14. Sarah
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
sarah
Breakfast with Colt was a dream. We talked about everything we’d missed over the years, and it felt like catching up with my best friend. The divide between us was closing, and it felt good.
It felt really, really good.
We also lost track of time, which meant I was almost late to work.
I wished I would have paid more attention because a few hours with him made me want a shower with my vibrator, but that would have to wait.
I walked through the back door of Citrus Cove Cafe and was immediately met by Alice. She raised a brow as I reached for my apron.
“How’s it going?” she asked casually. “You’re wearing makeup. And you smell like vanilla.”
I knew what a fishing rod and bait looked like, and that question was suspiciously similar. “It’s going good…”
“Well, I saw Colton talking to you yesterday morning. Don’t tell me he’s harassing you. I’ll tell your sister. I’m sure between us and Emma, he'll never see the sun again.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t know where you’ve been my whole life, but I really appreciate you. No, he wasn’t harassing me. We went to breakfast this morning.”
Alice wiggled her brows. “And how did that go?”
My cheeks flamed. “It was good.”
“Hmm, so talkative. I’m living vicariously through you and this development. How do you feel about taking time off today?”
“What? I can’t,” I said, straightening. “You know that. I need the money.”
“I’ll still pay you,” she said.
“Alice, no,” I sighed. “It’s also Friday. Why would you send me home?”
“I have plenty of coverage and you never take a day. In fact, I think you’re the only person I know who works more than me and I own this place. Which means I work twenty-four seven. I think you work twenty-five eight.”
I frowned. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a spontaneous day off. But after breakfast with Colt… a little self care sounded nice. “I don’t know…”
“Seriously. The boys are at school, right? When was the last time you had some time to yourself?”
It was tempting. I chewed my bottom lip. “You’d still pay me?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes. Of course.”
I’d miss out on tips. But… I’d also never gotten those recipes to Sammy. The idea of baking today appealed to me too.
In fact, a day to decide what the hell I was going to do about both of them sounded like a good idea.
“Alice, are you sure?” I asked.
“I am,” she said. “I know I’ve been giving you hell recently about resting, but I can’t stand the thought of you not having some time here and there. Burnout is a bitch.”
“I’ve been living on burnout for a decade,” I said. “But, if you insist. I’ll be here tomorrow.”
“Yes. And maybe tomorrow you’ll tell me about the date.”
“It wasn’t a date,” I said, wrinkling my nose.
It was a date, sort of. I knew better than to confirm that. The whole town would be up our asses.
“Try telling that to Colt,” she snickered. “Go. Enjoy your day. See you tomorrow.”
Reluctantly, I stepped back outside. The wind whipped my hair, and I drew in a cold breath.
Now what?
I was supposed to see Honey last week, but had never gone by.
It was the day for clearing the air, wasn’t it? I’d done it with Colt, and maybe it was time to finally do so with Honey. We’d let the tension between us go on for too long.
Maybe a visit to her, then home where I could take care of my needs and bake something, and maybe I’d drop it off at Sammy’s…
That was a good plan.
I knocked on Honey’s door and waited. The porch needed a good sweep. I craned my head, taking a peek at the oak tree in the front yard. None of the branches were threatening to drop on the house anymore, which was good considering we could still get a freeze before spring.
Honey opened the door and leaned against the frame with a raised brow. She wore a chunky pink knit cardigan Emma bought her for Christmas over a T-shirt and dark jeans. Her silver hair was braided to the side, reading glasses perched on her nose. She raised a brow. “Nice to see you know I’m still alive.”
I crossed my arms. I’d been dreading this conversation, but it was time we worked things out. A weight had settled on my chest that demanded to be lifted. “We need to talk.”
She looked me up and down. “What happened?”
My shoulders tensed. “Nothing. Alice gave me the day off, paid. And I’m here to try to sort out the strain between us.”
