26. Irina
Chapter 26
Irina
“ I ’m getting déjà vu by looking at you.”
I pushed the blanket off my face to glare at my best friend. “Did you just make a joke out of your trauma?”
“It’s called healing,” she retorted, climbing on the bed to lie beside me. “Lighten up.”
I couldn’t lighten up. It seemed that it was always one step forward and three steps back with Luca.
He had locked me in this room for a week now, tending to me like my own nurse during the day and holding me in his arms like a lover at night—even when I’d pretend that I didn’t want it.
Every day I’d ask him the same question of when he’d let me go. And every day he’d ignore me as if I’d never asked them in the first place.
I was angry. This constant push and pull between us drove me mad. I wanted him. I had him. But I couldn’t ignore the circumstances .
It was futile warning him with the possibility of war between the Italian Mafia and the Russian Mafia, but he cared even less about that.
I hadn’t spoken to my father or Viktor since the accident, and their silence also terrified me. They had the means to come for me, which meant they were playing in the grand scheme of things. It was only a matter of time before they made their move.
Pure terror gripped me at the position I’d found myself in. If I could just talk to my father and explain everything, then maybe I’d have a chance at stopping him.
Instead, I’d become a liability and being useless made it all worse.
“Aurora.” I faced her, watching as the sun beamed across her face, brightening the specks of green in her eyes. “I need your help. Please.”
Her gaze searched mine in defeat. “You know I can’t.”
“Do it for your son,” I said, manipulating the situation like a jackass. “If I stay here, your lives will be at stake.”
“And what will happen to yours?”
Her question caught me off guard, but I masked my surprise. “Nothing,” I lied, the word sitting bitterly on my tongue. The truth was, I didn’t know.
I’d pushed down my emotions into the darkness of my soul, avoiding my reality.
Not only did I fail my mission at bringing Nicolai to Russia but I’d lost my most valuable asset, my beauty. And what happens to assets that are of no use anymore? They’re discarded.
Would my father see me as useless as I see myself?
Nausea twisted my stomach in knots. I’d never questioned the dynamic between my father and me before, but sitting with my thoughts in silence the past week had sent me spiraling.
I once felt his rejection when I was younger, trapped in the four walls of my childhood home, and I was terrified to feel it again.
“Irina. . . ” Aurora’s face was closer as she leaned over me, blurred by the sheen of tears coating my eyes. “Where’d you go?”
I felt my face crumble as I curled into a ball at her side, silently weeping for the little girl in me who was had lost pieces of herself and didn’t know how to fix it.
I’d been desperate for affection, desperate for validation and acceptance that I didn’t think twice about maintaining my loyalty to my father and the Bratva.
I choked on a sob, loathing myself for being the cause of my own hurt.
Aurora embraced me in a tight hold, her cinnamon scent cascading around me in a comforting hold. Home .
I tried steadying my breathing, each inhale painful from the heavy weight inside my chest.
If I continued on like this, spending my days in self-pity, it would be my demise. I had cried more in the last two weeks than I had in my whole life. It was uncomfortable and unlike me.
Wiping the excess tears from my eyes, I tilted my head back in time to catch Aurora’s worried expression.
I was a terrible person for stressing a pregnant woman.
“Is this where you tell me what’s going on in that blonde head of yours?” Her attempt at easing the tension was awkward but admirable.
The woman was harboring enough already, with her spiraling brother, her pregnancy, and Nicolai’s recovery.
My brother had woken up two days ago and the thrumming urge to see him was intense, but I wasn’t allowed.
Not that Luca would even give me the opportunity to escape. It didn’t come as a shock to find out Roman was the one who refused to let me visit.
“Not today, but I do need you to do something for me.”
“Anything.”
Ten minutes later, we were standing in the bright bathroom.
Aurora brushed the wet strands of my hair gently. “I’ve never done this before, but I’ll try my best.”
“It can’t be worse than what it is now,” I laughed halfheartedly. Whether it turned out good or not, didn’t matter anyway, considering I was still unable to look at myself in the mirror.
“I’m going to start cutting now.”
My face heated with uncertainty. “Wait!”
I tried composing myself before Luca walked inside, his footsteps faltering as he glanced between Aurora and me.
With one look, he stripped me bare and my body ignited to life, every nerve ending yearning for him to come closer.
Aurora cleared her throat, fidgeting in place, but I was too lost in him to pay her any attention.
He stepped further into the room until he opened the drawer below the sink and pulled something out .
A buzzing sound filled the space, and my breathing turned shallow as I saw him shave his hair off with ease.
