Chapter 10
CHAPTER
TEN
CALEB
The air still had toxins; arsenic and lead were dangers. So, nothing was over, not completely. Precautions were going to be needed for weeks. So far, eighteen hundred acres were scorched, and more than eight hundred firefighters had fought it. A small fire still blazed in the Canyon area, but Smack and I were ordered home. Our part was done. The fire was weaker than before and soon to be controlled.
Fire changed water, air, soil—everything. But that was for the government agencies to figure out, not me and Smack.
We packed the truck in silence. Smack rechecked our gear like a gazillion times while I scrambled into the front seat. I stiffened when he finally got in beside me.
I stared at him.
He stared back, equally hard.
The sexual undercurrents were threatening to pull me under.
“So?” I croaked.
“So…” Smack didn’t make a move to drive away.
I faced him. “Should we talk about last night?”
“I’m a little nervous to discuss it.”
My eyes darted to his in surprise. Smack was nervous? Or more surprisingly, he was being open about his nerves? Smack was always a bit guarded.
“The thing is, it was unexpected. At least for me.” Smack bit his lower lip. “Fucking hell…I’m not sure of anything.”
I nodded vigorously. “Same.”
He hesitated, then reached out to touch the top of my head to my neck.
I began to lean forward, but Smack pulled away, tugging on his seat belt. “We shouldn’t. There are good reasons we should consider stopping. “
My eyes narrowed. “Like what?”
“Like you just got out of a relationship?—”
“It was months ago and had been coming for a long time.” I went still. “And I agreed to stop wasting my time on Tanner or the past.”
“I know. And that’s good. But…it doesn’t give us the excuse to cross so many boundaries.” There was an odd pleading in his voice.
Chewing the inside of my cheek, I didn’t give in to it.
“I’m also your boss,” Smack added after a moment. He cleared his throat. “You wouldn’t be concerned to date your boss?”
I paused at that. “I can be professional. Keep it separate.”
We locked eyes.
Smack shook his head. “We shouldn’t risk it.”
I picked at my nail cuticle and shrugged. “I suppose we shouldn’t.”
Smack swore.
“What? I just agreed with you.”
“I was hoping for the opposite,” he admitted, rubbing the side of his neck.
“Then why are you fighting so hard to deny us?”
“I’m not fighting with you. You’ll know it if we’re fighting.” His tone was so grumpy, like a child denied a toy, it made me laugh despite everything.
“Maybe I’m a little confused?” Smack said dryly.
I decided to brave it. “It’s not complicated. Do you want to kiss me again or not?”
“Of course I do,” Smack rasped.
His phone buzzed before I could take it further.
With a grunt, Smack took his attention off me and tapped back and forth with somebody on his phone.
“Erin?” I asked.
“No. It’s my mother. Listen, do you mind if we drive through Flagstaff on our way back? I need just an hour there; it won’t add too much time. I just want to check in on her, and we’ll be passing near her facility.”
I only knew about his mom’s condition at all because of Phin, who’d babysat Erin a few times while Smack helped his mom. Kamira lived on the other side of town, but I wondered why Phin was asked instead of me. I’d never had the guts to mention this to Smack directly before.
“Sure, what’s another few hours to Phoenix?”
“Thanks, Caleb. I appreciate a moment with my mom. I’ve been looking out for her since my dad died on the job, although my mom had several boyfriends.”
“Let me guess, you chased those guys away?”
“None of them were good enough. To be honest, I see now they were all nice guys, mostly. But at the time, I didn’t care. I was super protective of her.” He tightened his hands on the wheel. “Now she’s alone, and maybe that’s my fault.”
“Wow, I guess you’re like a god, controlling all us poor humans, being responsible for everyone and everything.” I gave a mock bow. “Everything that happens is clearly your fault.”
“Okay.” He gave a grin. “Point taken.”
I leaned against the window. “Maybe loosen up, Captain. Let your mother decide about her own love life.”
“Sean.”
“What?”
“My name. I want you to say it.”
“Sean,” I repeated softly.
I wanted him so much then, even for Sean to simply hold my hand. Something as simple as that felt so right, so powerful. I flexed my fingers. Peeked at him through my eyelashes. I didn’t know wanting another person could feel this sweet.
This time when I leaned in, Sean met me halfway. His mouth hovered over mine, our breaths mingling. Our lips touched, and something pure and good unfurled inside of me.
When the kiss ended, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. That he was older and my boss, which had seemed so important moments ago, no longer mattered. Did Sean understand that? I wrapped my arms around him and held on.
“None of this will be easy.” Sean hesitated, his body tight with visible worry. “Being with me comes with a kid, an aging mom, and a whole lot of boring adult shit. I’m tethered to my life. Anybody I’m with has to understand that. I’ve got baggage about Dan. I’ve got Erin, who is my whole world…and I’m sometimes cranky.”
“No kidding.” I snorted. “I think I can handle any darkness you’ve got.” I paused, resting my head near his. “Can you handle mine?”
“I just want you with me.” He waved a hand between us. “And you’re okay?” His eyes were full of concern.
“I’m okay. Are you?”
He gave a crooked smile, nodding.
“Good,” I whispered.
I angled my body closer, stroking the side of his neck. Sean leaned forward and kissed me. It was a good kiss, the kind that left me breathless. Like I’d just finished a sprint to the finish line.
We drove on to his mother’s. The miles passing quickly.
“Put on something,” Sean told me.
“You want the radio?”
“No, play your Spotify thing.”
