Chapter 11
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
CALEB
It turned out that Marge was as wonderful as her son. Within moments, she had me planning to order tuna salad, which I didn’t even like, and was gossiping with me, putting me at ease. She told me all about which residents were dating, who had recently wandered off and had to be brought back, and she was open about her own condition. When her hand shook as she took some sugar for her iced tea, Marge merely shrugged. “It happens a lot if I push myself, but I still push myself. What’s the alternative?”
“Hey, Marge. What can I get you today?” the waitress said with a smile. “Your normal tuna?”
“Make it two on rye, please. Trust me, Caleb, it’s the best.”
“Order away.” I gave Marge my menu, and she beamed at me.
“Sweet teas for three and a steak sandwich for my son, who will be joining us. Caleb, how do you feel about onion rings?”
“Bring on any fried food.”
Marge grinned as she handed the waitress the menus. “You heard my new best friend. An extra-large onion rings as fast as possible.”
“You don’t want me to bring it with the sandwiches?”
“I can’t wait. Oh, and a salad with Russian dressing on the side.”
“Coming right up.”
Marge leaned in. “How is Sean doing? Erin?”
“Good. They talk each night.”
“She’s still moody with me. I’m trying not to be jealous her other grandparents get her all summer.” Marge grimaced. “I shouldn’t begrudge Dan’s lovely parents anything. What happened to their only son…there’s no worse pain.”
The waitress returned, interrupting the moment before I could ask Marge any questions. “Onion rings, ASAP.”
“Put them in the middle. Sean loves onion rings, and I ordered them for him mostly. But he better hurry.” She picked one up. “I love them, too.”
“Same.” I stole one off the plate and popped it into my mouth.
“You and Sean should take a swim after lunch.”
“I don’t have a suit.”
“I can ask my neighbor Morris. He swims a lot and will have extra suits. But they also would allow you to swim in shorts.”
“The water did look nice.” I fingered my sticky T-shirt. “And it does sound refreshing after battling fire for days.”
“Some places don’t allow pools, you know.”
“Why not? It seems like such good exercise, and it’s hot enough here.”
“Accidents.” She glanced around and then whispered, “Adult diapers.”
“Oh.”
“Caleb, your face,” she laughed. “I guess you won’t be swimming after all.”
We crunched a few more onion rings, making small talk about the wildfire, her friends and bustling social life. Marge was a delight.
“Can I ask about the scars?” Marge reached out for my hand. “My husband had some on his lower stomach after one bad fire.”
“Really? Sean never said…”
“My Robert would never show them to Sean. Too proud. And he died when Sean was so young, a teenager…but I saw the scars and changed the bandages. Forgive me if you don’t want to discuss it, though. We can change the subject, sweetheart.”
“No, um…it’s just rare for somebody to ask me. Most folks avoid looking right at my scars or reassure me it doesn’t matter to them, but it’s a part of me. So, it matters.” Just remembering made my stomach clench. “It was with my old engine, not Sean’s. And the culture there was more cutthroat and less about collaboration. I always wanted to prove myself. It was a flashover.”
“That means everything combustible ignited fast, right?”
I bit my lower lip and nodded.
“If this is too painful, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have?—”
“No, it’s all okay.” I paused. “I spent way too long never talking about it or blaming myself for rushing into the fire so fast. It’s maybe healthy to talk a little. So, all the therapists told me.”
“Did you do a lot of therapy? That’s good. Robert refused to go, not for work, not for our bumpy patches in the marriage. Men of his generation were difficult creatures. And then, of course, he died on the job and never got to soften.” She dug her phone out of her purse. “This is Robert and us.”
I took in the photo of Marge, Robert, and a toddler Sean. They were in front of some red rocks, baby Sean on his shoulders.
“Sean looks like him. And not just the bald head.”
“All the Smack men lose their hair by thirty. But my Robert was still a looker. He was brave, difficult, kind, and a bit of a weirdo. I’ll miss him forever.”
I smiled. “Do you date?”
“On occasion. I have some fun these days.” She put the phone aside. “I wish he’d lived long enough to see Sean grown and to see our precious Erin. Maybe come around to the therapy idea. Robert was more stubborn than anything else. Sean got that and the hairline. But Sean loves more openly and fiercely,” she added. “He got that from me.”
Not knowing quite how to reply to that information, I focused on the rest of what Marge had said. “Therapy was good for me. But sometimes just taking breaks from it and not thinking about the accident. Just feeling normal. Then there are times I have to recognize that I need a fix.” I tapped the side of my head. “A mental tune-up.”
“Don’t we all.” She pushed the basket of onion rings near me. “Please have some more. I’m eating them all.”
I took one and chomped it down. “So good and greasy.”
“Right? They deep-fry here. None of that healthier air fryer nonsense.” She leaned back in her chair, studying me with blue eyes that matched her son’s. “I’m glad you found therapy useful, Caleb. It’s incredible you returned to work and are thriving. I can’t imagine how frightening being trapped in a sudden explosion would be.”
“Thriving might be too kind. I get by. I have good days and bad. Sometimes I think about the fire too much. How even with my gear, the extreme heat got through.”
She squeezed my fingers. “Sean’s father died on the job, but a gas explosion. He felt nothing, so they told me. Still, it hurt so much for those left. And Sean had to deal with his father, then Dan…” She released her hands to grab a napkin and blow her nose.
“He’s lost so much.”
“Yes, it made him build a shell around himself. An armor. But inside, he’s a good man. Sean just needs the right person to appreciate that. Maybe somebody else who’s known pain and been resilient.” She raised her eyebrows.
“Maybe…” I worried my lip.
Am I that man?
My eyes threatened with tears, and I glanced away. I wanted to be that guy. Could I finally be beyond all the pain…the memories…? Could I finally be with somebody and have it feel good?
“Hey,” Sean called, joining us at that exact moment. “Sorry, I had to review the app more than once with Anna.”
“Thank you. I’m sure she was grateful.”
“Everything okay?” he asked, his eyes narrowed on my face.
“Yep, all good.” I pasted on a smile, but Sean continued to study me.
“Just getting to know each other, honey. Stop lurking over Caleb and sit. I ordered you the tuna.”
“Mom, no, I always tell you?—”
“Relax. Joking, honey. I ordered you the steak sandwich. Caleb and I are getting the tuna.”
He looked at me. “Are you really okay? ’Cause you look pale.”
“I’m just regretting the tuna already.” I winked.