Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
PENELOPE
AGE NINETEEN
The rain fell lightly, beading along the crimson petals.
Roses were arranged every few feet, and even more were draped along the coffin. Every head around me was bowed in grief; sorrow wrapped around the crowd and seemed to squeeze us tight.
My heart thrashed around, sad in a different way. I didn’t know Mathias King as well as people would assume. He was always walking in circles that didn’t revolve anywhere near me. Even as I grew up and was friends with Luke and Jamie, Mathias had never spoken directly to me.
He was nice enough, and after he’d learned about what Tuck had forced my mom and me to do, he’d walked up to us and apologized in person.
Then he’d paid for us to go to a local spa to get pampered for the day.
I’d never forget how uncomfortable he’d looked standing there in his leather cut, a blue shirt underneath, buttoned and pressed nicely, as if his wife had just ironed it the night before.
His gaze would cut back toward Margie, the stern woman he called his wife.
Jameson’s mother. She had light hair, brown eyes and was completely gorgeous.
She also was never seen around the club.
The day Mathias came to apologize to us on behalf of his vice president, he’d driven over in a Buick, his wife sat shotgun, smirking the entire time.
As if she knew her husband was uncomfortable but wouldn’t do a thing to help him.
Now, looking at her as tears stained her face and her son held her hand, I was the one feeling uncomfortable.
I wanted to shed my skin, and let my soul wander over to curl inside Jamie’s.
Just so he wouldn’t have to bear the burden of grief alone.
I knew he was fighting his emotions, likely had to in front of the entire club.
Two hundred people surrounded the black casket raised over a six-foot grave. Leather cuts adorned every single chest, as if it were armor, a family crest of blood and bond.
The men and women of the Richland Chaos Kings were sad, and rightly so. Mathias was a good man, and now the torch of leadership would fall to Jameson.
The officiant was one of the members, reading from a book of poems instead of the Bible. Margie wanted his service to reflect her husband’s life, and while he wasn’t a holy man, he was a thoughtful one. Full of depth and emotion, and someone who cared deeply for his wife and son, and for his club.
“In Chaos we rode, but you made sure we always felt like kings. We say goodbye to you friend, but only for now. Not forever.”
Max, the officiant, shut his small book of poems and lowered his head. Everyone around the casket seemed to as well…all but Jamie.
His head remained lifted, his gaze searing the casket covered in flowers.
Words were exchanged, and people began to move.
My eyes were glued to the new leader of the Chaos Kings, even as Luke looked over, trying to get my attention.
But Jameson’s focus was on his mother and helping her as they made their way to a car. I could tell Jamie wanted to linger near the grave, as if he couldn’t quite come to terms with letting this be his last goodbye to his father.
I felt a pinching in my chest as I followed the crowd back toward the cars.
Mom clung to Miles’ arm, but glanced back once, likely to make sure I was okay.
She knew my feelings for Jameson had returned tenfold over the past year when he started writing me.
She knew that I returned for the funeral, not because of my respect for Mathias, but my devotion to Jamie.
My eyes still tracked him as he walked toward the lead car. His mom clung to him, sobbing into his shoulder. His wheat-colored hair was soaked from the rain, his caramel eyes, rimmed by those thick lashes, were downcast and that firm jaw of his, more defined than I had ever seen it, tensed.
I just kept watching him, silently begging him to look at me.
Nearly to the car I’d ridden in with Mom, I finally felt it…
Sunshine clouded by grief, Jameson’s gaze found mine.
His feet faltered as if he’d just registered that I had been present for his father’s funeral.
Mouth parting, brows drawing in, his expression twisted like he was conflicted over how he felt at the sight of me.
I wanted to smile but refused to let my lips curl up. The letters over the past year between us felt like a tiny ember, growing and growing. I took a step toward him, still being separated by at least six cars, but he cut a look over his shoulder, toward where his mother sat in his car.
With a tiny wince, he shook his head and then rounded the trunk of his vehicle and climbed inside.
I understood why, but the tiny thorn piercing my heart didn’t seem to.
Climbing into the car, I watched the cemetery fly past as we drove back to the clubhouse.
I knew there’d be a huge celebration of life, and it would be full of chaos.
