CHAPTER NINETEEN
The tension running under Ian's skin in a prickly, insistent current eased up only slightly the moment Alex had mentioned Boo's biological mother and it became clear they weren't going to talk about any imminent threat to Alex or Boo's safety.
Not a physical one, at least.
"I should probably back up a little," Alex said with a shake of his head.
"You know some of this, I'm sure, and maybe you suspected others, over the years, but…
Long story short is, back when I was a teenager I had two best friends and we started a band together.
For years, they were like a part of my family. "
There was a flash of hurt on Alex's face, back and gone but still recognizable for Ian, who had become quite fluent in reading Alex by now, after all that time.
"At some point, things changed. With Emily, there was no big fight, no nothing, and yet we went from living in each other's pockets to barely speaking once breaking up the band became official.
With Connor, I had clearly missed a lot of things along the way, but for whatever reason, one day I looked at my former friend and realized he hated my guts.
While we'd had some fights over the years, there was nothing that could explain this level of resentment—or at least I can't explain it.
I became the bad guy of his story at some point, which sucks, but I learned to live with it…
after I made sure that he wouldn't be able to smear me in the press without some serious repercussions. "
As Alex paused and stared at the cushion, Ian fought hard with himself to stay quiet and unmoving. It would be so easy to reach out and touch him.
Way too easy.
"I don't want to get into it too much, so I'll just say that Connor had lied and stolen from both Emily and me, creating a situation where dissolving the band was the best possible move at the time.
A part of the settlement was about ensuring that Connor couldn't spin the story in his favor, like he'd tried in the past. He can't badmouth us to the press if he doesn't want to face more serious consequences than what he'd dealt with so far.
I don't wish that for him, but I also don't want to think about or see him ever again.
" Alex sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"I moved on as best as I could, and luckily, my worst case scenarios didn't pan out.
I was doing well, and I was enjoying the next phase of my career.
I did miss the old days from time to time, though, so when Emily asked to meet up, I jumped on that chance.
It was a little bittersweet but mostly nice, and for a moment there, it was like the two of us went back in time—only not really, because, for the first and last time ever, we ended up in bed. "
Ian nodded at that, even though Alex couldn't see it.
The confirmation didn't sting as much as Ian thought it might. Then again, why would it? He'd known Alex had slept with someone, so what did it matter who it was?
"We've never…" Alex ran a hand over the back of his neck.
"There had never been anything romantic between the two of us.
She's been in love with Connor basically since day one, and I skewed towards guys most of the time.
Not Connor," he added quickly with a grimace, and that was more of a relief than Ian would ever admit.
"Just, in general. The two of them were never a couple.
I don't think he'd ever seen her that way and I was never sure if he knew how she felt.
I hope he didn't, given the things he'd done, but…
" Alex shrugged. "Either way, he knows she believes in him like nobody else on this planet.
She never turned her back on him, even when he let her down again and again.
Which wouldn't be my business, these days—and I definitely wouldn't be sharing any of that with you—if she hadn't called me this morning telling me he's reached out to her, and he's good again, and she wants to tell him about her pregnancy. "
Ian straightened in his seat so fast his neck protested, alarm bells going off in his head.
Alex looked up at that, meeting his gaze for the first time in a while. He seemed more tired than before, wrung-out and sad but pretending not to be. He shrugged and Ian forced himself to stay quiet instead of protesting, loudly and at-length.
"Yeah, I know," Alex said anyway, clearly reading Ian's mind.
"She insisted she was going to stick with the official story, but there's no way Connor is going to believe that, and if he pushes, I don't think she's going to resist. Which is bad on so many levels, since she had no problems convincing her own mother about the surrogacy thing, but…
" Closing his eyes, Alex let out a sigh.
"Like I said, she's pretty defenseless against him. "
"So she intends to stick to your agreement, but you don't believe she will?"
Alex shook his head. "If she intended to stick to our agreement, she wouldn't tell him anything at all, even about the pregnancy.
She's not forbidden to share that part, per se, but that's supposed to be about being honest with someone like a long-term partner or something, not the guy who has been breaking her heart since she was fifteen fucking years old. " He slumped. "Sorry."
"Please tell me you're not apologizing to me for swearing," Ian said softly, wanting to lighten up the mood, even though there was nothing funny about any of this.
Alex chuckled without humor, but Ian still counted it as a win.
