Chapter 13
Khrome had been staring at the wall for the past hour.
She had been crying so much that blinking hurt.
Her eyes felt like literal sandpaper. She wasn’t sure if it was being without her daughter, postpartum depression, or what, but the past few days had been hell.
She couldn’t eat. All she did was sleep and cry.
The fact that she didn’t even have to put her phone on DND because no one was checking for her was sad in itself.
Her stomach was growling, her head was pounding, but Khrome couldn’t move.
She only got out of bed to use the bathroom.
She hadn’t even showered in twenty-four hours. It was gross, but she couldn’t help it.
A knock at the door threw her for a loop.
There was only person who knew where she was.
Maybe it was hotel staff. She started to ignore it but decided against it.
Peeling herself from the bed, Khrome winced as she stood.
She’d been in bed for so long that her body was stiff.
The knock came again as she walked to the door.
When Khrome’s eyes locked on Lethal’s face, her knees buckled.
With furrowed brows, he gave her a once over before crossing the threshold uninvited.
“You sick or something?” he asked as he noticed that she was in pajamas in the middle of the day.
“No,” she managed to croak out. Khrome literally couldn’t remember the last time she’d opened her mouth and used her voice box. It had to have been at least four days.
“The nurses said you haven’t been by to see Lyric in three days. What’s up?” The look on Lethal’s face slowly switched from concerned to upset.
Swallowing down a lump, Khrome walked over to the bed and sat down.
She was so ashamed that she stared at the floor rather than looking Lethal in his face.
“For what? I can’t hold her. It’s my fault that she was born early.
She might have to spend her life struggling because I was too weak to leave Cam before it was too late.
I can’t produce adequate amounts of milk.
I don’t have shit.” A tear rolled down her cheek and dripped off her chin.
“My life has been nothing but chaos since I was sixteen. Maybe Lyric is better off without me.”
Lethal didn’t speak. Even with her gaze trained on the floor, she felt him staring a hole into her. Despite the fear of his scrutiny, once the silence became too loud, Khrome looked up at Lethal. He was waiting for eye contact before he said what he had to say.
“Maybe Lyric is better off without you.” His glare was menacing. Lethal didn’t cut corners or sugarcoat his words. His words cut her like a knife.
Khrome’s lips parted, but she couldn’t find words.
“You don’t do shit but sit around and make excuses.
I’m helping you the best that I can. I let you drive my car, so you can get to and from the hospital.
I offered you a job, so you can pay rent.
Rent on a place that I’m getting in my name for you because you have a record.
I’m doing everything in my power, and you’re still finding reasons to say fuck my baby. ”
“Fuck your baby?” Khrome drew back. “Are you out of your mind? I never said fuck her. She’s my baby, too!”
“You said fuck her the moment you decided to go days without seeing her.”
“I’m trying!”
“You’re not trying fucking hard enough!” he yelled so loud that she flinched.
As mad as he was, her reaction reeled him back in. She had been with two men that abused her. The first one started when she was sixteen. Lethal felt that his actions should have been enough, but as Block had predicted, they weren’t.
Placing his hands together as if he was praying, he spoke slowly and in a calm tone. “I’m trying, too, Khrome. I swear to God I am.”
The pleading in his tone made her feel as if she was shrinking. Khrome didn’t like being in her feelings. Depression wasn’t fun. Never did she wake up and choose this life, but it was the hand she’d been dealt. Vick was super nice in the beginning, and so was Cam.
It wasn’t impossible for a person to hide who they really were for three or four months before letting the real them shine through.
Lethal could have been yet another wolf waiting in the shadows for her to let her guard down.
He seemed way too good to be true, and she learned early on that was a red flag.
For some reason, she didn’t expect him to care that she hadn’t been by to visit Lyric.
He did care, however, in fact, he had taken her absence personal.
Looking around the room, he could tell that she hadn’t been in a good place mentally.
Her eyes were puffy and red. Her pajamas were wrinkled, and her skin was dull.
