35. Luca
Chapter 35
Luca
I t was easy to drive through the Russian streets and find where the Pakhan lived—that wasn’t a secret to anyone—but it would be difficult to pass through the property.
As Nico directed me toward our destination, my mind wandered to Irina. For a split second, I wondered if this would lead to a dead end, and I’d deceived myself astray in believing she wasn’t gone.
Stop.
The ache in my chest weighed heavily, washing over me in an indescribable feeling that would only ever cease when I saw her again.
“Whatever happens, I’ve got you,” Nico said, pulling me away from deteriorating thoughts. He stared at me with understanding flickering in his brown eyes and I hadn’t noticed how heavily he resembled Irina until now.
“Only one thing will happen.” I gripped the steering wheel harder. “I’m going to get my girl and bring her back where she belongs.” With me.
His sigh was audible as he peered out the window. “Okay, Luca.”
“You don’t believe me either.”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“It doesn’t matter.” His tone was sharp, as if the controlled barrier he’d presented to everyone was shattering piece by piece.
He was young when Roman brought him in and sometimes it was hard to not see him as a child anymore
“It does matter.” He’d conditioned himself to always be composed, and he could only keep up the charade for so long before he broke. “You’re allowed to be angry.”
“Angry would mean I left with Irina that first time she asked me to and avoided the attack. Angry would mean I stopped you and her from getting shot. Angry would mean I could stop. . .”
“Stop what, Nico?”
He rested his head back, peering out the window. “Nothing. Turn left here.”
The conversation died down after that, and my nerves were too strung out to continue it.
After driving up an empty road for an unnecessary amount of time, we were met with a large metal gate at the end.
There were four men dressed in combat standing guard, two on either side.
“You can’t even see anything beyond the gates,” Nicolai said, pushing his glasses up with his middle finger. “How massive is this place?”
“Guess we’ll find out.” I opened the door and stepped out of the car.
Nico followed after me, his blond hair striking against the sun. “Maybe if we had security this extensive, they wouldn’t have been able to ambush us.”
“Did you just make a joke?”
He shrugged, walking down the gravel road.
The situation was dire, yet a grin peaked through at his less than amusing comment. I shook my head and walked beside him.
We hadn’t even reached the gates when the guards pointed their rifles at us. “Dostatochno blizko,” said one. It was hard to differentiate between them when their build was the same.
“I’m here to see Ivan Morozov.” I could’ve easily spoken to him in Russian, but if they were ignorant to my knowledge of the language, I could use it as an advantage.
They laughed among each other before another asked, “And who is asking?” His accent was as thick as my urge to rip them to shreds for wasting more time.
“His son.” My gaze snapped to Nico, shocked by his admission. “Tell Ivan that Nicolai is here to see him.”
The air stilled with a brewing intensity, the tension stretching thin under the weight of his words.
Even the guards’ smiles faded.
One of them turned away from us, speaking quietly into his headpiece. After a moment, they all took their stance again, staring ahead .
Nicolai and I glanced at each other, confused by the oddity.
The sound of an engine could be heard in the distance, increasing as it came closer before a car neared the gates from the opposite side.
A second later, Ivan Morozov stepped out of the vehicle. The last I encountered him, I’d hardly taken a glance at him before he struck a bullet in me.
His face was sharp yet rough around the edges, as if he’d seen things in his time that no one should. When he strode toward us, the gates opened in his favor, allowing him to pass through.
Ivan removed his sunglasses, his blue eyes landing on me for a split second before they cast toward Nicolai.
Protectiveness rushed through me, and I stepped slightly in front of him, tilting my head in challenge.
I might’ve agreed to letting Nico come with me, but I wasn’t stupid enough to let my guard down, even if it was his father.
Ivan flicked his attention back to me, his mouth turning upward. “I shot you,” he said casually, as if that was fucking normal.
“And what a poor aim it was, considering I’m still standing.” I patted my chest where the bullet had hit me. “I’m doing much better, by the way. Thanks for asking,” I remarked sarcastically.
“That explains your delay.”
I stood frozen, confused at his civilized manner. This was the same man who’d thought I shot his daughter.
