Chapter five
The sun peeking through the curtains wakes me. Stretching out, my joints pop as tightened muscles let go pushing sleep from my body. Laying back in my pillows I contemplate the day. I haven't seen Ben since arriving. I got in late last night but he wasn't on the same flight as me. Knowing Ben he probably took a private jet, I'm sure he has one. Or two even.
Ben embraces all that his family money gives him. He lives the 'life' of the rich and famous. I don't want that and avoid it. Every time I hear about him on the news it makes my stomach clench into a tight knot. The entertainment rags love to follow his latest exploits both in flirting with danger and women he's seen with. I like my quiet life. When I first started college reporters would follow me but I was so incredibly boring they quit within the first few months.
The smell of breakfast and fresh coffee drifts into my room. I smile remembering those scents. Esmeralda lives here and used to work for my stepmother. She's a maid, nanny and chef all rolled into one. Her fresh bread is to die for and the scent of it, along with dark brewed locally roasted coffee, is just the perfect way to wake.
I climb out of the bed leaving behind its warm comfort. I reach for the ceiling stretching out my lithe body bringing the muscles to life. I'm actually looking forward to the hike on today's itinerary. The hills around the villa are rolling, nothing overly strenuous so it will make a very nice day. The exercise will be good too, hours on the plane have left me stiff. I don't want to lose my tone, when I get back to school swim team competition will start again. Our team won the State Championship last year and I hope to help lead us to that victory again.
Walking into the kitchen Ben's sitting at the breakfast nook with a plate of food piled in front of him. He's reading a paper but I see him look over at me as I enter. Esmeralda moves around the kitchen humming. She looks up at me and smiles before grabbing the coffee pot and pouring a cup.
"Good Morning Miss Victoria!" she says brightly.
"Good morning Ezz," I call back using my childhood nickname for her.
She beams. "Did you sleep well? I've missed having you here!"
"Yes I did, very well. I've missed you too!"
She comes over and embraces me. She's a larger woman with strong features. Her hair is starting to show more gray than black and new lines have formed on her face since I last saw her.
She returns to fixing a plate for me so I slide into the breakfast nook opposite of Ben. He intently ignores me.
"Morning Ben," I say.
"Morning," he says without looking over his paper.
"When did you get in?"
"Late."
I nod and look around uncomfortable again. Conversation isn't supposed to be this hard. Surely we can find something in common to talk about.
"Congratulations on setting that speed record," I say.
He pauses part way through turning the page of his paper but doesn't look up from it. "It's not a big thing," he says.
"You set a world record, seems a pretty big deal."
He sets the paper aside. Our eyes meet and my core tightens. Those beautiful gray eyes of his, so intense, so knowing. He purses his lips, I see his finger starting to draw that same pattern on the table. He's going to say something ...
"You seem to be doing well in school," he says at last.
Something deflates inside me. I don't know what I was hoping for but that wasn't it. As my heart sinks I try to figure out what it is I want from him. I realize, I don't really know what I want. I want it to be like it was but that's not possible. We can't go back in time and now there's this gulf between us. I can't look at him and not feel niggling doubt. He left. They all leave.
"Yeah," I say. "It's been good. I like it a lot."
He nods still staring at me. Heat floods me as I grow more uncomfortable under his gaze. I'm probably blushing. Stupid.
"Hiking should be fun," he says.
"I think so, lot of memories out there."
He nods. His finger is still tracing that pattern like I'm the problem he has to solve but doesn't know the solution to. Well neither do I Ben, neither do I.
We finish our breakfast then Ben grabs a backpack of supplies that Esmeralda has prepared for us. He slings it over one shoulder and without a word heads out the back door. I follow along behind him feeling like a third wheel in a two wheel situation. The backpack is apparently better company and more welcome than I am.
I can't deny the view as we hike into the hills. It's beautiful here but that's not the only thing that has my attention. Ben takes long strides, each one pulling his jeans tight showing the flex of his muscles. I can't look at him like that, it isn't right. He's my brother. And he left.
"Remember that tree?" he says stopping and pointing to a large oak that stands on top of a hill by itself.
I do. I remember that tree well. Ben kissed me under that tree.
"Yeah," I say shyly.
The tightness and fluttering I felt before fans into a flame now. My lips tingle at the memory of his kiss. We were teenagers. I was early in puberty and unsure of all the feelings in my body, he was so strong and perfect. We laughed about it later and he called it practice for his girlfriend.