"Despite what I admitted to last night, I'm trying not to swear in front of Boo, so I guess I'm more careful now."
"I promise I can handle it."
It wasn't until Alex's eyes widened that Ian caught on how that could sound. It didn't really matter, though. The words were true, regardless of how Alex would take them.
Clearing his throat, Alex lowered his head and Ian pretended he wasn't disappointed.
"She basically told me it's her life, her body, and she was the one who went through the whole pregnancy and giving birth thing, so she had the right to talk about it. Which isn't wrong, to be fair. But… not to him."
Alex's defeated tone made Ian want to go out there, find Connor Douglas, and give him a scary-enough warning that he would never so much as think of saying or doing anything that could hurt Alex again.
"What are you afraid of, here?" he finally asked, and when Alex met his gaze again with a puzzled expression, Ian shrugged. "If you're telling me all this, you know this is a security risk, so I'm wondering what you think he's going to do."
"He's going to get angry." The words felt rushed, as if they'd been there, waiting to come out. "He always had a temper, and when he started taking drugs, he stopped recognizing—or caring—when to pump the brakes."
Ian tensed at that and glanced towards the door.
"Not like, physically," Alex added quickly.
"Not with me, or Em, or anyone on our team.
But there had been some equipment he destroyed in a fit, a hotel room he trashed, stuff like that.
He'd never gone that far while sober, so if he's not using, he may not reach that level.
However, that won't stop him from lashing out in other ways, and I'm his likely target.
Em had gotten the brush-off many times, but I can count on one hand a number of times he'd said some truly awful things about her.
This time… I don't know. He may direct all his anger towards me or he may fly off the handle and hurt her—I think we can both imagine what kind of things he may say about her sleeping with me. "
"Unfortunately, yes."
Alex sighed. "Exactly. Either way, he's going to be pissed at me, no doubts about it. I don't know if he's even going to search for the highest bidder or if he's just going to tell the first person who asks for an interview."
"The legal stuff won't stop him?"
"It may slow him down, but he's been playing the media game for a long time, so he knows ho to let it slip in an 'innocent' way. He doesn't even have to come out and say the truth—he may go with the surrogacy story, perhaps offer some bullshit congratulations or whatever."
"But he'll tell the world about Boo."
"Yeah." Alex rubbed his eyes. "I know it's bound to happen sooner or later.
With the world we live in, there's no respect for privacy anymore, and I would never sequester my son away from me for good simply because someone may find out.
I wouldn't insist on having him if that was the case.
But I thought I'd have more time, and it's—"
Swallowing hard, Alex curled into himself, and once again Ian had to hold back from reaching out to touch, to soothe him.
"It took me way too many years before I learned how to be immune to most of the bullshit that comes with being in the spotlight." Alex's voice was lower now and muffled by the hand covering half his face. "I can't do that with Boo."
"Boo's not going to be in the spotlight," Ian offered quietly, fingers tightening at the back of the couch.
"Sure, he'll sometimes be seen with you, and it sucks that some people will think it's okay to say something or take pictures, or whatever, but he's not going to be the story—unless he takes after you and becomes a rock star. "
Alex's wet snort was the opposite of attractive, but Ian was way too far gone to care. He was just glad he managed to shift Alex's mood even a little.
"I'll do my hardest for him to pick something else," Alex muttered.
"Engineering, perhaps. Architecture, if he insists on something more artistic.
But science would be best. He could be a kick-ass scientist in a lab somewhere, discovering a cure for something and yet not gaining even a fraction of recognition that a random guy with a microphone does. "
"Discovering a cure for something?" Ian teased gently. "Those are some high hopes."
Alex dropped his hand and tried to glare at him, but with his puffy eyes and flushed face, he didn't look too menacing.
"I admitted already to being a helicopter parent. I'm not admitting to anything else, especially since I fundamentally don't agree with parents having too much say in their children's choices as adults."
"Unless they want to be rock stars?"
"Exactly."
There was a smile on Alex's face now, small but there, and Ian couldn't help it—he smiled back, probably too obvious in his besotted adoration he hadn't managed to get rid of despite all his efforts over the last year or so.
Oh, well. It wasn't going anywhere, anyway, so while Ian might try his best to stay professional and detached, there were going to be some slip-ups.
At least Alex was too worried to notice it tonight, hopefully.