The erratic pounding of my heart spread through me like wildfire, burning me from the inside out.
I was held captive by every piece of hair that fell to the floor, along with it the heaviness in my chest.
Moments later, he shut the razor off and dropped it back inside the drawer.
Without a word, he crossed the room as he held my gaze, caramel eyes warming every inch of my body.
The second he was out of sight; I felt his absence like a dull pain that never went away.
“I was right. . . ” Aurora stood behind me, her hands resting on my shoulders. “He’s so in love with you.”
I ignored her comment, still reeling from what Luca had just done for me. Again.
It gave me the push I needed to carry on because I wasn’t alone in my torment. He was always there.
“Cut it.” My voice trembled, sounding weak to my own ears. “Now.”
The first snipe of the scissors echoed, my shoulders becoming rigid with every cut strand.
I hoped by the time Aurora was done; I’d feel like I had some sort of power back in my hands.
It was more than a haircut. This was something I could control, and I wanted to take back what was taken from me.
With every feather of hair that fell down my body and pooled at my feet, the tenseness in my body dissipated, a lightened feeling replacing it.
“All done.” My best friend moved to stand in front of me, grinning mischievously. “In case you didn’t know, you’re sexy as hell with short hair.”
I grudgingly reached up and touched the even strands, letting my fingers get accustomed to the length.
My hair didn’t define me, nor did my body or face. It was a hard pill to swallow now that my beauty was tarnished after having been praised for it.
I never needed the validation, but holding that power was mine. It had been my identity, and I couldn’t blame myself for feeling lost. But this was a step forward.
“Thank you, Aurora.”
We shared a silent moment of tenderness, understanding reflecting in her eyes before she hugged me close.
Another week had passed, and I felt myself slipping away. Luca was hurting me more than he knew and if he did, he wasn’t acknowledging it.
His obsession with me was blinding him from seeing that I was suffocating.
I was shut out from the outside world, and I was slowly losing my mind.
The last rays of sun shined through the window when Luca came to the bedroom.
My heart went into overdrive seeing his appearance. He was covered in sweat and blood, his face harsh against the shadows of the room.
I clenched my teeth, pursing my lips before turning away from him.
Guilt speared through me for ignoring him, but if I didn’t stand my ground, then I was compliant in staying here.
The click of the door grated against my ears, the sharp slam of it startling me. Moments later, the sound of the shower occupied the space.
Was that his blood or someone else’s? I itched to follow him inside and make sure of it myself, but my pride weighed heavier.
He came back to me in one piece, so there was that.
After a few more minutes, he reentered the bedroom with nothing but a low hanging towel around his hips.
No blood.
A sigh escaped me and damn him for invoking a tsunami of feelings in me.
Luca disappeared inside the walk-in closet before coming out with a handful of clothes.
With purposeful strides, he walked toward me, my pulse skyrocketing all over again.
He was too beautiful for his own good. Hard muscles, sharp features and a buzz cut that warmed my skin.
“Are you going to be difficult today?” His voice was rough, skating down my spine.
“Depends on whether you give me what I want.” My voice came out raspier than I intended, causing Luca’s eyes to darken.
“And what is it that you want, piccola ribelle ?” His eyes held mine captive and I knew it would be undeniably easy to give myself up to him. To accept whatever he gave me, knowing I’d savor every second of it.
“Freedom. ”
One word, yet it held more meaning than just being held captive by these four walls.
He stilled, letting his hand fall limp at his side as he pierced me with a hard stare. “Raise your arms, Irina.”
I sighed, following his order.
How the brute managed to piss me off and swell my heart with affection for him simultaneously, I’d never know.
He’d been changing my clothes for me ever since I told him I wasn’t ready to see myself and even went as far as covering the mirror in the bathroom.
Nausea burned my chest at how weak I must appear, and I hated it.
Luca slipped the camisole over my head, replacing it with a long sleeve shirt. His gaze held mine the whole time, with an emotion I couldn’t place.
My pants went next, and every stroke and stare left me breathless, proving the unprovoked effect this man had on me from the slightest attention.
When he put my boots on my feet, curiosity peaked. “Where are we going?”
He stood and walked back inside of the closet before coming out dressed in his signature outfit, jeans, and a white tee shirt under a leather jacket. With his neck tattoos, he was every woman’s dream and nightmare all in one.
“Out.”
Instantly, my mind went into creating possible escape plans. I didn’t question him further, not wanting to sound too eager about finally getting out of here.
I stood from the bed, my body shaking from restless nerves. If I succeeded in leaving him, what would happen then?