It had been like this for a few months—we still talked and were occasionally in each other’s presence, but there was a wall between us that I wasn’t sure how to break down. I knew the lies I’d told over the years had hurt her, but I also knew I’d done what was needed to keep the peace with David. I would go back and change a lot if I could, but protecting Jake and Davy wasn’t one of them.
“Alright. Come in,” she said, stepping aside.
This house was still home to me, even after all this time. She’d redecorated since I’d come over last. The living room had new pillow covers and the color palette was different. Autumnal browns, oranges, burnt yellows—all warm and inviting. The scent of coffee was a warm hug, along with what I knew to be one of her casseroles in the oven. “Casserole?” I asked.
“Sure is. You should have some while you’re here.”
Well, that was a good sign if she was offering me food. The two of us made our way to the kitchen. Like the living room, she’d swapped out the decorations in here too. Instead of bright yellows and checkered patterns, she’d picked out a variety of cerulean blues and emerald greens.
I opened the cabinet and grabbed the mug I’d been using since I was a teenager. It was a cream color with butterflies painted above blades of grass. A wave of comfort soothed my nerves. I can do this. I can have this conversation with her. The world won’t end if I’m honest.
I grabbed another mug down for Honey, poured coffee into each one, and took them to the table. The casserole still had twenty minutes on it. I settled into the chair across from her, my heart thumping faster. My palms began to sweat, my stomach twisted up like a pretzel.
I hated confrontation, especially when it came to someone I loved.
“Okay, Sarah Kate Bently,” Honey said, using my full name. I was still getting used to hearing Bently instead of Connor, but found it refreshing. “What do you want to discuss?”
“Where should we start?” I asked. “Why are you upset with me?”
Honey’s eyes narrowed on me. I felt like a child again. “It’s not that I’m upset with you...”
“Oh, cut the bullshit,” I snapped.
Her eyes widened.
“I’m serious,” I said, shaking my head. “Honey, we have barely spoken for nine months. Ever since Thomas Connor was killed and Haley was almost hurt. You’ve checked on the boys, you’ve been there for Hal and Cam, but you’ve barely looked me in the eyes, except over the holidays when you were forced to. You taught me not to walk on eggshells, but here we are dancing on them.”
I drew in a steady breath, feeling a weight lift. I remembered the things Brenda had helped me with, holding on to what I needed to say and doing it as calmly as I could.
“I’ve been going to therapy. I’ve been doing the best I can to make money and support my family and not be a burden to others.” Now, I bit back tears. “What more can I do? What else do you need from me? I am not a superhero. I’m not perfect. But fuck , I am trying.”
Honey shook her head, her eyes watering. She pulled off her reading glasses and set them on the table. “I knew David was bad. I knew it. And I should’ve told you not to marry that son of a bitch. For years, I bit my tongue and watched you suffer being married to a man who hurt you. And he may not have hit you, but I know he hurt you. Even if you told me he didn't.”
“He did,” I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks. “And I don’t even know if it was David. It could have been Thomas. They look exactly the same. Do you know how horrifying that is? Knowing I was married to a monster? And now, knowing that he’s been let go? That he’s still around?”
She sniffled and looked out the window. “I’ve been so angry. At first, I was angry at myself. I was mad I didn't do anything. I could have intervened more. I could have called Haley. But I just… I don’t know. I didn’t want to overstep. But I should have. And then when everything happened, I think all the anger shifted to you.”
“I know I lied to you,” I whispered.
Honey swallowed hard. “You did. Many times.”
“I know,” I said. “I was protecting the boys, myself, and in a way—you. I know it wasn’t right, but I don’t regret it. I did my best with what I had.”
“I just wish I could have helped you more. I wish I would have known how bad things were. I could have pulled you out of that situation.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Honey, do you really think you could have convinced me to leave him?” That was the part of all of this that still stung. “It took the truth coming out for me to get away from him. I was trapped in it and I saw no way out. If you’d offered me the world, I would have still turned you down. This isn’t your fault.”
