Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
JONAH
I didn’t have a full-blown breakdown until I got home from the arena. In fact, it didn’t hit me until I was on the couch with a cup of hot tea and Athena nudging my feet with her face. I turned my head and caught a whiff of lingering Brut on my shirt, and then I lost it.
I’d fucked a man.
And not just a man. I’d fucked Alexio Zeki.
I’d had his dick in my hand, and then he’d gotten on his knees and put mine in his mouth, and I came down his throat.
And instead of telling him to fuck off, I’d called him a good boy.
I’d told him he’d liked being my cock sucker.
I listened to his groan when I said it too—and felt the way his cheeks got hot with a wanton blush.
He’d liked it.
And god help me, so had I.
Holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck.
My hands began to shake before I realized what was happening, and then the warmth in my chest got hotter, spreading through my limbs. My face went numb, and my ears started to ring. For a brief second, I felt like I was dying.
It felt like it would never stop.
I felt like I was leaving my body and I would never come back down.
Then my phone began to ring, and while it didn’t end the panic attack, it muted the feeling long enough for me to grab my phone and listen to the screen reader speak a number I didn’t recognize.
I had to answer. I didn’t have a choice. I was expecting a call from the home health agency because I had interviews with caregivers for my dad. I cleared my throat, then managed a weak “Hello?”
“Jonah Adams?” The voice was soft and feminine.
“Yeah, yes.” The panic began to ease a little, settling into something like a hot coil at the base of my spine. I knew it wasn’t over. I wasn’t done processing the fact that I’d gotten a fucking blowjob in the shower from Alexio Zeki.
That I’d touched his dick and I’d wanted to do it more.
That I’d kind of wanted him to put his mouth on my mouth and let me taste my release on his tongue.
Jesus Christ.
“Sorry, how can I help you?”
“I’m calling to discuss the arrival of your home healthcare nurse tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.”
“Right. Yes.”
“Can you please confirm the address for me?”
It took me a moment to remember my dad’s place. Memorization was a thing trained into me since birth. It was how I functioned. But my brain was weak from all the sex and anger.
“Perfect,” she said. “Kellen will be there, and I will send over the CV beforehand.”
“Can you make that in PDF?” I asked. “I’m blind, and my screen reader tends to freak out with other formats.”
“You’re—oh.” The woman went silent. “Are you able to conduct the interview, or should we send an interpreter—”
“Oh my god,” I murmured. I didn’t really mean to say that aloud, but the number of times people said that shit to me was absurd. I’d be richer than my PPHL contract made me if I had cash every time someone confused Deaf and blind. “No. I can speak and hear just fine. I’ll see Kellen tomorrow.”
I hung up before I said something I regretted.
Flopping back, I covered my face and fought the urge to scream into my palms. Fuck, what even was my life right now. Not only was I dealing with my dad’s shit, but apparently, I was really into guys. Or, well, into this guy.
Sure, I’d fantasized about touching someone else’s dick a few times. And sure, I was eventually made aware that not every straight dude did that.
But I had never wanted to the way I did with Zeki. It had never felt like an actual need before him. But fuck, in that moment—in the shower—it felt like if he didn’t touch me, I was going to die. Then he did, and the little death of my orgasm almost ruined me.
Fuck, if anyone found out about this, they were going to be so smug. The guys had been giving me shit about my dick comments for years. I was never going to live this down. Not ever.
Letting out a shaking breath, I picked my phone back up and scrolled through my contacts until I found Killian. He was the only one I knew was going to be home for sure, and he could spread the word about everything.
It rang three times before he answered.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey.”
“What’s wrong?”
God, I fucking hated how observant he was. “Can you come over? I think I’m having a crisis on multiple levels, and I also need help with some stuff. Personal stuff.”
“Are you in danger?”
I almost laughed. The dude always thought everyone was in danger. “Nope. I mean, probably my mental health, and I also haven’t been sleeping, so there’s that. But yeah…I have the day off today, and I could use some help before I freak the fuck out for real.”
“Give me forty-five minutes.”
That was the exact time it was going to take him to get from Turenne to Boston. “I’m not going anywhere. Trust me.”
Life was easier when Micah and I shared an apartment and commuted to the arenas.
We’d always maintained apartments in Turenne and here, but it was different now that he was in Salem.
