Xander #3
“I don’t know who gave you the idea that you’re some obscure mystery that can’t be figured out, but you’re pretty obvious,” he said with a chuckle. “Oh, and you’re going to need an actual physical within six months.”
I frowned. “You said—”
“That I wouldn’t report it up the chain if you came in for this exam. You still need a physical…a full one.”
I wrinkled my nose. “I’ve been poked and prodded enough, thanks.”
“It’s funny,” he said, actually sounding amused. “The last full physical on file is right around the time your next one would have been more…invasive.”
“So?”
“So, are you putting off physicals because you’re that hung up on your prostate being checked? Because I’ll tell you right now, prostate issues, and even prostate cancer, are a hell of a lot worse than having a professional finger bang you.”
“And you sound so professional at the moment,” I snapped as I buttoned up my jeans.
“Hmm, maybe not, but believe it or not, it’s confirmed my theory,” he said and then grinned when I opened my mouth to do exactly what I was sure he was expecting.
Which, instead of giving him the satisfaction of knowing I was going to ask him what his theory was, I snapped my mouth shut and scowled.
“I’m not…worried about that,” I muttered, knowing that while it wasn’t a lie, it wasn’t exactly the truth either. “And spare me the bullshit, alright?”
“According to you, all I do is bullshit,” he said with a shrug. “At least with your attitude, that is. So what kind of specific bullshit should I be sparing you?”
“Anymore bullshit about health problems not being caught, I know that already. And I don’t need to hear that doctors are professionals and not trying to do any weird shit when they’re checking me out, I know that.
And I don’t need to have my ‘masculinity’ comforted by telling me it’s not gay, it’s a medical procedure.
I know that, and I’m not worried if someone thinks I’m gay. ”
He stared at me for a few heartbeats before nodding. “Okay, you’re well-informed, secure in your sexuality and manliness…so why aren’t you getting it done?”
“I’m sorry, do I have to explain everything to you? Or am I allowed some privacy after being poked and prodded? Do I get any secrets?”
He grinned, tilting his head before shaking it. “I’ll leave that as an internal thought.”
I scowled. “No, now you gotta say it.”
“Do I?”
“Just fucking say what stupid shit flashed through your head. I still need to figure out how stupid you’re willing to be, so consider this information I can use.”
“I was going to say that you still have your privacy because you kept your underwear on, though considering how little that underwear hid, maybe you don’t have that many secrets left.”
I stared at him. “I’m sorry, what?”
He laughed. “Off-color joke. Don’t worry, I’ll find a way to get to the others too. Make sure everyone knows I’m not afraid to rile them up.”
“Don’t talk about Jake’s dick like that,” I grumbled. “Fucking idiot would probably enjoy it and end up switching teams for the sheer fun of it.”
“Jake strikes me as the kind of man to fuck around with another guy, call it a ‘bro job’ and act as if that wasn’t the gayest fucking thing he’d done,” Colin chuckled.
To my surprise, I laughed. “That…sounds like him.”
If I was surprised by my laugh, Colin looked completely startled before he recovered, clearly proud of himself as he grinned. “I’ve met the type.”
I wondered if Jake or anyone here was specifically his type.
Before I could even flirt with the idea of touching that subject, my phone buzzed, and I pulled it out as it buzzed again.
Frowning, I opened the text message and scowled as I read my soon-to-be-ex-wife’s text.
It was about what I would have expected if I’d realized who it was texting me, bitter, antagonistic, and meanspirited as she reminded me of not only the upcoming court date, but that using my lawyer to talk to hers wasn’t going to spare me from having to deal with her personally.
“Damn, I thought you looked angry when you first saw me, but that is…pissed,” he said.
I would have taken his head off for the comment, but there wasn’t a trace of humor in his voice as I shoved my phone away. “It’s—”
“This part of the reason your blood pressure is the highest it’s ever been?”
“I’m…getting divorced.”
“Ah, well, I’m going to take the same approach to that news as I would to someone sharing they’re pregnant or their other half is…is this congratulations news or the I’m sorry kind?”
I eyed him, not sure why I was bothering to explain myself. “If she and I had any sense, we would have got divorced three years ago, if not sooner. Instead, we waited until I couldn’t stand the sight of her and she hated me with every inch of her being. So it’s neither, because we’re just—”
“Too busy fighting and hating each other to move on with your lives?” he guessed.