He grabbed his keys from the nightstand and walked toward me, stopping when the toe of his boots touched mine. “Make me regret this, Irina. I dare you.”
The threat was clear as he nudged under my chin before opening the door.
Confusion weighed heavy on my conscious. “It was unlocked?” I could’ve left while he’d been in the shower.
“It’s always been unlocked.”
My head snapped in his direction as he leaned against the door, waiting for me to pass through. “What?”
“I never locked you out,” he confirmed. “And you never checked either. . . well, besides that first night when you almost did.”
I was going to be sick.
“I. . . I.”
I had checked again though, right? My thoughts twisted together, trying to come up with a good excuse. Why would I willingly choose to stay here? He was lying.
A wave of panic threatened to grasp me, invisible hands curling around my neck, that familiar sensation threatening to pull me into the dark abyss.
“Breathe.” Luca’s sharp voice sliced through the black cloud, his hand grasping my jaw almost painfully, but it rooted me in place from sinking beneath the surface. “Breathe, sweetheart.”
I inhaled a lungful of air, my vision clearing with every breath until I could see his distressed face looming over me.
He cupped my face, his deep honey eyes boring into me. “You wanted to be here because you felt safe. ”
I wanted to retort and tell him that he was wrong. That I didn’t want to be here, but as the rest of his words registered, I couldn’t help feeling angry toward myself.
Being with Luca gave me a different sense of security and I held onto that. He was attentive, aware of what I needed before I even did. And he’d gone out of his way to ensure that I was comfortable physically and mentally.
I was in denial of the depth of our relationship, and he was patiently waiting for me to acknowledge it the same way he had.
He hadn’t trapped me.
I’d done that myself.
He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead, pulling me out of my stupor. “Come on. My sister wants to meet you.”
Sister?
I didn’t have time to regain my composure before we reached the ground level, where a young girl sat on a stool in the kitchen.
Light brown hair curled and not a single strand out of place, makeup done to perfection and a tweed skirt and blazer on her slim figure.
“Evangeline,” Luca called to her, earning her attention.
If Luca was leader of the Camorra, then his sister was a Mafia princess, and it was clear she’d been brought up to portray a perfect image of herself.
She turned, a smile breaking across her face when she noticed me.
Pristine, elegant, and graceful. Yet, her green eyes held a different story.
“I’ve heard so much about you, Irina.” With more enthusiasm than I saw on anyone else, she walked toward us. “It’s finally nice to put a name to a face.”
If the scar across my eye unnerved her, she didn’t show it as she beamed at me as if I was a treasure piece.
I gave her a small smile. “Have you?”
“She’s lying,” Luca was quick to huff out, glaring at his sister.
He was someone who exuded confidence, so it was amusing seeing him appear somewhat embarrassed at being exposed.
“No, I’m not.” She smiled mischievously before gazing over at me again. “Although, I must say, his explanation of your beauty was an understatement.”
Oh.
I caught Luca’s eyes, his face passive, confirming that he really did talk about me to Eva.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as his pupils dilated, staring at me as if I was the only thing that mattered.
“Thank you.” A genuine smile ghosted across my lips. “I could say the same thing about you.” He hadn’t told me a thing about her, but it seemed like the right thing to say.
Eva’s eyes twinkled as she flushed pink. She really was sweet. Too innocent in a world full of wolves.
“We’re headed out,” Luca told her, kissing her head. “Call if you need me.”
In a matter of seconds, he summed up their relationship with that one goodbye.
My heart swelled at his tender care. He was the most affectionate psychopath I’d ever encountered.
“I hope we get a chance to speak later, Irina. ”
I nodded hesitantly at her, not wanting to give her false hope in something that might not even happen.
The moment we stepped outside the house, Luca pushed me against the door, a firm grip around my throat before he slammed his mouth to mine, knocking the breath out of me.
He thrusted his tongue past the seam of my lips, claiming my own in rough strokes.
My brain short-circuited at the warmth of his intoxicating taste, and I couldn’t think of anything else except for how to deepen his touch.
I wrapped my hands around his head, the short strands pricking my palms, fueling this heat spreading through my body.
I pulled him down while I went on my toes to feel him thoroughly destroy me and put me back together again.
Biting and teasing his bottom lip, I pulled it, relishing in the sound that escaped him as if he was restraining himself from completely devouring me.
He squeezed my throat, causing me to let go and gaze up at him. His eyes were pools of honey, desire and possessiveness swirling in its depth.
“What was that for?”
His thumb stroked the pulse on my neck. “For me.”
He turned and walked down the pathway, leaving me to bring myself down from an adrenaline high.
