Chapter 19 #2
“She asked me if I had to make a choice between the SEALs and her which would I choose. I said her, of course. She never actually asked me to choose, though.” He cleared his throat.
“I ignored the warning signs on my first deployment, and after I rotated back home—I thought maybe she’d finally move to the base once we were married.
I thought things would go back to normal between us.
” He set his beer on the table and stared at their clasped hands atop his left thigh.
“I never thought she’d stand me up at the altar. ”
He faked a laugh because what else could he do?
“For a guy who pays attention to details I really dropped the ball, huh?”
“I’m so sorry.” She pulled her hand free of his and placed her palm on his cheek, and he turned into her touch to look at her eyes.
“Don’t be. Everything happens for a reason. And it probably really is my fault because I’m pretty sure I lied to her. I don’t think I would’ve chosen her if she’d actually given me the ultimatum to choose between the teams and her. So, I guess she was right to leave me.”
“You don’t ask someone you love to make that choice. It’s not fair.”
“My family blamed me for the split. Blamed me for losing her. But being a SEAL was all I’d ever wanted. More than anything. More than her.” It was the first time he’d said the words aloud. Spoken the truth.
“Then maybe she wasn’t the love of your life.” She let go of his face, and he missed her touch. “Maybe being a SEAL is.”
His job, the missions, his teammates—it was everything to him. And in the last ten or so years he hadn’t thought he needed more. Better for his focus anyway.
“What happened next?”
“After we broke up, I went to sniper school, and when I nearly got booted for missing a shot—I realized I had no choice but to move on.” An image of Brandon rose in his mind, but the anger he’d experienced whenever he thought of him and Melissa together over the last several years didn’t feel quite as heavy right now.
“My brother didn’t have the balls to tell me he’d started dating my ex.
I found out myself when I went home to visit.
I decided to go tactical on his ass and breach his place to surprise him. ”
“Oh, no.”
He nodded. “They were on his couch in the dark having sex when I dropped in.”
Her lips twisted into a scowl, the first he’d ever really seen her wear.
“Brandon says nothing happened between them while we were together, and even if that’s true, he’s my brother . . . But he says I chose the Navy over her, and so, I never deserved her.”
“How is that right? How can your family side with him?” She shook her head. “Shit, I’m sorry. It’s not my business, but it just pisses me off.”
He thought back to Melissa standing on his grandfather’s porch, which seemed like an eternity ago. “I’m going to be an uncle. Brandon flew to Virginia to let me know.”
“That’s why you showed up to my place drunk that night?”
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
She reached for his face again, her cold palm heaven against his warm skin. “And now you and I are married, and—”
“And you’ll be leaving, too.” He shifted out of her reach, stood, and moved back to the railing. He linked his hands together behind his neck and tried to focus on the beauty of the sky Emily had been so enthralled with before.
“Liam.” Her hand splayed on his back over the fleece fabric of his jacket. “Look at me.”
He lowered his arms to his sides but didn’t turn. “I don’t think I should.”
“Why not?”
His chest tightened. Hell, it burned.
“Please.”
“I’m too scared to look at you.”
“Scared? What could you be scared of? You’re a hero. A warrior.”
He slowly maneuvered around to face her, his chest rising and falling as he struggled to pace his breathing. Wanting nothing more than to take her into his arms and be with her.
“You make me feel shit I haven’t felt in a long time.” His nostrils flared. “You make me wonder if . . .” He let go of his words because voicing what he wanted wouldn’t be fair to her. He knew how it’d end with them. How it had to end.
She placed her hands atop his forearms over his coat and held on to him. “Your brother showed up. Melissa’s pregnant. And now there’s this eight-year-old kid who has entrusted her life to you, and so, you’re confused.” Her lips pressed into a hard line before she added, “It’s not me.”
He stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “There it is again.”
“What?”
“That brush of insecurity courtesy of your ex-fiancé.” God, he wanted to kill him for ever thinking it was okay to hurt her.
Emotional pain often left far more damage than the physical.
Guess he knew that firsthand. “But, uh, what makes you think you’re not the reason why I’m so fucked up right now? ”
A tiny smile skirted her lips. “When you put it like that . . .”
He brought his hands to his face and slowly dragged them down. “I didn’t mean for it to sound like that.”
She shrugged. “I’m not your type, remember?”
“Because I can’t let myself feel this way, because I’ve done my best not to feel this way since—”
“She broke your heart?”
“No. Since I chose the Navy over her.” He turned back toward the Andes Mountains. “I don’t want to hurt someone because of the choices I make.”
“Or get hurt, you mean. Casual sex is much safer. I get it.”
He cursed under his breath and forced himself to face her again. “What happened in Vegas, there was nothing casual about that night.” And that was the problem.
“Yeah, well, I’ll have to take your word for it.”
He rested a fist beneath her chin, and she wrapped her hand around his wrist. They remained quiet for minutes. Eyes simply locked.
It was almost as if someone hit the fast-forward button on his life, and he was trying to catch up to the speed. To figure out what he was feeling right now.
“This song is screwing with my head,” she said, breaking the silence. Her entire body gently swayed back and forth to the music, and her eyes dropped closed. “Music like this makes me feel everything. Makes me want things.”
“Define ‘things,’” he said as his gaze zeroed in on her mouth. He wanted to suck her bottom lip and pull it between his teeth. When she didn’t answer, he couldn’t help but blurt, “I take back what I said in the car the other day.”
“About what?” She opened her eyes.
“Blindfolding you with your T-shirt,” he said, recognizing the deep timbre of his own voice, the desire flowing through. “I’d want to look you in the eyes while we make love.” Make love? What was he saying?
She pushed up on her toes, bringing her face closer to his like an invitation to kiss. And hell, he took it. His mouth slanted over hers.
He matched her almost light, feathery kisses, then he demanded her lips to part, to make way for his tongue.
Kissing her was better than taking the perfect shot. Sweeter than riding the perfect wave back home with the sun hitting his back.
Her kiss. Her touch. It was everything. Innocence masking some of the X-rated things he wanted to do with her.
“Is anyone watching us?” she murmured against his lips.
“Probably everyone.”
“I meant bad people.”
He reluctantly stepped back. “No, we’re good, but let’s get the hell out of here, anyway.”