I looked at him in surprise. “Y-yeah, actually.”
“Been there, done that,” he said with a shrug. “Not marriage, thank fucking God. Ending a relationship can be hell on wheels as it is without adding in the courts and all the legal bullshit that comes with a divorce. Does…anyone else here know?”
“Cait,” I said, and glared. “And don’t you go telling anyone else either. They’ll figure it out, eventually.”
“Uh-huh, and how long did it take for them to even know you were married?”
“Only one who’s been here long enough to know I was married before I stopped wearing my ring was Maverick; the others have only been around a couple of years.”
“Well, I don’t make it my business to tell other people someone else’s business, especially a minefield like this. I will remind you, though, this definitely isn’t going to help your stress, so I need to emphasize that you should find ways to relax.”
“There ain’t a whole lot of that around here,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest tightly. “Thanks for the medical advice.”
“That was professional advice…but personal too,” he said with a shrug. “I can’t say I’m all that good for your stress levels. But maybe, when you stop looking at me as if you’re waiting for me to whip my dick out and start jerking off again, I might be able to help.”
“I don’t…” I began and then stopped. It wasn’t exactly what I thought about him, but whenever I looked at him, I felt that memory poking around in my head. “It’s fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Heh,” he said as he walked into the storage room with the tablet and reappeared a moment later without it, closing the door behind him. “You can’t tell someone whose entire career has, in some way, centered on people’s wellbeing and not expect them to worry.”
“Well, don’t.”
“Look,” he began, no humor or playfulness in his voice.
“I understand you don’t like people, that my attitude irritates you, and our first introduction was not the way either of us would have picked.
But the fact of the matter is, I know how to operate solo, partnered, and as a team.
I get that as team leader, you need to rely on your reputation and a certain distance between you and the rest of the team.
I get that. I’ve seen it done plenty of times.
But while it’s your job to keep everyone in line and safe, it’s my job to make sure everyone stays healthy and taken care of, and that includes you. Especially you, actually.”
“I’ll take the fucking meds already,” I groaned. “Save me the speech.”
“It’s not a speech; it’s pointing a few things out and hoping you pull your head out of your ass long enough to understand,” he said, and when my eyes snapped to him, he smirked.
“Team leaders take on a lot, and it’s a lonely position, and they have this nasty habit of making it even lonelier.
And you can’t lead the team if you’re overwhelmed because you’re too stubborn to take the help that’s offered.
I understand that takes trust you hate to give out, and time, but I’m being upfront about expectations here.
Whatever I say, think, or do when it comes to looking out for all of you will stay between me and that person, and that’s true of you.
No one is gonna know a goddamn thing we’ve talked about today.
Just keep what I said in mind and at least try not to dismiss it because you despise me on reflex. ”
“I…” There was nothing to say because I wasn’t going to tell the jackass that I didn’t despise him; I didn’t despise any of them.
They all got on my nerves, and sometimes I wondered if I wouldn’t do better living in the middle of nowhere for the rest of my life.
That didn’t mean I hated them; they were all idiots, but they were good, capable men, and I trusted my life and the lives of others in their hands.
“Sure, fine, whatever. I’ll give it some thought. ”
Colin eyed me, and I realized the yellow hazel of his eyes had little flecks of gray, like flecks of steel lying in sunlight. That thought was even more uncomfortable than remembering what his dick looked like hard and ready, and even beat the suggestive sight of him on his knees between my legs.
Jesus, I was not going to think about him giving blowjobs right after remembering what his naked body looked like…and then for reasons that were just as elusive but becoming more unnerving; I was remembering his joke about my bulge.
“You got anyone?” I blurted out without thinking. Technically, I knew the answer, but hell, it could have changed since I’d last gotten info on the guy. I didn’t know why I asked that question, but here we were.
“No,” he said with a laugh and a shake of his head.
“My last few relationships didn’t work out because of the work I was doing; the long, erratic hours weren’t great for dating.
I figure I either need to find someone who has the hectic schedule I do so they understand, or wait until I settle into something calmer. ”
“Is that why you were beating off in our showers?” I asked him dryly. “Dry spell?”