CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
They kissed, and kissed, and kissed, and Alex couldn't get enough. With Ian's solid frame around him, he felt grounded, and with Ian's kisses, he felt like he was flying, and the juxtaposition of that added even more fuel to the fire burning inside him.
He'd been afraid he would never again feel Ian's body against his, never taste him, never hear those little hitches in Ian's breathing.
But now, they were here. And there was a promise of more, of building something bigger, and stronger, and long-lasting.
"Are you sure?" Ian asked after some time, when they were curled in one corner of the couch, with Alex in Ian's lap, unwilling to move away, still, until absolutely necessary. "You have a lot going on right now and—"
"And I'd love for you to be one of the things I have going on.
" Alex tilted his head back, so he could see Ian's face.
"I promise you that I'm sure. I want you in my life no matter how busy it gets.
Which, to be honest, isn't going to be all that busy aside from Boo, because I won't be touring for the foreseeable future.
Or recording, since I don't have enough material for another album. "
Ian ran a hand through Alex's hair and the caress made Alex close his eyes briefly.
"Are you writing?"
"Here and there. Luckily, I don't have to rush anything and I'm happy staying home with Boo." Alex glanced at the baby monitor. "I wasn't sure if I would be, but I am."
"It's great to watch you two together. You're clearly his favorite person, and you're so… all in with him."
Alex gnawed at his lower lip as he rested his head back on Ian's shoulder.
"I was terrified at first—hell, it still happens here and there, but the first two months or so, I was going out of my mind.
I had trouble leaving him in a room without me, I stood over him when he slept, and I kept overthinking everything.
Mostly, I was of course worrying that I was going to be a terrible father. "
"You're anything but."
"It's hard, though, sometimes." Alex closed his eyes.
"My mom has been an amazing help, but at the end of the day, it's all on me.
He's my responsibility, and I have to protect him, keep him safe, and at the same time let him explore and try new things, and he'll learn everything through me for those first couple of years, and that's…
I thought I knew a thing or two about responsibility, but I haven't experienced anything like this before.
It can get overwhelming, and then I feel bad for that. Like I shouldn't think this way."
"How could you not think this way, though?
" Ian whispered, his fingers brushing through Alex's hair.
"What single parent isn't worried about stuff like that?
You're lucky, of course, that you have your family's support and resources that can make a lot of things running more smoothly, but like you said, at the end of the day, he's your sole responsibility. "
"I wish I could keep him safe from everything."
Ian kissed the top of Alex's head. "You can keep him loved, and there's safety in that. Everything else, we can take one day at the time."
Alex's heart lurched, aching all of a sudden. It wasn't longing, exactly, but it wasn't that far off.
Don't get too excited, it's currently his job to keep Boo safe. He's not promising to be a step-parent right out of the gate or anything. You wouldn't want him to.
Grimacing against Ian's chest, Alex pretended that the last part was as true as the rest of it.
"Taking it day by day has been my go-to solution for the last six months," he said instead. "From what I heard, that's a survival tactic for all new parents."
"It's a pretty good tactic for a lot of things."
Alex hummed in agreement, although he decided to redirect the conversation away from his worries.
"Can you tell me anything about your move to New York? Is Clay moving, too, or are you going to have a new partner?"
Ian cleared his throat and the hand that was running through Alex's hair stilled.
"Clay won't be moving, no. Kalei wants the personnel here to stay the same, so it won't be like splitting the team in half or anything.
I assume he'd be open to a transfer later on if somebody really wanted to move, but he's not factoring it into his plans.
We'll be recruiting new people for the New York branch. "
"You're going, though."
"Yeah, but I'm not going to be a field operative over there. I'm going to lead the field division."
That made Alex lift up on his elbow and stare at Ian incredulously.
"Way to bury the lede!"
For what it was worth, Ian looked a bit chagrined.
"I'm sorry, I guess I don't know how to talk about it yet. It's all very new, so much so that I haven't discussed it with anyone other than Kalei yet—and you, now." He cleared his throat. "It's a big jump, but I'm excited for the opportunity."
"It sounds amazing!" Alex sat up and slid back fully onto Ian's lap, his thighs on both sides of Ian's hips. "The promotion is so well deserved!"
"You don't know that," Ian teased as he circled his arms around Alex. "Everyone in our company is great at what they do."
"And yet you were the one who got the offer," Alex pointed out. "With such a steep competition, getting a nod like that is even more impressive."
Ian opened his mouth, then closed it as Alex raised his eyebrows at him.
"Fine, okay. I don't know why I'm even arguing against myself, here."
"I don't know, either." Alex had never seen Ian be insecure, so it couldn't be that. "I see how a change like that can be challenging, especially when you're so assured in your current role, but you have experience in leading people, too. You won't be starting from scratch."
"You remember that?
Alex would have been quite offended by Ian's surprise, but Ian picked that moment to sneak his hands under Alex's t-shirt and the warm touch against his naked skin was too good, so Alex leaned in for another kiss instead.
"Of course I remember," he said when they parted after a while, lips brushing Ian's as he spoke. "I've cherished every last bit of information about you that I managed to drag out of you, Mr. Professional."
Ian chuckled. "Oh yeah, I'm being very professional right now."
"I'm hereby declaring tonight your night off, unless something surprising happens. You can't be on 24/7."
"Well, in that case…"
Ian tightened his hold on Alex's waist with one arm, putting the other on the back of Alex's head.
Then, before Alex could blink, he ended up on his back, with Ian hovering over him with a grin of his own.
He quickly rearranged himself so he was leaning on his elbows on both sides of Alex's head, their bodies pressed together in a way that prompted a groan out of Alex, even as he tangled his legs around Ian's hips, pulling him closer still.
"As much as I enjoy talking to you," Ian murmured, lips brushing against Alex's jaw, "how about we—"
A whimper interrupted him, and they both looked towards the baby monitor, where Boo was wriggling, his face scrunched up, and Alex already knew what was coming even before the crying started in the next second.
"I have to—"
Ian was already on his feet and pulling Alex up. "Of course. Go."
"I'm really sorry for cutting this short."
"Please don't apologize for taking care of a baby, okay?" Ian dropped a kiss on Alex's mouth and took a step back. "Good night."
Alex wished he could assure Ian he would be back in a few, but it didn't seem likely. Still, this evening had already been so much better than the last—full of hope and promise of their future.
"Good night," Alex whispered, darting for another kiss before heading towards the stairs. "See you tomorrow."
And if I'm lucky, every day for the rest of my life.