Chapter 6 – Lilah
Chapter Six
LILAH
I grab my lunch box and water from the seat beside me when I park in my usual spot, getting out and looking up at the clouds that are rolling in. “It’s going to be a wet one today,” I mumble as I tuck my phone in my back jeans pocket.
I walk into the barn, seeing no one lingering around as I store my things in the kitchen. The coffee is started, but I’m going to get my ride in before it starts raining. Finding Bobby and Sammy standing in front of Emmett’s desk, I make my way into the barn. “Good morning, boys.” I smile at them, and they both look up at me.
“Morning,” they mumble, turning back to the clipboard in front of them. “Everything okay?” I ask, feeling the tension in the room.
“Yeah,” Bobby quickly says before he tosses the clipboard down and walks toward the stall like his pants are on fire.
“What is going on?” I look back over at Sammy.
“Emmett and Charlie are both out for the next couple of days,” he relays, his eyes watching Bobby go over to talk to Hector. “Left Bobby in charge, and he’s panicking a little.” He snickers. “I told him he’ll be fine.”
“They are away for the next couple of days,” I say, shocked, “since when?”
Sammy shrugs. “Not sure. Charlie is the one who called Bobby yesterday and said Emmett had a family emergency.” His words make my head spin. “You going out riding?”
“I was going to,” I reply. “I’ll saddle her myself. I know you probably have a million things to do.” I take my saddle down, walking toward the stall. “Good morning,” I say halfheartedly, my mind still reeling from what Sammy told me. A family emergency? From what I know, Emmett has no family. He would spend Christmas with Charlie, and then on all the other holidays, he would either take off or work through them. In the seven years I’ve known him, I’ve never seen anyone visit him. I’ve never heard anything about any family members.
Saddling Rosy, I walk her out of the barn. “How about for today if we just go for a walk?” I ask as I mount her inside the fenced arena. “It’s going to be a stormy day,” I say once I guide her to the path that leads to the forest. “Do you know this is the first trail I ever went on when I got here?” I look down at her. “I was so scared.” I think back to that day.
I walked into the waiting area, slower than I would normally walk, unsure if this was even a good idea, but then thinking, what could possibly happen? I mean, I loved horses, but I wasn’t sure that the horses were going to help heal me.
Charlie was behind the desk and looked up as soon as I stepped in. I had come by myself, wanting to take some steps of independence and see if I could actually do it. Or have a complete and total full-blown panic attack. It was fifty-fifty. I had a panic attack at the stop sign right after I left my parents’ house, but I made it here all by myself. I considered that a win in my eyes. It was a half-glass-full kind of thinking instead of half-empty glass.
“You must be Lilah.” He smiled at me before picking up the phone, and then I heard his voice through the intercom system. “Emmett, Lilah is here.
“We had a trainer all ready for you,” he said, “but he called in sick this morning, so we have the second-best thing.” I looked at him, thinking this must be a sign not to do this and contemplated turning around and running back to my car.
I was in the middle of this struggle when I saw him walk out of the side door. He had a baseball hat on backward. His face was filled with brown dust, but his blue-green eyes were bright and clear. His jeans were also as dirty, if not dirtier, than his face but not as dirty as the boots on his feet. “Hello,” he said, “I’m Emmett.” I expected his voice to be gruffer than it was. But it was soothing, and I felt more comfortable.
“Lilah.” I didn’t know whether to put my hand out to shake his or not, so I just kept it by my side.
“Come this way; we’ll get you a horse.” He motioned with his head and turned to walk back out the door he just stepped in from. I had no idea what was going on, but I followed him. “Have you ever ridden a horse before?” he asked as we walked into the barn, and I saw the long hallway with stalls on each side.
“Yes,” I said softly. “Since I was little, but not in the last year or so, even before…” I trailed off, not sure I wanted to tell him that a horse race was probably what got me beat to shit, when I stopped in front of a horse that looked like it was a champagne color. She was pushed into the corner, her eyes on the door and then on me. Looking into her eyes, I felt that she was just as scared as I was. I stayed stuck in one place. Emmett stopped walking as he moved back to me. “She’s so pretty,” I said of the horse, and he smiled at me.
“She is. Her name is Juliet,” he said, and I couldn’t help the smile that filled my face.
“Like in Romeo,” I asked, “Juliet?”
“Sure.” He put his hands on his hips. “She’s new,” he said, walking to the door and opening it for me. “Come and meet her and see how she reacts to you,” he said. It was the first day since the accident I felt safe. I knew that whatever would happen, I would be okay. Day after day, I came to the barn, and day after day, he was kind to me. Day after day, he was patient with me. Day after day, I felt the little cracks I had in me start to be filled up.