“It’s not yours either, sweetheart.”
“Some of it isn’t,” I sighed. “I didn’t know about Thomas. I didn’t know what was happening there. I did know that sometimes David just acted… different. And now I think maybe those times, I was talking to Thomas. I’ll never know, but it’s terrifying. It’s terrifying to know I let a serial killer in my home. Around my children.”
“It’s terrifying for me to know that there was a killer around my child,” she said. She wiped away tears. “All of those poor women. I’ve read the news over and over and I could have lost you and Haley… I can’t even?—”
“You didn’t lose us,” I said firmly. “I know how easy it is to get trapped in that thought cycle, because I’ve been in it. But we survived. She survived. Is this why you’ve been mad at me?”
Honey shook her head, more tears falling. “I was scared, Sarah. And it wasn’t fair, but all of the fear and anger fell on you. The last few months, I’ve been so damn mad. I’ve felt like he took everything from us and then I failed you.”
“But he didn’t,” I said. “And you didn’t fail me. I didn’t listen to you because I couldn’t hear you. By the time I realized that David was bad, it was too late. He had all of our finances wrapped up. I didn’t know how to stand on my own. He beat me down over the years, twisting my view of myself and others. I thought I was lucky to be with him. I thought he was generous for even letting me work.” I scoffed. Shame, guilt, and rage mixed together into a painful tonic. “I hate myself for that. I hate myself so much. I’m trying to heal from it all and forgive myself, but it’s hard. The only thing I did right was work and protect the boys. I was so weak.”
“You were not weak ,” she said. “You were never weak, Sarah. Ever. ”
“I feel like I was.” The tears came faster as a sob broke free. I looked away, clutching my coffee mug and trying to pull myself back together. I’d failed everyone around me, and that still sat on my shoulders. I closed my eyes for a moment, acknowledging the emotion like Brenda had taught me. One day, I’d forgive myself. “I failed everyone. Including you.”
She took a deep breath and squeezed my hands. “You didn’t fail me, Sarah. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you these last few months. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about how I was feeling. I still make mistakes, even after all these years.”
“Me too,” I whispered, holding onto her. “I want a fresh start. I want to be happy. I want the boys to be happy. They’ve been through so much, Honey. I worry about them.”
“They’re going to be okay,” she said. “Kids are resilient. They have a strong mama. They have a whole family looking out for them.”
I nodded, feeling myself breathe clearly. The weight was starting to disappear. “They do.”
We sat there for a few long seconds, soaking up all that we’d said. I sniffled and let out a groan, wiping my eyes. “I swear I’ve cried more this year than ever before.”
“Tears are healing,” she said, shaking her head. “Did I hear you say David was let go, or did I imagine that?”
“David is out. They didn’t find him guilty of concealment. He got a good lawyer who convinced the jury he was just as innocent as me.”
“That son of a bitch.”
“Everyone is on the lookout for him. I don’t think he’ll come back here. I have the restraining order in place. But just in case, be careful.”
“I have a shotgun with his name on it.”
“ Honey ,” I rasped, trying not to laugh.
She mumbled a curse and I raised a brow at her. The only person who might hate David Connor more than me or Haley or even Cam was her.
She got up and came around the table, wrapping her arms around me in a hug. After my mom died, she’d raised me and Haley. She’d been there for us ever since I could remember, even through the grief of losing a child. She wasn’t just our grandmother, she’d stepped in as our mother too. Back then, I didn’t understand how much she’d done for us. As an adult, I certainly knew.
I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed my Honey over the last few months.
The timer for the casserole rang and she kissed the top of my head. “I think we should have some lunch and you can tell me what else has been going on.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Sarah Bently. You really think after all this time I can’t recognize that there’s someone putting light in your eyes?”
My cheeks turned red. “It’s a secret for now.”
Honey snorted and wiped away my tears. “Fine. Better be a damn good one.”
“It is.” I smiled, thinking about Colt and Sammy. “It really is.”