Chapter 40 #3
Easton rests a hand on my calf and squeezes. “Of what?”
I close my eyes. “Of everything, East. Of fucking everything. I’m afraid I’m not enough.
I’m afraid I don’t have anything to offer, not something truly of substance.
I’m afraid he’ll realize I’m a fun time that gets old quick.
That he’ll come to his senses and leave.
” My voice breaks, and I glance away. Urgh. Fuck.
Silence settles over the room, and I stare hard at my dark blue comforter.
Then Easton’s gentle words finally break the silence. “I promise you’re enough, Shane. I’ve kinda gotten the impression you’re Jed’s entire world.”
My attention flicks up to his.
His brows pinch. “But I also want to spin that around really quick. We love you. Exactly you. If that’s not enough for someone, that’s where they fall short, not you. You don’t need to be anything but yourself. If someone requires more, they aren’t deserving of your time.”
I wrinkle my nose against the sting building and bite my cheek hard. “Those are very nice words, Cowboy,” I say hoarsely.
His lips curve up softly. It’s a smile of reassurance and love. A promise that every word he speaks is true. It’s sweet, genuine East.
“They’re true.” He pauses, hesitates. “But, um, also…do you think maybe it might be worth seeing someone about this? What you’ve been through, Shane…
it’s a lot to carry on your own. Therapy can be really amazing.
It’ll help you unpack this, learn coping strategies.
I know there’s a stigma around going, but I kinda think we could all benefit from someone helping us work through our feelings.
I don’t really get why that’s seen as a negative. ”
His gaze drops and he gives my foot a little love tap.
“I started seeing someone for my anxiety, and because my and Maddy’s situation has been weighing on me.
I’m really loving it.” His earnest blue gaze lifts.
“It’s nice to talk to someone who understands how our minds work.
It can be…healing, understanding why we feel the way we do.
That what we’re feeling is valid, but that there are still things we can do to help ourselves. ”
That’s…an interesting thought. A really great thought.
“I think that’s a really good idea, Cowboy.”
“The only kind I have, bro.” He gives me an exaggerated nod, the word bro laid on extra thick.
A laugh barks out of me. “Was that supposed to be an imitation of me?”
He grins. “No one can dude-bro like you, Shane-O.”
“I’m one of a kind,” I toss out.
East’s smile fades. “You are, Shane. I know you don’t mean it when you say things like that. But you’re irreplaceable to us.”
I frown against the burn building in my eyes. “Well, damn,” I say thickly.
I bite my lip and drop my head back. The ceiling wavers in and out. The band around my chest cinches tighter. This band is new. A fear I didn’t realize I needed to have until now.
“What if I’m not strong enough for this?” My hoarse words fill the room. Hover incomplete.
“For what?”
I squeeze my eyes shut tight. “Strong enough to fight for Jed like he deserves, to be what he needs. If the past few days have shown anything, it’s that I crumble when things get tough.
Jed needs someone who doesn’t fall apart, who can stand with him.
Not someone who leeches from him and gives nothing in return.
I’m not foolish enough to think we won’t face asswipes like my father and Dev again. He shouldn’t have to hold us both up.”
“That’s not how it works, Shane.”
I frown and open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I don’t…follow. I straighten and meet East’s gaze.
“You don’t need to be strong all the time.
You’re not supposed to be. Relationships are about balance.
You’re there for each other through the good and the bad.
We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and that allows us to step up for our partners when they need us, and vice versa.
Jed has been absolutely frantic, not knowing how to help you.
Because that’s what you do for the people you love.
And I guarantee there will be moments when you return the favor. ”
I scoff. Yeah, right. Jed is so damn strong; he’s a stone. It’s right there in his name. What could I possibly offer him?
“Shane,” East says softly. “It’s not always big moments.
Every single day you spent badgering your way into Jed’s life, you softened him.
I know he calls you sunshine. Because you are a literal ray of sunshine that melted through the ice surrounding him.
He smiles now. He laughs.” He points at me. “You did that. You.”
That word hits me smack-dab in the middle of the chest. Lodges itself there.
“It’s harder to see when you’re close to it, but all of us in this house see it clear as day. He’s happy now. I’m not sure there’s anything that tops giving someone their happiness back. So, please don’t sell yourself short.”
“It’s all I want,” I whisper tightly. The words are almost impossible to push past my throat.
“He’s really incredible, East. And, fuck.
I’ve got it so bad for him. I want to give him everything.
I want to be everything he needs. So bad.
I don’t want to fall short. I don’t want to fail him. He deserves the best.”
“So do you.”
I suck in a choppy breath. One my body struggles to do anything with because it’s too overwhelmed by Easton’s words. My best friend’s words.
“What you two have is no small thing. You wouldn’t let me lose that with Maddy.” East shoots me a small, affectionate smile. “Now it’s my turn to make sure you don’t lose that with Stone. You’re not just enough for him, Shane. You’re exactly what he needs.”
My eyes well, and I try desperately to blink it away. There’s no one I trust more than East. There’s no such thing as empty platitudes with Easton. Every word he speaks, he believes down to his marrow. And it gives me courage. It gives me hope.
I nod jerkily. “I’m going to try really hard to be.”
Easton grins. “We all know that when Shane Michaels sets his mind to something, he’s a force to be reckoned with.
Who else could convince a locker room of jocks to sport golden thongs for a game?
Who else could have softened a man made of stone?
Who else could have been thrown into a brand-new position and owned it like it’s one he’s been playing all along? ”
“Well, goodness.” I let out a watery laugh. “When you put it like that, clearly, I’m extremely awesome.”
“It’s almost like…you’re the total package.
We grin at each other like fools.
“I love you, you know that?” he says. “Family. Forever.”
I send him heart-hands. “I love you, too, Cowboy.”
Family.
Forever.