Chapter 21 #2
“It’ll be six years in November since he’s been gone.
We were on an op, and we needed recon near an alleged terrorist cell.
To prevent drawing attention, and with no drones at our disposal, only one man was deployed.
Marcus volunteered. Somehow, he was spotted, and he didn’t make it back.
Captured and killed.” He was somewhat vague since the operation was top secret and not with Scott & Scott, but he owed her honesty after she’d opened up to him.
“Marcus was one of the best of us. Said we had to earn the privilege of being a SEAL every day, not just on the day we got our trident.” He pointed to his tattoo.
“This ink is a reminder to do that in his honor. Be the best man I can be every day, especially on the hardest days.”
She brushed a hand over his tattoo, eyes remaining frozen on his arm as if working through the weight of his words.
“And this black band was Marcus’s. We rotate wearing it in his memory,” he explained while Ana smoothed her thumb over the black band, which resembled rubber, though it was made from leather.
“Weird thing is, ever since I bumped my head Saturday, I keep seeing Marcus. Feeling him everywhere.” A.J.
blinked and squinted as his eyes burned with the threat of shedding his emotions.
He’d witnessed her tears. Brushed them from her cheeks.
But he rarely allowed his own tears to fall in the presence of others.
And when possible, he used humor to fight off any painful memories that might provoke tears.
“He was out here in that rocking chair talking to me. I swear it was real.”
She clutched A.J.’s forearms and turned her head to study the rocking chair for a moment.
“For years, I saw and talked to my parents. I may have been furious with them, but they remained with me for the longest time.” She slid both hands up his arms to brace his biceps, eyes set on his green ones.
“Everyone heals differently. You’re not crazy. ”
“Marcus died six years ago. I feel like I might be a bit crazy.” He swallowed the knot in his throat.
She tightened her grip on his arms and held on to his eyes. “Maybe that knock on the head isn’t making you see things,” she began, “it’s just helping you finally process. Go through the stages of grief.”
“I grieved when he died.” He thought he did, at least. But hell . . .
“But for how long? Did you truly move on? Forgive yourself for your friend dying instead of you?”
And shit, the woman had multiple psychology degrees, so yeah, she knew a thing or two about this, but she treated him less like a patient and more like someone who understood loss.
She gingerly touched his cheek with the back of her hand before her thumb caught his bottom lip, tugging it down ever so slightly.
“You took me in your arms and let me grieve my parents’ death.
I’ve never let myself do that. I was always too angry at them, too angry at myself for being so sad that I never truly just cried for my loss.
Fifteen years later, it took a cowboy SEAL with a heart of gold to get me to open up. ”
He half smiled, still working to fully accept her words and what she was trying to convey.
Had he spent the last six years being angry? Had he been mad at himself and the world for the death of his best friend?
Justice was served to the terrorists who murdered Marcus, and while it had appeased the SEAL in him, it had barely put a dent in the pain he felt at the loss of his best friend.
I think she’s the one for you. The words of Marcus’s ghost strummed through his mind, plucking at his heartstrings. It’s time to move on. Be happy.
Marcus was gone, and he’d left behind a wife. A widow now. How was that fair? But was Marcus right? Had A.J. been avoiding love and happiness out of guilt? Was it time to move on?
He gently swept Ana’s hand from his face to seize hold of her cheeks. She was real, right?
“How’d I get so lucky to have you walk into my life?” he whispered, trying his best to take Marcus’s words to heart. Ana was the first woman in six years who’d made A.J. want to keep his feet firmly planted on the ground. No taking off out of fear of deserving happiness.
“I guess it’s all those lines you’ve been crossing that brought you to me.” She lifted an auburn brow, her eyes still a bit red from crying before she’d gone to bed.
It’s time to move on. Be happy. He’d swear he heard Marcus’s voice again, and it had him releasing a shaky breath.
But then he followed Marcus’s advice. He gently held Ana’s face between his palms and slowly captured her lips with his. She clasped her hands atop his as he placed quick, urgent kisses on her mouth, neck, then back to her lips again.
With Marcus’s words surrounding him, the heated kiss he was sharing with Ana felt like a release from the prison of guilt he never realized he’d been trapped in until now. The power of this one kiss brought him to his knees, and she dropped with him so as to not break their connection.
He lowered his hands from her face, tracing the lines of her silhouette from her waist down to the curve of her ass. She arched into his touch as they continued to kiss, moving with frenzied need, touching every part of each other without releasing their lips.
They were both reeling.
Spiraling.
Right into each other’s arms.