Chapter 5
‘He’s certainly not backwards at letting us know when he’s not happy…’
Zoe smiled at Maisie. Ezra was screaming as if his life depended on it as he lay on the scales so Zoe could track his progress. The expression Maisie sent back was anything but relaxed.
‘Is he all right? He’s not cold, is he?’
‘I don’t think so. It’s more likely he’s not very happy about being naked…
’ She cooed at Ezra. ‘There’s no need for all this fuss…
It’s not for long, little man.’ After noting his weight, Zoe lifted him gently from the scales and handed him to Maisie.
‘Thank you for the biscuits, by the way. I forgot to say.’
‘What biscuits?’
‘Oh, your mum left them for me. I thought perhaps you’d had something to do with it.’
Maisie shook her head, and Zoe couldn’t deny that the notion that Maisie hadn’t prompted her mum to make the gesture made it all the more precious, especially given their previous frosty relations.
‘They were nice anyway,’ Zoe continued. ‘Thank your mum for me, won’t you?’
‘Yeah.’ There was a pause. ‘She said nice things about you the other day.’
Zoe raised her eyebrows as she closed Ezra’s progress file.
‘Well,’ Maisie continued, ‘she said things about you. And they weren’t bad.’
Zoe coughed lightly. ‘I’ll put the file on this shelf… is that all right? You’ll remember to put it somewhere safe? I’ll need it when I next come.’
‘Don’t you put all the things in your computer?’
‘Yes, but you have a file too. It’s so you can keep track of how he’s doing as well as me. They’re a nice keepsake too – lots of mums put them away to look back on.’
‘Oh, that’s a good idea. So I can show it to him when he’s old enough to read?’
‘Exactly.’ Zoe was fastening her bag when there was a knock at the door. ‘Would you like me to get that for you? I’ll be on my way out in a second anyway.’
‘Yes, please. I don’t know who it is.’
‘Perhaps when we open the door we’ll find out,’ Zoe said, though the subtle joke was wasted on Maisie, who simply sat down with Ezra to dress him.
Before she’d reached the door, she could hear a familiar gruff voice from behind it. And then another, even more familiar. She opened up with a quizzical smile.
‘You didn’t say you were coming down,’ she said to Billie, who hooked a thumb at her chaperone by way of explanation.
‘Victor said he was coming to the village and asked if I needed a lift down there to get some air, and I thought I might as well come to see Maisie. I mean, she’s in, right?
It’s not like she’s going to be going anywhere for the next few days, not with Ezra only just born. Have you come to weigh him?’
‘And some other bits and bobs.’ Zoe stood aside to let Billie in. She had Louisa strapped to her front in a papoose.
Victor lifted his hat to scratch his head. ‘I won’t be coming in.’ His anxious glance down the hallway confirmed to Zoe that he would probably have enjoyed meeting Ezra, but not if that meant having to make small talk with one of the other residents of the house.
Zoe lowered her voice. ‘Bridget’s gone to bingo so it’s only Maisie, if you fancied saying hello.’
Victor gave a sheepish grin before stepping over the threshold. ‘Happen I will. Just to be sociable, you know. Might as well welcome the newest villager while I’m here.’
‘That’s what I thought,’ Zoe said, sharing a knowing look with Billie as they both went down the hallway.
From within, there was a sudden squeal, and for the shortest second, Zoe wondered if something was amiss, until she realised it was Maisie showing how thrilled she was that Billie had come.
Zoe didn’t blame her for that as she walked in to see them excitedly introducing their babies to one another – she was surprised to see Billie on such a mission of her own accord but also pleased.
It meant Billie, who had suffered from postnatal depression after the birth of Louisa and hadn’t wanted to participate in life much at all, was finally on the right path.
Even a week ago, Victor would have made the offer to bring her down and she would have declined.
Zoe wished she could stay to witness more of it, but she had another home visit to get to, and she was already in danger of running late.
‘Have fun,’ she said from the doorway.
Billie turned to her. ‘You’re going already?’
‘I’ve got another appointment. You’ll be able to keep Maisie company until her mum gets home, won’t you?’
At this, Victor seemed to remember that he hadn’t wanted to be there when Bridget was. He chucked baby Ezra beneath the chin before smiling up at Maisie.
‘He’s a bonny one. It’s good to see you looking well, but I’d better get on. Corrine says she’ll come to see you when she gets a minute.’
‘Will she bring cake?’
‘This is Corrine… the world is coming to an end if she doesn’t bring cake.’
Maisie beamed at him. ‘Thanks for coming.’
‘Aye, well, it wouldn’t do otherwise, would it?’ Victor looked at Billie. ‘Should I come to pick you up later?’
‘That’s all right – Dad says he’ll come for me.’
‘I could if you’re going to be ready when I finish work,’ Zoe said. ‘There’s no point in making your dad come out if I’m driving home anyway.’
‘Oh, right.’ Billie nodded. ‘I suppose not. I’ll text him.’
Victor and Zoe walked out together. Before going back to her car, she gave him a brief hug.
He stepped back and blinked. ‘What was that for?’
‘For being such a brilliant neighbour. I’m so happy to see Billie out and about, and I’m sure you and Corrine had something to do with it.’
