Chapter 35 – Lilah
Chapter Thirty-Five
LILAH
T he front door opens, and I look up from my desk and see Lucy skip in. “Hey, Lilah.” She smiles at me as the door shuts behind her. For the past almost two weeks, Lucy has been coming into the office by herself. Which makes it a bit better than me having to deal with Emmett. Ten days since I last woke in his arms. Ten days since the end of us even though nothing said we started to begin with. In the blink of an eye, it was gone, and I was pushing forward. I was doing what I needed to do in order not to see him more than I had to.
“Hey, pretty lady.” I smile back at her, trying not to show her how much my heart hurts. How much I hurt. “How was your day?” I lean back, watching her walk to me. The same routine as before, hanging with me before going home and doing their thing. Something that was our thing but is now not.
“Good,” she answers, plopping her bag down beside my desk. “I had gym with Wyatt.”
“Oh.” I raise my eyebrows.
“Yeah, it was all outside, so they put the two classes together,” she explains to me, taking out her binder that she puts her homework in, as she comes to the chair that is beside my desk for her.
“Did you like it?” I ask as she sits down and opens her book.
“No.” She shakes her head. “I also asked why we didn’t have horseback riding as an activity,” she informs me. “The teacher said he would look into it.”
“I bet he will.” I try not to laugh.
“Will you come riding with me tonight?” she asks again. She’s asked me all week long and all week long I’ve come up with excuse after excuse, hoping that one day she won’t ask me, and I won’t have to let her down.
“I can’t tonight,” I say, not bothering to come up with another excuse because frankly, I don’t know what else to say.
“You never come riding with me anymore,” she pouts softly, and I have to fight back the tears.
“I want nothing more than to go riding with you.” I rub my hand over her hair. “One of these days, we’ll go riding again together.” I smile at her, but she doesn’t smile back at me.
She does her homework beside me until I push away from the desk. “Okay, pretty girl, I have to head out.” She closes her binder and puts it in her bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say, and she nods as I walk her to the barn. My eyes stay on her the whole time she walks into the barn and toward her father. She skips to him the remainder of the distance, and he looks up at me, and for a split second, I watch him before it just becomes too much, so I turn around, leaving them both there together.
I’m walking out of the barn, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth toward my truck. My head is down when I bump into Charlie. “Hey,” he says.
“Sorry.” I try to blink away the tears that threaten to come. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“No worries,” he assures me, taking me in. “You good?”
“Yup,” I confirm. “All good. Thanks for transferring Juliet for me,” I tell him of the uncomfortable request I made last week as soon as I got to work.
“No worries, we had a place, so it’s all good.” He puts his hands on his hips. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I’m fine.” I swallow the lump. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you then.” He smiles sadly at me as I walk around him.
Instead of going home, I make my way over to the little creek. I put my phone in my back pocket as I take a walk. The sounds of the stream make it very peaceful. My head is still twirling, and I’m sadly still thinking about Emmett when I spot someone in my peripheral vision. Turning my head to the side, I spot Derek walking down the same path, his hands in his pants pockets as he looks up and stops walking. “Lilah,” he says, “I had no idea you would be here.” He holds up both his hands and shakes his head side to side.
I hold up my hand. “It’s fine,” I say softly.
“I just came here to get away,” he explains, and I stop and stand beside him, the both of us looking at the stream.
“I’m so sorry, Lilah,” he says, his voice breaking. “What I did to you was—” He shakes his head. “There are no words that can justify what I did.” I don’t say anything because what can I say, yeah, you were a big asshole . “I wish I could go back and change it all.” He looks at me, and I look at him. “Have a good day, Lilah.” He nods at me and walks past me. I don’t say anything to him because what can I possibly say besides go fuck yourself and I’ll never forgive you.
I get home and it feels like I’m suffocating by being in my apartment. This place used to be my little oasis, and now I feel like I’m being strangled. Nighttimes are the worst. I hate every single second of the darkness. So much so that for the past three days, I’ve been rolling out of bed at four a.m.
I brush my teeth and my hair before walking out and making my way to the barn. I get out of the truck, stretching my arms above my head before I walk in and come to a stop when I see Sammy already in. “Hey,” I say, shocked, “aren’t you here early?”
“Yeah,” he replies as he walks over to the kitchen. “Emmett asked me to check a couple of things.” He puts down the clipboard. “I just made coffee.” He walks over to the kitchen as I start to walk to the horses. “I made you a coffee.” He sticks his head out of the kitchen.
I think about riding the horse, but I actually need the caffeine in me. I walk over to the kitchen, seeing him take a sip of his coffee while my coffee mug sits on the counter. I put my phone down beside the cup. “Thank you,” I say, walking to it and picking it up. “I needed this.” I smell the coffee before taking a sip.
“You doing okay?” he asks. I look over at him and take another sip of the coffee. “Word going around is that you and Emmett…”
I avoid looking at him, instead taking another sip of the coffee. “There was no me and Emmett,” I finally say.
“Okay, well, I’m here if you ever want to talk,” he offers. I look over at him, seeing him look at me differently this morning. My eyes start to get heavier as I pick up the cup and take another sip. “What is in here?” I ask, and he just smirks, but his smirk is evil. “What did you put in here?” That’s the last thing I say before I feel his arms hold me up, and the blackness takes me.