25. Irina
Chapter 25
Irina
T he brute had put me down like I was some deranged animal.
Anger surged through me, hot and heavy as I laid in Luca’s bed, the aftermath of being sedated wearing off quicker than I expected.
Did he think that I’d be some compliant doll and stay here with him? This wasn’t some sick fairytale, and he surely wasn’t my savior.
With energy I hardly had enough of, I slowly got up, the burn of my injuries sizzling across my flesh.
I really needed to talk to my father, not only to defuse the situation with Nicolai but figure out who the fuck did this to us.
Was it an enemy? What could have they possibly gained from this?
On shaky feet, I exhaled a breath as I walked toward the bedroom door. The last time I’d been in here, I’d said goodbye to Luca, and it felt like a lifetime ago, the heartache still lingering in the air.
I couldn’t stay here.
When I reached for the knob, the door swung open, his larger-than-life presence entering the room.
“Going somewhere, piccola ribelle ?” He approached me lazily, his caramel eyes drinking me in.
“What do you think?” My blood boiled at his casual demeanor, as if he hadn’t drugged me to sleep. “I will not be your captive, you psychopath.”
“I thought we’d already established that I was one.” He towered over me, a mocking grin curling his lips. “Besides, I wouldn’t call you a captive.”
“You brought me here against my will.” My teeth ached from clenching them. Why did I have to get involved with someone who was as delusional as they came? “If not captivity, then what?”
“Captors usually aren’t driven to the brink of insanity by their captives.” He leaned down until he was eye level with me. “Are they?”
His scent surrounded me, an immediate blockage to my sensibility and morality.
What the hell was happening to me?
“They usually aren’t pained by the mere thought of their captive hurt.” His tone became vicious, as if he was angry with me but mostly himself. “Are they?”
“Luca. . . ”
He pressed his forehead against mine, his palm holding my jaw. “They usually aren’t concerned for their captive’s soul more than their own. Are they?”
Thick emotions whirled in my chest, adrenaline spiking through my blood from his words. If only it were easy to give into him and forget about who and what I was, but I couldn’t.
“We’re only biding our time, Luca,” I whispered, my voice cracking, and I didn’t even care how weak it made me seem. “We both know how our story will end, and it’ll never be a happy one.”
In a flash, I felt his demeanor change. His fingertips had gone cold, his gaze even colder before he stepped away from me.
“Take off your clothes.”
My stomach dropped at his abruptness. “Wh-what?”
“We need to clean you.”
“We? You’re not getting anywhere near me.”
“Would you rather I resort to unpleasant methods?”
“You did it once. I wouldn’t put it past you to do it again.” He’d taken away my will like every other man I’d ever encountered, and it hurt because I knew he was nothing like them.
Luca stood there with pursed lips and arms crossed, not denying it.
I wanted to continue fighting him, but I was exhausted. It would get me nowhere and right now I wanted to be left alone.
He might be dealing the cards here, but I’d make sure I had the upper hand.
With firm movements, I let the hospital gown fall off my body in a heap at my feet.
My heart beat against my chest at a painful rhythm, aware of how exposed I was—how I looked but I bit the inside of my cheek to refrain myself from hiding .
I may not be ready to see the aftermath of what happened to me, but I wouldn’t allow anyone to make me feel ashamed for something I couldn’t change.
Yet, the way Luca unashamedly took his time trailing the length of my body, proved he wasn’t just anyone.
The wild glint in his eyes made me shift on my legs from his attention.
He noticed, nose flaring as he caught my eyes, and I suddenly forgot why I was angry with him.
Tension simmered in the warm air between us, and my pulse thrummed rapidly at the possibility that he’d mark me here and now.
I held my breath as he took a slow step toward me, as if a pace faster than that would have me running off.
Then without a word, he diverted his darkening gaze away and crossed the few steps to the bathroom.
When the sound of running water resonated, I followed him inside just as he was peeling off his clothes.
With his back turned, I admired the sculpted planes of his body all over again. It was hard not to when he was this beautiful. Toned muscles wrapped tight with sharp scars and black ink that were more prominent in the bright light.
