Chapter 25 #2
“Not yet. They told us we were having a boy. Surprise-surprise.”
Jude frowned slightly. “That’s why Anton said it was going to be a boy. Nobody told me.”
“If you’d come to the gender reveal party, you would’ve known,” Mia said, a hint of judgment in her tone.
“But then, the doctor was wrong, so I guess that party was pointless now, hmm?” Mia shook her head.
“We were so ready for a boy. We’ve painted the nursery pale blue and bought blue this and blue that.
God must’ve saw that and laughed.” She chuckled, smiling down at her baby.
“But I’m not mad. She’s perfect. She’s going to be wearing a lot of blue, but oh well. ”
Jude inched a little closer for a better look. “Who knows? Maybe she’ll be a tomboy and appreciate all that blue.”
“Maybe. Now we just need to settle on a name for her. We didn’t bother picking a girl one after they told us she was a boy.”
“Do you have any top choices?”
Mia chuckled. “I have a few favorites, but Roan’s pushing hard for his pick.”
“What’s that?”
“Antonia Judith. Named after his two best friends,” Mia murmured.
Jude met her gaze, shocked.
“It’s not the worst choice he could’ve suggested,” Mia said. “My only problem with it is the Judith part.”
Jude stiffened. “Look, Mia…”
“Are you still his friend, Jude? I mean, you don’t come around. You don’t come to our parties. Roan misses you. A lot. I don’t want her name to end up painful for him down the road. A reminder of a close friend he no longer speaks to.”
“I think you know why I don’t come around.”
“No. I actually don’t.”
Jude sighed. “You don’t want me there.”
“When did I ever say that?” Mia asked, eyes wide.
The baby cried out when she’d raised her voice. Mia soothed her until she drifted off back to sleep. As soon as the baby was settled, Mia turned her focus back on Jude.
“When? I’ve invited you to everything,” Mia said.
“I’ve welcomed you into our home. Every party.
Every holiday. I’ve never wanted him to feel like he has to make a choice between us.
Then you stopped coming and it almost feels like you’re punishing him for being with me.
I don’t want him to feel like I’ve robbed him of a friend. ”
“I tried, Mia. When you two got serious, I came and I tried. But it soon became clear that you weren’t comfortable around me. I thought it would get better, but it didn’t… so I stopped coming instead of making things awkward.”
Mia sat with that a moment. “I’m not going to lie. I was uncomfortable.”
Jude sighed. “See?”
“I feel guilty every time I see you.”
Jude’s gaze whipped to hers. “Guilty? For what?”
“I wasn’t exactly kind to you after you came out.”
Jude sat on the edge of the armchair near the bed, not sure what to say. Losing her as a friend when he’d really needed them had been rough. It had hurt to have one more person turn their back on him.
“I thought I was in love with you and to find out you didn’t have those same feelings—like at all—was devastating.
Being young and dumb, I assumed it had something to do with me.
Was I so terrible a girlfriend that you had to switch teams?
Hindsight, I realize how stupid that was.
” She paused, searching his face. “I was hurt. I was angry. I was embarrassed. I abandoned you when you needed me in your corner. I watched what those people did, and I said nothing. A tiny, little evil part of me was almost glad you were being bullied, if I’m being completely honest.” She cringed.
“That was early on, before it got really bad. Before the threats. The longer your torment went on, the worse I felt for being a petty bitch. You never deserved any of that, Jude.” Tears shone in her eyes.
“So, yeah. I feel really guilty when I see you. And I didn’t know how to tell you how sorry I was.
I think a part of me worried that you’d never forgive me, so I avoided it altogether.
But the more I avoided apologizing, the more uncomfortable I was around you. ”
Jude couldn’t help but chuckle.
“You’re laughing?” Mia asked, tears shining again.
“I’m laughing because…” Jude shook his head. “I assumed you might’ve still had feelings for me. I thought that was why you were acting awkward.”
Mia’s eyes widened. “Do you really think I’m still crushing on my gay ex-boyfriend fifteen years later? Jesus, Jude… I’m married and just had a baby. I don’t have feelings like that for you.”
“I couldn’t figure out anything else. I assumed it wasn’t because you were homophobic. You have no problem with Anton being around.”
“Wait—Anton’s gay?”
Jude stiffened. “Um… no… he’s not… he’s…. ah…”
Mia grinned. “Relax. I know he’s bi.”
Jude sighed with relief.
“We weren’t just boyfriend and girlfriend. We were close and I miss that, Jude. I’d like to be friends again.” She scoffed, smiling… but the smile quickly faded. Her face twisted, the tears glittering again. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. Can you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” Jude whispered.
“It must’ve felt like I’d lied to you and in some ways, I guess I did.
I didn’t know who I really was back then, so it wasn’t a lie in that moment, if that makes sense.
