Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Silas woke up early the next morning, and was disoriented for a moment.
Then, he realized that he was still in the Duchess’s chambers and sat up. He turned his head to look at Helena, who was curled up on herself, mouth slightly open, fast asleep.
He blinked a few times, trying to wake up fully. It was strange, waking up to the knowledge that he was wed, that this was his Duchess. He knew it would take some getting used to.
His eyes trailed over her body and his mind couldn’t help going to the previous night and just how… transcendent it had been.
In his wildest dreams, he could not have predicted that.
He could feel himself getting aroused, and shook his head, slipping slowly out of bed.
He had no desire to scare Helena with relentless desire.
He knew she would be sore; what she did not need was someone pawing at her so soon after her first time.
He picked up his clothes and walked as quietly as he could to the adjoining door.
He paused, his hand on the knob and looked back at her. She looked so peaceful as her chest slowly rose and fell.
All he could hope for was that she would feel the same peace when she awoke.
He opened the door to his own chambers and stepped in, unsurprised to find his valet already present, the tub filled with steaming water, the fire lit and George laying out his shaving kit with military precision.
“Good morning, Your Grace,” he said impassively.
Silas smiled. “George, before we begin, find the Duchess’s maid and tell her to arrange for breakfast to be brought to the Her Grace’s suite. Also, perhaps rose water in her morning bath, and some willow bark tea with her breakfast.”
George nodded, face impassive. “Yes, Your Grace.”
Silas wanted to take care of any discomfort or soreness Helena might be feeling.
He did not like the idea that she might be in any pain as a result of what they did.
But he knew that for women, the first time could hurt a little bit.
He wanted to do all he could to ensure Helena suffered as little as possible.
As he settled down to let James attend him, his mind was in the next room with Helena. He had no idea how to proceed from here. He had never really thought about what it might actually be like to have a wife.
“George?”
“Yes, Your Grace?”
“Are you married?”
George’s eyebrow shot up, “Beg pardon, sir?”
Silas smiled, “Apologies for the rude question. But I realized I have no idea of your marital status.”
George cleared his throat. “As a matter of fact, Your Grace, I am married.”
“Is that so? How long?”
“It will be seven years this winter.”
Silas raised an eyebrow in surprise. “My congratulations. Tell me, as a new husband, how did you… handle… having a wife?”
George peered at him through the looking glass. “Are you by chance asking for some advice, Your Grace?”
Silas exhaled. “I suppose I am.”
“I see. Well, all I can say, Your Grace, is that every marriage is different, but one thing that you should absolutely avoid doing is assuming. You must talk with your wife, and together, you will come up with a vision for your future.”
Silas frowned. “Is that so?”
“Yes. It is important to know each other’s expectations and whether you feel capable of fulfilling them. If you’re just guessing, you’re liable to suffer from misunderstandings.”
Silas contemplated his valet. “That’s very wise of you, George.”
The valet smiled. “Thank you, Your Grace.”
Helena startled awake to find that she was alone in bed.
The pillow beside her still had a dent in it, so she knew that Silas had been there, but the sheets were long cold, so she knew he must have left a while ago.
She didn’t know if she was glad or disappointed about that.
She sat up and looked around in surprise. Patricia was sitting at the vanity, arranging brushes and combs, creams and lotions. By the roaring fire there was a gently steaming tub. Her lady’s maid turned around and smiled.
“Good morning, Your Grace.” She got to her feet. “I hope you don’t mind, but His Grace instructed that we have your bath ready for you, along with some rose water and willow bark tea. Would you like to drink the tea as you soak?”
Helena blinked at her in confusion. “Er…yes?”
Patricia nodded and went towards a tray sitting on the table in her sitting room. Helena realized that it was her breakfast.
Her heart sank with disappointment. She had hoped that she might see Silas at the breakfast table and maybe talk a little bit. She made to get up but then remembered that she was quite naked underneath the sheets.
She blushed, feeling the dampness of the sheet beneath her and knowing that Patricia would see the results of last night’s activities on them.
She sat awkwardly in bed wondering what to do. Patricia finished arranging the food and turned around with a smile. “Would you like to eat or bathe first?”
