CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
If on Monday morning Alex had been reluctant to leave, on Tuesday he couldn't escape the apartment fast enough.
Facing Ian after last night had been… awkward, to say the least. Alex had spent hours tossing and turning in bed, replaying everything that had happened, things he'd said and could have said, if he'd only thought of them in time.
None of that had brought him any solutions, though, and the rejection stung, especially when faced with Ian right there, sharing the same space, interacting with Alex's family and fitting so well.
Unlike yesterday, Ian excused himself from the table right after Alex and Boo took their seats. He cited a phone call with his boss as a reason, but he wasn't fooling anybody. Even Alex's mother looked after Ian for a second before she turned to Alex with raised eyebrows.
"What did you do?" was more than implied, but Alex wasn't going to take the bait.
He focused on Boo and talked with his mother about his plans for the day—more press and another photo shoot—to distract them both.
"I should be back a little earlier than yesterday, but it depends on how fast things will be moving."
Some photo shoots lasted half an hour and some took half a day, so Alex had learned to assume the worst, especially if there were group shoots involved.
Even if his portion of the shoot went quick, he had to be on site for the rest of it—sometimes doing an interview, and sometimes just sitting around, chatting with people, eating snacks, or sequestering himself in a corner somewhere and forgetting the rest of the world existed as he listened to whatever music he was in the mood for.
"We're going to be fine," his mom said, and he glanced at her before focusing back on Boo. "It's supposed to rain all day, so we'll probably stay inside, but I'll text you if anything changes."
"Staying in sounds good." Alex didn't want to share his worry over Connor with her, since there was no telling when Emily would even see him, let alone tell him something so private.
The one upside of last night was that after talking it out with Ian, Alex realized it could all take a long time, so while he did have to remain vigilant, he didn't have to freak out over something that might not happen for several weeks, if he were lucky.
"Since Ian seems determined to do the cooking for us, I thought I might bake something. What would you like?"
What I'd like, I can't have. It wasn't fair that Ian was comfortable being so domestic with Alex's mom, while he…
And, wow, Alex was being more than half a diva, wasn't he? Things hadn't gone his way last night, and here he was, having a fit over stupid stuff.
Stuff he'd love to take part in, actually.
"Peanut butter cookies?" he suggested, reaching for something he could actually have.
She nodded with a smile. "With cranberries?"
"Of course." He finished his coffee and got up, dropping a kiss onto the top of Boo's head. "I should go now. But the cookies will be perfect after a long day, Mom. Thank you."
She patted him on the arm when he leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Be good, and see you tonight."
Gathering his things, Alex looked down the corridor towards Ian's room. On one hand, it was good not to have to face him again, but on the other… On the other, it was never good not to see him.
And with a fresh memory of that kiss—
Nope. Not going there.
He walked away, reminding himself that they both had a job to do and there was no room for anything else. Ian had told him no last night and Alex had to respect that—or figure out how to show Ian things could be different. Show him it was worth it.
Until then, he was needed somewhere else.
* * *
Another issue with long photo shoots—because this one was running long, of course—was the time it gave Alex to do nothing but think.
While he managed not to fixate on his son too much, knowing Boo was safe and sound with Ian and his mother, that only meant Alex could focus on Ian himself.
Thankfully, unlike last night, his determination seemed to solidify with each passing hour now.
In the bright light of the day, it was easier to remember that Ian had kissed him back, and the problem was not a lack of desire, but a lack of trust.
And Alex could work with that.
He needed to try, at least, because he knew deep down that if he didn't, there was never going to be another chance.
The third time was the charm, right? So that was it.
Alex had already blown his two chances, but he wasn't going to blow the third one.
There wasn't going to be any more phone calls turning his life on its head—hopefully—and there was no strict schedule of the tour or other commitments aside from the awards show and the White House event.
Other than Boo, Alex didn't have any other priorities right now and could devote as much time and energy as he wanted to Ian Torres.
If Ian let him.
With renewed resolve, Alex returned to the apartment tired but excited, and the smell of cookies that greeted him only made him smile wider.
Ian blinked, as if startled by Alex's easy grin.
Oh, you haven't seen nothing yet.
Alex with a plan was a force to be reckoned with, and once he zeroed in on the goal, there wasn't a lot that could stop him. He began performing to sold-out stadiums before he hit twenty-one, and then became a single father before thirty—he could be persistent when he wanted to.
And he definitely wanted to, now.
There was Boo to take care of and dinner and cookies to devour, so Alex pushed his plan until later, but he still spent the entire evening watching Ian—looking for signs. For confirmation.
Because if Ian didn't want him, Alex would back off and not bother him anymore, no questions asked. If Ian did want him, though… If he wanted him even half as much as Alex wanted him, then Alex had a different plan:
He was going to woo him.
