I slowly bring the phone back up to my face and give Madison the best smile I can, but it’s more like a grimace than anything else.
“Oh, yeah, you look like you’re in pain. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s all right, darlin’.”
My realization is still burning hot in my chest, and it’s making it hard to focus on anything other than that, but I need to stop thinkin’ about it before I literally choke.
“Your question,” I say after a moment. Madison’s eyebrows draw together in confusion.
“Question?” he parrots.
“Your text. About if I was jealous.”
“Oh.” His face turns a beautiful shade of pink, even in the darkness of his room, and I revel in it. Yes. This is what I need. Power over him, not the other way around.
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“The answer is yes.”
“But-but why?”
“Because you find him attractive,” I tell him bluntly, hating the words as I speak them into existence.
“What?” he squawks, and I can see the denial on the tip of his tongue.
“Don’t deny it, darlin’. It’s okay. Just don’t lie to me, please.”
Madison pulls in a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. “Okay… yes. I did find him attractive when I first moved in, but I haven’t acted on those feelings, and I haven’t even felt anything since—” he cuts himself off sharply, and I feel a sly grin spread across my painted face.
“Since…” I drawl, teasing him, knowing what’s coming next.
“Since you,” he finishes in a mumble, and I let the grin overtake my face, cracking and splitting the paint.
“Since me.”
“Yes, okay. Are you happy now?”
“Very.”
“You look full of yourself,” he mutters, and I can’t bite back a laugh.
“I always am.”
It’s quiet between us for a few moments, and I relish in the sound of our mutual breathing in what I wish was a shared space between us.
“Cedrick…” The silence feels tense for some reason.
“Madison…” I whisper.
“I’ll come back to Mayhem for you.”
My entire world stops spinning. “What?”
“I will. I just… gimme a little time. But I will, okay?”
“Darlin’, are you sure?” I ask because as much as I want this, and even though we agreed on it, I… I don’t want to lose him.
“Yes.” He sounds breathless, and I feel over the moon.
“Anything you need,” I reassure him.
“Thank you. Good-goodnight, Cedrick.”
“Goodnight, my treat.” And with a smile, I watch Madison’s face disappear, feeling lighter than I have in so long.
I’m finally going to have both pieces of myself back in one place, and I absolutely cannot wait… except I can because I have no other choice but to.
Madison needs time and space, and I will give that to him…
I just hope he doesn’t take too long because I am gettin’ antsy already.
“Damn, what took you so long?” Booker asks when I finally step inside. It smells like booze and cigarettes, and I roll my eyes into the back of my head.
“None ya business.”
“Oooh,” Wesley chimes from somewhere to my right, and without looking in his direction, I flip him the bird.
“Someone’s feisty tonight,” Kaser drawls thickly, and I shrug as I walk up beside them and grab myself a beer.
“Not,” I disagree. “Just not in the mood.”
“Ricky? Not in the mood to party?” Graves chimes in on my left, and I raise my brow when he waggles his.
“No, G. Not tonight.”
“Damn,” he mutters, and I laugh quietly before taking a long pull of my beer.