My eyes narrowed at him. “You know why I’m here? ”
“Alexei.” Ivan caught my stare. “Take him to Irina’s room.”
My world tilted and suddenly, that was all I could focus on. Silence stretched between us, but my ears were blaring with the need to know. To know it wasn’t all in my head and that she was alive.
My heart thumped against my ribcage, and I felt myself ignite with desperation. Maybe I was walking into a trap but I didn’t seem to care.
Everything blurred from then on, my warning to Ivan, my caution to Nico and the path toward where Irina grew up.
It felt as if I was spinning, tipping over through my consciousness up until the guard stopped by a white door.
Planting my palms against the door, I dropped my head between my shoulders and breathed in.
I needed to get a grip on myself.
I opened the door and slipped inside the room, the air thick with the same grief I’d been carrying for the past few weeks.
In the low-lit room, I could make out the shape of the only woman who had ever been capable of bringing me to my knees, winding me so tightly around her finger, I’d become a part of her.
She was alive.
My chest squeezed as I approached the bed where she slept, and it took everything in me to not break down right then and there.
I lifted the blanket and slid in behind her, careful not to wake her, but it was hard when I’d been deprived of my reason to live until now .
Wrapping my arm around her waist, I pulled her to me as I leaned into the crook of her neck, letting her amber scent embrace me.
A helpless tear escaped my eye as Irina’s body molded into mine. I could finally breathe again.
She was my home.
It wasn’t until I felt her tremble against me that I realized she was awake.
“Luca.” She choked on a sob and the broken way she said my name told me she wasn’t questioning my presence, but haunted by it.
“I’m here, sweetheart.” I turned her around and when my gaze caught hers, I knew without a doubt I was completely done for. “I’m here.”
“You’re really here,” she whispered as she reached up and traced my jaw with her fingers, sorrow lining the pout of her lips. “I’m sorry.” The hurt in her tone slid down my skin along with her palm, landing against my chest—where I’d been shot. “I’m so sorry for everything.”
Seeing Irina distraught cut me open and for some reason, her apology didn’t sit well with me. She’d always been unapologetically herself and I loved that about her.
I reached for the buttons of her shirt, holding her gaze as I undid each one. She didn’t stop me as I parted the shirt, revealing her naked chest.
A long scar ran above her breast. The result of death nearly taking her away from me.
I placed my hand on it, her heart thumping against my palm. “I’m okay now, Irina.” I searched her eyes, willing her to understand that as long as she was fine, I was too.
She leaned up abruptly, causing me to move back until we were sitting up. “None of this is okay. It’s my fault the manor was attacked that night.” Her blue eyes darkened with self-loathing, and I wanted nothing more than to snuff it out.
“You couldn’t have known.” I took her hand in mine, squeezing gently. “Besides, I’m not innocent here either.” I’d kept her to myself, knowing it would’ve ended badly.
“It doesn’t matter.” She scoffed, relentless in taking the blame. “I’m as guilty as my father by jeopardizing the lives of everyone I love in the first place.”
“Everyone is safe,” I said slowly. “Roman, Aurora, the baby. . . they’re perfect.”
A whimper escaped her as she pressed the heels of her palms to her forehead. “I should’ve never agreed to any of it. I was so blinded by my need for a real family that I didn’t think of the repercussions.”
No matter what I said, she wasn’t hearing me, battling her own demons from the guilt.
“Look at me.” I grabbed her wrists and pulled them away from her face. She looked so small and vulnerable; it sent a sharp pang to my chest. “You have me. I’m your family.” Our knees touched as I closed the space between us. “And I love you.”
Her tears framed her cheeks as she closed her eyes and when she opened them again, a watery smile split across her face. “I love you back.”
Her confession hung in the air, and I held my breath, afraid she’d take them back.
“I love you,” she repeated, every syllable shooting straight into my heart. “With all the broken and scarred parts of me, I do. You stopped the hollowness in my chest from consuming me.”
Wrapping my hand around her throat, I tilted her head back, holding her stare with an intensity that would burn me alive. “How can you be broken when you’ve made me whole?” I pressed my lips against hers, pouring everything I am into that one kiss.