Chapter 14 #2
Thirty minutes later, I was changed into a long t-shirt and tall socks as the sky burst open and rain pelted the roof. Mom and Miles were still gone, and probably would be until early dawn, which meant I had the rest of the night to myself.
After making myself a sandwich in the kitchen, I took it back to my room, but as soon as I entered, I screamed and the plate dropped.
Standing in the middle of my room was Jameson, wearing his dark t-shirt, jeans and boots but no jacket. His hair was soaked and slicked to the side, droplets of water clung to his lashes and nose.
“Jamie,” I whispered, searching his face, but his gaze dropped to the floor where my sandwich had fallen apart.
I assumed he’d offer to help me clean it, but he just lifted his chin and glared at me.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming.”
My mouth opened and then closed. Why did he look so angry?
“My mom told me about your dad…I didn’t know you wanted me to tell you.”
Caramel eyes trapped me in place like a predator tracking his prey.
“You should have told me.” He stepped on the plate, the porcelain cracked under his thick boots, which had me back up toward the bed.
“Why did it matter either way?” My voice was nearly lost to the rumble of the thunder from outside.
His feet carried him closer, crowding me against the bed. I watched his tan arms shift, his corded muscles move with him as he reached for me, gripping my hips.
My breath was trapped in my lungs as he came nose to nose with me.
“Because moments after I buried my father, I was supposed to be drowning in grief and yet one look at you, and I felt...joy. You ruined the saddest day of my life…all because I wasn’t prepared to see you.
I wasn’t planning on you…and then there you were.
” His fingers trailed up, tucking hair behind my ear.
I wasn’t sure what to say. Too nervous to even breathe.
His focus went to my lips as he continued, “I wanted to be angry today. Sad. But then you showed up, and you look different, Pen. More beautiful than I—I…” His face flushed, making it difficult to track what he was saying.
“You’re a tragedy in your own way, just hanging around in my chest like a poison, slowly infecting my heart. ”
My fingers tangled in the hem of his shirt as hope crowded my lungs.
“I hope you forgive me for being selfish tonight, Pen. Because this day is about to end, and while it has been the shittiest day of my life, your taste is the only thing I want to remember.”
Warm lips brushed against mine in such a gentle way that I nearly gasped.
It was silk falling to sand, lax and warm.
My hands moved up his back, bringing him closer as his fingers dove into my hair, his mouth demanding more than he’d initially sought with his silent question.
Our mouths moved in pace with the beating of our hearts, our breathing mixing in a chaotic symphony of want and longing.
I had no idea how long Jameson had repressed this kiss, but it felt as though it had been birthed in fire and kept warm for years.
His body shifted, and we were moving over to the bed, his hand moving from my hair to my waist, where he slid my shirt up until he was skimming the underside of my breasts. I inhaled sharply at his unexpected touch. I smiled into his mouth, so desperate for him to trace more of me.
Our kisses turned urgent as Jamie continued to feel me, his thumb brushing over my pebbled nipple, forcing a moan from my chest. We were completely lost to our lust as his hand spread my thighs and began sliding callused fingers through my slick center.
“You going to let me fuck you, Penny?”
His voice was a rasp pressed against my neck, and it felt as brash as a rope being tied and knotted there. I wanted him so badly, it ached…but I also knew this wasn’t right.
None of it.
“Jamie, I’m—I’m a…I haven’t.”
He pulled back as if he’d been shocked. His large eyes looked frantic as he searched my face for clarification.
“You’re nineteen…what do you mean you haven’t?”
I sat up on my elbows as he withdrew. “Just hasn’t happened for me.”
He was on one knee, in between my spread legs.
“But you look like—” He scanned me from head to toe. “That.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of that except to assume he meant I looked halfway decent.
“I haven’t really dated since high school…”
Jamie just continued to watch me like I was an exotic animal, but after a few seconds, he blew out a heavy sigh.
“Fuck, we can’t do this then.”
Moving off the bed, my shirt fell as I followed. “Why not, I’m willing…if you wanted, then I would—”
My face flushed as I tried not to sound like I was begging him to fuck me.
Jameson shook his head. “This was just for tonight. You’re going back to your life…I just needed a release, Pen.”
Hurt so raw and untethered, smothered me. I practically deflated back to the bed as I registered his words.
“Oh.”
He watched me, that odd frown in place as his jaw tensed and untensed.
“I mean, you are going back, right?”
My eyes were on the floor as I nodded. I had a good job, and my photography was starting to get noticed.
Jamie turned away from me and faced the dresser. “Good. You should go back…there’s nothing for you here.”
I knew that. Deep down, this would never work…I wanted to keep attending college and see how far I could go with this new venture. I didn’t want to be near the club, or the members. I didn’t want this.
But I wanted him.
“What is this?” Jamie asked from some place near my desk.
I hadn’t really emptied everything from my room, some things from my high school years were still here. I moved from the bed, willing the burning behind my eyes to stay in place so not a single tear would fall.
“This isn’t…” Jamie’s voice trailed off, and once I finally peered around his shoulders, I saw why.
He spun, holding the small piece of wood. “This is the carving I was doing that night you threw it across the garage.”
My feet shifted so I was next to him, gently taking the wood from his hand. “It was starting to look like a raven. I imagined it was, anyway. I wanted to find someone who could finish it, then give it back to you as a gift…but I never did…here, take it back.”
I handed it back to him, his finger trailed over the small head, and the beginnings of the beak. “Why did you keep it?”
I shrugged. “Because I was in love with you, and I wanted to have something of yours.”
His eyes snapped quickly to mine. “You were in love with me?”
Heat swarmed my chest, infusing my face, making me lower it. Jamie’s finger trapped my chin, lifting it up. “I hate when you do that. You’re too beautiful to lower your face, Pen. It’s a shame to hide it in any capacity at any time.”
Why did he have to be so sweet? He’d just broken my heart.
“…You were about to tell me how you were in love with me.”
With a laugh, I spun away. “Was…yes, back in high school.”
He remained quiet, watching me.
“When did you fall out of love with me?” His voice was so soft, I wanted to just break open my whole chest and let him peek at all the tangled pieces of hurt that had fastened through me since I was thirteen.
“Shortly after that night.” I gestured toward the carving. The lie strangling me with a silent grip. I was hurt and angry with him after that night, but I had sadly never fallen out of love with him.
His solemn nod told me he wasn’t surprised.
“Well, for what it’s worth…” He started but then shook his head, lifting the bird.
“Thanks for this. It means a lot to have it back.”
“Why?” My brows caved, curious why a chunk of wood meant anything to him.
With a choked reply, Jameson explained, “wood carving was my dad’s hobby…he didn’t think I could shape an animal on my own without watching a video…or him. He bet a hundred bucks I couldn’t finish on my own, and still make it look like something. I told him I could…reminds me of him now.”
I nodded, knowing how precious that must have been. “Sorry I threw it that night.”
He laughed. “You had every right to.”
The silence lapsed, and I began toying with the blanket on my bed, a little embarrassed that I was still in just a flimsy t-shirt and socks.
“It was good to see you, Pen. I hope you find a good guy to lose your virginity to…and to one day marry if that’s what you want to do.”
Pain tore hope into pieces, leaving behind a shell.
“What about you? What’s your future supposed to look like?”
Jamie turned for the window, which was obviously how he’d gotten inside. “The club is my life now…guess that will have to be enough.”