Eli #3
I wasn’t sure how I felt about a fully grown adult man being able to drink as much as a college senior, but I wasn’t going to voice that hesitation.
Milo was the one to dive into a new situation with hope and enthusiasm; sometimes that meant minimizing the potential downsides to his detriment, but he was always looking for the best in things.
He also didn’t like it when people dragged out the potential downsides, not when he was basking in the afterglow of being proven right for his enthusiasm and optimism.
I would have to wait until he wasn’t riding the high of a good time and was sober before I could bring up anything negative.
“It was nice, having fun with someone who keeps up with me,” he said, then glanced at me, eyes wide. “Other than you, I mean.”
I snorted, patting his hip. “It’s okay, I wasn’t going to get upset because you had fun with another man.”
He rolled his eyes. “He thought you were my boyfriend.”
“Sounds about right.”
“Everyone always thinks that. Even the people who know you’re straight and I just...it’s weird. Like they know something we don’t, I guess.”
Now that was an interesting way to put it. “It’s funny when we point out that we’re stepbrothers, though. The panic is top tier.”
“True,” he said, closing his eyes and smiling. “Sometimes I want to get so mad, but I don’t. I guess it’s because I would be pretty lucky to have someone like you for a boyfriend.”
Ah, we’d reached that part of the drunken night. “Maybe that’s why people think it.”
“Pfft, maybe they just think we’re a good match. I mean...in personality anyway. Obviously, there’s stuff that gets in the way. Like the fact that you don’t like dick.”
“True, well, I guess I can’t say that I don’t like dick.”
“Why, because you never tried it?”
“There are some people who say that.”
“Kinda dumb. They don’t say that to me about pussy.”
“Well, there were a couple.”
“Ugh, those were just horny girls hoping I was drunk enough to forget they were women and that I am strictly dickly. Craving the cock. Priority on the penis.”
“How many alliterations for being gay do you have?”
“I don’t know, kinda making them up as I go.”
I shook my head. “Go to sleep, drunky.”
“I’m being serious,” he protested, which meant I would not get back asleep anytime soon.
Usually, having food while drunk meant he fell asleep quickly, but there was the odd occasion when that didn’t happen.
Sometimes, eating and lazing around gave him a second wind.
There was no predicting it, but if you knew the signs, you could see it was happening, and it was happening now.
“It kinda sucks that you’re not into guys. ”
“Uh,” I glanced at him, confused and...something jerking to attention inside me, something I didn’t have a name for. “So you could date me?”
“Ha, we’d be pretty good boyfriends,” he said, eyes still closed and either beyond caring what he was saying or too incoherent to understand what was falling out of his mouth. “But also because, like, you might have better luck with men. You don’t have very good luck with women.”
“This is a fantastic time to point out that you haven’t exactly had stellar luck with men.”
“Yeah, but that’s me.”
“Fine, you go straight for a while, and I’ll go gay, and we can see if we were just assigned the wrong sexual orientation at birth.”
“Ha, that would be funny.”
“It would definitely make people think we’re weirder than they already do.”
“Yeah,” he muttered, then cracked an eye to stare at me. “If you could, would you?”
“Would I what? Go gay?”
“Yeah, like if sexual orientation was a choice, what would you choose?”
“Hmm, probably bi. Seems like it offers the best chance of getting laid. But from what Moira and Mason tell me, it’s not so great for the dating scene. They’ve both been passed on for something serious because people know they’re into both.”
“That’s ’cause people are stupid and insecure. They’re good choices.”
“Jace and Kayden definitely agree.”
“Well, it’s kinda cheating with Jace because he likes both too, so Mason doesn’t have to worry about him giving him shit over liking both.”
“Kayden is straight, doesn’t mind that Moira is bi.”
“True, true. But doesn’t mean they haven’t dealt with bullshit from people for being bi.”
“Yeah, but I’ve got pretty thick skin. I could handle it.”
“I bet,” he snorted, rolling onto his side and throwing an arm around my middle.
I would have to wait to see if that was just him being his usual affectionate self or if he was preparing to fall asleep.
I was sure that if Milo had his way, he would never go to sleep without someone in his bed, even if that meant hunting me down and sleeping with me.
