Chapter 17 Rayna
Rayna
Louie, Jill and co. arrive four days after Aria, and the house is so full. I love it immensely.
There is constant noise. Whether it is from the TV going, or someone playing a song to show the latest viral dance. There is always something happening in each corner of the house.
It’s Christmas Eve, and Bernice asked if I would let a friend of hers set up Christmas decorations in the house as they were starting their business of special occasion decoration hire in the new year.
They had a few images in their portfolio, but needed more examples, so of course I said yes to help them out.
Marlee arrives with boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations.
There are enough people in the house to assist and make light work of getting them into the house.
And everyone being the amazing people they are, offered to help her and stood by, awaiting Marlee’s instructions on what to set up and place the abundance of green and red items. In a few short hours, the house is transformed into a tasteful Christmas explosion.
Marlee asks if we can pose in a few photos, and I gleefully sit next to Louie, wrapping my arms around him as he places his hands on my arm while we smile her way. My heart is full.
“Thank you so much for letting me do this today, Rayna.” Marlee’s voice is laden with stress as I walk her to the front door.
“Do you need to do anything else?”
“Not here. I have another two clients to set up today.”
“Would you like to take anyone from here with you to help you? I am sure they would be happy to help.”
“No, gosh, no. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it, but I don’t want to put anyone out. I can handle it, and I need to be able to handle it on my own.”
“Just remember to ask for help when you need it. Asking for help is okay. Especially when you are starting out.”
“Thank you so much. I’ll remember that.”
“Please feel free to tag me in those pics when you post them on socials. I’ve a lot of friends who I’m sure would love to take the headache out of setting up their Christmas decorations next year.”
Marlee and I say our ‘goodbyes’ and I head back in to Jill, Koby and Louie preparing some lunch for us all. They prepare some salads, antipasto, and sandwiches. A light lunch in preparation for a Christmas Eve dinner.
It’s a laid back lunch where Louie and Teddy have brought up some names of some of the new talent emerging from training camp Teddy and Jill run in New Zealand.
“There is a really exciting new talent that I think will be ready to join a team next year, Rayna. She’s in her mid-20s, started later than normal, but she is making up for the late start. Rapid progress in her training.”
“You think she will be ready by the start of next season to go into one of the lower categories?”
“Definitely. She would only need a year at the Nationals level to get used to the tracks and would be an easy transition over to Infraction32’s team.”
“Let’s chat about it after Christmas and see where we could fit her into a team.”
Teddy nods enthusiastically and shoves a massive bunch of baby spinach leaves into his mouth.
I chuckle at the sight and look over at Jill. Wineglass in her hand, horrified look on her face as she takes in Teddy and blinks over to me.
“I know he’s hard to resist, but he’s mine.” She shakes her head and takes a gulp. She continues with a drawn out, “Actually, Rayna, how about you let me set you up with someone from work? He is so nice!”
“Ahh, you live in New Zealand? I don’t feel like a commute boyfriend, thanks.”
“Nooo, he lives in Sydney. He’s one of the therapists.”
“Hard pass, thanks.”
“Why not, Mum? Can’t hurt?”
I’m surprised Louie is chiming in on this matter.
“It’s fine. I’m not interested in dating. Happy being on my own. Enjoying one’s own company?” This is a bit out of left field. Why has this come up?
“Sorry, Mum. Just thinking about you. Every season break it’s getting harder for me to leave the testing by the time I plan, and I don’t want you to be on your own,” Louie responds.
“I appreciate it. But I am okay. Truly. I’ve had time to adjust to this life. And I don’t want to influence your decisions and plans for how you live your life.”
Jill casts her eyes at me, slightly squinting. Assessing me, I ignore her stare and squeeze Louie’s hand.
“Let’s leave my love life alone, and talk about something else.”
Teddy moves the conversation to Marla’s final high school marks, and we celebrate her impressive effort and dedication. Koby catches my eye and offers a small smile.
After clearing up lunch, Jill and I bring our glasses of wine to sit in the lounge room. Koby follows us to sit in the lounge room. Louie, Teddy, Declan and Marla have made it into the pool, and Aria is coming out of her room.
Koby nods to Aria and offers. “I’m going to drive Aria to Court’s. Will be back in a bit.”
