Chapter 7 – Emmett
Chapter Seven
EMMETT
I watch her eyes the whole time, from the second she walks into the room and her eyes find mine. I don’t know why I feel nervous all over again. She looks at me and then at Lucy, who is standing in front of me. “Lilah.” Her name on my lips makes my pulse speed up faster than it has for the past couple of days. “I would like you to meet my daughter, Lucy.” Her hands shake in front of her as I watch her throat swallow. “Lucy.” I squat down in front of her. “This is Lilah,” I say with a smile. “She works with me and the horses.” I look back over at Lilah. “She’s one of the best riders I know.” I’m sure my words surprise Lilah since all I do is give her shit when she rides.
She takes another step into the room and smiles down at Lucy. “Hi, Lucy.” She holds out her hand, which isn’t shaking anymore. Her voice is soft and warm, like a welcoming hug. “It’s so nice to meet you.” I see Lucy watching me, then Lilah before her hand slowly moves from her side and lifts to shake Lilah’s hand.
Lucy doesn’t say a word, which isn’t surprising to me since the last word that came out of her mouth was five days ago when she asked if she was coming to live with me. After that, she hasn’t said a single word—not to Mr. and Mrs. Graham, not to Charlie, and not to Autumn, who came up yesterday to try to help. Not to anyone. She would shake her head or nod, and that was the extent of it. It was pushing me to the edge of the cliff I was already hanging on to by my fingernails.
“Do you want to come with me and see some of the horses?” Lilah asks and looks down at me. The bottom of her eyes brimming with tears as she fights them back, smiling through whatever she is going through. “We got a couple of new horses this week,” she says to Lucy, “and my favorite, Rosy, is in there now.” She waits a couple of seconds for Lucy to answer her, and when she doesn’t, she looks at me.
“Would you like to go with Lilah and see some of the horses?” I ask Lucy, who shrugs but then slowly nods at me, so I get up from in front of Lucy and share a look with Charlie, who raises his eyebrows.
“I’ll be right there,” I tell Lilah before looking at Lucy. “I’m just going to finish in here, and then I’ll come and get you, and we can go to the house.” She doesn’t acknowledge me. Instead, she looks at Lilah, waiting for her to move so she can follow her.
When the two of them walk out of the room, I let out my deep breath. “Jesus fucking Christ.” I run my hand through my hair, ready to pull it out.
“Give her time.” Charlie keeps repeating things that he’s been telling me for the past five days.
Instead of just giving them time to themselves, I head out to follow them to the barn.
I step into the barn and see Bobby right away, who gives me a chin up before I make my way over to Lilah, who is with Lucy. “This horse here is named Coffee,” she tells her, and Lucy just looks up at her. “I’m not even sure that is his name,” she whispers. “I don’t even know if they will keep the name,” she says of the horse that looks like a coffee with a splash of milk. “I’m going to try to get everyone to call him that so it sticks.” She laughs by herself as they walk down the stalls, showing Lucy all the horses.
“And this one is my favorite,” she whispers, “but don’t tell the others.” Lucy gives her a soft smile. “This is Rosy,” she says. “Would you like to meet Rosy up close and personal?” I close my eyes, waiting to hear her voice, but it isn’t there. My eyes open to see her nod. Lilah smiles at her and opens the stall. “Do you want to hold my hand? That way, if you get scared, you can give me a squeeze.” She holds out her hand, and I watch in amazement as Lucy lifts her hand and slips it in Lilah’s before walking into the stall with her. “Hey, Rosy,” Lilah says to the horse, “I brought a friend to meet you.” I lean against the wall in front of the stall, watching both of them.
My heart is stuck in my throat as I watch the woman I’ve tried not to care about with the little girl who has now taken over my heart. Even though I have no idea what love is, I’m pretty sure it feels like this. “You be nice to her.” Lilah holds up her hand to pet Rosy’s side. “This is Lucy,” she tells the horse. “You can hold up your hand,” she instructs Lucy, “and she will smell you.” She shows her by extending her hand, and Rosy sticks her whole muzzle in Lilah’s hand because she trusts her. When Lucy holds up her hand, it takes Rosy a couple of seconds, and she takes a step back, which must scare Lucy because she also takes a step back.
“It’s okay, she won’t hurt you,” Lilah assures both of them, “I promise you.” I see her squeeze Lucy’s little hand as she holds up her empty hand again, and this time, Rosy comes forward hesitantly, just as hesitantly as Lucy. “It’ll be okay,” Lilah tells both of them as Rosy moves her neck down toward Lucy’s hand. The minute her muzzle finds her hand, Lucy moves her hand back, scared a bit. “It tickles, right?” Lilah asks with a smile. “You get used to it.” She rubs Rosy’s side. “See?” She looks down at Lucy, who lets go of her hand and puts both of them for Rosy to nuzzle.
And for the first time ever, I hear her giggle. The coldness that had settled in my bones since I was eight gets a touch warmer, sending me off my axis. I push off from the wall to get a closer look at her as she smiles up at Lilah.
“See.” Lilah nods. “Now, come and pet her.” She looks at her hand before moving behind Lucy, putting her hand in hers, and raising it up to the side of Rosy’s neck. Her tail’s going side to side as she gets rubbed. “She’s soft, right?” she asks Lucy, who nods. “Maybe tomorrow, if you come back, we can come back and see her again,” she suggests after a while. Lucy doesn’t say anything, but when she steps out of the stall, I see she has a little bit of a small smile.