The realization hit me full force.
He wasn’t here to spite me. He was here to ground me as my mind cluttered with grim thoughts.
My throat tightened, the sting of tears burning my eyes. I was a coward, afraid of accepting my reality when Luca unabashedly displayed the fucked up parts of himself so openly.
How could I perceive him as beautiful yet perceive myself the opposite?
With a swelling ache in my chest, I dragged my feet to where he stood before wrapping my arms around him from behind, burying my face in his back.
It was hard to hold on to my anger when he’d done this for me. He was always there to catch me when I fell, and it hurt . It hurt knowing he was the only one who was patient enough to peel back my layers and see what lurked beneath the surface.
“Thank you.”
After what felt like minutes, he finally sighed, holding my arms with his calloused hands, the beat of his heart pounding erratically against my palm. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was nervous.
“I’m going to take off your bandages,” he said, his grip on me strong.
The urge to pull away and plead with him to leave me alone pulsed heavy, but I held him tighter, the warmth of his skin melting the iciness coating my own. I wouldn’t be afraid.
He turned around, an ominous shadow looming over his troubled face. “I’m not here to hurt you.”
With my eyes locked on his, I saw the truth in his words, knowing he’d done more for me than I could ever repay.
I nodded my head, trusting him wholeheartedly.
My breathing turned shallow as he reached for me and peeled back the first covering, then the next and the next.
Cool air hit the newly exposed skin, a sense of lightness cascading over me .
I watched his focused expression as he gauged my reaction and the cautious way he continued removing them. His gentleness was such a contrast to his appearance, it almost made me laugh.
He held my hand, directing me inside the shower where the inviting water sprayed down on us.
With my back pressed to his chest, he anchored me, his presence a protective embrace to my jittery nerves.
“I’m going to touch you,” Luca stated, his voice heavy—cautious. “Is that okay?”
I nodded as I leaned my head back against his shoulders, eyes closing.
“I need to hear you say it, Irina.”
“Yes,” I whispered, my heart somersaulting in my chest. “It’s okay.”
If it was anyone else, I didn’t think I’d even have the courage to take the risk.
I expected the first brush of his touch to cause me distress but instead I was met with a comfortable ease.
It was difficult to understand my bodies reactions when I stopped caring about them long ago but as Luca continued his ministration, he unintentionally healed a lost part of me.
He took his time carefully washing me, his fingers caressing my body in light strokes and the tenderness of his touch let the unshed tears from earlier fall freely.
My heart felt full, ready to ignite and burst from receiving affection in a way that had been foreign to me for a long time.
When he moved onto my hair, I held my breath as he massaged my scalp, the lack of length evident as he quickly rinsed it.
“Turn around, sweetheart.”
He guided me to face him because apparently my mind was too messed up to understand what he was saying.
“Do you trust me?” he asked, his eyes blazing with intensity.
My mouth went dry as the water cascaded on us. Luca was pulling at my heartstrings, and I couldn’t stop the way he made me feel. He’d pierced his way into my life and sank himself into a part of me so deeply that I couldn’t place where he began, and I ended.
“Yes.”
He brushed his knuckles against my cheek softly and I leaned into his touch, completely mesmerized by the way he was looking at me.
There had to be a name for this chaos whirling inside my chest. It couldn’t be normal to have difficulty breathing because of someone, right?
Lost in my own thoughts, I hadn’t realized what Luca did until it was too late, the cool air brushing my bare eye. My flawed eye.
My lips quivered as I tried holding back my tears. “Why?” For some reason, Luca seeing my face marred was worse than him seeing my body.
“I told you to not hide from me,” he answered with zero hesitation. His fingers delicately traced my eye as if he wanted to engrave the crevices into his memory. “If only you could see yourself through my eyes, then perhaps you’d understand the level of desperation I feel for you. Wanting you. Needing you.”
I should’ve been scared to hear such an admission from a man like him, but the emotion that strum through me wasn’t fear.
It was acceptance.
Submission.
He was mine.