Milo #6
Oh God, this was going to be fun and probably a little unnerving. “I...yes, w-why?”
His finger pushed into me roughly, and I welcomed the hurt, but not nearly as much as the hunger he still had for me.
“Because you can’t remember to do things half the time.
It’s why I started buying a bunch of little bottles of that lube and storing them everywhere.
I bet you didn’t pay much attention to one of them being thrown in your shower bag. ”
I was trying to remember if I’d ever seen a bottle in there, but his rough movements were distracting me.
A jolt of pleasure eclipsed discomfort, and then the ache came back as he dug his finger into me, only to have the pleasure follow hot on its heels.
Christ, I didn’t care that it hurt, or maybe I did, whatever he wanted, I wanted too, and we probably wanted it as desperately as each other.
“I’ll...go get the bag,” I told him breathlessly, grinding our hips together so we felt the sparks of pleasure. “Whatever you want.”
I fumbled to open the door and step out, and got as far as the doorway before he grabbed me and pulled me back, glaring at me.
“I want you to want it. Not because you want to make it up to me or any bullshit like that. I’m madder than hell under all this shit, but there’s no fucking way I’m going to fuck you if you’re doing it because you feel bad. ”
I took his other hand and put it on the underside of my dick so his fingers could curl around it. “Do you feel how hard I am?”
“I do.”
“And that was with you digging in my ass enough to hurt.”
“I—”
“Don’t say sorry, I didn’t say it was a bad kind of hurt.”
“I don’t...want to hurt you.”
“You kind of do, but you mostly just feel a lot, and one of those things is you want to be with me. Well, feel that, feel my cock. Feel how hard I am. How hard I always am for you, because I’ve wanted you longer than any relationship we have had.
Because even if other people didn’t say it out loud to me before, all there’s ever been for me is you.
So if you want me or need me, it’s still going to be a drop in the bucket compared to how long I’ve wanted and needed you.
I left you when I shouldn’t have, but for as long as you’ll have me, you’ll always have me. ”
His eyes flashed, but he released me with a quickness I couldn’t interpret.
Considering he didn’t tell me he’d changed his mind, I hurried out and beelined straight for the shower bag.
Opening it impatiently enough to send everything spilling out, I spotted a small, familiar, unopened bottle of our lube.
My heart gave a lurching beat, and I fumbled to get the plastic off, testing a squirt on the side of the suitcase to ensure it came out before going back to the bathroom.
Eli was where I’d left him, and he snatched the bottle out of my hand before grabbing me, turning me around, and pushing me against the sink counter.
I gasped as I was forced to stare into the mirror, looking back to see his gaze boring into me.
Anger and lust and pain and passion and need and, and, and?—
“Oh fuck,” I hissed as two hastily lubed fingers were shoved into me. “Fuck.”
“Still think you want me more?” he growled, reaching around to stroke me with a hand that was barely not rough. “Still think you’re okay with this?”
I spread my legs and pushed back onto his fingers, enjoying the discomfort and the pleasure.
“Fuck. Yes. You want me? Take me. Take me like you’ve never done before, because I’m yours and will be yours for the rest of my life.
You can die tomorrow, you can leave me tomorrow, but I’m always going to be yours.
Even if I find a way to move on and be happy with someone else, I’m going to be yours.
So take me, Eli. Take it out on me if you need to, because I want you to.
Not because I’m trying to fix it, not because I think it will make you forgive me or make things better, but because I’m yours. ”
The look in his eye was wild as he yanked his fingers out, and I knew I had egged him on to the point of losing his mind.
He snatched the bottle up and wasn’t careful about the amount of lube he stroked over his cock, which, in the reflection, looked hard enough that I was surprised it wasn’t beet red and throbbing to the beat of his heart.
Then he had hold of me, and I could feel his cock pressing against me.
I had a moment to wonder if maybe I had made a mistake.
The thick head of his cock pushed in, and I groaned because goddamn that hurt .
