24. Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Four
Elise
I t comes to me as I head out of Perk Up for the day. Brynne. She’s the perfect person to talk to and I know Adeline isn’t working today.
Instead of going home, I text Young Jae really quick that I’m going to run a couple of errands. Starting my car, I head toward Willowbrook Lake Animal Shelter. The parking lot is empty, which is both a relief and sad.
Brynne comes from the back as I enter, the bell announcing my arrival.
“Elise, what a surprise.” She smiles, curious.
“I was hoping to cuddle a dog and talk to you about something.” Wringing my hands together, I try to ignore my nerves.
She looks at me, her eyes piercing, before she nods. “I know just the dog. If you want to go to one of the meet and greet rooms, I will go get her and meet you there. Room four, please. It has the newest couches.”
Finding it, I sit on the loveseat and wait. Brynne comes in with a tiny dog. Smaller than Kimchi. Which surprises me because the majority of dogs that end up in the shelter are larger breeds.
“This is Pepper. She’s some kind of schnauzer cross. She’s only five weeks old. Her mom and the rest of the litter were deceased when she was found. She was in rough shape, which is why she’s so small.” Brynne hands me Pepper, who lays in my lap and goes right to sleep.
My eyes fill with tears and I start crying. Petting her softly, I grieve over her lost family. “Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. I can’t help the tears, it’s—well, it’s the hormones.”
Brynne narrows her eyes on me before my words sink in. “You’re pregnant?”
Tears continue to fall as I nod. “No one knows. I just found out yesterday and I’m still processing. I haven’t told anyone and I just need to talk it out.”
“I’m happy to listen, but why me?” She watches as I reverently pet Pepper, cooing at her as I try to think of the best way to explain why without offending her.
Sighing, I admit, “I know you’re a vault. Adeline and Rae would be supportive, but pregnancy is a tender subject. And Young Jae—well, he doesn’t want kids. So I’m trying to wrap my head around this before I tell him and completely erupt his life.”
She cringes for me. “Yeah, that’s tough. How are you feeling about it?”
The silence as she waits for my response is heavy, but I haven’t taken the time to think of myself in this situation outside of how it will impact my relationship and friendships.
“I was always neutral about kids, but when Dr. Wright asked about termination, it wasn’t even a possibility. I think if I let myself, I’m excited about it. The idea that with Young Jae, we’ve created this life, a combination of the two of us, makes me happy. Even though at first I admit I was regretful and was hoping it was wrong.” The words are true. If I allow myself to see past what I worry everyone else will think, happiness is there.
She smiles softly. “Don’t you think there’s a possibility that Young Jae will feel the same?”
Shrugging, I gently stroke Pepper over her tiny head. “There’s a possibility. But he may also look at it as a betrayal.”
She scoffs. “I’m sorry, did you get pregnant on purpose? Were you the only one having sex? He’s not that pigheaded. He may be as shocked as you, but you won’t know his reaction until you give him the chance.”
Brynne is right. I need to tell him, give him the chance to process and see what happens. Picking up Pepper, I snuggle her a little closer. “Man, you’re adorable. I wish I could stay longer, but I have something I need to do.”
Handing Pepper back to Brynne, I’m sad to leave her behind, but one baby at a time.
“Good luck. If you need anything, I’m around.” She holds Pepper close and it hurts to walk away from the puppy, but there are still too many unknowns.
“Thank you, Brynne.” Taking a deep breath, I head to my car and head home.
Young Jae is in the kitchen when I arrive. He’s talking to someone on the phone, so I head to the couch and pull out my laptop. Searching for tips to help during the first trimester, I scroll through a few articles.
Young Jae is still chatting away, and from the conversation, it sounds like it’s Ji Hoon. This could take a while. Shifting, my jeans digging into my stomach, I stand and head upstairs to change. I definitely feel like my head isn’t fully focused, almost like there’s a haze hovering. The exhaustion every day seems to take over.
I finish changing and quickly pull my hair back into a braid before heading back downstairs. As I come around the corner, I see Young Jae sitting on the couch, a plate of nachos in his hand, but his eyes are on my computer screen.
“Are you pregnant?” His voice is rough, his eyes wide. He reminds me of a horse that’s seen or heard something in the bushes.
Lifting my hands up, I speak in a low tone. But I can’t help the tremble that wavers. “Yes. I just found out yesterday. It’s why I’ve been so unwell.”
He sets the plate down, his brows shooting up. “You’ve known for over twenty-four hours?”
