Chapter 10 – Lilah
Chapter Ten
LILAH
I watch them walk out of the bakery, wishing for some stupid reason that he had asked me to join them. “It’s our turn,” Caleb says from beside me, and I look back at him, feeling like the biggest asshole.
“Oh, sorry.” I shake my head and smile at the girl behind the counter. “I’ll have the turkey and bacon wrap,” I say, “and a lemonade.” I start to pull my wallet out of my purse when Caleb pushes my hands away.
“This may not be a date, but you aren’t paying for lunch.” I roll my eyes at him. “Go find us a seat. I’ll get everything and come find you.”
I think about arguing with him, but instead, I just turn and head toward the seating area, seeing it full. “We can eat outside,” I suggest. “There is a picnic table in the shade.” I point out the window to the side, and Caleb nods.
Pushing open the door, I head toward the lone picnic table sitting under the trees. Taking out my phone, I find Courtney texted me again.
Courtney: Change of plans. I’ll be at your work at five to go out and have a drink at Thatcher’s.
Me: I’ll meet you there.
Courtney: I don’t believe you, so if I come and get you, there is no reason for you to bail on me.
I laugh at her reason.
Me: I’ve never bailed on you before.
Courtney: There is always a first time. This way, you have no excuse. See you at five, Buttercup.
Me: Twist my arm.
Courtney: Done, see you at five.
I put my phone down when I see Caleb walking toward me with a tray in one hand and the drinks in the other. “They only had strawberry lemonade left,” he informs me. “I hope that’s okay.”
“It’s fine,” I reply as he sits down in front of me. “Thank you.”
I grab my wrap, placing it in front of me before looking up at him. “Caleb,” I say as he takes a bite of his wrap, “before we go any further…”
“This is the worst breakup of a non-relationship in life,” he jokes. “Listen, Lilah, I know you aren’t really interested in me.”
“I mean, I don’t think you are that interested in me either,” I counter, and he smirks, looking down.
“But I like spending time with you,” he finally says.
“I like spending time with you also,” I admit, “just not like that.” I take a bite of my wrap.
“This is like the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’”—he points at me—“but then it’s really not me”—he points at himself—“it’s you.” It makes me laugh.
“It’s just that I have so much going on right now.” I sort of lie to him. It’s more of a half-truth. “I have to focus on my thesis for my master’s,” I tell him. “I’ve been doing online courses in psychology for the past five years, and this is the last step for that.”
“What are you doing it on?” he asks, taking a sip of his own lemonade.
“The development of equine-assisted therapy,” I reply with a shy smile. “I sort of know a lot about it.” I’m pretty sure he thinks I know a lot because of my job. I haven’t shared my past with him. To be honest, I can count on one hand how many people know about my past. I don’t even think Emmett knows the full extent of my accident. I mean, he knows I had an accident, but that is all he knows.
“Well, not that I can be of any help,” he says, “but if you need it, just say the word. I could maybe be a test subject.”
“Have you suffered from trauma?” I ask with the wrap halfway to my mouth.
“I moved to a town where I know no one,” he starts. “My only friend just told me she doesn’t want to date me. And I just got called to fix a house the owners say is haunted.”
“I hate to say it, but that’s boring,” I joke. The rest of lunch is smooth, and now that we got the whole talk out of the way, I feel better.
I get back to work with a minute to spare, and I go in search of Lucy, who is sitting at her father’s desk doing something on paper while he sits down next to her doing his own paperwork.
“I’m back,” I announce, and two sets of identical eyes look up at me just as Sammy comes into the barn looking for Emmett.
“Hey, we have a horse that seems to be running away,” he declares, trying not to look like he’s panicking, knowing Emmett is going to lose his shit. He slams the papers down on the desk. “Charlie was training him, and he took off.”
He looks at Sammy and then at Lucy. “I’ve got her,” I assure him. “She can do homework at my desk.”
Lucy smiles and pushes away from the desk. I hold out my hand for her, and she grabs her papers and her pencil and comes over to me. “I promise she’ll be in good hands,” I reassure him once her hand is in mine, “and I won’t share any of my donut with her.” I wink at her, making her giggle, and my eyes fly right to Emmett.