“Don’t be too long! We still have to play ‘Who’s stuffing my stocking?’ before the night is out.” Jill sings out. A tongue-in-cheek Christmas board game she has been talking about playing since she found it months ago.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Koby smiles at me. Mischief in his eyes as he smuggles a smirk. Smiling back, I try to keep it small. This is a tremendous secret we are keeping from our family and closest friends.
“See you all a little later on,” Aria sings out, and they leave the house.
Taking a few moments to stare at the space Koby once occupied, my gaze slowly returns to Jillian sitting next to me.
Her body, now facing me completely. Like we are two high schoolers sitting cross-legged on the lounge about to dish some juicy goss.
Her eyes are wide with shock, but her mouth is a huge grin.
“Are you fucking kidding me?! You ARE finally seeing someone?!” She screaks loudly.
“Jill!” I hiss, willing her to keep quiet. Our grown children are just outside within earshot. If they had ridiculously amazing hearing.
She looks around, whispering with urgency. “There’s no one around.”
“Let’s go up to my room. I don’t want anyone to hear.”
We make our way up the stairs. The second floor landing was filled with suitcases, shoes, bags. And I love it. The house feels lived in again.
I click my door closed and motion for Jill to sit in the wingman chair at my desk in front of the window.
She walks over to it and smirks. “I don’t know if I want to sit on this. Have you and Koby been…utilising it? Or is it just a cuck chair kinda thing?”
“Jill!” I exclaim. Feeling the heat rise in my cheeks.
“I’m kidding. But seriously, where is it safe to sit?” Her mouth tugs up on one side as she points a finger around my room.
“Everywhere is safe. We haven’t slept together yet,” I bashfully reply.
“Oh.” Is her only reply before she sits on the extreme edge of the chair.
“I want to, but I feel…I don’t even know. Something is holding me back. We have heavy make-out sessions and done a few…things. I just keep stopping us from going any further.”
“With the amount of romance books you read, you would think you would have all the ideas.” Jill winks playfully at me over the wineglass she carted up here.
“It’s not about ideas. And all those characters are 20-something-year-olds! They don’t have creaky joints or saggy skin. Or have to time when they put their estrogen gel on and when to take their medication. I know those are all unrealistic, and that’s why I read them. Escapism.”
“Is it a Wesley hurdle?” Jill cuts to the chase for me.
“Probably. I mean, clearly, I haven’t even spoken to Louie about me and Koby. Even about dating anyone. And earlier showed me that he wouldn’t think anything of it, but it’s still an actual conversation I need to have. Maybe it’s also my self-esteem and body image as well.”
Jill pauses. “Well, one, take the opportunity of us all being here and talk to Louie about it. And remember. You are here. Wesley is not. He always wanted you happy. I want you to be happy. And by the size of that goofy smile you had sprawled across your face when he was looking at you before he left, Koby makes you happy. And for body image shit. You’re hot.
Don’t discount yourself. And I saw how he looked at you.
He sees you as you. You could melt butter on the look he was giving you, thinking of stuffing your stocking. ”
Sighing, I look down at my left hand. My wedding band, still on my finger. Sitting with a pause around me.
“You could always move that to your other hand. I know you love that ring. So it could be your way of moving on but still acknowledging your first love while you make way for your next?”
Rubbing the simple silver band with my right thumb, the texture smooth, despite the 11 inlay diamonds representing my lucky number and our wedding date, I don’t know what it would feel like without it on that finger.
“I will think about it.”
“Also, friendly tip. Stay on the bottom so any loose skin pools to the side and behind you.”
“Oh, I am doing it with the lights way off, thank you very much!”
Jill cackles, then has a pensive moment. Shaking her head.
“What was that for?”
“I saw how you both were looking at each other the last few days and didn’t peg it.”
“We weren’t looking at each other any differently than we always have.”
“No, you definitely were. I’ve seen you both around each other for the last twenty years.
It’s always been friendship looks. It’s why I never even thought about you both together.
But the last few days, I actually thought you both were getting annoyed at each other.
Spending too much time together. But it was right in front of me the whole time! ”
“So you thought we looked annoyed at each other?”
“I’m married. Annoyed. In love. Same thing.”
“Do not start your matchmaking business anytime soon, please.”