Milo #5
“First step would be...” the hardest, “talking to Eli.”
“Hoozah!” Raf cried, waving his hands in the air. “It’s a miracle.”
I stared as he walked off and heard the door open and Raf speak loudly down the hallway. My eyes widened as I realized Eli had been there the whole time. God, at least with how Raf was talking, Eli probably hadn’t been close enough to hear the conversation, so that was a small win.
“You brought him with you?” I asked with a sigh when Raf came back.
“Well, yeah, the hard part was making sure Eva didn’t come with him,” Raf said with a shrug.
The door opened again, and Eli walked in.
I felt my chest tighten horribly at the sight of him.
His clothes weren’t as stained as mine, but the shirt and loose pants were rumpled and wrinkled, suggesting he’d been lying around in them.
He definitely hadn’t been sleeping, by the bags under his eyes, his eyes having a distant stare I’d never seen there before.
And he was holding a wire hanger bent into an odd, almost hook-like shape.
A hanger he handed to Raf, and I made the connection. “You son of a bitch, you used that to get the chain off, didn’t you?”
“Sure did.”
“And how did you get a card key to my room? Because I heard that thing beep.”
“Well, we tried to convince the people at the front desk that Marshall was your dad and you were rooming with him. Sadly, they believed the first easily, but the second? I guess they have the names of the guests, but he wasn’t on the list, so no go.
Good thing the other staff around here give no fucks about their job, because I found a universal card on one of the cleaning carts.
Good thing I’m not a murdering rapist who likes to steal, or there could be serious problems around here. ”
“I-I can’t stand you,” I told him with a huff. My annoyance died when I saw that Eli hadn’t said anything, hadn’t moved other than to hold the hanger out and then...stand there staring at me. “I...can you two?—”
“Sure,” Marshall said. “We’ll wait in the car in case you need anything.”
“Give us a little ring,” Raf said, making a phone gesture as they slipped past Eli. Raf muttered something I couldn’t make out, and he clasped Eli’s shoulder before they left. I’d wanted them gone so I could talk to Eli, but now their absence left a thick, choking silence between us.
So I said the only thing I could. “I’m sorry.”
“You said that,” he said, and I hated the rough sound of his voice. The sound of someone who had either been crying heavily, which his dry and not red eyes said he hadn’t, or hadn’t used their voice much lately.
“I meant it then, and I meant it now,” I told him softly. “I give you so much shit for locking me out of things and dealing with shit on your own, and the first real problem we have, I do it to you. Not only that, but I abandoned you in your moment of need...and mine.”
“It’s—”
“Not okay. Don’t say it is.”
“I was going to say forgivable. It’s not okay. But it’s?—”
Forgivable. Not forgiven, but forgivable.
It was far more than I had any right to ask of him, and I felt the tightness loosen in my chest. It wasn’t gone, but I remembered what Raf had said about taking little steps.
Not my best skill, but looking at Eli, I realized that if it was going to be done right now, it would have to be done by me.
I had never seen him look so lost and forlorn, and I couldn’t imagine what he’d been dealing with while he’d been the one left to steer the ship in the middle of the storm, while I’d taken the only lifeboat and gone off to save myself.
“You look like me, in need of a shower,” I said softly.
He looked over himself and shrugged. “Probably. Last time I had one was...Monday morning? I don’t know.”
“Okay,” I said softly. I hadn’t been able to leave the bed unless it was to take care of bodily needs or to get more booze. Right now, though, someone else needed me more.
The real moment of truth came when I reached for his hand.
His fingers twitched, like he was considering pulling his hand away, but then stilled as my hand slid into his.
Then he let me lead him into the small bathroom and the standing shower stall.
Despite the degradation of the room, the shower had been more or less clean, though I hadn’t used it, and he let me lead him to it.
That was the hardest part, so anything after that would be hard but doable.
Forgivable.
He stood there as I got the water flowing and made sure it was an acceptable temperature.
I quickly yanked my shirt off and my shorts to my feet, kicking both out of the way before taking hold of Eli and making him sit on the closed toilet lid so I could pull his shoes off.
..and no socks because he clearly hadn’t put any on.
I tossed those out of the bathroom and took off his coat and shirt, carefully hanging them up before removing his pants and underwear.
