Chapter 13 #2
“Oh, Honey, a little sadness is to be expected. I know it’s a lot.
Trust me, staying home and taking care of yourself for a few days isn’t the worst thing in the world.
Getting yourself together mentally before that little girl comes home, is the most important thing.
She’s been in great hands while you took some time for you.
I’m also going to see if I can get the lactation specialist to come down and talk to you. ”
It seemed as if lately, all Khrome did was cry.
Even so, she was still surprised when she erupted into tears.
The nurse’s kindness wasn’t something she expected.
All she’d expected was judgment. Instead, she was met with compassion, understanding, and words of encouragement.
When the nurse hugged her, she cried harder.
It was official. God hadn’t forgot about her.
Now, she had to make sure she didn’t forget about herself either.
Khrome had to show up and show out. Fuck being a victim, she was going to be a victor.
When Brazil looked up from his plate, Danyelle was staring at him. It dawned on him that she had been talking, and he hadn’t heard a word she said.
“My bad,” he apologized. He wasn’t sure if she was waiting on the answer to a question or if he was supposed to be responding to a comment.
“Something on your mind?”
“Just general stuff,” he lied. “The season is about to end. Gotta renegotiate contracts, put me and my daughter on a new schedule, that kind of thing,” he lied.
Giavanna had been out of the hospital for two days, and he hadn’t checked on her since the day before.
She told him that she’d been doing a lot of sleeping and didn’t have much of an appetite.
He found himself wishing he could do more for her.
Giavanna really was a sweet person, and he hated that she was going through these things.
He couldn’t even take Unique to visit her because they both had weak immune systems. Whatever kind of infection that Giavanna had, he prayed she hadn’t already given it to Unique.
Brazil didn’t feel like there was anything wrong with him being concerned about Giavanna, but to be so consumed by thoughts of her that he was ignoring his date was crazy to him.
“I don’t personally know any men that have full custody of their children and are single fathers. I think that is amazing, and I wish there were more men out here like you.” Danyelle peered across the table at Brazil with stars in her eyes.
She was super fresh out of a marriage, and Brazil was almost one hundred percent sure she was looking for a distraction.
She was trying to replace the man she lost with something better.
He had mentioned to her during a phone conversation that he felt she needed time to heal.
Her response was that she left the marriage mentally long before it was finally over.
Danyelle felt she was fine to move on, and Brazil wasn’t going to try and prove that he was right and she was wrong.
He made it clear to her that he didn’t mind hanging out and having fun, but his daughter and career were his main priorities and everything else was on the back burner. She said she understood.
Brazil wasn’t even sure he wanted to sleep with her.
If her judgement was already clouded, her getting dicked down wouldn’t have made the issue better.
Having such a young child and to be the primary guardian wasn’t easy.
Brazil just wanted to fall in line with parenting and be good at what he did.
A woman wasn’t at the forefront of his mind, but if and when he decided to be with someone, his child would be considered.
She would have to be a good fit for him and his child, and there would be no exceptions to the rule.
“I’ve heard that quite a bit, and I think that’s sad. We need better parents, period. Men and women. It wasn’t any hesitation with me getting my child when I heard that her mother passed.”
“Do you want more kids?”
“Eventually, yes. I have three brothers, and we’re thick as thieves.
It’s impossible for all my kids to have the same mother, but I refuse to create a bunch of broken homes.
I won’t get another woman pregnant unless we plan it.
And if we ever go our separate ways it will only be after we genuinely tried to make things work. ”
“I love that.” Danyelle’s lips formed a sad smile. “I wish more men thought like you.”
Brazil’s shoulder hiked into a passive shrug.
“I can’t even say it’s because I was raised right.
I knew men that came from good two-parent homes that are dead beat fathers.
I also know men that didn’t have fathers that are great fathers.
I just don’t see how adults can’t comprehend that not being there for your kids can really mess them up and affect the kind of life they have as an adult. ”
“How long do you think it would take you dating a person before you realize that you’d want to marry her and have kids with her?”
There it was. The thing that he wanted to avoid.
There was nothing wrong with dating with purpose.
Being intentional was important and when dating a person, these kinds of conversations were necessary.
Danyelle was on a mission. The ink was barely dry on her divorce papers, and she was already scouting for husband number two.
“I don’t think it takes a super long time to be able to tell if you could marry a person and have kids with them, but it would be at least a year of a happy, healthy relationship before I would even consider proposing. Once we’re married, we can start trying for kids right away.”
Danyelle nodded. Brazil could practically see the wheels turning in her head.
He couldn’t fully count her out. It was too early to tell.
But the fact that she was so desperate to be married again so soon after one marriage ended was a red flag.
Another red flag was the fact that he was out with her, and he couldn’t stop thinking about Giavanna.
When he saw her on the ground not moving, he thought she was dead.
The way Brazil’s heart dropped, and his knees buckled in that moment was shocking even to him.
The way his heart raced as he turned her over to see if she was breathing almost gave him a heart attack.
Brazil was terrified. Even after he realized that she was in fact breathing, the fear wouldn’t dissipate.
He called 9-1-1 while staring down into her face and praying for God to spare her at the same time.
The anguish that gripped him couldn’t be just because she was Unique’s cousin and helped him with her.
Brazil didn’t wish death on anybody, and he wouldn’t want to stumble across anyone’s dead body.
But if Danyelle collapsed in front of him in that moment, he was almost certain his body wouldn’t react the way that it did when he found Giavanna.