Stepping a little closer, I put my hands on my stomach. Young Jae tracks the movement, creases forming between his brows. “Yes, I—”
“And when were you going to tell me?” His voice is low, measured. Young Jae doesn’t yell, even when he’s pissed, and I know he’s not happy.
Tears forming, I look up at the ceiling to fight them back. I wasn’t happy either. I’m still not sure where on the line I stand, but I’m leaning toward the acceptance and happy side of things.
“I was trying to process the news. It came as a shock to me, and I wanted to know I could handle your reaction too.” I move to the couch, sitting on the edge, close to him but not touching. “I wasn’t planning on you finding out this way. I was going to tell you over dinner.”
He rubs his hands on his sweats before dropping his head back. “What is it, like a one percent chance?”
It’s hard to keep the wryness from my voice. “That’s what the doctor told me.”
I sit there quietly while he processes is one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. He’s muttering to himself in Korean but speaking too low and fast for me to translate in my head.
“What are you going to do?” he asks, but he already knows the answer.
“I had my IUD taken out and started on prenatal vitamins last night.” Standing, I go to my purse and grab the picture from my ultrasound. Setting it on the couch between us, I take a deep breath. With a sigh, I say, “I’m about five weeks along. The baby will be here at the beginning of May.”
He lifts his head, not meeting my eyes as he picks up the photo. They marked where the baby is. He stares at it for a moment before looking at my stomach and then meeting my gaze. His expression is unreadable, which is a new experience for me.
Remembering what Brynne said about giving him a chance, I rush to clear everything off my chest before he has a chance to unload what’s going on in his head.
“I know this isn’t what you want. It wasn’t what I wanted either. I was more than happy to spend my life with you, childfree. But I also won’t terminate the pregnancy. I’m sorry for taking away any part of that decision, but I won’t force you—”
Young Jae is beside me, his hand gripping mine before I finish. “Elise, there is no journey I won’t go on with you. Did I see babies in my future? No, I didn’t. But your baby. Our baby. I’m on board. I’m surprised. And more than a little shocked. Sometimes things happen and if this baby was created on one percent odds, then who are we to say it wasn’t meant to be.”
I start bawling right there, all the emotions, stress, relief, and hormones combining into one weeping, snotty mess. Young Jae stares in shock for a moment, I’m not a huge crier, before leaping into action. He grabs a tissue and starts wiping my face.
Shushing me, he holds me in his arms until the tears slow.
“And now we can’t get Pepper!” Remembering the little dog, I start crying even more.
“What? Who’s Pepper?”
“The little puppy I held when I told Brynne I was pregnant because I had no one to talk to, and she’s so little and so cute, but we’re having a baby, and we already have one dog, but I love her so much.” I’m wailing now, the tears uncontrollable.
He holds me close, rubbing my back. When my tears finally subside, he lifts me and settles me onto his lap. “Okay, let’s put a pin in the puppy thing. Why do you feel like you couldn’t talk to anyone? I guess I understand the need to process it before telling me. But what about Adeline and Rae. They’ve been there for you no matter what.”
Wringing my hands, fresh tears fall. “They both want kids so bad and can’t have them. And then here I am, Miss Fertile Myrtle, pregnant by accident.”
He chuckles.
My head drops. “I feel so awful that I get what they want when I didn’t even plan it or want it.”
Young Jae strokes his hands up and down my arms, lips pursed as he thinks about my anxieties.
“They may have mixed emotions because of their own experiences, but they would be happy for you and for us. Their own experiences don’t invalidate yours, and they’re not the type of women who would ever make you feel bad about this. It may make them sad because of what they’re going through, but not because they aren’t happy for you.” He holds my gaze, his eyes intense on mine. “Two things can be true at once, and it’s okay. But they’re your closest friends and they would want to know this news.”
Slumping down, I feel the weight lifted by his words. “I think I messed up the entire pregnancy announcement thing. Let’s invite them all over next Sunday and tell them the news. Right now, let’s just acclimate to the news and figure out how to deal with how exhausted I am.”
He kisses me deeply. “Well, the best way to start is by eating comfort food. The nachos might need a refresh. I will pop them into the oven for a few minutes. Why don’t you find something to watch.”
He stands, pausing when I grab his wrist. “I love you. And this baby is going to be so damn cute, neither of us will ever remember a day we didn’t want it.”
Bending to brush his lips against mine, he smiles. “Damn straight. I love you too.”