CHAPTER TWENTY
Alex's heart had been through enough today—and yesterday, and over the last six months, and…
It had enough.
He had enough.
He couldn't handle anything else, and yet he felt so drawn to Ian's easy, calm presence, to his focused attention and the ability to cut through the noise in Alex's head with a joke or a little teasing.
And the look on Ian's face right now… A man could get addicted to that kind of look.
Alex would love to, actually.
He couldn't, though. He needed to focus on Boo and the media storm that was more and more likely by the minute.
Out of habit, he glanced towards the monitor and saw Boo sleeping soundly, little fist curled around the foot of his favorite rabbit toy.
How was it possible to love somebody so much?
Alex's next breath came easier, just from the sight.
While there were times when he'd been more terrified in the last six months than ever before, it was all still worth it, because when he looked at Boo, or held him, the world became simpler in half a second.
At the end of the day, nothing and no one was more important than his son.
"You're good with him, you know that, right?"
Ian's words were barely a whisper and yet they shook Alex to his core, his eyes filling up again.
"I'm sorry, that was—" Ian paused and cleared his throat as their gazes met again. "I'm sorry."
Shaking his head, Alex slumped against the couch and lowered himself until he could put his head against the back cushion.
"Are you kidding?" he whispered. "What new parent doesn't need to hear it? Especially when it's all—" He waved a hand around. "On me."
"That must be hard."
"Yeah." Alex curled his arms against his chest, tucking his hands in.
"I mean, I don't regret it, never did, for even a second, but, yeah, it's hard to wrap my head around it sometimes.
You know how I can be, there are days when I barely feel like I can take care of myself, let alone another human being, and now here I am, responsible for this little boy, who is, honestly, too good for me.
I won a lottery with him, he's so easy-going and happy.
" He shook his head as he smiled. "He could have come out of the womb a diva, but he's anything but. "
Ian's chuckle came from somewhere close-by, but Alex was too tired to look up, so he just enjoyed the sound for what it was.
"You're not a diva."
"I'm, like, half a diva, for sure. Try being a teenager thrust into stardom, there's no way anyone comes out well-adjusted and not at least a little bit vain." Alex shrugged. "So if I'm a half, and Em is, as well, Boone could have totally been a full-on diva, but he isn't."
There was a hum, and then, "How did you come up with his name?"
Alex blinked his eyes open and tilted his head back towards Ian, who was giving him that look again, damn it. He probably didn't mean it and here Alex was, hoping for too much.
"Before he was born, there was a lot of…
Em kept saying stuff about shitty timing and bad luck, and I didn't want that to taint him, or whatever.
So I checked to see what names mean good luck or a blessing, and found Boone.
There were a few others I was considering, but then came the night of his birth and I…
" He tightened his arms against himself as a surge of guilt rose in his chest again.
"I thought so, too. I didn't mean to, but I was so happy to run into you and get another chance, and then I got the call from Em.
I knew I had to leave, but I also didn't want to. I wanted to stay."
"You made the right choice," Ian offered quietly, the lines on his face easing. "You went to meet your son."
"Still, there was a moment when I thought he really had terrible timing.
" Alex shrugged. "It's a shitty thing to think, because none of that was his fault.
None of it. Then, when Em was in labor, I checked the list of names again, and there it was.
Boone means 'good', and 'a blessing', and 'a timely benefit'. "
Ian chuckled. "Perfect."
"He is that, too." Alex's eyes dropped closed. "He's a tiny miracle, even if he can scream his little head off, too, if he's properly motivated."
"He may not become a rock star, but he does have a rock star's lungs, then."
Alex chuckled. "My mom said I was the same way—pretty chill most of the time, but if I really got going, the whole block could hear me."
"I don't think I've ever heard you raise your voice."
"Well, I'm an adult now, and only half a diva, as we established. I don't yell at people." Not anymore, at least. He sighed. "There were a few screaming matches between me and Connor, forever ago. But other than that, no."
"From everything you told me and some things you didn't, I'd venture to guess he deserved it."
"He did, sure. But that's not who I am."
"We're never one thing a hundred percent of the time. Even the most patient man can find his limit, and that doesn't make him not patient anymore."
Warmth spread through Alex's chest. He liked the version of himself that Ian saw.
He liked it a lot.
"I think you're more than half asleep, so you should probably head to bed."
And just like that, Alex pictured Ian catching his hand, tugging him up, and leading him towards his bedroom—towards the bed they would share.
A flash of longing shot through him, hard and painful, and he curled into himself.
"No, don't get too comfortable here," Ian murmured, clearly misinterpreting Alex's movement. "You're going to regret it, for one, and two, Boo's going to wake up at some point, isn't he?"
That was enough for Alex to untangle himself and get up onto his feet, but he faltered a little as he straightened.
Ian's hands were on his arms in a flash, steadying him.
"Here you go."
Their gazes met and Alex stopped breathing.
Ian's warm eyes were almost black in the dim light of the room, and his soft smile and gentle touch were so at odds with his solid, strong frame that Alex wanted nothing more than to lean in closer.
To explore. It would be the easiest thing in the world, too.
Ian was right there, half a step away, and the gravitational pull Alex had always felt in his presence was there, as well.
It might be stronger than ever, actually.
Alex's mouth dropped open as he inhaled slowly, and Ian's gaze dropped, too, kicking Alex's heart into overdrive.
He gave up fighting the battle he didn't even really want to win and he closed the rest of the space between then to kiss Ian's lips.
Fuck, he'd missed this. He'd missed this more than he'd ever admitted to himself after that night.
He put his hands on both sides of Ian's neck lightly, almost reverently, and he was lost, he was falling, he was—
Ian pulled away, taking a step back, and Alex's hands dropped, the tips of his fingers still tingling.
Fuck.