“No donut.” He points at Lucy. “You had two already, and you didn’t eat your bagel.”
“Uh-oh,” I say. “Okay, fine, no donuts.” I turn and walk away, looking over my shoulder at him. “Pinky promise.” I try not to laugh at his scowl. There is the look I fell in love with , I think as I walk to my desk. “Okay, Lucy,” I say, grabbing a chair and putting it next to mine, “what are you working on?” I sit down in my chair and watch her get into her own chair beside me.
“Math,” she states, putting the papers down. “It’s easy.” I just nod when the phone rings. The whole rest of the afternoon is busy with people coming in, the phone ringing nonstop, and then making sure all the appointments for the next day are confirmed.
The door opens, and I see Courtney come in. “She’s here.” She laughs as she spots me. “She didn’t try to run away with a horse.”
“She thinks she’s a comedian.” I motion with my chin toward her. “Lucy,” I say, “this is my best friend since I was your age.” Her eyes go big, making me scowl at her. “I’m not that old.” She laughs at me and then puts her hand over her mouth like she forgot she isn’t allowed to laugh. “You have a beautiful laugh,” I say softly. “You should do it more.”
“Is this a friend of yours?” Courtney asks, leaning on the top of the desk on her elbows. “I’m Courtney.” She puts her hand up to say hello.
I wait a couple of seconds to see if Lucy is going to say anything, and when she doesn’t, I just tell Courtney her name. “This is Lucy, Emmett’s daughter,” I say, and her eyes go big. Yes, she knows everything about me, including the fact I’ve stupidly and ridiculously gone and fallen in love with the last man on earth I should be in love with.
Moving out of my chair, I look over at Lucy. “Let’s go find your dad,” I relay, and I see she isn’t too thrilled about this. I hold out my hand for her to hold, and she does. “I’ll be back,” I tell Courtney as I walk with her to the barn, finding Charlie and Emmett talking about something. It’s just the two of them since the day shift finishes at three, and the evening shift comes in at six to ten. “Hey, I’m going to head out,” I announce, putting my hand on Lucy’s shoulder in front of me. “Didn’t want to leave her alone.”
“Shit,” Emmett swears. “I’m sorry I didn’t come and check on her. We just got back.” He looks at Lucy. “Were you good?” Lucy just nods. “Did you have any donuts?” She looks at me with her eyes big.
“It was one bite, and it was an afternoon sweet treat.” I throw my free hand up. “I didn’t have anything else,” I lie to him, and he knows it.
“Say thank you to Lilah for watching you,” he urges Lucy.
“Thank you, Lilah,” Lucy says, and I don’t know who is more happy to hear her talking, Emmett or myself.
“I’ll see you tomorrow”—I squeeze her shoulder softly, wishing I could give her a hug—“bright and early so we can wake up the horses.” I wave at her and walk out, finding Courtney on her phone texting away.
“I’m done.” I grab my purse from under my desk. “We can go.”
“Finally,” she says, tucking her phone away. I get in the car with her, and we make our way over to Thatcher’s.
Walking in and spotting an empty table along the side, we walk over and sit down. The server comes over right away, and I order a blend on the rocks, while Courtney orders one neat. “So what’s new?” she asks, leaning back in her chair.
“Derek tried to message me today.” I take my phone out of my pocket and slide it across the table toward Courtney, who sits up straight.
“Shut the fuck up,” she says, grabbing my phone, and I shake my head, my body feeling weird.
“Came in as a notification that he was trying to get in touch with me.” I watch her do whatever on my phone. I hear her gasp. “What does it say?”
“He’s lost his damn fucking mind,” she hisses but stops talking when the server puts our drinks in front of us.
I bring my drink up. “That was not on my bingo card for today.” I take a sip, and the cool amber liquid burns on its way down. Putting the glass down softly, I look at her. “What does it say?”
“I’m not repeating anything he says.” She picks up her glass. “Not a fucking word.”