I searched for something that could fill the silence, but I’d exhausted my limited reserve of words that weren’t repeats or just..
.stupid. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and drew him into the shower, closing the door and letting him stand under the warm spray with me.
He didn’t seem to care one way or the other, but I let him take up most of the warmth of the water.
When neither of us said anything, I took the small bottles of shampoo and conditioner to lather us both.
He wasn’t stiff, but he wasn’t limp either.
He leaned back to rinse his hair, but still let me make sure there was none left.
I couldn’t tell if he was accepting my touch or just resigned to it.
What I did know was that he was permitting it, reluctantly or willingly, so I’d keep doing it.
I took the bar of soap to wash his body.
When I reached his midsection, he closed a hand over my arm. I swallowed hard. “It’s...this isn’t a come on.”
“I know,” he said in a low voice.
“Do you...want me to stop?” I asked him softly.
“It’s just,” he began, closing his eyes. “This is...the longest we’ve been apart. This is...it’s been three days, and you haven’t been there the whole time to...to touch me. I don’t...miss things like that. Not like this...but I missed it. And now you are and I?—”
Carefully, I removed my arm from his grip and pulled him close to wrap him in a hug.
Eli made a soft noise of what I thought was surprise, but I held him tight.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had hugged him like that, gripping him like he might disappear any second.
It was certainly the first time when we were naked and wet.
Yet when his arms wrapped around my middle and pulled our bodies together, there was nothing sexual about the moment.
He took a deep, shaking breath and pressed his face into the crook of my neck. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“I needed you.”
“I needed you too.”
“You left.”
“I did.”
“And you’re sorry.”
“More than I’ll ever be able to say.”
“And...we’re here. Together.”
“We are. And when I leave here, it will be with you.”
“Can I...can I be happy about that for right now? Can I be mad at you for it later?”
“You be whatever you want right now. I should have been there for it all.”
“I want you to be happy that we’re here together.”
“I am. I’m scared. I’m ashamed of myself for taking this long. I’m guilty because I’m the reason we’re hurting as much as we are. And I’m happy that you’re here and we’re...together.”
“I’m going to kiss you.”
“Good.”
He was a man of his word, and I caught his hesitant kiss with my lips.
It was like one of those cheesy fairy tales, bringing new life to his body that hadn’t been there since he’d entered the motel room.
I hadn’t realized how distant and rigid he had been until I felt him push our bodies so tightly together that it was like he was trying to merge us as one, as his lips pressed tighter against mine.
One of his hands gripped the back of one of my shoulders, and the other closed around my waist, holding me in place as our lips parted, his tongue sliding carefully over mine.
It was gentle, it was needy, it was slow, it was intense, it was loving, it was relief.
So much relief.
“I missed you so much,” he breathed against my lips, and I realized that while my mind was caught up in the relief of feeling him with me, having him back, our bodies had come to life as well, erections pushing against each other.
“Eva tried to help, and she did. Marshall and Raf tried to help, and I’m so grateful they came here with me. But it was you I needed, Milo.”
“I panicked, and by the time I got here and realized what I’d done, it felt like it was too late.”
“Too late to come back and be with me?”
“To make up for leaving in the first place, for abandoning you.”
“So being gone for three days was better?”
“No, it was worse.”
“Good.” I heard the growl in his voice that once signified I was in deep shit. It definitely...probably meant the same thing, but the way he gripped my hip, the way he pushed his cock against mine, I knew it was also something else.
“Eli?” I asked as I felt the sexuality I hadn’t felt before suddenly build inside me.
Where there had been relief and trepidation, now I was feeling a desire that was even more desperate and needful than the first time he had slid inside me.
Before, I had been desperate to have what I’d never been allowed; now that need came from a place that knew just how close I had flirted with never having him again.
“I needed you,” he repeated, the hand on my hip sliding down to grip my ass with a painful grab. “And I still do.”
“You have me, you’re always going to have me.”
“And if you leave, again?”
“Then you can leave me, or you can hunt me down and beat my ass. Whatever you want. I’m yours.”
“Not yet,” he growled, and I let out a soft gasp when his wet finger slid inside me. “Did you grab your shower bag when you left me ?”