Ian's admission from last night about wanting something safe tugged at Alex's heart. Once upon a time, Alex might not have been able to deliver, but after rearranging his life to focus on Boo, he not only wanted stability and peace, he also realized that he could offer that to someone else.
Even someone as strong and capable as Ian.
Hell, Alex was excited about it, too. He'd spent half the afternoon coming up with arguments and solutions to things Ian might worry about and creating a vision of a life together that was all about safety, security, and… love.
Alex had beaten impossible odds before, and as the evening progressed, he realized he might be able to do that again, because Ian was definitely looking back.
Their gazes met again and again over the table, and each time, Alex's heart quickened its pace.
Ian wasn't watching him as his charge, someone he had to protect.
He was watching him out of interest, maybe drawn by the same gravitational pull Alex had been dealing with from the moment they'd first been introduced.
And the easy way Ian interacted with his family? That was almost too much to bear.
Just then, Ian laughed at something Alex's mother had said, and he tossed his head back, putting a hand on his chest as his body shook.
Oh. Ohh.
If Alex hadn't already known, this would be enough to finally get a clue about his feelings. His entire body responded, heart leaping, mouth going dry, hands tingling to reach out and touch.
Helpless and overwhelmed, he turned towards his mother, only to see her already looking at him with a soft, knowing smile.
She nodded, too, and it felt less like a simple acknowledgment and more like a blessing. This one will do.
Alex swallowed hard.
If only.
Suddenly, he could feel his earlier confidence waver. This was huge, easily the top three of the scariest things Alex had faced, and it could also become one of the best and most important.
Boo wriggled against his chest with a soft cry of protest, possibly reacting to Alex's heartbeat speeding up and his body growing tense, so Alex took that as an excuse to escape to his bedroom and catch his breath, gather his courage once again.
It took almost an hour before he returned downstairs, in a new shirt since the old one got soaked during Boo's bath. Armed with the baby monitor and the reawakened resolve, Alex searched the lower level until he found himself in front of Ian's door.
Before he could knock, though, it opened to reveal Ian in a pair of navy sweatpants and a matching T-shirt. Behind him, there was a big bed Alex tried not to notice—and failed utterly at that.
"Are you okay?" Ian looked him up from head to toe, instantly on alert.
"Yeah. Yes." Alex cleared his throat. "I just wanted to talk to you."
Ian hesitated, glancing back at the room, and Alex held his breath.
"How about I join you in the living room in five minutes? I'm about done with an email I need to send tonight."
"Of course." Alex grinned, wave of relief almost sweeping him off his feet. "There's a bunch of cookies left, so I'm going to make myself tea to go with them. Do you want some?"
Tilting his head, Ian gave him a puzzled look, but then nodded. "Sure. Thank you."
With that, Alex left him to it, and headed towards the kitchen. Cookies and tea weren't exactly prime wooing material—especially since Alex hadn't made the cookies himself—but they were still a nice treat. And a comfort, which, if Alex wasn't mistaken, was important to both of them.
Thankfully, it also gave him something to do as he waited for Ian to join him, and there wasn't much time to freak out and lose his determination all over again. Ian appeared right as Alex was putting the mugs on the coffee table, with a plate of cookies in the middle.
"I should probably work harder to resist," Ian said, causing Alex's legs to wobble as he sat down on the couch quickly, "but those cookies are honestly fantastic."
Ah. Of course.
"Yeah, they're delicious." Alex took one and tried to pretend he wasn't blushing already. "I was never that big of a fan of chocolate cookies, so my mom experimented with different kinds until I fell in love with these and pretty much refused to eat anything else."
Ian picked one as well, but sat down slowly in the other corner of the couch. "Oh, I'm a fan of chocolate cookies, but these are strong contenders for the top position, that's for sure."
And for a second there, things were easy as they smiled at each other, chewing their cookies as if they were kids sneaking out late at night to pump themselves full of sugar when their parents weren't looking.
They weren't kids anymore, though, and Alex had a few things to say.
"So, I've been thinking a lot about what happened last night," he started, crossing his legs under him as he sat facing Ian, who stilled.
"And I get that the timing isn't the best, with you on the clock and everything, but, like I told you last night, I don't believe in blaming things on bad timing anymore. "
"Alex—"
"I heard you last night, too," Alex hurried to continue in a silly attempt to outrun his nerves.
"And what I got from what you said is that we both want the same things.
Because I'm not looking to kiss and run, Ian.
This is not a… a tryst for me, or something.
It never has been, even back then, and it definitely isn't now.
I want something serious—and not just with anyone.
I want something serious with you. If you want me, too. "