Chapter 6
CHAPTER
SIX
CALEB
Smack didn’t return my smile when I suggested thanking each other, and he hadn’t liked my attempt at self-deprecation, either. Too bad. That had been one of my tricks that I depended on. But Smack didn’t let me get away with my usual bullshit. It was like he had X-ray vision into me.
I’d found myself confessing my depression, something I had always hidden, even from Phin or my family. He had seen me, as sure as if my scarred body were standing naked in front of him. His penetrating gaze, those sharp, electric-blue eyes, made me feel vulnerable in comparison. Captain Smack was all hardness and masculine power. It was what attracted me—the idea of being safe in his arms, trusting his experience. But now…I was afraid of it. He was too close, too aware of me in ways others never were.
I willed myself to sleep. When I woke, it must have been over an hour later, and I peered out the window at the desert landscape, brown and still. No sight of smoke in the air yet. But soon, we would see it forming, smell it in the air. It would sting our eyes and lungs, even with protective gear.
“Got some rest?” Smack asked, his powerful hands on the steering wheel as his gaze flickered to mine. I could see concern there. Kindness. He was a tough boss, a rough sort of man outwardly, but I knew him well enough now to see how much gentleness lurked right underneath the surface.
“Want me to drive for a while? You should rest, too, while we can.”
“That’d be great.” He pulled off to the side of the road. “Thanks,” he said as we parked.
“No big deal.”
“It is to me.”
I squirmed. “Okay, then, you’re welcome.”
Smack touched my arm. “That’s better.”
Something in me softened. I was used to doing for others without comment. It was my nature to try and help whenever possible, to take care. Being appreciated and thanked for it was weirdly new. A warm, fuzzy feeling went through me.
“I’m rested, but I’m worried about how bad the wildfire will be,” I confessed as we switched seats.
“Me, too. It’s a bad one for sure. Containment might take weeks, and there will be multiple areas to cover.”
My stomach knotted at the thought. All those poor people fighting the heat and flames.
“I’ll give it everything I got. I realize Kamira was your first choice to go, and you might not have wanted me?—”
“What are you talking about? I do want you,” Smack said bluntly, making my heart jump.
“I don’t want to let you down, Captain. It’s been a while since I was at such a big job.” I cleared my throat. “Guess it makes me a little worried.”
I was grateful to be driving. It gave me an excuse not to look at Captain Smack. I could feel his intense gaze, felt him sweep over me from head to toe. I clutched the wheel. Why had I told him how I was feeling? Captain Smack made me keep confessing things I normally didn’t reveal.
“Don’t be worried,” he said in a low voice. “You’re strong and capable. I know you’ll be helpful at the job, Caleb.”
I drew an unsteady breath. “You think so?”
“I wouldn’t have taken you with me otherwise.”
“Thanks. Um, and I trust you to lead me through the wildfire. You’re a good captain.”
“That’s true,” Smack said without a hint of modesty. But I liked that about him. He had an honesty that was rare. I cast a sidelong look at him. What if confidence in oneself could be learned? If so, I’d gladly let Smack be my teacher.
“I’m going to get some shut-eye. Wake me when we’re getting close.” He leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes.
I drove on, troubled by all the jumbled feelings Captain Smack brought out. In some ways, my darker ones were closer to the surface, which scared me. On the other hand, Captain Smack made me tingle with awareness, and those emotions had also been long in a deep freeze. What did it all mean? I wasn’t sure. It felt unsafe. Like if I gave in to the chemistry between us and kissed him, I would be opening Pandora’s box. Not only with Smack, but within me. I’d be opening up everything locked away. And I couldn’t do that. Could I?
I glanced at him asleep. With his eyes closed, he wasn’t as intimidating. I allowed myself to drink in his features, the dark eyelashes, high cheekbones, and firm mouth. The way his lips parted in his sleep alone gave him a pinch of undefended territory. I’d like to taste his mouth, kiss away his resilience, and explore that part of Captain Sean Smack. What would it be like to have such a man surrender to me?
A bump on the road had me diverting my gaze. I wouldn’t be kissing him. The fantasies needed to stop.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t seem to order my brain to listen.
Mile after mile, I drove until the sun began to set, pink and orange hues brilliant in the sky. Ahead lay the raging flames and ash.
Captain Smack’s phone interrupted my thoughts. He bolted upright at the ringtone. Blinking fiercely, Smack answered the call. I could make out a grumbling voice on the other side.
“Yes, sir.” Smack rubbed the heel of his hand at his eyes. “Will do.”
He lowered the phone to his lap and looked at me. “Pull over.”
“What is it?”
“We’ve been asked to make a detour.”
“Now? We’re not far from the site.”
He shrugged. “I know. But the embers have started another smaller fire, and folks to the south are not evacuating despite the order.”
“Fuck.” I pulled the truck to the side. “Why are some people idiots?”
“The age-old question.” Smack’s mouth quirked before he mapped the directions on his phone. “Let’s go try and talk some sense into them.”