Fire raced up my ass as another inch of him disappeared, and I gripped the counter as tightly as I could while he held himself there, obviously so revved up that he didn’t care that it hurt, but knowing he had to hold himself back.
His arm wrapped around my waist and held me still as he stared over my shoulder, meeting my eyes in the mirror.
Whatever self-consciousness I felt at having to stare at myself in the mirror was lost as I caught the emotions burning in his eyes.
Even when the next couple of inches shoved into me caused another wave of burning, I held his eyes as he gripped my hips with his arm and tried to get himself as deep into me as fast as possible without causing damage.
It hurt, it burned, it ached .
It was perfect.
I groaned when I felt him slide the last few inches into me, knowing I was going to pay for it after we were done, but not caring.
The true pleasure hadn’t started yet, but that didn’t matter because we were here, we were together.
The man of my dreams, a dream built not just on fantasy but experience and a friendship that most people would never know, was deep inside me, not as punishment or a last fuck, but because we’d missed each other so much and needed something to pour our feelings into.
I had a last moment of coherent thought, knowing he would feel bad afterward, and I’d have to make sure he didn’t cling to that because I needed it just as much as he did.
“Do you feel me?” he asked roughly as he held me tight.
“Yes,” I breathed as I felt him throbbing inside me.
“Good,” he grunted, and I whimpered when he pulled out halfway. And while he didn’t snap into me, he certainly didn’t take it slow as he thrust in, sending another burning ache through me. “Because I feel you. And fuck, you feel good.”
“I missed you too,” I grunted, and that was either the right thing to say or the wrong because the next movement involved him shoving his cock into me all at once, making me whine.
It was no longer just pain and the emotional high of having that moment with him, though; he was slamming into the part of me that made the pain feel like pleasure.
My grip on the counter was no longer to brace against the hurt, but to brace for more, which I desperately ached for.
I had never felt like that before and never wanted to feel it for anyone else but him.
Maybe the moment gave him mind-reading abilities, or he was locked into his thoughts.
Whatever the case, he began to move, pulling back until he almost pulled out entirely and burying himself in one fell swoop.
I wasn’t nearly loosened up enough for it not to send another burn through me, but that didn’t stop me from moaning wantonly for him to keep going.
It hurt, it ached, it was pleasure, it was ecstasy, and I never wanted him to stop.
And not once did I take my eyes off his in the mirror as the shower continued to run.
The mirror was steaming up, but the air from the rest of the room through the open door didn’t let it settle.
Just enough that all I could see was his eyes burning into mine as he began to truly fuck me.
I didn’t care if there was a score of people outside the room who could hear me; all I could do was moan loudly, crying out whenever his dick hit me just right.
Eli was silent until the end, when his thrusts became erratic and messy.
Growls erupted from his lips as he fucked hard into me, making me cry out even louder until he held me against him with a grip so tight I could feel his nails biting into my hips.
Then he yanked me up roughly and groaned harshly when I felt him coming deep inside me.
There was still an ache, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of him filling me up in every way he could.
Never had I felt so full, so aching, so desperately, absolutely, completely needed and claimed than I did in that moment.
He barely had to wrap his hand around my cock before I was gripping him even more fiercely, practically howling as my orgasm took me and I spurted all over his hand, the counter, and into the sink.
Not once did he let me pull my gaze from his, even with my eyes half closed as I came harder than I could ever remember coming in my life, not once did our eyes pull away.
And then I was left to gasp, sagging slightly and only held up by him as my orgasm left me.
Eli waited until my breathing eased, jerking my eyes back to him in the mirror. “ Mine .”
“Yours,” I breathed out, feeling it all the way to a depth beyond my bones. I meant what I’d said before, and I meant it now.
“Good,” he said in a far softer voice, still holding me up but planting kisses along my shoulders and neck. “Yours.”
“Mine,” I repeated back at him, loving the sudden shift to loving and tender after desperate and painful. Both were good, but it was perfect. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” he whispered, sounding far more like himself than he had since I’d first heard him talk. “I am too.”
“For what?”
“For what you’re going to deal with for the next couple of days.”