I grab the phone, my hands shaking as I see his picture in the small circle, the face I’ve buried so long ago. The face that has stolen my dreams, not all of them, but different dreams.
Derek: Hi, Lilah, I know the last person you were expecting to hear from was me. It’s taken me a while to find the courage to reach out to you. I was wondering if you would be willing to sit down with me and talk. There are some things that have to be said. You can get in touch with me here, or my phone number has never changed. I hope to hear from you soon.
I laugh, putting down the phone. “His phone number has never changed.”
“I wonder if it’s because one eight hundred I’m a fucking psycho was taken?” Courtney says, and I can’t help but throw my head back and laugh. Which is more than I thought I would feel when my almost murderer contacts me.
I shake my head, delete the message, and block him. “Out of sight, out of mind,” I say. “He doesn’t get another minute of my time.”
“Fuck that guy,” she declares, taking another sip of her whiskey. “In other news…” I smile, thinking she’s going to tell me she and Benny are getting engaged. The two of them have been together for the past four years, and I know it’s a matter of time. “Benny and I have decided to part ways.”
My mouth opens in shock. “I’m sorry, what?”
She shrugs and tries to brush off the hurt. “It’s better this way. I don’t make him happy; he doesn’t really make me happy. We were basically roommates who tolerated each other.”
“But—but…you guys looked so happy.”
“We would give everyone the social media fakeness, but once it was just the two of us, it was not good. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love him, but I am not in love with him. I want him to be happy.”
I reach out to put my hand on hers. “Where are you staying?”
“I’m back home with my parents.” She chuckles. “That’s been loads of fun. I had to get permission to go out today.”
“What can I do?” I ask softly.
“You’re doing it.” She grabs her drink. “Just being here, you’re doing it.”
“Well then, let’s do it more,” I urge her, and she smiles at me. “This weekend. Movie marathon at my house, and if your parents say it’s okay, you can sleep at my house.” The two of us laugh just like we did all those years ago.
An hour and a half later, we pay the bill and get up to go. She brings me back to my truck at the barn, and when I start it, instead of going home, I head to see Juliet. With everything that happened today, I need my girl.
Parking at the side, I walk into the barn and stop when I spot them. “This is Juliet,” he tells her. “She’s Lilah’s horse when she came to work for us.”
“Hey,” I say softly, and their eyes move to me, “fancy meeting you guys here.”
“I was showing Lucy my horse and gave her a tour,” Emmett explains. “It’s bath time,” he says, and Lucy nods, holding her hand up to wave at me while they both walk out. Emmett’s walking like he’s got a weight on his shoulders. I watch them until they disappear into the house.
“Hey, girl,” I tell Juliet, “twice in one day.” I walk into the stall. “That’s the day it’s been.” I take her out, going for a ride, not a long one and definitely not a fast one. By the time I head back, the sun has set, and the stars are coming out. I’m closing the stall when the barn door opens, and Emmett walks in. He’s out of his jeans and in shorts and a T-shirt. I’ve never seen him in anything other than jeans, and my eyes sweep over him once and then quickly turn away before he catches me ogling him. “Hey,” I say, wiping my hands on my jeans, “everything okay?”
“Yeah,” he replies, “I thought I forgot Lucy’s sweater in here.” He looks around. “She had it when we went out for a walk, in case there was a breeze, and now I don’t know where I put it.”
“I never thought I would see the day,” I tell him. He looks at me, and I swear, what I wouldn’t give to have him hug me just one time. To be held by him just once, especially after today. What I wouldn’t give to be able to bury my face in his neck and kiss him. Fuck, the longing makes my chest hurt. “You a dad.”
He looks down. “You aren’t the only one,” he admits. “I have to get back to Lucy.” He points over his shoulder. “Are you going to be okay getting to your car?”
“I’ll be fine,” I assure him, and he turns to walk away but stops and glances over his shoulder.
His eyes look like he’s tired. Fuck, does he ever look tired. The lightness of his eyes he had before he had Lucy is gone, at least for today. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I reply softly and watch him walk to the house, wishing I was holding his hand while he does it.