Chapter Twelve
The atmosphere is markedly different now that it’s just Declan and me.
This is a big open room, and the large window to the hotel hallway is right there, but despite the occasional passersby, somehow it feels like we’re completely alone together with nothing else in sight.
Sort of like when we were chatting together on the common room couch, or sitting across the table during a Rivalry match, there’s something about spending time with him that can make the rest of the environment fade away.
And there’s this new familiarity, I swear.
Take us away from our usual spot, to a place where we don’t really know anyone else, and suddenly, after the initial shock of stumbling upon each other on a college campus, it’s like we were always this close, like it’s only natural for us to share more, to talk about things we never would’ve talked about on an ordinary day.
Somewhat similar to being on vacation and ending up stuck in an elevator with people who are also from Nebraska.
The particulars of them living in a different city don’t matter because, for a few minutes, it’s the most interesting thing in the world to have run into strangers a long way from home and find everyone has something in common.
Everything is scrambled in my mind. I have to trust that I’ll be able to hold my tongue and stop myself from blurting out something too revealing, but that’s a hard sensation to fight, because one look in his eyes and I feel like I could tell him anything.
Does Declan feel the change too?
But he’s relieved I don’t have a crush on him, right? That we’re friends. There’s no reason for me to be entertaining this thought still.
Yet the door doesn’t feel fully closed.
I fidget with my fingers beneath the bubbling water.
I should call it a night, drag myself out of this hot tub, back into the cold air, wrap myself in a scratchy towel, and chase my sister back to the hotel room, where I’ll stand dripping chlorine on the laminate flooring while she takes her sweet time to yield the shower.
Then we can find something to put on the TV that doesn’t matter because we’ll really spend the evening scrolling through our phones before finally falling asleep to get enough rest for another entire day on the road tomorrow.
That sounds nice and relaxing and the total opposite of the racing emotions I’m feeling right now.
I glance up from the water, almost shocked to discover I’m actually still sitting here next to Declan, and he gives a small smile that makes it impossible for me to leave. It’d be incredible to know what he’s thinking right now or if he can sense that I’m acting different around him.
He reaches a hand across his chest to scratch his shoulder. “One more long day on the road until we’re back home.”
I pull my knees up and rest my feet along the edge of the bench seat, sitting against the wall and tilting my chin as I ask, “Where would you have stayed tonight? If not at the hotel?”
Declan narrows his eyes and hunches forward as if sharing a secret. “We’ve got a tent in the trunk.”
“So anywhere, then?”
“I bookmarked a few campgrounds that we pass.”
I can’t help but continue to tease him. “Don’t you need reservations for those too?”
“Sometimes. Not always. If it’s peak season, or a really busy spot, but I saw on the map there were always a few lodges near those places too.”
“I guess you did have some general idea.”
“Of course.” He smiles. “But this is fine too.”
“It’s fine,” I agree. “I got to say, though, there’s no harm adding some certainty to life. To know there’s a place waiting for you.”
I look away, skimming my hand along the surface of the water, gathering the remnants of the bubbles in front of me as the timer runs out.
This is a great sign to leave, to say good night and go to sleep, but Declan briefly hops out of the water to turn it back on. I lean back against the wall and sigh.
He doesn’t return next to me, however. He stays in the middle, crouched beneath the water, waving his arms around to keep upright as he sways on his heels, avoiding looking up at me.
Then he says something I only partly hear. I tilt my head, and Declan repeats, “Strange to think we’ll be back in this state for college soon.”
“Strange,” I echo, pretending the thought hadn’t crossed my mind the second we drove across the Ohio-Indiana border, knowing that the next time I’m here, I’ll be approaching from the opposite direction, except with a car full of all my things and my own campus ahead of me.
He steps closer, with most of his body still beneath the surface, approaching me at eye level. “There is actually something I’ve been thinking about saying to you.”
My heart races. “Yeah?”
“And I already know how you’re going to respond, so this is just a thought I need to get out of my head, and I don’t really want to, because it’ll probably make things weird, but it’s also, like, maybe I should tell you.
” He pauses, staring off at the wall, refusing to look at me.
“You know what? Forget I said anything.”
I cross my arms tight, trying to steady myself from how nervous this is making me. “You used a lot of words but haven’t actually said much of anything yet, and now you kind of have to…”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, just tell me, generally, what it’s about?”
Declan shakes his head. “That would basically be telling you.”
“Then tell me.” I shrug. “Because otherwise you’re really letting my imagination run wild here.”
“I don’t think I can. Because what if it’s not a good time and what if…” He trails off.
My eyebrows scrunch down, and I give him a stern gaze. “Then why did you say you had to tell me something? I feel like we keep getting stuck in standoffs.”
He lets out a nervous chuckle. “Checkmate.”
“Nope,” I say, shaking my head and bringing back levity to my tone. “You’re going to tell me, and it’ll be fine, I promise.”
“You promise?”
“Yeah, Declan.” I cross my arms and lean back. “Go ahead.”