It felt…weird. Distant. I hadn’t talked to him in so long because the only thing I had going on for the last few weeks was Dad, and he wasn’t going to hear it.
It felt oddly lonely. And I probably should tell him, but I wasn’t sure I could take him berating me for doing what my mom wanted. This was hard enough without his judgment. Not to mention, he’d been sharper lately.
Angrier.
And he wouldn’t say why.
Standing up, I made my way to the kitchen, listening for Athena’s little bell so I didn’t squish her.
The place was kind of a mess, but I was in no mood to do dishes, so I shoved everything into the sink and ran a cursory sponge over the counter, then headed to the bedroom to change out of the clothes that smelled like him.
By the time I heard the buzzer for Killian, I was lounging on the couch and used the app to unlock the door. It opened with a soft creak, and I recognized his footsteps as he walked into the house. Immediately, his knees thudded as they hit the floor.
“Athena. My precious little baby. Awww, look at you, princess.”
I couldn’t help my smile. I had never been more thankful that shit between Killian and his brother was on the slow mend.
I doubted they’d ever be as close as they once were, but Tucker had grown from an angry man who reacted to everything as though it was meant to insult him personally to someone who was working on things like nuance.
And context.
That was all Amedeo, of course. Well, mostly. Tucker was doing better now that he was coaching too. He was breaking out of the box he’d put himself into, and that allowed me to keep one of my best friends. I would have chosen Tucker over Killian, but it would have hurt.
“Hey, bud.” The couch shifted as Killian sat beside me, and I could hear Athena’s loud purring, which probably meant she was getting comfortable on his chest. “You look better than I expected.”
“What did you expect?”
He snorted a laugh. “I don’t know. Maybe that you mouthed off to the wrong person and got your ass beat?”
That was…well, a likely scenario. Though most people did avoid beating the shit out of blind dudes. But I probably had one coming one of these days.
“Well, I feel pretty beat the fuck up, if I’m being honest.” I leaned back and scrubbed my hands down my face.
“You said something about a crisis.”
“Yeah. Multiple. What’s the name for that. Crisodes? Crisi?”
“You’re asking the wrong man.”
I scoffed. “You’re a lawyer. You speak Latin!”
“I memorized a bunch of Latin words to pass the bar, dude. I speak English, passable Spanish, and even less passable ASL. It ends there.”
I sighed. “Fine, whatever. You get what I’m saying.”
“Yes. Multiple issues. So you’d better get started.” He gasped, and I knew that sound was from Athena using all of her claws to launch herself off his lap and onto the floor. “Fuck, she’s sharp.”
“I know.” This time, I did manage a smile.
“Anyway, so…” I didn’t know where to start.
My sexuality being lit on fire and birthing something new from the ashes, or my mom dropping a hellish situation into my lap.
Or fucking the guy I hated—who hated me back—in the locker room after our media circus.
It was a tough one.
“Oh. This is bad, isn’t it?” he said quietly. “Is this a multi-friend talk? I can call the guys, if you want.”
“I think I need to say this to one person before I spill my guts to everyone else.” I paused, then said, “Tucker actually knows some of it.” My breath trembled in my lungs, and I went for the hard one first. The one that actually hurt. “My dad has Alzheimer’s.”
“Oh shit,” Killian whispered.
I bowed my head and nodded. “Mm. We’re not close, you know. I don’t speak much to either of my parents. Micah and Caleb have written them off entirely, so…I don’t know. They don’t care what’s happening. But my mom has outdone herself with her awfulness this time.”
Killian took my hand, making me jump, but the touch was comforting. I leaned against him, and he wrapped an arm around me. Fuck, I needed this. The orgasm was great for my stress, but I needed more than that, and I knew for a fucking fact I wasn’t going to get that out of Zeki.
“What did she do?” he asked.
I licked my lips and sighed. “She left. She left him first. She rented him an apartment, set up rent on autopay, then just…walked away. She didn’t tell us either.
I don’t even know if she checked in on him, really.
Maybe to give him meds. I still haven’t sorted all that out. I don’t even know if he’s on them.”
“Jesus,” Killian murmured.
“Anyway, she called us over to her place a few weeks ago and said she was leaving the country and wanted us to take care of him. I thought she was bluffing. I thought…” I trailed off. I wasn’t even sure what I really thought. Maybe that there was something in her that was human.
That wasn’t the selfish monster she had always shown herself to be.