The brute truly knew how to catch me off guard and tip me off balance.
I pushed off the door and followed him, watching as he pulled an extra helmet from the back of his bike .
“So,” I started, feeling unsure all of a sudden. “You told your sister about me.”
He closed the few steps between us before placing the helmet on me. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t have?”
“Plenty.”
He searched my eyes, the intensity of his stare enough to bring me to my knees. “None that matter.”
“Does she know her brute of a brother kidnapped me?”
A smile touched his lips. “Something like that.”
He grabbed my hand and helped me on the motorcycle, reminding me of how long it’d been since I rode my own.
When he settled in front of me, he reached back and wrapped my arms around his torso, holding my hands to his chest.
It wasn’t something that should’ve made my breath hitch or my heart race, but the stillness of the night surrounding us caused me to lean forward until my cheek pressed against him.
I closed my eyes, savoring this moment because I knew once I had a chance to leave, I’d take it.
When the familiar field of Roman’s property came into view, my insides churned.
Why were we here?
He passed through security, riding toward the manor before parking, and I didn’t waste time getting off.
“What the hell am I doing here, Luca?” I
We both knew how Roman felt about me, and I doubted he wanted me anywhere near him or my brother.
So, what was his purpose to this visit?
He removed his helmet, narrowing his eyes at me. “Might want to lose that attitude of yours.”
“Or what?” I laughed incredulously. “You’re going to kidnap me again? Kind of moot, since you never let me go!”
“Why do you always do that?” He got in my face, staring down at me with pure rage as if I hit a nerve. “Assume the worst in everyone? In me? ”
I gritted my teeth together, stopping myself from saying something stupid like how I’d never been given a reason to believe otherwise.
Luca had already crossed boundaries with me that no man had ever done before, and it ran deep into the crevices of my soul.
And maybe I was scared to open up to him because I knew this was a means to an end. Short-lived like everything else in my life and the thought of him being the next person to leave me was more painful than I cared to admit.
I sighed, exhausted from going in circles with him. “What are we doing here, Luca?”
His jaw ticked, and I knew he had more to say but didn’t. “To see Nico.” He brushed past me. “You’re welcome.”
I looked up at the night sky, trying to figure out how I ended up in this position.
I had a plan before coming to Italy, but the game had shifted, and I was losing.
With a churning twist in the pit of my stomach, I followed Luca inside the house, where he waited for me in the foyer.
Without another word, he walked up the grand staircase with me in tow.
The house was quiet, void of any sound, but I knew better than to assume Luca came without informing Roman.
I wondered how he’d managed to convince him to let me see Nicolai. Or maybe I had it all wrong.
I knew I lost Roman’s trust—not that it had been something I sought out genuinely—but he’d become a friend of mine, and I guess our feud didn’t sit well with me.
He could pretend that he didn’t care either, but if I was anyone else, he would’ve splattered my brains out on that dining table weeks ago.
Roman was never the enemy, but the moment he kept Nicolai from his position as the next Pakhan, he would be one to the Bratva.
The hall was glowing faintly as we walked past multiple doors before Luca pushed the one at the end open.
He waited for me to pass through before shutting the door behind himself.
The moment my eyes landed on my brother; I felt the heavy ache in my chest ease up.
He was awake, perched up on a bed full of pillows and blankets.
When he peered over at me, something between a laugh and a cry escaped me. “Nicolai. . . ” I took a step toward him when another voice stopped me.
“That’s close enough.” Roman came out of the bathroom, his energy dark and full of venom, all directed at me.
“She’s not going to harm her own brother.” Luca leaned against the wall, causal in his demeanor but alert. His tee shirt stretched over his biceps as he crossed his arms. “Pipe it down.”
“I don’t take orders from you, Luca.”
They were clearly not on good terms either, which made this visit even more uncomfortable.
I didn’t like that I was most likely the reason for their drift. It was hard to witness, but I stayed silent, unsure of how to proceed in unknown territory.
Nico caught my eyes. The brown in his conveyed so many emotions at once, they were hard to decipher.
“Can you both leave the room?” he said, earning their attention. “I’d like to speak with Irina.”
“Nic—” Roman turned toward my brother before he was cut off.
“Alone.”
A silent conversation passed between them and as Roman raked through his hair in defeat, I knew he’d do anything for him.
“I’ll be right outside the door.” He pointed toward it before shifting his attention to me, his obsidian eyes glaring with unsaid threats.
For the sake of my brother, I chose to stay silent.
Roman grabbed Luca roughly by the arm and dragged him out.