He takes a deep breath and relents. “Earlier, when I asked you about that text—I said it’s awkward,” Declan says, eyes wide and vulnerable, holding up a hand since he senses my need to interrupt, and I bite my lip, impatiently waiting to counter whatever he might have to add about the circumstances, when he says, “but it’s awkward because I realized that I might have a crush on you. ”
“Oh.” My head tilts and lips part.
His blue eyes stare into mine. “Yeah.”
“Oh?” I repeat.
“Yeah?” he asks this time.
I’m not even trying to play coy; I’m baffled. “Since when?”
Declan winces, squeezing one eye shut, before raising his eyebrows almost hopefully. “I’m not sure. I think it sort of crept up on me.”
He looks so cute I can’t stand it. My own sentiments come roaring back with a vengeance, stronger than ever. I scramble to reconsider all our previous interactions, but the only thing I can think of right now is him here, in front of me, waiting for me to respond.
Declan notices my hesitation. “Or I’m kidding because we said we’re friends and that’s one of many reasons why I didn’t want to say anything right now.
” He floats a few inches back. “The chlorine must be going to my head.” When he doesn’t think he’s got a winning hand, he reaches for a joke to suggest he’s indifferent to the outcome.
He must find one more moment of bravery, however.
“But I kind of thought maybe you were also starting to like me too.”
I smile wide, unable to play it cool. “Maybe I am?”
He leans back. “Like, I assumed your sister’s text was a joke.
But later my brother was asking what I thought about you because I kept mentioning that we’re going to the same college, and I just really wasn’t sure what you were thinking, and that would kind of impact what I was thinking, right?
We’ve been spending more time together, and it’s sort of getting confusing. ”
I reach my hand through the water and grab onto his arm. I can’t find the words, but my body leads the way. I pull him closer, lessening the distance between us to whisper this revelation. “I thought I was being so obvious.”
Declan takes a deep breath, relief spreading across his face. “I would not say obvious.”
“If you say so.” I hold on tight.
Declan stares at me. “Iris, nothing about you is obvious.”
I look at the water, unable to meet his gaze as I say, “You’re one to talk. You should have told me.”
“I just did.”
“You did.” I smile. “You like me.”
He inches closer. “And you like me too?”
“I think we’ve established that,” I tease.
Declan reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear in a way that feels surprisingly confident, contrary to the affirmation he asks for again. “Want to spell it out for me?”
“I like you too.” There’s barely any space left between us and a sort of moment of inevitability as I sense our lips are close enough to almost touch. “Now what?” I whisper, adding with a slight giggle, “I think we’re about to kiss.”
Our mouths find contact, yet my thoughts are struggling to compute.
It’s…well, it’s something.
Declan’s lips are pressed against mine, firm in a way that feels hesitant, unsure, and awkward. Before I can contemplate how my own lips are contributing to this, he’s already withdrawn from me, a confused smile dawning on his face.
“What?” I ask, second-guessing everything, left feeling like really, that’s it? Did he think that was a good kiss? Or was it a good kiss and I’ve forgotten how kissing works? Maybe we’re just nervous.
“I did not think that was something you and I would ever do.” He looks equally mystified by the circumstances.
I’m relieved to address this, hoping that might help unpack how this kiss didn’t feel cinematic in the slightest, with no immediate fireworks or butterflies in my stomach.
Even right now I feel like I’m already debriefing with friends rather than sitting with a crush in a hot tub gearing up to kiss again. “Kind of weird, isn’t it?”
Declan laughs, and glances over his shoulder to the hallway window. “I kept wanting to make sure there wasn’t someone watching us or something.”
“That would really make it weird.”
We stare at each other in a way that still feels comfortable, despite whatever this speed bump is.
“It’s not that late yet,” Declan says, glancing over to the clock on the opposite wall.
I guess we’re not gonna try more kissing anytime soon? I don’t want to appear too disappointed, so I stand to climb the stairs. “We could borrow Amelia’s laptop and work on the road trip game?” Staying here at the pool doesn’t feel like the right move.
“Sure.”
Declan follows me out of the water, and we trail over to the towel rack, drying off before we slide our other clothes back on.
I slip into my sneakers, the socks still balled up at the toes, folding down the worn heels, a temporary measure to get my wet feet back upstairs to the hotel room.
I give my hair an extra scrunch or two until it stops dripping, then toss the towel into the nearby bin and walk back toward our stuff.
“But first, could we try this again?” Declan steps quickly toward me, intercepting my path and wrapping his arms around my waist. I instinctively hook my own behind his neck, drawing our faces close together, our lips finding each other once more with soft, warm, wonderfully inviting certainty.
Slow, at first, with confidence multiplying by the second…
Until this is the only thing that makes sense, with the biggest question being why hadn’t we thought to try this sooner? Followed by a more cosmic thought: If we hadn’t run into each other this week, what are the chances that we would have ever found our way to a kiss like this one?
Declan reaches a hand up to my hair, and I sigh against his lips, delighted it won’t take us long to get accustomed to this new game together.