Chapter 9
Nine
JADE
Present
After I settle into the corner and out of Xander’s line of sight, I pull out my camera. Most of the time I’m okay using my phone for social media posts, but this is a moment worthy of more serious documentation. Xander opening up his writing to anyone is huge.
As much as he’s hurt me, I can’t deny how deeply talented he is.
It’s always pissed me off how he brushes off anyone suggesting he help Stone write songs.
Yet at the same time, there is a perverse part of me that loves being the only one to have seen his lyrics.
He was just a teenager and the things he wrote back then hit me straight in the chest.
Lifting the camera, I snap a few photos of the two of them from over Xander’s shoulder of Stone bending over the coffee table scribbling into his notebook.
I zoom in and focus on his hands, blurring the words he’s writing so his music is protected.
The fact that they’re both shirtless and in sweatpants will only help whatever I post shoot way up in views.
Stone gave an infamous interview to a magazine once where he told the reporter that clothing hinders his creative process. He was high as a kite and started stripping right in front of her. It went viral, and even morning news shows were talking about it the next day.
I don’t miss the days where I was wrangling his wild ass. He’s much easier to handle now. Sure, he jumped over a couch and defended Hazel before even meeting her, but that moment became the beginning of their love story, and everyone has enjoyed watching it grow.
Once the guys are truly in their creative headspace and have forgotten about me, I step out of the corner and get a few shots from the front of them bent with their heads together over Stone’s notebook.
Xander sits up on the edge of the couch and plays a few bars of a song I’ve yet to hear.
Stone stares at his hands and then begins playing along with him.
I switch my camera from photo to video and record them playing off each other, finding the right notes and chords as Stone mumbles lyrics.
I zoom in on Xander’s hands, how his fingers dance over the fret board with such ease.
My body hums at the memory of those same fingers moving over my skin in a way I’ve still yet to experience with anyone else.
I finally tear my eyes from his hands and find his gaze locked intently on me. Heat sears through me, straight to my chest, and then races to the pit of my stomach. His attention is too much, it’s stifling.
Lowering my camera, I move quickly to grab my purse. Stone is still intently writing and doesn’t notice as I make a hasty exit. The cool air of the hallway washes over me as I step through the door and can breathe again.
A warm hand wraps around my bicep. “Stop running from me.”
I crane my neck to look up at Xander. The scent of his sandalwood soap teases my nose as his heated body crowds me against the wall. I call on all my willpower not to let my hands roam the vast expanse of his muscled body.
“Who says I’m running?”
He scoffs. “I saw you watching me. I always see you watching me. You still think about us, don’t you?”
“Only in my nightmares.”
His grin is quick and wicked. “So I’m on your mind all day and all night.”
“You’re my job.” I roll my eyes and try to duck past him.
He stops me with a hand on my belly. My traitorous body lights up at the contact. Liquid heat pools in my core, just proving that I need to find someone to fuck. It’s obviously been too long.
“I’m way more than that, and we both know it.”
“A massive pain in my ass.”
Part of me wants to rise up on my toes and press my lips to his. What does he taste like after all these years? Would it be the same? My heart wrenches in my chest, the pain of why I don’t know anymore overcoming the temptation I see reflected in his eyes.
“Let me back in, just a little, Jade,” he pleads. “I fucking miss you.”
“I’m in the same place I have been since I started working for the band. How can you miss me when I’m right in front of your face all the time?”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
His fingers move to my waist, wrapping around it in a way that is way too familiar, but I can’t seem to brush him off.
He isn’t wrong, I do know what he means.
On the first leg of the tour, I was letting my walls down after years of being closed off.
I even passed out in his room one night while we watched an old movie we both like.
I woke up with his arm slung around me and his erection nestled against my ass.
It would have been so easy to roll over and give myself to the never-ending lust pulled taut between us.
Instead, I rolled out of his arms and snuck out back to my room. It was five in the morning, and aside from an awkward run in with Darren in the hall, no one knows. Then before I could wrap my mind around how good it felt to wake up in his arms again, we got news of his possible baby.
The thought is like a cold bucket of water dumped over my head. I grab his hand and remove it from my body. “What did you need to speak to me about?” I ask with the most professional tone I can muster.
Resignation washes over him at the change in my tone. “I just need you to know it isn’t my baby.”
“Yes, that you know of.” I step away from him, and this time he lets me go. “But sometimes shit happens that you aren’t expecting. Condoms aren’t a fail safe.”
Part of me wants him to ask how I know. But he doesn’t, he couldn’t know unless he’s a mind reader. He may still be able to read my body like his first language, but I’ve spent years burying my thoughts under lock and key.
“It kills me that you don’t trust me anymore, Jade. And the most fucked up part is that I can’t blame anyone but myself.”
He holds my gaze for several seconds, long enough for me to see the sincerity bleeding from his eyes.
Then he turns on his heel and goes back into Stone and Hazel’s suite.
Tears burn my eyes as my chest deflates in on itself.
I turn to go back to my room and run almost directly into Tobias as he exits Darren’s room.
“Whoa,” he grabs my shoulders to steady me, “sorry about that.”
“It’s okay.” My voice wobbles as I cling to my self-respect.
“Hey,” he crouches down and cups my cheeks. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” A tear slides down my cheek, betraying my emotions.
“Yes, I always cry over nothing in hotel hallways.” He unlocks the door to his suite and pulls me inside. “Sit,” he orders as he walks over to a bottle of red wine and pours a bit into a glass.
I do as he says because I could use a drink in all honesty.
He hands it to me. “Want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“Fair enough.” He settles beside me on the couch and starts drumming his tattooed fingers on his knee.
I’m fairly certain he has ADHD or something, but he’s never been diagnosed or at least not said anything to me.
His home life growing up was bad. Worse than anything I could ever imagine, and it’s shaped him into an enigma of a man now.
But he’s damn loyal to those he cares about, going as far as throwing a paparazzi’s camera against a brick wall when Stone left the hospital after his accident.
He had to pay a hefty fine for that, but I know he’d do it again and again for any one of us. Honestly, he’d probably do worse.
There’s something so comforting about being able to sit in silence with someone.
A fracture forms in my chest at the thought because at one point, Xander was that person.
All the times we’d drive to the beach and watch the sunset over the Pacific, never needing to fill the time with words.
Tears leak down my cheeks, unbidden and frustrating.
“Fuck.” Tobias sets down his glass and scoots over to me. He pulls me against his side while I weep quietly. All the pain I’ve held in for so fucking long finally excising itself from my body. “Whose ass am I kicking?” he asks.
I give him a watery laugh. “No one’s. I’m probably about to start my period or something.” I cringe inwardly at the excuse, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
“Right,” he hums disbelievingly. He lets me have my moment though, holding me tight through it until I’m able to let all the tears free.