Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
VIRGINIA
Finn held the neck of his beer at his side as he peered around the expansive backyard of Chris and Rory’s house, where all of Bravo and Echo Teams and their families had gathered for a cookout and a celebration that Wyatt was alive. And another mission complete.
“He missed you.” It was Elaina, Liam and Emily’s daughter. Finn smiled at her as she squatted on the other side of Bear to give him attention as well. “Do you think Uncle Wyatt is mad at me?”
“What?” Finn shook his head in surprise and set his beer in the grass, hoping it wouldn’t spill.
Elaina was heading into her teenage years—how the hell had that happened so fast—and he knew Liam was going to lose his mind when she started dating.
The kid was all kinds of special. “Why on earth would Wyatt be mad at you?”
She continued to pet Bear but set her eyes on Wyatt, who was standing on crutches, his leg in a cast, near the patio.
Wyatt was talking to Gwen, his adult daughter he hadn’t known existed until not too long ago, and he was laughing at something she was saying.
“Because I didn’t warn him about the storm.
I didn’t know about it. I should have known. ”
Finn’s body went lax at her words. Guilt.
Hell no. This girl was not going to saddle herself with guilt.
He wouldn’t allow that. No damn way. “That is not your fault. Not at all. Please, please do not think that.” He dropped onto his ass on the ground and propped his knees up, and when Elaina copied his move, Bear ran off to jump around with Owen and Samantha’s dog.
“I usually get warnings. I didn’t this time. Maybe my mojo is gone.”
“Mojo, huh?” Finn pushed his sunglasses into his hair, which was getting a bit longer and in need of a cut. And maybe he was looking more and more like Roman lately. “Do you want it to be gone?”
“Sometimes. But I could have kept Uncle Wyatt safe if I hadn’t been on the fritz.”
That made his stomach hurt. “You can’t save everyone, Elaina, even when your mojo’s not on the fritz.
People make their own choices. Wyatt knew what he signed up for when he went out into that desert with the rest of us.
He makes his own choices, and he knows what he .
. .” Finn squeezed his eyes closed and damn near cried.
“You know, don’t you?” Elaina whispered. A tear rolled down his cheek when her small hand grasped his. “You know it wasn’t your fault now, don’t you?”
She was talking about his brother, he was sure of it. But he didn’t quite grasp how she was aware of Jaden. But one thing was for certain, her mojo was far from off.
“I’ll forgive my brain for not knowing Wyatt was going to get hurt if you forgive yourself, too.”
Finn wiped a tear free from his cheek and opened his eyes. He was choked up, damn it. “I should have saved him.”
Elaina peered at him with her big brown eyes, the sunlight spilling all around her, making her look like an angel, a messenger from God.
“You can’t save everyone,” she repeated his words, and he was going to have some kind of breakdown in two seconds.
He could feel it. Dubai was only a week ago, and he missed Julia like crazy, and now hearing this .
. . Fuck. “But you keep on trying, don’t you?
” A little smile met her lips. “So, I’ll keep on trying too.
I’ll be like you.” She tightened her grip on his big hand with all her strength, let go, then pushed up to her feet.
“But I’m still going to go tell Uncle Wyatt sorry. Can’t help myself.”
This kid’s wisdom was beyond her years and hell, his, too.
“I love you, Uncle Finn. You’re going to make her a great husband.”
“Make who a great husband?” He was sniffling, wasn’t he?
Her grin stretched. “You know who,” she singsonged before skipping away.
Finn quickly swiped at the tears escaping his eyes before his brothers saw his emotions leaking.
“Oh, she got to you, didn’t she?” It was Chris, and he dropped down next to him with two beers and offered Finn a new one.
They both turned their attention to their teammates and their families scattered about the yard, and Chris’s gaze moved to Rory, to the woman who made him feel whole.
“Yeah, she got to me.” Finn accepted the beer since it was cold, unlike the warm one he’d set down.
Elaina was now talking to Wyatt, and he rid himself of one crutch to hook an arm around her for a hug.
“What if Julia’s never going to be ready for me?” he found himself asking after they sat for a few minutes in silence, which Chris must have realized he needed.
“Julia’s the one for you. We all knew that when we had you draw the short straw to protect her.
” He lifted his sunglasses to wink at him, which had Finn rolling his eyes.
“Plus, Harper says she offered her the beachfront house in North Carolina for us all to get hitched, so . . . we kind of need you two together to make that happen.”
“You’re hilarious.”
Chris patted him on the back. “Totally not kidding. But maybe it’ll end up being a triple wedding. Just not an accidental marriage this time, like with Liam and Emily.”
Finn considered the insanity of his words. He knew Harper and Roman were going to want to get married ASAP with a baby on the way, and Chris and Rory had been undecided on their wedding location. But me? A wedding that summer to a woman he wasn’t sure would be able to commit? Not going to happen.
“You never know, brother. You just never know what might happen.”
Finn looked up as Luke and Jessica headed toward them, which for some reason brought him back to that shitty motel room in LA nine years ago when they’d recruited him. And he’d left Pasadena without visiting Jaden in the cemetery like he should have afterward. Still haven’t visited.