I was figuring shit out and you were my friend, and you felt safe.
But still. It wasn’t right to lead you on, and I’m sorry that I hurt you. ”
“There’s no reason for you to be sorry for anything.” Mia fanned her face, grumbling, “fucking pregnancy hormones” under her breath as her eyes glistened with more tears. After a few seconds, she smiled at him. “Can we just wipe the slate clean and try this again?”
Jude smiled. “I’d like that.”
The baby whimpered, drawing their attention to her. She settled right back down with a little gentle rocking. Once she was quiet again, Mia looked his way.
“Want to hold her?”
“I don’t know…” Jude said. He didn’t know much about babies and Mia’s baby looked impossibly tiny and fragile. He broke bones for a living. No way was he harming their kid on day one.
“Lemme help,” someone said behind him.
Jude turned and saw Roan striding into the room. He walked up to the bed and carefully gathered the little bundle from Mia. He smiled in Jude’s direction before crossing over. Their gazes met before Roan laid their little girl in his arms.
“You made that look easy,” Jude said.
“My sister’s had enough rugrats that I got in some practice over the years,” Roan said. “Now’s your turn, Uncle Jude.”
Jude looked down into her little face. She was beautiful, even if she had Roan’s nose. He smiled, amazed that one of his best friends had helped create her.
He lifted his gaze to Mia. Two of his best friends had made her.
“You two did good,” Jude said with a smile.
“Did Mia tell you the name I suggested?” Roan asked, a broad smile on his lips.
“Yeah, she did,” Jude replied, meeting Roan’s gaze. “I’d be honored.” He glanced at Mia. “That is… if that’s the name youse pick.”
“Well, I did have another concern about it,” Mia said.
Jude eyed her.
Roan sighed with exasperation. “It sounded like you two had patched things up.”
“We have,” Mia said, a bit snippy. She looked at Jude. “Somebody used to call you Judith to pick on you. I wouldn’t want our baby’s name to bring up painful memories for you, either.”
“Oh, shit,” Roan said. “I forgot he used to say that.” Roan looked at Jude. “I’m sorry. We can pick something else. Maybe just go with Jude.”
“You wouldn’t be using Judith to mock me. Quite the opposite.” He smiled at them both. “Intention matters and I’d be honored.” He paused a second, looking at their little girl. “You have every right to choose whatever name feels right. I won’t feel slighted if you go another route.”
Mia grinned before she looked at Roan. “I suppose Antonia Judith, it is. As long as her nickname’s Toni and not Ant Junior.”
“What’s wrong with Ant Junior?” Roan asked with a wink.
“Please tell me you didn’t suggest that nickname?” Jude asked Roan.
“He did!” Mia whispered hotly before glaring at Roan. “You’re terrible.”
Roan chuckled, quite pleased with himself.
“I like Toni,” Jude murmured, gently tapping the baby’s bottom. He gazed down at her, unable to stop looking at something so precious and perfect. “Do you look like a Toni?”
She let out a loud yelp before quieting down again.
“Yup, you sure do,” Jude said, grinning. “Every girl I know named Toni has a big voice and refuses to be ignored.”
“Who do you know named Toni?” Roan asked.
“Toni Braxton. Toni Morrison,” Jude said. “Then there was that girl in third grade who kicked my ass for stealing her blue crayon. She didn’t take shit from anyone.”
“I thought her name was Terry?” Roan asked.
“Nah,” Jude said, but hesitated. “Damn, now I’m not sure. Thanks, Roan. You just ruined my claim.”
Roan chuckled to himself. “I think the first two are proof enough.”
Anton appeared in the doorway and grinned. “Room for one more in here? If not, I can wait, no pressure.” He craned his neck and looked at the baby in Jude’s arms.
“Come on in,” Roan said, his voice low. “Meet little Antonia Judith.”
Anton lifted his gaze, jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”
“Yep,” Roan replied. “We’re going to call her Toni.”
A broad smile crossed Anton’s face as he leaned over Jude’s shoulder to look at Toni. “Wow. She’s beautiful.” He reached down and caressed her cheek. “Hi, Toni.”
“You want to hold her?” Jude asked Anton.
“I sure do,” Anton said, easily scooping her out of Jude’s arms.
“I guess I need to practice. You guys are making me look bad,” Jude said.
“Five sisters,” Anton whispered. “I’m up to nine nieces and nephews now.”
“Ten,” Mia said, grinning at him.
Anton smiled at Mia. “I stand corrected. I have ten nieces and nephews.” He walked closer and pressed a kiss to Mia’s forehead. “How’s momma doing?”
“Exhausted. Exhilarated. Glad she finally decided to make her appearance.” She turned her focus to Jude. “And glad the gang’s all here.”