Helena cleared her throat, hoping her cheeks were not as red as they felt. “I think I will eat first. Could you come back after I finish my breakfast? I shall ring for you.”
Patricia hesitated for a moment, seeming very confused.
“Of course, Your Grace. I shall be back when you ring for me,” she curtsied a little clumsily before leaving.
Helena heaved a sigh of relief before jumping quickly out of bed and searching frantically for her shift. She found it wedged at the bottom of her bed and pulled it out, shaking it before putting it back on.
She stared helplessly at the bedding, wondering if she could hide it somewhere, but then shook her head with a sigh of regret. There was really nothing she could do about the fact that the laundry maids would see the sheets and know immediately what they had been up to.
She turned to her breakfast, slathering the bread with butter and then jam, before eating it thoughtfully as she stared at nothing.
As far as her first day of married life was going, she wasn’t sure what to think.
I wish Silas had stayed with me, she thought wistfully.
At least then she could ask him all the questions that were jamming up her throat. She finished the bread, much to her surprise. She hadn’t really been paying attention as she ate.
She poured herself a cup of tea and wandered over to the window as she drank. As usual, there was a lot of hustle and bustle going on in the courtyard.
A groom walked by leading a jet-black horse towards the pasture. Two milk maids with full pails of milk walked by, chattering away as they headed towards the kitchen.
Helena watched them go, wistfully wishing that she was as carefree as they looked.
The chimney sweep with a bucket of soot on his head ambled down to the bottom of the garden to dump his cargo in a pit.
Mrs. Owen suddenly appeared below, haranguing the milk maids about taking their time, while the gardeners got on with clipping the hedges and chopping off dead leaves, spreading manure, and watering plants.
It was all very… domestic. Everyone seemed content. Everyone knew their place.
Everyone except me. Where do I fit?
A knock sounded at the door. She whirled around, eyes wide, then looked down at her wrinkled shift.
Is it Silas?
She smoothed down her hair. “Come in.”
The door opened and Amelia stuck her head inside, a big grin on her face. “Good morning! Your lady’s maid said you were having breakfast in here and alone. I thought I’d join you.”
Helena smiled, “That’s very kind of you. I still have some boiled eggs and ham as well as kippers. No bread though.” She shrugged.
Amelia skipped into the room. “That’s all right. We can always send for more. She picked up the bell and rang it before plucking a boiled egg from its cup and beginning to peel it. “So, how was your wedding night?”
Helena almost choked on her tea.
Silas pondered George’s advice as he made his way to his study.
He was expecting some correspondence from London to do with a certain apothecary.
For a long time, the home office had assumed he was merely supplying household simples to the Porters but on a hunch, one of Silas’s men had decided to stay and watch the place instead of following James to his club.
The result of that was him witnessing a meeting between the apothecary and one of the men James had met with earlier. Silas had sent to London for everything that was known about this particular apothecary.
He was expecting those papers this morning. Had he not felt that they were of particular importance, he would have sought out Helena right away. But he put that off for later.
Nevertheless, he did stop a footman to inquire about her whereabouts.
“Her Grace and Lady Amelia are in her suite. They were having breakfast together, I believe, Your Grace,” he was told.
Silas nodded in satisfaction. If there was anyone who could keep Helena occupied for the time being, it was his sister. Later on, he thought he might take her riding and show her the extent of his property.
He entered his office and was gratified to find the papers he was waiting for on his desk.
He sifted through them, unable to focus completely.
His mind kept jumping about, to last night and the unexpected intensity of their lovemaking, to earlier, when she was standing at his side, looking like a vision, saying ‘I do’ as if she meant it.
He kept coming back to their kissing and his lips tingled with the desire to do it again. His hands twitched with wanting to touch her again. His mind went from being boggled that she was his wife, to fear that he would kill her spirit and spoil this thing that was blossoming between them.
He knew what a terrible job he’d done with Amelia. That she still had any spirit at all was a testament to their shared blood, and the memory of their parents. He did not want to test the hardiness of Helena’s spirit, tough as he knew she was.
He wanted her to experience something different with him. Something softer, gentler, more loving. He wanted her to feel safe.
He did not recognize himself.