I wouldn’t have complained, but for whatever reason, he went for the second best of having a body pillow to wrap around instead, with only the occasional moment of ‘indulging’ in sleeping with me.
It stood out simply because I couldn’t explain why Milo did that when I could explain a vast majority of Milo’s behavior.
There were still parts of him hidden from me, and while I firmly believed that everyone should be allowed their secrets, I still tried occasionally to see.
Whatever it was, though, Milo had hidden it well.
It didn’t help that, for whatever reason, I was wary of bringing it up.
It should be incredibly easy to tell him that if the lonely goof wanted to sleep with me, he could.
Yet, just like something inside him I didn’t recognize or understand held him back from doing it, something equally unknowable and elusive inside me kept me from saying it.
His arm slid down to my waist and wrapped around there as he scooted closer, a soft sigh coming from him that made me smile.
It was stupid that we were so...well, stupid about things when so many other things came to us so easily.
Comfort and ease were the two that came to mind whenever we had moments like this.
Sure, it had taken Milo to drown most of his inhibitions, but I didn’t care.
At least not that he was drunk, I was as fond of him drunk as I was of him sober, but I just wish it didn’t take particular circumstances for it to happen anymore.
Used to be that he wouldn’t hesitate to crawl into bed with me.
Admittedly, that had been when we were kids, at an age when things just were.
..well, not easier because kids can still go through shit, but there was a simplicity to it all that I missed—our teenage years had introduced a complexity and haziness to things that had once been simple and clear.
It was probably because that was around the same time that people started wondering if he and I were more than just..
.what we are. That hadn’t bothered me, but it had eaten at the usually ‘who cares’ Milo for whatever reason.
“Stupid,” I muttered into the quiet dark of my room.
The whole thing was completely stupid. Stupid that people felt the need to keep pushing their beliefs and attitudes on shit that shouldn’t have included them in the first place.
Stupid that Milo had ever let it get to him when he usually didn’t care about what other people thought about him, about us.
Just...stupid that the world always found a way to interfere in perfectly good things.
After all, why shouldn’t we enjoy something as simple as.
..touching each other? We’d been doing it forever before the outside world had gotten in the way.
I could easily and confidently say I had never been as comfortable with another person as I was with Milo.
If that was gay, so what? I knew that with him, I had someone who knew me better than I knew myself, who would have my back with everything, who I could rely on even when I didn’t think I needed to rely on anyone, and who had been there through most of my life, and fully intended to be there through the rest as well.
“What’s stupid?” he asked, arm flexing around my middle and nuzzling his face into the pillow.
“Just...thinking.”
“About stupid things?”
“Just that...it’s stupid that because of how people are, and how judgy and petty they are, we act weird about doing stuff like this.”
“Like what?”
“Lying here, being comfortable, touching.”
“Oh...yeah, I guess that is pretty stupid. But it’s not really anyone’s fault.”
“It would certainly help if people didn’t give us shit for doing stuff that’s normal.”
He chuckled, his face pushing against my upper arm, where he took a deep breath and sighed so contentedly I was reminded of a particularly well-cared-for dog. “I don’t know, two guys cuddling to get comfortable is pretty gay.”
“I mean, I don’t care if it's gay. It’s not, but I don’t care.”
“I’m glad you aren’t bothered that people think you’re gay.”
“Yeah, well, half my girlfriends have wondered.”
“Even Eva?”
“Man, especially Eva. She’s asked about you and me several times.”
“Like Reese did?”
“God no. Even when we were dating, she was never upset about it. She takes on this air like she’s trying to help.”
“Help with what?”
“I don’t know, I guess that I might be into dudes. Or you know?—”
His breath gusted against my arm, and I felt a tingle as his fingers curled against my side before settling again. “I don’t know...what?”
“I guess she thinks I need help with being into you.”
Milo let out a soft laugh that was more breath than force. “She’s kinda kinky, huh? She probably wants to watch.”
I groaned. “The worst part is, you’re right.”
“Ha,” he chuckled. “Well, I guess I can’t blame her. It would be hot.”
My brow shot up to my hairline with such force that I was surprised it wasn’t audible. I took a moment to make sure I wouldn’t sound like he had just...well, said what he said, and then breathed out casually. “She said something along those lines.”