I quickly crossed the room until I reached Nicolai and sat on the bed beside him. His chest was covered in bandages and flashes from that day came rushing back. The sounds of his bones snapping. His limp body covered in blood. Me helpless.
“You should’ve never followed me that day,” I choked, staring at him warily as I grabbed his hand before letting it go, remembering how he didn’t like to be touched. “Are you in pain?”
His dimples appeared when he grinned at me. “Not anymore. I’m healing.”
A relieved breath escaped me, and I slumped from the rigidness that my body had been in until now.
“I wanted to help you,” I whispered. “So badly, Nico, that I’d have endured that over again if it meant you weren’t harmed.”
My chest ached from how true those words were. I never knew I was capable of harboring such love for someone I only met a few short months ago but he was my brother. I would’ve done anything to protect him.
“Don’t.” His pale blond hair was tousled and for once, he looked twenty-two. “I was there too, Irina. I saw what that man did to you. If you’re carrying that hurt for me, then know that I feel the same way for you.”
Tears spilled from my eyes, making a path down my face from the thick emotion in his voice.
The Bratva had their own agenda with Nicolai, but all I ever wanted was my brother.
“For what it’s worth, you look badass with that scar across your eye.” He grinned, attempting to lighten the mood.
My face became hot at having forgotten about it. “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen it. ”
He tilted his head at me, anger slashing across his stark features. “Don’t give it the power to destroy you.”
I pinched my lips together and nodded subtly.
“If Roman had found us sooner, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.” He sighed, the dark rings around his eyes a contrast against his pale skin.
“What do you mean?”
“I have a tracker behind my ear.” He tilted his head and moved his hair to the side. “It’s beneath my skin.”
The subtle dent of the chip was barely visible, but it was there. And suddenly, it all made sense. He hadn’t been lying when he’d said he would get us out. He knew Roman would come looking for him.
“Why?” I breathed, not understanding the reason for it.
He stilled; his face unexpressive as he stared blankly in front of himself. “Roman is protective of me.”
“I gathered as much.” When he’d held a gun to my head.
He stayed silent, his eyes void and empty, and I knew there was more to it.
“Nicolai.”
“Hm?”
“What’s the real reason?”
“I asked him to.” The answer left his lips as if it had been on the tip of his tongue this whole time, as if it was the first time he admitted the truth to someone.
I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t want you to.”
My stomach dropped, my blood running cold, and I hated that he couldn’t talk to me .
Clearing my voice to stop the hurt from showing, I said, “Because I’m a stranger.”
“Because you’re my sister . And for once, I don’t want someone to know my past and have it define me.”
What happened to you? I wanted to scream.
We were the same in that sense. I didn’t want Luca to know me in fear of how he’d look at me and Nicolai didn’t want me to know him for the same reason.
“Is that why you followed me that night?”
“When we first met, I felt this sudden familiarity with you, and I didn’t understand why or why I felt comfortable in sharing parts of my life with you.” His forehead scrunched in vulnerability. “But then I found out you were my sister, and I couldn’t let you walk away. I do want to have a relationship with you, Irina.”
A watery laugh bubbled out of me as more tears unleashed. “Does this mean you’ll come with me?” Hope rooted inside me as I leaned forward, waiting for his answer.
“What?” His face twisted in confusion. “No, that’s. . . that’s not what I meant. I’m not leaving Italy.”
“But you just said-”
“I know what I said,” he snapped and relaxed his tone when I inched back. “I want to know you . The rest doesn’t matter to me. He doesn’t matter.”
“The rest comes with knowing me.”
He leaned back against the headboard, saying nothing, yet everything showed in his gaze.
He was giving me a choice. Either I accepted his wish, or I didn’t get to know him at all.
“You might’ve escaped your past, but you won’t be able to escape your future fate.” I wasn’t intentionally trying to create an issue with him, but he needed to know our father wouldn’t stop until he succeeded. “But I don’t want to lose you.”
I hoped whatever came next in our story wouldn’t hurt him in the process.
“Yet you’re still leaving.”
I scoffed. “I don’t think Roman would appreciate me staying the night.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said, nodding his head at the door. “Are you leaving Italy? Luca?”
That nauseating feeling in my stomach came back along with the heavy weight in my chest. I wanted to tell him the truth, that I was, but if Nico knew this, I couldn’t guarantee that Luca wouldn’t find out. He’d chain me to his bed if he did.
I smiled at him even when my heart cracked in two. “I’ll come visit you again when I can.” With a kiss on his forehead, I stood up and made it halfway across the room when his voice stopped me.
“Goodbye, Irina.”
He knew. Dammit . He knew.
“Goodbye, Nicolai.”