Chapter 7
CHAPTER
SEVEN
SMACK
The small cluster of homes was near some brush. If the fire did change in this direction, it would catch quickly. A faint smell was already in the air, gray with smoke. The area was eerily silent as we wandered from home to home. My throat was parched, and we were far from the crackling fire. That’s what made this task all the harder. People didn’t like to believe what they couldn’t see. Trouble was, the moment you saw the flames, it would be too late.
“God, I’m stiff already.” Caleb moaned slightly, twisting his back from side to side.
His messy hair hung in his eyes, his stubble coming in, although uneven on the burned side. I didn’t panic over fires. But Caleb’s jawline? It made me panic…just a little.
“Are you going to shave while we’re here?” I blurted.
“Yes, sir.” Caleb nodded, but he appeared amused. I had no idea why he often found my comments amusing. Most did not. And that fucking sir ? I usually liked my house showing manners, but it suddenly got under my skin when Caleb kept saying it, especially with his velvety eyes.
A grown man’s eyes should not be allowed to be so soft and brown.
“Take your time. I’m moving ahead.” I abruptly jerked my mask on and walked a few paces from Caleb.
I heard him scamper to catch up with me but did not pause to look at him.
We walked through a smoke-filled area to a patch of green and turned toward some homes. They might think they were safe, but it was an illusion.
Caleb and I first approached an older man, standing outside his home, his feet braced for battle. He had an unkempt beard and red-rimmed eyes.
“Fiddlesticks!” the older man shouted at Caleb and me. “You weather people or firemen are always saying it will be all doom and gloom. There’s no fire here. And I got nowhere to go.”
I tried for a patient tone. “The fire isn’t here yet, but we have reason to believe some embers might cause issues in this direction. We can recommend some safety zones. Find you a place to be cared for?—”
“Ain’t leaving my property. No way. If a fire comes here, I aim to defend my home.” The old man huffed.
“Is that worth risking your life?”
“Yeah, son, it is.” The old man spat on the ground. “I got nothing if I leave here.”
I nodded. He was a lost cause who wasn’t going to be persuaded. “Let’s go over to the next one.” I motioned to the second home.
Caleb nodded, following me. We knocked at the next house, and a couple answered. I explained about the new evacuation orders.
They listened politely, not engaging in the conversation. The husband was small and wiry, his wife clearly pregnant. Somewhere behind them, a small dog barked.
I tried again, stepping closer to the man. “If the fire comes this way, you won’t be able to stop it. And our trucks might not get to this area in time. Please reconsider.”
“Nothing to reconsider.”
The wife’s eyes were afraid, her lip trembling. She held one hand over her swelling belly.
“Please, Tim.” She gazed at her husband. “I don’t want to be here.”
“Even inhaling smoke is not good for her condition,” Caleb said.
She gave him a grateful smile but didn’t look directly at Caleb’s face. Her husband grunted and looked from his house to his wife. “You go, then, Donna. I’ll meet you when it’s safe.”
“But I want you with me.” She placed his hand on her stomach. “We want you with us.”
But her husband wouldn’t be moved. He did help her pack a bag, and we dropped her and their yappy dog, Princess, at the nearest safe zone.
I drove to the next set of homes. Much of the same thing occurred. We convinced one family with small toddlers to leave, but the rest of them opted to stay.
“I’m getting a goddamn headache from this. What the fuck is wrong with these people?” Caleb croaked.
“You can’t force people to evacuate.”
“Why not?” he grumbled. “All that happens is firefighters have to try and rescue them. And they get hurt in the process.”
I patted his shoulder. “We tried. And maybe the winds will spare them.”
“They were so suspicious of us.” He met my eyes, his own full of worry. He walked alongside me back to the truck. “As if we had other motives other than to give them our best advice. Do we sometimes get it wrong? Sure, but it’s all with the best of intentions.”
“Agreed. And better safe than sorry when it comes to Mother Nature. But, regardless, we do our job.”
“That older man was actually mad at us for wanting to help. I’ll never understand. And they wasted our time arguing with us. Even the guy with the pregnant wife. What the hell?”