“Did you have fun?” I ask, waiting for her to speak to me, but all she does is nod. “Thank you, Lilah,” I say to Lilah, hoping maybe Lucy will also thank her. However, it’s still radio silence.
“Anytime,” she replies, letting go of Lucy’s hand. “I’ll see you around, Lucy.” She waves at her before she walks away without giving me a second look.
“You ready to go see your new room?” I ask, and she just shrugs. The light in her eyes not too long ago is long gone, and in its place are the eyes that have haunted me for the past five days. Eyes that remind me of a time I blocked out and forced myself to forget. Told myself that I would never again feel pain like I did before. Eyes that look like a deer caught in headlights. Watching your life go from what you thought was happy to emptiness in a blink of an eye. If anyone knows what she is going through, it’s me. I also have no idea how to help her.
I turn and walk out of the barn with her by my side. Her head is down as we get back into Charlie’s truck. “We don’t live too far from here,” I say as she gets into the back and puts her seat belt on.
We pull up to the house, and I stop the car, looking over the seat at her. “Here we are,” I announce, getting out of the truck and walking around to see her slowly getting out and looking at a house double the size she used to live in. Opening the back of the truck, I grab the two of the four bags of clothes she has before going to join her. “Grab your backpack,” I say before she closes the door, reaching in for her pink backpack that holds her tablet and a bunch of other knickknacks she packed with tears running down her cheeks the whole time.
I wait for her to close the door to the truck before walking to the front of the house. She walks one step behind me, looking at the big black door as I put the code in. “There aren’t keys,” I inform her. “The code is one, four, seven, nine.” Even though there isn’t going to be a time in the near future that she will be arriving home without me, she should know it. I open the door and hold it open for her.
“Welcome home, Lucy,” I say as she steps inside hesitantly. Once she’s inside, I step in and kick off my shoes beside her. “I can give you a tour of the house, and then you can rest.” I watch her as she looks around the open-concept room. “This is the family room,” I say as I point at the big U-shaped couch I bought as soon as I got the house, hoping to fill up the space and make it feel like it was a home and not just a place where I crashed. “And that’s the kitchen.” I point at the kitchen right off the living room. “I don’t have a table.” I point at the empty space beside the big island. “But I’ll get one.” She doesn’t say anything nor does she step more into the house than she needs to. “That’s where my room is.” I point at the hallway on the side of the kitchen. “And your room is right over there.” I point at the opposite side of the house where her room is. “Autumn got things set up when we were still…” I trail off. “We have your things coming next week,” I tell her of her small bedroom set as I make my way to the bedroom.
Opening the door, I see Autumn did not fuck around when she said she took care of everything. A queen-sized bed with a cozy plush cream headboard sits in the middle of the room. There are two small ivory bedside tables, one on either side, with a white circle alarm clock on one, leaving the other empty. Four rows of pillows fill the top of the bed, with a light cream-and-brown checkered cover folded in half, showing you the light brown sheets. “I guess this is your room.” I laugh with her as she steps in and sinks into the cream-and-brown-colored carpet. “We can change anything you don’t like,” I assure her, “and we can add your stuff to this as soon as it comes in.” She takes off her backpack and tosses it on the bed.
“Would you like to take a shower?” I ask, and she nods. I point at the door in the room to the side. “That is your own bathroom. You can take a shower and then come and meet me in the kitchen when you’re done.” She again doesn’t say a word. “I’ll go and get your bags and put them in here, and you can put them away when you want. After that if you want, we can maybe call Mr. and Mrs. Graham.” I try not to act too much like I’m telling her what to do. Turning, I walk back out the front door, taking the bags out of the truck and placing them into the empty room before I close the door of her bedroom to give her privacy. Then I walk back out into the kitchen.
Only when I’m standing in the kitchen do I let my head hang and grip the back of my neck, feeling the tension that has been building since I got that phone call.
I think I’ve slept maybe five hours in total in the past five days. It’s been a blur, to say the least.
After they took the DNA from me and Lucy, I was taken back to Mr. Graham’s office and read Paige’s last will and testament since I was the only one named in the will. She left everything to Lucy, obviously, which I, as her parent, would handle in trust until she was eighteen. After he read everything to me, and I felt more hollow than I did before, he stood with keys in his hands. “These are the keys to the house,” he told me. “You can go over there and see if there is anything you want, and then we can talk about selling the house.”
“No.” I shook my head. “Keep the house for her.” I motioned toward the room where Lucy sat at a table, her head down. “We can rent it out and put the money in a trust for her college.”
“That sounds like a great idea,” Mr. Graham said, and before we left, he looked down and then looked up. “As per Paige’s request, there will be a quick funeral.” I thought I was going to throw up as soon as he said it. “She’s going to be released soon, and all her papers are done for the funeral home.” He shook his head. “She really wanted everything taken care of.”
I didn’t say a word. Not then and not the day after when he called to tell me I was, without a shadow of a doubt, her father. I didn’t say a word when we had to hit up a store to buy two black suits. I was going through the motions, trying to be strong for my daughter as she stood beside Mr. and Mrs. Graham dressed in a black dress with a black sweater, and cried for her mother. I had nothing to give her, but I vowed to Paige I would try.
Looking toward the hallway, I listen to hear the shower is now off, and I make my way to the bedroom. I’m about to knock on the door when I hear the silent cries. My forehead softly hits the door as I listen to her. “I’ll make it right,” I whisper to no one but myself.