Elaina wanted him to, didn’t she? She’d just nudged him to do so. To help him forgive himself for what she believed wasn’t his fault. Jaden chose to do drugs. How can I not be upset that I chose to keep his secret?
“Why do you two look like team leaders right now instead of chill partygoers?” Chris asked once they stopped before them.
“Because POTUS called. We’re spinning up.” Luke grimaced as if this was the last thing he wanted, especially after they’d come close to losing Wyatt only last week. And then, of course, they were a man down if both teams were needed.
“Where are we going?” Finn grabbed his other bottle from the ground and stood at the news along with Chris.
“We’re going hunting.” Luke shrugged. “Or maybe fishing.”
“What he means is POTUS wants us to find five new recruits. Scout them out. See who we want to form a new team.”
“Wait, what?” Chris asked. “Like for real, for real? This is no longer just talk?”
Jessica removed her sunglasses, then exchanged a look with her brother before turning her attention back on Chris and Finn. “For real, for real.”
“Charlie Team,” Luke said. “I hate having a team called Alpha. Feels like they’d be in charge of us.”
“Alpha males. Psh. You’re all alphas,” Jessica teased. “But Delta is reserved for us ladies when we join you.”
“So, Charlie Team.” Finn secured both bottles in one hand to free his other to shield his eyes from the sun and slide his glasses back in place.
Five more guys.
Was this really happening?
Finn immediately thought of Julia and her doubts about whether she could handle all the worry and what-ifs every time he was on an op. He closed his eyes, and his entire body became weak. “You might need six,” he added, his voice breaking at what that meant . . . he’d be leaving Echo Team.
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
Finn sat in front of the headstone with his brother’s name etched above the gray cross and pulled up his music playlist on his phone.
“Bryan Adams. Everything I Do,” he said as he pressed play.
“I heard it being performed while I was in Dubai recently. Thought of you, of course.” He stretched his legs out in front of him, listening to the lyrics, and reached for the Nikon he’d asked Harper to give him back in Virginia before he’d left the party three days ago.
He clicked through the images he’d taken of Julia in Egypt. So beautiful in that sundress. He smirked as he recalled how outspoken she was that first day. She’d shocked the hell out of him, A.J., and Chris when she’d jokingly asked why men seemed to love doggy style so much.
“I fell for someone,” he told his brother. “This girl is . . .” He shook his head. “No, Julia would prefer to be called a woman, not a girl. And she really is an amazing woman.”
He scrolled through the images Julia had taken on the safari adventure, surprised to see she’d taken more photos of Finn than he’d realized. He swore he was looking at a different man seeing himself through her eyes.
And damn, did his chest ache.
He placed the camera on his lap and tipped his head back, absorbing the lyrics to the song.
“Wonder Woman,” he said under his breath.
“You should have seen her in that costume. Maybe you did. Maybe you’re up there watching over me now.
” He closed his eyes for a second before turning his attention to the headstone.
“Just, you know, don’t watch us when we have sex, bro. ” He laughed a little.
Am I losing my mind? I hope not.
Finn wasn’t sure what people did when they visited a loved one in a cemetery. He’d visited his fallen brothers, of course, but this was his first time one-on-one with Jaden. He assumed people talked, not that anyone could actually hear them. He didn’t think so, at least.
Of course, A.J. insisted Marcus still visited him. And would Marcus’s widow, Savanna, ever find love again? Or would she be forever married to Marcus in her mind?
“Can Julia move on?” he found himself asking Jaden. “Maybe you can put in a good word to Tucker for me? Let him know I’ll protect Julia with my last breath.”
He gathered in a deep pull of air and let it go, noticing his hand tremble a little.
“I visited Mom and Dad. Separately, of course. Mom is dating a pharmacist now, which feels kind of weird. Dad is with someone a decade younger but seems happy.” He thought back to the moment he’d knocked on his mom’s door yesterday before flying to LA.
He hadn’t expected his mom to immediately reach for him and hug him and whisper, It’s about damn time you visited.
He’d built up the story of her hate for him in his head over the years to something much bigger than had been true, but she’d been too afraid to talk to him and apparently ashamed to make the first move.
She’d been waiting for him to open the door to a difficult conversation about Jaden.
The guilt he shared with his parents for not demanding Jaden go to rehab.
“I’m sorry, brother. I’m so sorry I kept your secret. I tried to stop you, but I didn’t try hard enough. I’ve tried to save as many lives as possible since you died, though. I’ve done my best. I guess our best is all we really can do in this life.”
He closed his eyes and secured the camera back into his hand, the weight of it somehow comforting as if he had Julia’s hand instead to help get him through this moment.
“I love her,” he found himself professing.
“I was mesmerized by her the moment she walked into my self-defense class. But these last few weeks together . . . I can’t imagine being with anyone other than her.
I think—no, I know she’s the one.” He shifted to his knees, resting his butt on his calves, and set his free hand on top of the headstone.
“I just don’t know if she knows that.” He bowed his head. “I should tell her, right?”