“Yeah…” I offered a sad smile as we halted outside the truck.
A guilty look skittered over his face before Caleb took a deep breath. “Sorry.”
“For what?’
“Complaining.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s upsetting.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “I usually can control it. My moods.”
Ask anybody at our firehouse who was the moody one, and Caleb’s name would be last. Mine first, maybe. But now, away from the familiar setting of our fire station and out in the middle of nowhere, I saw the truth. Caleb was desperately masking all his negative feelings. Somebody, somewhere, had taught him to repress them and not let them out. But in my experience with Dan and grieving, it was important to acknowledge loss. Loss, like the embers of a fire, could spread in any direction. You couldn’t turn your back and ignore the feelings.
I cleared my throat. “You don’t have to control anything for me. Just be honest. Be you. Moody or not, it’s all fine. We’re here to do a job, and we will do that job to the best of our ability. Together, as partners.”
Caleb moistened his lips. “Thanks, Captain. It means a whole lot to me. It just sucks to not help them, idiots that they are, and know some of them might fucking die out here.”
“I get it,” I said somberly. “Believe me, I’m just as upset as you.”
“You aren’t showing it.”
I gave a bitter laugh. “Practice.”
Caleb sighed loudly, shaking his head. “I try meditation or go to the gym when I feel this way. Something physical. I just want to hit or hug something, hard and long.” He attempted a smile and failed.
“Ready to move on?” I whispered roughly.
He gave an earnest nod.
As we started on our journey again, I tried to ignore a pang of worry. Driving toward the wildfire suddenly didn’t alarm me as much as the heat between me and Caleb. The fire, I could handle.
I parked the truck in an open field. “We’re here,” I said.
Caleb took in the rough conditions. People in full gear, looking exhausted, the small circle of tents, where many of them slept a few hours before another shift. Others might be in a truck with some provisions like ours, but nothing would be easy about the coming days fighting the wildfire. Exhausting was a meager word for what we’d be doing. They’d be rationed food and hours of brutal labor ahead, little to no sleep, but we’d all stay—not for the adrenaline, but because this was the job. We’d stay until the burn was contained.
“Jesus, that’s a lot of smoke,” Caleb said as we stepped out of the truck. He took out our masks and apparatus, looking at the dark sky, frowning slightly.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m glad we’re here and ready to fight this thing. With all of these teams arriving, I’m sure we’ll reach containment.”
“It might take time,” I pointed out.
“Always the optimist.” Caleb grinned. It was nice to see his real smile and not some tight-lipped one. His determined expression made my heart lift in response.
Caleb checked our gear and masks. Backdraft was a real danger with these fires. So were collapse zones. One minute and a structure might go down in a flash. The debris would be bad in those cases, even if you weren’t in the falling structure.
His mask hid some, not all, of his scars. He closed his eyes, the sunlight catching his thick eyelashes and the highlights of gold in his brown hair. I averted my gaze. I didn’t want to notice small details like that. Or how beautiful he was. Caring for people brought too much hurt. I was good with my mom and Erin; I didn’t need to add to the list of people in my life. Did that make me a coward or an asshole? Maybe both.
“Let’s go,” I said, and we headed toward the perimeter.
Caleb immediately greeted a passing first responder. We weren’t the ones in charge here, only volunteers. I recognized the man Caleb chatted with as one of the permanent crew, a smoke jumper. I watched for a moment as they chatted. We’d have to find the commander and get our orders soon enough.
Caleb took time to speak with everybody we rescued. He volunteered for duties other guys didn’t want. He was fucking brave, returning to the job when most others would have quit. Hell, I wasn’t certain I’d return to the job if I’d faced his trauma and burns.
I wanted to unbreak him, damn it. Fix the damage to his face, to his soul. Make him stop hurting. Remind him he was capable every damn day if that’s what it took.
“Captain, are you with me?”
“Yeah.” I fixed my mask into place. “I’m with you.”
It was the last conversation we had before all hell broke loose.