Something I didn’t crave at the moment. I’d go to pay my respects and then I’d walk back home, then leave this city once more, allowing Jameson King to remain with a silent, secret piece of me.
The club was packed, and while I’d only been in attendance for roughly half an hour, it was enough time to be over it.
Jameson was in a dark t-shirt and dark jeans, with brown motorcycle boots.
His leather jacket now had a president patch sewn into it, and for some reason, the sight of it made me sad.
He assumed he’d take over one day, just not before his twentieth birthday.
My stomach rolled as the Sweetbutts kissed his cheek, one after another. Bunk bunnies sidled up next to him with hugs, wearing low cut shirts that had their breasts pushed against him. He smiled and seemed to welcome every hug, every kiss. Every warm condolence.
I’d waited to see if he’d catch my gaze again, but he never did.
No matter how long I stared.
“You heading home tomorrow?” Luke asked, sliding onto the bench next to me.
I sipped from the bottle of beer someone had found for me and nodded.
“Wish we could have hung out more. I barely got to see you.” He nudged my arm.
Luke was an interesting plot twist. While he was all chaos and fake bullshit growing up, at nineteen, he started taking on more responsibility and that began shifting his entire attitude.
When he texted me, he wasn’t asking if I was horny, like he used to in high school.
He would ask how my day was. When I replied, he’d give me a thoughtful response.
He’d had a girlfriend last I asked, and when he had trouble, he’d ask for my advice and thank me for it.
We were friends as real as I’d ever hoped we’d be.
Luke lifted his bottle and gestured toward Jamie. “I’ll be offering to help him…not sure if he’ll take me up on it, but I know this club better than anyone else and I’d be loyal to him. We haven’t always been friends, but I think I’d be a good vice president.”
I nudged his shoulder with mine. “You’d be a great vice president.”
He smiled, taking another sip. There was yelling and laughter around us.
Even with the passing of their leader, there was joy to be found as all the members from across the state gathered together to remember him.
Most men were reminiscing about rides they’d had with Mathias, and different points of their memories.
I watched as Jamie walked by clusters of men, shaking hands and slapping backs. Men pointed at his president patch while saluting with their beers. I smiled as Jameson blushed.
“You ever going to tell him how you feel?”
My gaze slowly slid from Jameson to the man sitting next to me. Luke had filled out just like Jamie had. His chestnut hair was cropped close, but it did wonders for making his wide jaw pop. His hazel eyes were a nice accent to his sun-kissed skin.
“What are you talking about?” I smiled as if he were being funny.
In all our conversations, not once had I ever brought up Jameson. Luke had a few times, but I was always very careful not to.
Luke lowered his face, his chest deflating as he let out a sigh.
“I know you have a crush on him…always have.”
Shaking my head to stop him, his hand covered mine and suddenly it stopped.
“I’ve watched you for a long time, Pen. I know you…and maybe I’m being selfish, but the sooner you get over him, the sooner you might give me a shot.”
His hazel eyes gently prodded around my face, as if he wasn’t sure it was safe to linger. I wasn’t sure what to say…I had no idea he had feelings for me.
He stood up from the bench, finishing off his beer and then gave me a crooked smile.
“Don’t feel bad, Penny. The heart wants what it wants…
I’m not asking for first place, I’m just asking for something by default, if you have the room for me.
Who knows, maybe Jamie will get over himself and let you in that ironclad chest of his.
Fuck knows no one else is in there, especially not now that his pops is gone. ”
Luke walked off, blending into the fray of leather and denim before I could respond. I sat frozen on the bench, unsure of what to do. I didn’t have feelings for Luke, and I knew I shouldn’t feel guilty about that, but the part of me that cared for him seemed to be bothered by his confession.
While I had a crush on Jamie, Luke had one on me.
I could sympathize with that, but unlike me, Luke had moved on and dated other people. I hadn’t dated or been with anyone because all I could see was Jamie.
The revelation bothered me. So much so, I got up and tossed the bottle away, finding my way outside.
The night was cold from the earlier rain, and thunder still rumbled in the distance.
Miles’ driveway was just a few down from the club, so the walk ended sooner than I would have preferred.
I needed to think and to process why I was so quick to fall back into love with Jamie after he’d started writing me again.
I gave in so easily.
Maybe I just needed to take a bath, or read, get my mind off him.