‘I wish I could take the credit, but it really wasn’t like that. Billie seemed keen enough when I suggested it – I certainly didn’t have to talk her round.’
‘Well, thanks for being brilliant anyway.’
Victor pulled off his hat to ruffle his hair and grinned. ‘We do our best.’
Simon sealed the vial and took off his gloves before sitting behind his desk. He began to type as Zoe rolled down her sleeve.
‘I really appreciate this,’ she said. ‘I realise you wouldn’t normally take routine bloods and—’
‘It’s not a problem,’ he said, his eyes on the screen. ‘If anything, I ought to apologise for being so rusty. As you say, I’d normally ask Shabana to do routine bloods, so I’m a bit out of practice. I hope it didn’t hurt too much.’
‘Not at all. So…’ Zoe chewed on the inside of her mouth for a moment. The question burned inside her, but she was scared to ask. Simon looked up as her pause stretched on. ‘I mean, do you think I’m right to assume… from what I’ve told you, does it sound like what I suspect it is?’
‘Zoe…’ He gave a tight smile. ‘You know better than to press me on a question like that until we have all the facts. Would you commit to a diagnosis if you didn’t have all the tests back?’
‘No. But what’s your gut telling you?’
‘Nothing because my gut isn’t a qualified medical professional. It’s hard, I know, but we’ll have to wait until your results come back. I can request an expedite if you feel—’
‘No, I’d hate to queue-jump, not for something that isn’t a proper illness.’
‘I wouldn’t go that far. If it’s causing you problems, then it needs to be addressed.’
‘Yes, but it’s not going to kill me or anything, is it? At least, if it’s what I think it is.’
She let out a breath, her hands twisting together in her lap.
Why did she feel so anxious? Why couldn’t she say the words out loud?
He’d been the first one to air what she’d already suspected, and she’d told him as much, but even when the possible diagnosis was out there, she still couldn’t bring herself to repeat it.
‘No,’ he said. ‘But I can understand why you might find it difficult to come to terms with. How old are you now?’
‘Thirty-seven.’
He nodded as he went back to the computer. ‘And there’s no way you could be pregnant? I don’t mean to insult your intelligence or your experience, and I’m sure you’ve checked, but…’
‘I have, and no, I’m as sure as I can be that I’m not. But if you would prefer to do a test of your own, then—’
‘If I can trust anyone’s judgement on that, it has to be yours. Another test won’t be necessary.’
‘You won’t get into trouble for doing this, will you?’ she asked. ‘Because of patient confidentiality, I mean. Because we’re friends and colleagues and you’re not supposed to…’
‘I’m also a GP at this surgery. It’ll be fine.’
Zoe’s gaze went to the window. The bright morning had been smothered by swift-moving low clouds, and the peaks that surrounded the village were smudged out of view.
It looked like it was raining over there, and she wondered vaguely if it was raining over at Hilltop Farm.
If it was, she hoped Alex was keeping dry.
‘Was there anything else you wanted to ask me?’
Simon’s voice shook her from her reverie. She turned and forced a smile. ‘I don’t think so. I suppose all I can do now is wait.’
‘And perhaps stop torturing yourself by consulting Doctor Google every spare minute. It will do no good. When we have an answer, and if it’s—’
‘Yes, yes…’ Zoe cut across him. ‘I know, then I can start to worry about it.’
‘What I was going to say is then we can look for some ways to future-proof yourself against the worst of it. If we’ve caught things at an early stage, there are a good deal of options.’
‘When we know, yes,’ Zoe said. She pulled at a loose thread on her tunic.
It had been loose for some time, and she’d taken a strange comfort from knowing now exactly where it was, what it felt like when she ran her fingers along it.
She ought to cut it off, but over the past few days, it had been soothing, and she relied on it to soothe her now.
‘I’ve been reading about some of my options. ’
‘I’m sure you have. Well, it’s good that you’re mentally prepared. I suppose it’s pointless to tell you to stop worrying.’
‘Like I said, it’s not exactly going to kill me, so I’m not worried. I suppose I’ll just be sad.’
‘I understand. You’ll have as much support as you need here, you know that, don’t you?’
‘Yes, thank you.’
‘And if you have any concerns in the meantime, come and see me. As soon as I get the results, I’ll let you know.’
‘What about Lavender? She sees all the results that come through.’
‘I’ll do my best to make sure they come directly to me, but if not…’ He shrugged.
Zoe understood, and she supposed sooner or later, if her worst fears were confirmed, she’d be telling Lavender about it anyway. She got up from her chair and headed for the door.
‘Thanks again, Simon. I’m glad you pushed me to see you; I feel better already knowing we’ll have an answer soon.’
‘Good.’
Simon went back to his computer, and Zoe took that as her cue to leave.
As she closed the door behind her and tried to skulk back to her own office, she met Lavender coming down the corridor with a large, earthenware mug.
Zoe recognised it as Simon’s. Lavender gave Zoe a curious look but said nothing, except to reassure her that she’d bring a coffee in for her later, but that didn’t mean her head wasn’t buzzing with questions.
Right now, Zoe’s head was in much the same state, and neither of them were going to get any answers.