All he could think about was his daughter. She couldn’t leave Unique. She couldn’t leave him? Brazil really felt like he was bugging. They were cordial. She was nice, and she was Kera’s cousin. The relationship could never go past being platonic. He could not want a platonic friend to die, right?
Danyelle asked him more question about his career and family.
They met at the restaurant, and he could tell she was disappointed when he declined going to her house.
If it was what she really wanted, he would probably have sex with her eventually, but he wasn’t pressed.
He could talk and tell her what it was until his tongue fell out of his mouth, but women responded to actions.
Brazil knew if he was a pussy hound and sexed her every chance he got, not only would she fall faster, but she’d get it in her head that she could fuck him into falling for her, and that would never be the case.
Brazil was the kind of man that could have the best pussy he’d ever had and still never talk to the woman again if he chose not to.
“Are you dating someone else?” Danyelle looked like she was on the verge of tears.
“No,” he replied slowly, “but what would it mean if I was?”
“I’m just saying. We’re not complete strangers. We’re adults, and I’m attracted to you. I’m also not drunk this time, and I’m of sound mind. Yet, you act like you don’t want to take it there with me.”
Brazil hated lying to anyone especially a woman that he wasn’t serious with.
Sometimes, brutal honesty seemed harsh, but it was necessary so lines didn’t get blurred.
“I need to go check on my daughter’s cousin.
The one that helps me with her. She’s sick, and I want to make sure she’s good then go get my daughter.
When I have more time, I’m not opposed to going to your crib.
That’s just not at the front of my mind. I’m not a pussy hound.”
“Oh okay.” She appeared unsure. “I hope everything is good. Call me later.”
“Will do. Drive safe.” After giving her a one-arm hug, Brazil walked to his car.
Something stopped him from calling Giavanna to ask if it was cool if he stopped by.
He had to ask himself what he was doing.
It was cool to be concerned, but were his actions teetering on more than just friendly concern?
He had never disrespected Kera to her face or to anyone else.
But he was never in love with her just like she wasn’t in love with him.
He wouldn’t necessarily feel guilty about pursuing Giavanna, but she seemed like the type to care what people thought about her.
At the end of the day, Kera was her cousin, and people would give them the side eye if they took it there.
At Giavanna’s house, Brazil rang the bell and patiently waited for her to come to the door.
When she opened the door, he immediately noticed that something about her looked different.
It didn’t take him long to realize that she had on glasses, and her thick, bushy eyebrows were gone.
It made her look different, but she was still gorgeous.
“I popped up on you again. Don’t curse me out this time? Is it a bad time?”
Giavanna had on a thick, pink robe. There was black scarf tied around her head. “No, it’s not a bad time. I was just about to eat some soup. Come in.”
As he walked into the living room, Brazil eyed a large vase of roses. His jaw twitched while wondering if the flowers came from a man. Yeah, he was doing too much. She deserved flowers. She deserved to feel special and thought of.
“I’m sorry if you get tired of this question, but how are you feeling?”
Sitting Indian style on the couch, Giavanna sat up straight and chuckled. “I don’t get tired of the question. I’m grateful that people care enough to ask. I’m feeling better. It actually amazes me how much I’ve been sleeping, but I guess my body needs it, so I’m not going to fight it.”
“That’s good to hear.” Brazil looked around the room and spotted a cup of soup on the coffee table. That soup enough? You got something for later on?”
“Yes. My friend’s parents own a soul food restaurant, and he’s going to bring me a plate.”
There it was again. That surge of jealousy. Rather than speaking on it, he simply nodded. Giavanna cleared her throat and rocked lightly from side to side. “Can I ask you a question? And please be honest.”
“Shoot.”
Giavanna pushed out a deep sigh. “If you ask a woman for her number and after one or two conversations, she tells you she has cancer, would you keep talking to her?”
“Yeah,” he answered without hesitation. “Why not?”
Giavanna’s head angled slightly to the left, and she studied him as if she was trying to decipher bullshit.
“Because that’s a lot. Like dating someone that may have more days where they feel bad than days where they feel good.
Dealing with their up and down emotions.
Getting attached to them knowing they might die. I just think walking away is easier.”
“Hell nah. I already told you that anybody can die any day. None of us are guaranteed to grow old, so stop thinking about death. I don’t want to lose anyone that I love or care about, but if I know someone for six months, and that six months was a great six months, I’d never regret staying if they passed.
And as far as them being sick, a real one will do whatever it took to make their days a little brighter. ”
Giavanna’s throat bounced as she swallowed hard. His answer was so perfect. She wasn’t sure if Tremaine would last, but when she told him about her diagnosis, he didn’t run away. In fact, he offered words of encouragement and sent her flowers the next day.
“Thank you for that.” She smiled. “How was your day? You look nice. And how is my baby?”
“Your baby is teething and bad as fuck. My day was pretty good. I just got done with an early dinner.”
“A date?” she asked before she could catch herself.
“Yeah. Catching up with an old friend.”
“That’s nice.” She hoped her smile didn’t appear forced or fake because it was both.
Imagining him out on a date with another woman made her gut churn, and she didn’t like it.
Brazil wasn’t hers, and he could never be.
Being jealous of him going on a date was absurd.
Maybe her reconnecting with Tremaine was a good thing.
Even if it wasn’t some intense, kismet soul tie, hopefully it would be enough to smolder any inappropriate feelings she had about Brazil.
The lines were getting blurred but crossing them wasn’t an option.