Chapter Ten #2
Slowly, I tug off my wedding ring. I study it for a moment, watching it glint in the overhead light. Then I slide it into the pocket of my shorts.
My hand feels lighter without it, and it sounds corny to say it, but so does my soul.
I don’t have to go back. I owe it to Max not to. It’s not weak to leave my marriage—it’s weak to stay. Leaving Rob, getting a divorce, starting again, and giving Max a new life up here is the right thing to do.
I head out of the office block into the warm evening feeling as if it’s the first day of the rest of my life.
*
I stay until about eight thirty. By that point, people are dancing, and everyone’s having a great time.
I’m enjoying myself, but I’m tired, and Max is practically dead on his feet after running himself ragged with Ollie, the other kids, and all the dogs in the paddock.
Also, the sun is close to setting, and I don’t want to walk home in the dark.
I find Max in the children’s playground, and after a brief protest that he’s not ready to leave, he comes happily enough. I go to thank Noah for a lovely evening, and promise Stefan I’ll be back on Boxing Day, as I’m helping to cover for other nurses who are taking the Christmas week off.
Wishing everyone Merry Christmas, we head across the Quad, and somehow I’m not surprised to see Cullen there waiting with a smile.
“I’ll walk you home,” he says.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?”
“Nah.”
“Okay.”
He falls into step beside me, and we begin walking down the drive, Max in front with Ghost as usual.
It’s a lovely evening, warm and still. The moreporks are hooting in the trees, and in the distance comes the high cry of a kiwi, out looking for a mate.
“Did you enjoy the party?” Cullen asks.
“I had a great time, and so did Max.”
“I’m glad.”
We walk a little way quietly. Then I say, “I had a chat with Nix.”
“Oh?”
“She wanted to ask if I needed any help with lawyers or anything.”
He glances at me, letting me tell him more if I want to.
“She said something that really made me think. She said I have a duty to protect Max from injury.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“It was like a revelation. I hadn’t thought about it that way. It was as if she gave me permission to walk away from my marriage. Does that make sense?”
He nods. “I had something similar, when Archer said that if I stayed, I’d be able to help a lot of people who are in need here. I’d told myself I didn’t deserve to stay, but it gave me food for thought.”
“Yeah, sometimes it just makes you think about things from a different angle, doesn’t it?”
“Definitely. So have you been thinking about what you want to do going forward?”
“Yes. She’s going to make me an appointment with a lawyer for next week. What I thought was interesting was that she asked me what I wanted to do. And for a minute I couldn’t answer her. I realized I hadn’t considered what I want at all.”
“I would think that’s quite common with women, especially when you become mothers. You always tend to put your children first.”
“Maybe.” I give him a quick smile, tucking my hair behind my ear. I love that he understands that, even though he doesn’t have any kids.
“So… has it made you think about what you want?” he asks.
“Yes. And I’m thinking about staying in Sunrise Bay.
I love it here, and I thought maybe I’ll get a little flat or something, and Max can go to school in the village.
Perhaps I’d be able to get at least a part-time job at the Ark.
It’s all up in the air at the moment. What about you?
Have you been giving it any more thought? ”
“Oh yeah, it’s hard to think about anything else. I keep going around in circles, though. There are lots of reasons to stay. But it’s hard to overcome the little voice in your head that says you don’t deserve it.”
“I do get that. People don’t understand the pressure that guilt puts on you, and how it skews everything.”
“Exactly.”
We walk past the Hemsworth place, and exchange a smile.
“Archer’s put an offer in,” he says.
“He doesn’t hang around!”
“No. He said it’s Sod’s Law that it’s been sitting empty for a year and then someone will snap it up. I think it’ll go through pretty quickly.”
“That’s so cool. If I stay, it’ll be great to watch it all coming together.”
“Yeah.”
We walk a little further.
“So…” I glance at him. “You said you’d decided to stay for Christmas.”
“Yep.”
“What are you going to do for the rest of the week?”
“I told Jude that I’ll help out at the Forever Home if he needs me at all. He’s already got Christmas Eve and Christmas Day covered, but I might do a shift on Boxing Day.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks away.
The twenty-sixth is the anniversary of Jack’s death. I’m guessing he wants to keep busy that day. I think it’s going to be difficult for all of us.
We slow as we reach Beach Road. It’s almost dark now. The sky is the color of an eggplant, with a glimmer of marmalade near the horizon. The sea to our right is calm in the lagoon, reflecting the moon that hangs above it like a silver bauble, as if God has decorated the sky for the festive season.
“So how are you spending Christmas?” I ask softly.
“Not much. I asked my landlady if I could stay until the New Year, and luckily she said yes. She said she’d saved my room because she’d hoped I was going to stay.”
“Aw, that’s nice.”
“Yeah.”
Max slides his hand into mine, maybe because it’s dark, or perhaps because he’s so tired he’s almost asleep on his feet.
“My landlady’s trying to talk me into joining her family for Christmas dinner.” Cullen chuckles. “It’s very sweet and extremely kind, but I don’t relish the idea of having Christmas dinner with a group of strangers.”
“Do Max and I count as strangers?”
Cullen looks at me, and his lips slowly curve up in a smile. “Of course not.”
“Well, we wondered whether you’d like to join us. It wouldn’t be a huge cooked dinner,” I add hastily. “I don’t think I could fit a turkey in the microwave.”
He gives a short laugh. “I don’t care about that.”
“Look, um… I know it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow, but the local supermarket is open. If you’re not busy, we could treat ourselves to something nice and a bottle of wine. And play games, or watch movies, and walk on the beach.”
“It sounds amazing.”
We stop outside the bach. Max gives Ghost a hug, then takes the key from me and unlocks the door. “I’m starving,” he says. “Can I have a cheese toastie?”
“Yes, of course. Get the bread out.”
He goes inside.
I look back at Cullen. “So, do you want to come over tomorrow?”
“I’d love to.”
“Come over around eleven, and we’ll take a walk to the supermarket.”
He nods. “I look forward to it.” He glances into the bach. Max is busy taking some bread out of the bag and slotting it into the toaster.
Cullen bends his head and presses his lips to mine. It’s a brief, sweet kiss, but it sends tingles all the way down my spine.
“’Night,” he says.
“Goodnight.”
“Bye Max! See you tomorrow!”
“Bye,” he yells from inside.
Cullen clicks his fingers, and Ghost follows him down the steps as he walks away.
I watch them go, taking a moment to admire Cullen’s tight butt in his shorts, then go inside the bach to make Max’s cheese toastie with a light heart.