“My playlist?” Surprise flashed across my face.
“Go for it.”
“But you like it silent.”
“And you like music. So, play me the damn thing already,” he said.
I blinked, my smile wobbly. I reached for my phone.
Music began to play softly. I had a weird little mix of everything from Chris Stapleton to Frank Ocean; many of them I’d bet Sean didn’t know.
“How did you come up with this playlist?” he frowned, as if confirming my bet.
“Oh, it’s just singers that I love. No real order to it.”
I began to sing along with the next tune by Queen with gusto, my voice sailing up on the high notes. Soon enough, Sean hummed along.
“You’re a terrible singer,” I teased.
“Guess we have that in common.”
I only laughed. “I’ll turn up the volume. But don’t stop singing.”
“I won’t if you won’t.”
We sang louder and way off-tune to a Bruno Mars classic.
“You’re way more fun than anybody realizes, Sean Smack,” I told him.
“Thank you?”
“Welcome. We could try out for American Idol as a duet.”
“Hard pass.”
“Aw, don’t deny it would be fun. And you’re not that grumpy once you’re away from the station. In fact, you might even be closeted sunshine.”
He put a finger to his lips. “Shh, don’t give away my secrets.”
“Oh, no promises on that,” I said, just as we arrived at the facility. Sean parked in a guest spot and gave me a little smile.
“Do you want to come in with me? Meet my mother?” Sean’s smile widened, and I realized I must be grinning like an idiot at him.
“I really do.”
The assisted-living facility was surrounded by the mountains of Flagstaff. Several cream-colored buildings formed a welcoming circle. Once we arrived, we found Sean’s mother at the pool. She waved at him, but I’d recognize her by the same electric-blue eyes as her son. She bopped up and down in the water to a disco beat, dressed in a ruby-red bathing suit with a small skirt, a smear of sunscreen on her nose. Several older women surrounded her, their bodies jiggling as they danced.
“It’s nice here. Like a resort. I was expecting it to be somber or something.”
“Mom and I looked for an active place. Just because she has physical therapy and needs aid at times, we didn’t want her to feel like her life was over.”
“I get it. That’s important.”
Sean bit his lip. “There was a place closer to us in Phoenix, but Mom had a friend who already lived here. And when she visited, she loved the amenities. Still, I wanted her closer to me…”
I squeezed his hand lightly, and Sean smiled at me. We sat in the plastic lounge chairs until her class was over.
The class ended on a Bee Gees song. The instructor demonstrated with her arms high in the air, the ladies imitating her. The ladies got out of the pool in small groups, chatting as they tugged their bodies onto the ladders. A few used the bigger steps. One lady made her way to a walker.
I removed my baseball cap and ran a hand through my hair.
“Does your mother know why I have these scars?”
“Yes, I told her about you long ago. Back when you got hurt and fought so hard to recover.” He met my eyes. “How I admired your strength back then and wanted you at my firehouse. So, I’m sure she remembers. And I also told her that we were going to the wildfire together.”
I swallowed hard. “I hope she likes me.””
“She will.”
“How do you know?” I whispered.
“Because you’re amazing,” he said simply.
I looked away, staring at the bright pool water, unable to answer.
Sean opened his mouth to say something else, but we were interrupted as the women all came to the lounge area, dripping in their suits.
“Girls, meet my son,” his mom said, smiling broadly. “And his firefighter friend.”
“Oh, firefighters!” one woman squealed, pulling Sean into a hug he didn’t ask for. He politely returned her wet embrace.
“Do you know how to work an Apple Watch?” the wet hugger demanded. “My daughter bought me this thing, but I have trouble with it.”
“Let me see.” He took the watch off her wrist to check it.
“How many calories did I burn?” she demanded.
“Can you check my phone app?” Another lady approached him, holding out her cell.
Sean nodded. “Sure.”
I smothered a grin. He was really so sweet.
As Sean patiently checked, his mother turned to me with a broad smile.
“You must be Caleb.”
“I am. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Smack.”
“Let me dry off and give you a hug.” She picked up a striped towel. “And please call me Marge.”
Unlike the other woman, Sean’s mother dried her skin and put on a flowered cover-up before giving me an embrace.
“One hundred and five calories!” chirped the Apple Watch lady in delight. “Thanks, doll.” She squeezed Sean into her again.
“Should we rescue him?” his mother asked. She put the question to me, but her eager eyes were on her son.
“Soon. He’s still checking that phone.”
“Another five minutes?” she suggested.
“He’ll figure it out in ten.”
She laughed. “Oh, I see. You’ll keep Sean on his toes but also have some faith in him. That’s good.”
“Oh, um, maybe,” I stammered.
She looped her arm through mine. “Are you hungry, Caleb?”
“I could always eat.”
“We have a really good tuna fish at the clubhouse.” She glanced at her son. “Girls, I need to go to lunch. See you all at pickleball?”
“Our reservation is for 8:00 a.m. Write it down,” her friend shouted.
Marge fished in her purse for a pen and paper. “She’s right. I sometimes forget the time.” She waved to her friend. “I’ll put it on the fridge.”
“Oh, so how do I find this app once I shut my phone off?” the other lady asked Sean.
“Let me see it.” He glanced at us. “I’ll meet you and Caleb at the clubhouse.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yep, it’s fine.” Sean hit something on her phone. “Let’s put the app where you can always find it easily.”
“Oh, yes. But show me again, dear?” She perched her glasses at the rim of her nose.
“Let’s get a table,” Marge said. “He might be a while.”