“She ended up liking me as much as I loved her,” I tell Rosy as we round the path, “and a year later, I forced Charlie to sell her to me.” I smile when I think of her. “She’s in the other barn, and every single night, I ride her. Maybe one day you two can meet.” I stop talking and think of Emmett. Frustrated that in the whole time I’ve been here, it’s like I don’t even know him. It started on that very first day. I started crushing on the man. It was silly, and even I knew it was silly and would never go anywhere. But as the days turned into weeks, the crush stayed and cemented itself into my heart. Now I need to break free from it. I need to jackhammer him out of my heart. I need to let it go.
When we get into the fenced arena, I push her a bit to get her legs warm, knowing she is in the rotation for the day. Putting her back in her stall, I grab her water before I grasp my mug and a cup of coffee.
“I thought he didn’t have a family,” Hector whispers to Sammy as I walk by them. “So strange he has never mentioned them.”
I look down, trying to ignore the burning in the pit of my stomach. Instead, I bury myself in my work, getting all things in place for the day.
I work past six o’clock, and when I walk into the barn, my eyes go to his desk where he always is when I leave, except today it’s empty. There is no leering look, no telling me I’m doing something wrong even though I’m not. There is nothing but quiet dead air.
“Bye, Sammy,” I say, holding up my hand to him as I walk from the kitchen toward my car.
“See you tomorrow.” He holds up his hand as he leads a horse outside.
My phone rings, and when I look at it, I see it’s Sierra. “Hey,” I say, putting the phone to my ear.
“Sorry, I know it’s last minute, but I’m going to have to push off book club tonight.” I can hear her rushing on her end.
“The guy I’ve been exchanging messages with on the dating app finally set a time and place.”
“It’s been six months,” I remind her, “and you are too good for him. But I’ll let it go for now.”
“Thank you kindly.” She laughs. “Wish me luck.”
“Good luck,” I say, “and I want all the details. Also send me your location. I'm not sure I can get to you, but at least I’ll know where you are. Oh, put an air tag in your bra.”
She laughs. “You need to stop listening to those true crime podcasts. And you have to fill me in on the guy you said you were going out with.” I close my eyes, thinking about the horrible date I had with Caleb.
“Yup,” I reply, not to make her late. “Be safe.”
“Love you,” she says, disconnecting as soon as I sit in the truck.
Instead of going straight home to shower, I head to the barn to see Juliet. I see the clouds haven’t cleared up, but it hasn’t rained yet. Keeping my head down, I do not look over at Emmett’s black Mustang as I walk toward my stall. “Hey, pretty girl,” I greet, opening the gate and heading inside. I put my head to her neck. “I need you today,” I admit, letting the one lone tear come out, “more than ever.” I whisper to her, “I am letting him go.” She holds all my secrets. “It’s time to let him go and find love with someone who will love me back.” I wipe my tear. “Let’s get you some water, yeah?” I walk over to the hose, grabbing it and dragging it with me. I fill up her water and then walk over to the fridge, where I grab two carrots, then go back and grab two more. “Here you go,” I tell his horse as I hold out the carrots for him. “It’s not your fault.” He nuzzles my hand before I walk over and give Juliet her own two carrots.
That night when I slide into bed, I feel a sense of mourning wash over me. I toss and turn, and by the third day of him not being here, I think I have everything under control. Or at least that is what I’m telling myself.
I’ve never felt more lost in my life than I have the past three days. I do what I need to at work, but I think everyone knows something is off even though no one says anything. It’s like every single time I walk out into the barn to deliver a message or something and I see his desk without him sitting there, the ache just becomes even bigger. “Hey, Sammy.” I walk over to him. “We are going to have to switch up Rosy for Rudy,” I tell him. “I was with her for two hours this morning.”
“Two hours?” He comes over. “That’s more than normal.”
“Couldn’t sleep,” I tell him. “Figured I would come to work early.”
“Okay, I’ll switch them now,” he says, grabbing the paper and walking over to put it in the logbook. I turn on my boot and head back toward my office. I’m walking past Charlie’s office when I see him standing in the middle of it, and he looks over at me. Except my eyes are not on him. No, they are on Emmett, who is standing there with a little girl by his side. The little girl looks so much like him it’s like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. My hand flies immediately to my chest, and I try to put on a brave face.
“Lilah,” Charlie calls, and all the blood drains from my body.
Emmett turns his head toward me, and I can see his eyes aren’t as light as they used to be. Instead, they look tired and drained. I’ve never seen him look like this. “You’re back.” I put on a smile even though I’m dying inside.
“Lilah,” Emmett finally says as he looks at me. His eyes go down to the little girl by his side. I’m prepared for it, at least I think I’m prepared for it, but nothing—and I mean nothing—could prepare me for the words he says. “I would like you to meet my daughter.”