Chapter 22
Grace
Iwas feeling extremely vulnerable. Every time Zephyr and I saw each other and had sex, another piece of my armor fell off. I wasn”t afraid of physical pain with Zephyr. I was afraid of the emotional one—where I shut down and disappear within myself. Those were dark days when impossibly vicious and cruel thoughts took over me.
I knew that no one could make me feel worthless; that was something I did. No one could make me happy; only I could do that.
Part of me really wanted to break it off with Zephyr, aiming to dodge more pain. It made sense, too, considering the whole city was buzzing about his fallout with Rome. Plus, the tension at Jazz Sessions made it obvious he was on the rocks with Gaia and Blaze, too, which meant keeping our distance was probably for the best.
No one could know…especially my superiors, that Zephyr knew exactly how much pressure to put on my clitoris to make me come hard. Now was the time to just turn it off and let it end. But I couldn”t. I was addicted to how he made me feel. I”d lived in a prison all my life, and with Zephyr, I felt free, felt like I had wings. It was such a cliché.
When he broke my heart…what the hell would I do? Would I be okay?
According to my therapist, I was stronger than I thought, and my armor was not the cause of my strength; it was my resilience; it was what was inside of me.
”He keeps telling me that I”m amazing,” I told Dr. Jacobsen. ”I…it”s such a strange place to be to have someone say I”m…you know, more.”
”Most people have someone in their life who tells them they”re more. You haven”t had that, Grace. How does it make you feel when Zephyr praises you?” Dr. Jacobsen probed.
”I think I have a praise kink,” I said with a short laugh.
”It arouses you?”
”Emotionally and physically,” I admitted. ”It makes me feel free, like the prison bars fall off.”
”And you don”t like the feeling?”
”I love it. I love him. When this is over…what happens then?”
”Why do you think it will end?”
I laughed again. ”The man I”m seeing, Dr. Jacobsen, is a man whore. He sleeps around a lot.”
”That”s a harsh term to use for a man you say you love. Maybe it”s your way to create some distance. Is it?”
The problem with a good therapist was that they could see within you. I”d only been seeing Dr. Jacobsen for eight months and already, he knew me, understood my psyche.
”He”s kind. He”s gentle. He doesn”t lie. He”s…I have no other word for it but honorable. He cares for his family. He”s loyal. I trust his word.” I sighed. ”He”s wonderful. He sleeps around a lot. I don”t think he”ll stay.”
”Why do you think that?”
”Because no one ever has.”
The knock on my office door pulled me out of my recap of my recent session with Dr. Jacobsen.
Ash and Nick walked in; my heart began to beat hard in anticipation. They”d been working with someone in financial crimes to look into Henri Allard and from their expressions, it looked like they”d found something.
Nick sat down on a chair while Ash, as was his habit, leaned against the closed door. ”Your gut is sharp, ADA Carta,” he teased.
”Yeah?”
Nick chuckled. ”Henri Allard has a few clients outside of the Doucets, mostly some of his friends, but the money he makes through them is minimal. I think he takes them on as a way to show that he”s not the Doucet”s bitch.”
He carried an air of regality effortlessly complemented by his casual charm, striking a balance that steered clear of snobbery. A self-made man through and through, Henri exuded an aura that, despite his approachability, always left me feeling slightly uneasy.
”He”s living beyond his means,” Ash continued.
”Where”s the money coming from?” I asked.
”Don”t know yet,” Ash supplied. ”He told people that his wife”s family had money. Hence, he can afford the three-million-dollar house, the Maybach, and all that glitter. But we checked, and she inherited a few hundred thousand dollars and that was years ago. She died five years ago and didn”t have anything to leave behind that wasn”t common law.”
”Two hundred grand ain”t even enough to pay for one of the items in his antique Ming vase collection,” Nick mocked.
I raised both eyebrows. ”Ming vases?”
”Yeah, he has a weakness,” Nick stated. ”My guess is that he”s been tapping into BBH money, smartly, so smartly that even Rome”s financial investigator didn”t see it.”
”That will be hard to prove then.” I twirled a pen in my hand. ”But now that we know, we can at least look in the right direction.”
”Do you have anything from the ME”s office on Lucien Doucet?”
I shook my head. ”Doc Naglia is knee-deep in ten bodies from a gang killing in Storyville. I should have something by the end of the week.”
”I think we need to bring the Doucets under the tent on Henri,” Ash told me what I already knew.
”They”re not going to believe us without proof,” I protested.
Nick sighed. ”Blaze adores the man.”
”We need someone on the inside to get more on him,” Ash continued, ”How about Rome?”
”Looks up to him.” Nick shook her head. ”Gaia, too. Zephyr?”
She looked at me like I should know.
”How would I know?” I was glad I didn”t stutter.
Nick quirked an eyebrow. ”Don”t kid a kidder, sha. Sure, it ain”t public, but I know y”all be heatin” up the sheets.”
My cheeks began to burn.
Ash grinned. ”Zephyr and Grace sitting in a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G. And I thought Z didn”t do relationships.”
”Things change, sha, when the right filly comes along.” Nick was enjoying herself.
”Back to work,” I ordered, but I couldn”t keep the smile off my face. Were Zephyr and I in a relationship? And what the hell did that mean, anyway?
”We have a line on Camille,” Ash remarked then. ”She”s in Georgia.”
”Zephyr mentioned the family has a house on Tybee,” I recalled.
”I doubt she”d stay somewhere so obvious,” Ash rejected the idea. ”She”s hiding with friends. Ones she can trust, apparently. I think it”s time to bring her in. We talked to her staff at her house and also some from the Bayou Belle mansion—no one can say she and Henri were having an affair, but they can”t say they weren”t. He was over a lot. But he”s the family fixer.”
”And does he have any ties to VK Corporation?” I knew there wouldn”t be any overt links between Henri and the Russians, but a girl could hope.
”Nyet.” Nick rose and stuck her hand in the pockets of her blazer. ”The board meeting is this week. That should hopefully bring someone out of the woodwork to use Zephyr.”
I crossed my fingers.
After Nick and Ash left, I had a quick conversation with my boss and then smiled when I saw a text message from Zephyr: Will I see you tonight?
Me: Where?
Zephyr: Jazz Sessions?
Me: I can”t come there all the time. People will get suspicious.
Zephyr: Come to the apartment.
Me: No, someone might be watching.
He called then. ”Fucking hell, Grace. I want you in my bed.”
I loved to hear that edge of frustration in his voice. He wanted me. No one ever had, not unless you counted Liam who just wanted a punching bag and someone to control.
”Zephyr, we have to wait for—”
”I want to fuck you slow,” his voice was low, and even through the phone line, it made me buzz, ”and wake up with you.”
”You ready for the board meeting?” I changed the topic before he went into a discussion about what I was wearing. It was noon, which meant he was in bed still and was already stroking himself.
”Baby,” he groaned, ”I need you.”
”Zephyr Doucet, there are many women in the Quarter who”d be ready to dance on your big cock; why not ask them?” I regretted it the minute the words were out.
There was silence on his side for a long while.
”Zephyr?”
”I”m hanging up now, Grace, before I say something I can”t take back. You have yourself a good day.”
”Zephyr, I”m—”
But he was gone, and I felt like a monster for hurting his feelings, which I knew I had. He”d called me because he missed me, and I”d once again flung it in his face and told him to replace me while insulting him for playing fast and loose with his zipper.
When had my life become this complicated?