“I’ll buy a donut to sit on for the next couple of days if it’s that bad. It was worth it.”
“You were amazing.”
“Only for the past few minutes.”
“I’m going to pull out.”
“Okay...go slow?”
“Of course.”
He was slow and gentle. It still hurt like hell when he pulled out, but his hand was on my waist again to hold me up.
I felt something warm leak out of me and down my leg before he kissed the back of my neck.
Now it was his turn to lead me back to the room, after shutting off the shower and gently taking me back to the bed.
He tossed the comforter over the sheets, and we lay down together, him behind me, wrapping his arms around me to keep our bodies flush.
Lying there, I realized something. “I was so stupid.”
“It happens,” he said softly.
“You are not forgiving me that easily.”
“No. But who the fuck is smart and thoughtful when they’re freaking out because they think their whole world is about to collapse? You did wrong, by both of us, but if I held that against you for the rest of forever, then I can’t claim to know and love you completely, can I?”
“Even people you love can go too far for you to keep going with them.”
“But you didn’t. You reacted like a person watching everything in their life come under fire. It hurts like hell, but you didn’t hurt me because you didn’t care, but because you were afraid. I can forgive that...eventually.”
The ‘eventually’ calmed me down, and I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. “I could fall asleep right here, you know?”
“Yeah...but I want to be in one of our beds before we do that. Right now I want to...be, just for a bit.”
“Everyone and everything is still waiting for us.”
“They are.”
The size and weight of everything was just as much as before, but with Eli’s arm around me, the ache of the reminder of him in my ass, the intensity and honesty in his words as he had come deep inside me, the softness of his voice.
..it all seemed so much less. I had been stupid enough to run away from everything, and we had both paid the price.
That I was feeling a comfort I hadn’t allowed myself before didn’t take away from the severity of my cowardice, but.
..the potential of his forgiveness, and the strength of his love made it all better.
“I don’t know what we’re going to do.”
“I don’t either.”
“Raf said to take baby steps.”
“He’s probably right.”
“My first step was for you and me to be okay.”
“We’re not ‘okay,’ that will take time. But we’re here, together. And I don’t want not to have that.”
“I think that’s about as okay as I can expect right now.”
“Then we’re okay.”
“Our family.”
Eli sighed, burying his face in my neck again and breathing deeply.
It wasn’t a big thing, but he was far more desperate for comfort through touch than I’d ever known him to be.
Perhaps it was another reminder of how much of a shit bag I was, and yet.
..also a reminder that I had the very thing I’d always wanted from him, and the responsibility of that was something I needed to keep in mind if I wanted to keep that thing.
“I can’t say that losing them will be okay because we have each other.
..because it might cost us each other too.
But I want to believe our family won’t just cast us out because of this.
At worst, they’ll be weirded out, but they’ll care more that we’re happy, healthy, and safe, and maybe find a way to be happy that we have each other for the rest of our lives. ”
“Is this your way of asking me if we can make things official?”
“We had better be official,” he growled in my ear, and I laughed for the first time in days.
“Of course we are, I just wanted you to make it official.”
“Be my boyfriend? My lover? My partner for the rest of our lives?”
“I’m yours, Eli. Pretty much always have been. Maybe even before we met, I was yours, I just didn’t realize it until years later.”
“And now you are, totally.”
“Completely. And you’re mine.”
“Utterly.”
“Okay.”
“Okay...we’ll lie here for a little bit, get the fuck out of this room, and go back to our home. Kick everyone out who we’re grateful to, and be us a minute longer until we figure out the next baby steps.”
“Okay. Hey, uh, Eli?”
“Yes?”
“I know you’re the reason they knew where I was, but how did you know?”
“Oh, we uh, set it up so that our ‘emergency’ cards would alert the other person. I got a text the minute you checked in here.”
“Oh.”
“Still don’t know how Raf knew what room you were in.”
“I think there’s a lot of things about Raf I didn’t know before.”
“Yeah,” he said comfortably. “Seems to like your dad though, do you think maybe we should?—”
“UGH.”