Maybe being shut up in a hotel room with no one to talk to or check on her was too much for her.
Lethal closed his eyes briefly and gathered himself.
“Get dressed and get your things. You can come to stay at my crib for a lil’ bit.”
Khrome’s heart jumped into her throat. This was the way it always happened. A man came to save her, then he finished destroying her. She wanted so bad for Lethal to be different, but she didn’t have another traumatic experience in her. He saw the uncertainty flickering in her eyes.
“There are no strings, Khrome. You can use the car to come and go as you please. I’m not your father, a warden, or a captor. Only come if you want. Only come if you’re really trying to get on your feet and do better.”
Being alone in a hotel room was better than living with an abuser but sometimes, the silence was too loud.
It was a constant reminder that she didn’t have anyone.
No one cared about her. Hell, the isolation started with her mother because once she moved on from Khrome’s father, she not only shut him out, but she shut out his side of the family.
She didn’t get along with her mother, so she wouldn’t let Khrome have a relationship with her grandmother.
When she got with Vick, he said all of her friends from school and the projects were hoes, and they weren’t her friends for real.
He claimed that the same ones smiling in her face would fuck him behind her back if they got the chance.
Khrome felt like no matter what she did, it had the potential to be the wrong move.
If she did go to Lethal’s house, she could save money instead of paying for a hotel room weekly.
That way, when he helped her to get a place, she wouldn’t have to worry about rent or utilities for a little bit.
She could start working for him and use the income to stay ahead.
What was the worst that could happen? He decide not to give her a job? He tells her to get out of his house?
Making a decision, Khrome stood. “I need to take a shower. When I’m dressed, I can just put my things in the car and go see Lyric. When I’m done at the hospital tonight, I can come.”
With a curt nod, Lethal pivoted and walked toward the door. “I’ll text you my address.”
Without another word, he walked out of the room.
While holed up in her hotel room for the past few days, Khrome had managed to convince herself that maybe her child was better off without her.
She had a father with his shit together that would love and spoil her.
By telling herself over and over again that Lyric didn’t need her, the guilt wasn’t there.
As soon as Lethal checked her, and she came back to reality, Khrome’s gut churned.
She was ashamed. Her daughter had only been in the world for a week, and she’d already given up. It was pathetic.
In the shower, she scrubbed away days’ worth of neglect.
She lathered herself and rinsed off three times before she felt better.
After she washed her hair and brushed her teeth, Khrome felt like a new woman.
She moisturized her skin, pulled her hair back into a sleek bun, and put gloss on her lips.
Remembering she was going to the NICU, Khrome was mindful not to put on perfume or use any strong scents.
After moving around the room and gathering the few things she had, Khrome walked out to the car feeling a sense of relief.
She was happy to be going to see her baby.
She was grateful that even after she drugged and stole from him, Lethal had been as nice as he had to her.
Khrome had survived too much to be ready to fold because her milk wouldn’t come in or she was scared that she wouldn’t be a good mother.
Vick and Cam were both dead. They could no longer hurt her, and never again would she allow a man to do the things they did to her.
She was finally free, physically, now she just had to free her mind.
Lethal was placed in her life for a reason.
She refused to look at him in a romantic way because after what she did to him, he probably wouldn’t have sex with her even if he could have used another man’s dick. She had accepted that.
Simply having him in her corner as her child’s father was the best thing she could ask for.
Khrome’s face burned as she walked into the NICU.
She wondered if the nurses had huddled around and talked about what a deadbeat she was.
To her surprise, one of the nurses gave her a huge smile when she noticed her.
“Hey, Mama! How have you been? Lyric is doing so good today.”
Swallowing down a lump, Khrome prayed inwardly that she could speak without breaking down.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been here. I wasn’t in a good place mentally, and I just couldn’t get out of bed.
I’ve been trying to pump, but nothing worth anything comes out.
” Her eyes watered, and she looked everywhere but at the nurse’s face.