Ben stares at me openly, his eyes roam up and down over me. His lips are tight like he's biting the inside of his lower lip. His finger is running that same pattern on the strap of the backpack.
"Good times huh?" he says then turns slowly away.
"Yeah," I chuckle trying to make less of it than I feel.
He leads the way and as the sun rises it gets hotter. I'm starting to sweat and Ben's dripping with it. Unfortunately this just makes his shirt stick to him outlining every muscle. We stop for a water break and I can't take my eyes off the shape of his abs and chest.
Handing me the water bottle he steps close. We're inches apart and the musky scent of him fills my nostrils. So close, I can touch him with barely a movement. I look up into his eyes feeling myself blush. I want him to take me in his arms but despite our proximity I still feel the gulf between us.
"Want to take a swim?" he asks.
"The lake?" I ask.
I hadn't realized how close we were to the small lake we swam in as kids. He nods and I grin.
"Beat you there!" I yell out as I take off running.
I hear him laughing behind me. As I run the weight of years falls away. Memories swell around me and I embrace them. I realize I don't have a bathing suit with me but what does that matter? We never used them when we were kids, why bother now? The lake comes into view as I crest a hill and I start stripping as I run down to it. I make a leap off a small cliff and swan dive into the water.
It's briskly cool but wonderful after the hot sun. I come up treading water and see Ben standing on the small cliff struggling to remove his jeans over his shoes.
"You're supposed to take your shoes off first!" I laugh at him.
"You think?" he calls back still struggling on one foot.
He finally removes the shoe and his pants fall off. The water hides my body's reaction to seeing him fully nude for the first time in years. Last time I'd seen him he'd been fit, now he's an Adonis. Male models would kill for a body like his. Hard in all the right places but lithe, active. You can feel he's ready to move and able. I can't tear my eyes away.
I'm no expert. In fact I'm still a virgin though I've come close a couple of times. I know though, instinctively, that Ben's very well hung. He dives off the cliff and disappears under the water with barely a splash. I look around for him to surface but he doesn't come up.
I spin in the water looking for him or at least for his air bubbles but there's nothing. I'm sure he's going to come up and surprise me but as the seconds tick by my joy turns to worry. Where is he? I keep spinning around as I tread water trying to find him. He's been down well over a minute. Then two.
"Ben!" I yell.
I start swimming for where he went under, maybe he hit his head? There are no currents here but he could be stuck under a rock. Three minutes.
"Ben!"
I dive down where he went in trying to see under the murky water. I go as deep as I can until my lungs are burning with need for air and I have to surface. I look around but still no sign of him. It's been at least five minutes.
Something touches my foot and I pull back quickly looking down. The water in front of me bubbles and he explodes out of it directly in front of me splashing water up into my eyes.
"Ben!" I yell and throw my arms around him my heart pounding from fear.
"Hey," he says half laughing.
He wraps his arms around me and I cling to him. All the past forgotten. He's here, he's safe.
"I thought you were hurt!" I push back from him and punch him in the arm.
"I was just swimming under the water."
"It was over five minutes!"
"Was it? Sorry was just playing around."
I shake my head, relief offsets my anger. He's fine. I'm fine.
"By the way," he says reaching out and touching my shoulder lightly. "You're it."
I see him smiling as he jumps up in the water then dives under it.
"Oh yeah?"
I take off after him. The chase takes a while but at last I tag him then he's after me again. I dive under and swim away then surface. When I turn towards where he was he's gone. I spin around and then he's right in front of me. Water streams down as he breaks the surface, his perfect chest rising up out of the water inches away from me. Wet sprays into my eyes and I lean away from it.
Ben laughs and then I'm laughing. He rests his hands on my shoulders. "You're it ... again."
He smiles and his face lights up. The mask cracks and I see my brother again for the first time in years. The face I know, not the facade he shows the world. I touch his face like I did as kids. When it was he and I against the world. Ben was my savior, my protector, my knight in shining armor.
"I've missed you," I say.
He starts to say something then stops his face growing serious again. He blinks water from his eyes then he nods.
"I've missed you too Vic," he says.
I lean in towards him. I want to keep this closeness, to feel his arms wrap around me protecting me from the world. I kick my legs to close the small distance but he moves back to keep an arms length between us.
"The sun's setting, we should get back for dinner. You know how Ezz gets," he says.
He swims for the shore. I watch him go feeling lost again.